Love & Betrayal

My heels clicking against the empty hallway were all that I could hear as I made my way through the arena. I had kept my promise and went to the show like I told Harry I would.

About halfway through the show, I excused myself from my post on the side of the stage to clear my head. The guys were singing Strong, one of my favorites, and I couldn't take it. I found the first empty hallway and took it.

I wasn't sure how long I roamed around but I knew I needed to head back. I ran a hand through my hair and tried my best to find my way back.

Each turn I took meant I was a turn closer to doing the hardest thing in my life, ending my relationship with Harry. It wasn't an easy decision by any means. I had talked things over long and hard with the only person I trusted with all of my problems, my mother. Much to her dismay, we both agreed it had to end.

It's not that I wasn't happy. It was just that I wasn't satisfied. I didn't enjoy being away from Harry for so long, while I knew going into everything that was the case, I was taking it much harder than I ever expected it this tour. I needed him more than I could have ever imagined. I needed normal, I needed consistency.

I didn't want to sound selfish, but I felt it. Sometimes though, especially when mental stability comes into play, you need to be selfish. I was doing things I probably wouldn't if I had a steady, stable, reliable and normal relationship. I couldn't blame Harry for any of this though. He had been great though this all, maybe not his best at times, but great none the less.

I sighed as I rounded a bend and saw the backstage commotion. I was going to this, miss the boys, the girlfriends, the fun events, I was going to miss Harry. More than anything in the world. But this is what was best for me, I had to keep telling myself this.

The guys were still performing, I recognized the encore happening as I peaked back out to the front of the stage. I took my spot next to Emily, like I never missed a beat. She placed a reassuring arm around my shoulder, knowing what was coming. I had confided in her shortly after the guys started their set.

It wasn't my intentions to break up with Harry after a concert. But I knew it had to be done in person, while he was still in New York. My mother and I decided it would be best for me to move out of our apartment with him still in town so we could make sure everything was in order. He could watch me pack my shit and go, and I could leave him the keys to the place. I felt like ending things in person was always the right thing to do, even if there was never a right time.

"I love you no matter what. We're never going to stop being friend." Emily pulled me in for a hug as the boys waved goodbye to the crowd one last time before disappearing.

"I know." I sniffled back a tear that threatened to escape.

"Baby, don't cry." She hugged me tighter. "We'll get through this together. He's never going to hate you, you know that, right?"

"Right. That's why it's so hard." I let a tear fall. "I literally feel like I'm doing this for no reason."

"Don't say that. You have all of your reasons. They mean something to you and that's all that matters. Who cares what anyone else thinks."

"Thank you for being so cool about this." I sighed. "I know you were Harry’s friend first."

"Girlfriend, none of that matters! Us ladies have to stick together! I love you!"

"I guess we better go face them sooner than later." I drug a hand through my hair.

"You can do this! Be strong."

Emily and I walked hand in hand backstage towards the rooms the guys normally hung around in after a show. They didn't have anywhere to be immediately after, so we knew where to find them. My heart rate sky rocketed when we entered the room. My eyes went from guy to guy, landing on Harry last.

"Whooooppp there they are!" Louis shouted at us as we came in.

"It's too bad Rachel couldn't be here!" Liam poured. "She loves New York."

"It's not like you'll never be back, Payne!" Emily teased. "You only own a flat here!"

Liam stuck his tongue out, shouting some rebuttal I didn't hear because Harry was calling my name from the couch in the corner of the room. I collected myself with a few deep breathes before heading over to seat beside him.

"Hey." He smiled weakly at me.

"Hi." I couldn't bring myself to smile.

"Did you, um, enjoy the show?"

Why was this so awkward? He was my fiancé, even if I was about to end things, it should never be this awkward.

"It was good from what I saw." I shrugged.

"What do you mean?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"It just got to be too much when you sang Strong." He nodded, knowing how much I loved that song. "I just had to clear my mind and think about things."

