Reviewing stories

Okay so the story is about two girls who go to a new years party and to their big surprise... One direction is there. Ariana ends up with kissing Harry because she is a little bit drunk but they don't sleep together.
the next day Ariana is Harry's girlfriend and they are going to spend the day with the rest of one direction and their girlfriends. and end up doing truth or dare. And in the end they are watching finding nemo.
then they play another game till 12.30 PM and then they are going to watch another movie.

Kat is the best friend of Ariana and she spends the night with Niall (not in a sexual way) but she can't remember what happened because she was a little bit too drunk and yeah... They also become official the day after they met but yeah...

so the main thing what I thought while reading this story was That I read it before but then I remembered because I read the same story by you guys before so don't worry because there isn't someone who is copying your story. And another thing is that the first time I read this I couldn't really understand what was happening but now I do because I think my brain was a little bit weird that day.

Questions I had while reading this.

-What does one direction do at that party? They could be home with their family or something like that?
-What do her parents think that she isn't home for 1 or 2 nights I mean my parents would freak out and would probably call the police.
-They just become instant best friends with Danielle, Eleanor and Perrie and Perrie has also other things to do right?

bad things in the story
-spacing.

this is how it is:
Please!!!!!!” I whined to my parents. “No Ari. I said no and that’s final. Your too young.” My mum said. “Too young! I am fucking 18 years old! I am not a kid.” I yelled at my mum. “Ariana! That’s enough! Do not talk to your mother that way!” My dad yelled at me. I must have really crossed a line, cause my dad never yells at me. Let face it, I’m daddy’s princess. “Mum, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I’m sorry.” I said while hugged my mum

this is how it should be:
"Please!!!!!!” I whined to my parents.

“No Ari. I said no and that’s final. You're too young.” My mum said.

“Too young! I am fucking 18 years old! I am not a kid.” I yelled at my mum.

“Ariana! That’s enough! Do not talk to your mother that way!” My dad yelled at me.

I must have really crossed a line, cause my dad never yells at me. Let face it, I’m daddy’s princess.

“Mum, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I’m sorry.” I said while hugged my mum

okay after all this may not be a bad thing to write it like you write it but this is just a bit easier for the readers so they stay interested in the story.
-also is it really needed to use so many !''s in in the first sentence I mean I really understand that you want to get to the point that she's really whining but isn't one enough?
-I noticed a few spelling errors for example your instead of you're and the other way around but I could be wrong.

good things.

-you have pretty long chapters and I like that very much because you can really say that you put some work in to it instead of writing it like it's just a note you must take over from someone.
-It is not a story line that you would say WOW to but if you write it well it can get really popular.

overal grade:
7/10

My advice: just keep writing and think about the things I said. I hope you find this helpful and bye! And by the way you have a subscriber!

Check the story out.

Notes