"Spencer." He started but I quickly cut him off.

"Harry, don't. We need to talk." I looked around the room. "Not here. Let's go for a walk."

I stood up not waiting for him to respond. He would follow me and I knew it. I knew he had when I heard the wolf whistles and jokes about needing a quickly from the guys as we left the room together. If they only knew.

"Will you slow down?" I heard him call from behind me.

"Will you walk faster?" I sassed back.

"Spencer, stop." The stern tone in his voice brought me to a halt. "Look, I'm not stupid okay. I know this talk isn't going to end up in make-up sex. Okay, I get it. You're mad at me. You want space. You don't want to be engaged. That's fine. We don't have I be please just tell me how to fix everything else."

"You don't. There's nothing to fix. It's over." And there it was. It all came out so fast. I didn't mean for it to happen like that. I had his whole idea in my head on how his was going to go and that wasn't it.

"What?"

"Harry, I love you but I'm done. I can't be in this relationship at all anymore."

"Don't do this." I saw tears brim in his eyes. "Please do not do this to me, to us."

"I have to. I can't take living like this. I need something more consistent. Something more..."

"Don't say it. Don't say normal." He glared at me.

"Well it's true Harry! I'm sorry!" I threw my hands up, defeated.

"I can't help this is my life and you knew that going into all of this. You knew that before you fell in love with me."

"I know I did. And I wish I could take it all back and save you from this heart break. I really wish I could save you from my mistakes, but I can't and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't be sorry babe, you've given me the greatest year and a half of my life. And you know I'm not going to stop fighting for my girl, ever."

"Please don't fight anymore, Harry. It's done. No more fighting."

"I can't do that. I can't stop." I watched the first tear roll down his face, causing mine to start.

"I guess this is yours."

I took the engagement ring off my finger and held it out for him to take. He wrapped it between his fingers, shoving it in his pocket, bringing his hand back up to mine. He intertwined our hands one last time, looking me in the eyes.

"You know Spencer, I really thought we were going to make it. I thought we'd stand up to all the bullshit. That I'd get to say "I do" to the woman of my dreams and live happily ever after. I thought we were gonna have it all."

"You're still going to be able to do that. But you're going to do it with someone who is strong enough to keep up with you."

"I'm sorry if I say I need you, but I don't care I'm not scared of love. Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker. Is that so wrong? Is it so wrong? That you make me strong?"

"Please don't make this harder than it has to be." I cried harder than I thought was possible.

"Think of how much love that's been wasted. People always trying to escape it, move on to stop their heart breaking." He pulled me in close, wrapping his arms around me. I let my head fall to his chest, crying even harder. I felt him lean his head in close, whispering what he had started. "But there's nothing I'm running from, you make me strong."

I let myself cry into his chest as he stood there in silence. He didn't finish singing the song, he didn't say a word. We stood embraced in one another, soaking up our last few minutes as "Mr. & Mrs. Styles".

"Why?" He finally broke the silence. "Why do this if it’s so hard, babe?"

"Harry, please I told you." I sniffled. "It's too much. I need consistency, I'm selfish. I'm unhealthy due to our relationship. I'm doing things I shouldn't. I can't keep doing it. I need someone who is going to be around and I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I'm sorry." He placed a chaste kiss on my forehead and took a step back. "Let me prove to you I can be the man you need. You loved me enough to say yes to my proposal. Show me that Spencer is still in there and we can make it work. We've been through too much to let this go."

"I can't. I love you so much but I can't." I took a step back, getting out of his grip. If I didn't now, I knew I'd give in eventually. He nodded but didn't say anything. "I was hoping you could meet me tomorrow between sound check and the show at the apartment. That way I can get my stuff moved out and give you the key. I have most of my stuff packed. And I want you to have the place. You've paid for almost all of it."

"I don't want it." He sighed. "Too many memories."

"Then get out of the lease. I just don't want it."

"How did you pack so much in two days?" He asked, curiously.

"I knew we had to end things pretty much since you've left after our fight."

"Is it happiness related?"

"Never. I've never been happier. I'm just not okay health wise. I'm mentally unstable, which has very little to do with you."

"It has everything to do with me. You can act like it doesn't but it does. If it weren't for the things I've done, you wouldn't do the things you do, and for that I cannot say how truly sorry I am. I've hurt the person I love most in life."

"Harry, don't blame yourself." I reached out, touching his arm. "Please, just move on and be happy."

"You are my happiness."

"Someone will make you just as happy. I promise." I smiled reassuringly, not sure I even believed my own words.

"I'll meet you tomorrow after sound check. I'll call you when I'm on my way." He said, somberly.

"Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'm still not giving up."

"I know." I sighed. He was definitely going to make this harder than it had to be. But part of me couldn't be happier he wasn't going down without a fight.

"Hey one last thing before you go." He said, closing the gap between us. I nodded, unsure what was to come. He slowly pressed his lips to mine, almost making me melt, until I remembered I had just broken up with him. "You look beautiful tonight." He said as he broke off the kiss. "You always do."

He turned with the smallest smile tugging at his lips, returning down the hall towards the room we left from.

I felt the water works pour down my cheeks, not caring who walked past to see. I backed up against the wall, sliding the entire way down. I'm not sure how long I sat there before I gathered myself enough to finally leave.

I slipped out the back door and down the sidewalk unnoticed. For once in my life, I was glad no one noticed me. For once in my life, I was glad no one cares why I was crying in the middle of the street. For once in my life, I was broken down by something other than an over dose. For once in my life, I felt real pain.



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(Harry POV)

"Dude that was a long quickie!" Louis joked as I came back into the room, without Spencer. He received a pleasant slap from Emily, who obviously knew what was happening tonight. Liam quickly noticed Spencer's absence and my mood change.

"Mate, what's going on?" He questioned.

"Yeah, where's Spenc?" Niall added.

Instead of words, because I wasn't sure I could form them, I dug around in my pocket for the ring. I held it up for everyone to look at. Some catching on quicker than others.

"So does that mean..." Zayn started.

"Did she...?" Liam questioned.

"Huh?" Lou stared at me.

"No." Was all Niall said.

Tears filled Emily's eyes.

"Yes, she broke up with me." I said flatly. "Ended things, dumped me, moved on, whatever it is you'd like to call it."

I flopped dramatically into the couch in a huff. I was devastated. I had no clue what to do.

"Dude I'm so sorry to hear that." Liam said, moving seats to sit next to me. He placed an arm around my shoulder, confronting me. "We're all here for you."

"Thanks guys." I tried to smile but failed. "I think I just want to get shit faced. Let's get the 5sos lads and go out, shall we?"

"We have an early sound check but I'm down." Zayn smiled.

"I have to go to the apartment after sound check tomorrow. Get her keys and shit. Whatever. Don't let me forget."

"Noted." Liam nodded before standing up, the rest following his lead.

"Shall we?" Louis asked, a very apprehensive Emily standing by his side.

"Harry, are you sure you want to do this?" She asked, concern all over her face.

"Did you're fiancée just dump you in the under bellies of a concert venue?" I smirked. She shook her head no. "Then you get no say. Let's go."

She sighed but followed everyone else out and into 5sos's longer area. We gathered everyone up, got ready and left. I was looking forward to my night out but of course, no matter how many drinks I would consume, or how many girls I would stare at, nothing would take my mind off of that one thing and one thing only: Spencer Delaney supposed to be Styles.

She might have broken up with me tonight, but I wasn't joking around when I said I wouldn't stop fighting. She was my forever and I meant that. Every last word.

Notes

Hi!
It's short, I know. But I didn't want to drag this out. Also, sorry for taking so long to update. Real life is kicking my ass. So hard. Don't grow up...
One..maybe two...chapters left until the sequel....oh my....

let me know what you think.