Love & Betrayal

I felt Harry place a reassuring hand over my mine. I was fidgeting nervously in the car that was sent for us for my Fallon interview. I hadn’t stopped ringing my hands since we got in. I had done a few interviews before but something about this was different. Harry would be there. He hadn’t ever actually been at a taping. I’d tape, then it would air and he’d watch it online whenever he had time then call me about it. He was going to watch me do this one. The entire fact of the matter wasn’t even that he was going to be there this time. It had everything to do with the rocky stability of our relationship. I wasn’t sure I would be able to convincingly prove our love was still real and true.

In the previous interviews, the problems weren’t on the surface. We hadn’t talked about everything that was wrong. I hadn’t come to terms with how I really felt yet. But now? Now it was real. Everything was so real. The problems were real. I wasn’t sure how I was going to hold up when they brought Harry up, because they always did.

“Why are you even nervous?” Harry detached my hands from each other and intertwined ours instead. “You’ve been so amazing in all the other ones.”

“We haven’t been fighting for the other ones.” I answered honestly.

“I guess. But I mean we weren’t doing perfect for any of them.” He gave my hand a squeeze.

“I don’t know. This is different.” I sighed.

“Look at me.” I refused to make eye contact, too afraid to let the tears fall. When I didn’t, he tipped my chin towards him with his thumb. “Spencer, listen. I love you no matter what. Go out there and answer the questions however you want. Tell them we’re having problems, tell them we’re perfect. Say what you need to say. I will always love you, hell be in love with you. And if telling the honest truth means losing you, then so be it.”

“Wait, are you breaking up with me?” I couldn’t believe what he was saying.

“What? No! Hell no!” Harry looked at me, confused and hurt.

“It sounded like it.” I sighed again. “I’m not thinking straight. I’m nervous and I don’t know.”

“Relax baby.” Harry brushed a curl that had fallen from my face. “It’ll be okay. I promise.”

“I hope you’re right.” I leaned my head against the window.

“I have a good feeling about this one, love.” He smiled over at me.

“You know even when I’m completely pissed off and irritated with you, you’re still my rock?” I switched my head from the window to his shoulder.

“I’ll be here no matter what, you know that.” I felt him press his lips to my forehead. “We should finish talking about everything when we get home, you know?”

“I guess so.” I shrugged.

We let the silence take over for the rest of the ride. I kept my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his free arm around me. He pulled in close silently letting me know he was there and everything was going to be alright. I just prayed to god he was right.




(Harry Pov)

"Good luck, babe!" I kissed Spencer for the hundredth time backstage.

She was getting ready to be announced and head out on stage. I had seen her previous interviews online and of course, just like in those, she looked flawless today. When we arrived she was taken into hair and makeup, not that she needed either of those things done to be beautiful, and was transformed. She went from gorgeous to absolutely breathtaking. And she was mine. I hoped.

I still was unsure where we sat as a couple and what would come from this interview. She had done a fantastic job at hiding the fact that she was, unsure herself, about this engagement. She hadn't ever said she didn't want to be with me, just that she wasn't ready to be engaged.

She squeezed my hand tight as Jimmy Fallon started his spiel about his first guest, her. She gave me a weak smile and another small peck.

"Remember don't be nervous! You've done this before!" I smiled down at her.

Her perfectly red lips parted into a wide smile. "If you would have been here for all the other ones, I might have died. I'm so much more nervous with you here!"

"I don't see why! I'm just your dorky, old boyfriend who is way less amazing than you." I stuck out my tongue.

"I want to kiss you but I feel like my lipstick is already smudged." She sighed as the makeup artist swept a brush over her cheeks and dabbed something onto her lips.

"She's right!" The makeup lady said with a grin. "No more kisses!"

We both giggled at her as an assistant came to guide her to the entrance point. She looked over her shoulder with an unsteady glance. I gave her a quick thumbs up before heading into a back stage screening room to watch.

I made myself comfy on the couch, next to another special guest, Sam Hunt, an up and coming country star there to perform his new single. I had met him briefly earlier, he seemed nice as could be. I could tell her was nervous as well.

"Is it weird being on the other side for once?" He said throwing a chuckle in my direction.

"A little, but there's nothing I wouldn't do for her." I smiled.

"Caught the bug, I see." He smiled back at me, as Jimmy finally introduced Spencer.

She wasn't a huge star or anything but she still received a huge welcome from the audience. Many teenage girl screams audible, making me think they had hoped I'd be here. I hoped they just loved Spencer for herself and her work, not because of me.

"Her name is becoming a huge deal in the industry, she's debuting her first ever fashion line next month, and you can catch her latest spring and summer trends during New York Fashion Week in September, ladies and gentlemen, Spencer McMichael!"

I watched as she effortlessly floated on stage and into Jimmy’s welcoming hug, but my jaw hung open, not sure I had just heard him right. "Did he say she's going to be in New York fashion week?"

I watched as she waved towards the crowd and took a seat, smiling brightly.

"Pretty sure that's what he said!" Sam smiled at me. "She's the entire package, huh?"

"She never told me she got a spot. That's so prestigious."

"Uh, oh! I'm sure she didn't mean anything by not telling you. She does seem pretty busy as stressed. Maybe it slipped her mind." He shrugged, attempting to reassure me. I hadn't known him long, but I liked him. He was a down to earth guy, something that was hard to find in the industry anymore. I nodded at him, tuning back into the show.

"You look stunning!" Jimmy gushed. "How are you?!"

"Awe thank you! I'm doing good, so excited to be here!" She smiled, but it wasn't a real smile. It was halfway there, but I knew it was partially forced.

"This is your first time on the show and our first time meeting, and let me tell you..." Jimmy said towards the audience. "She's quite the charmer and hilarious!"

"I do what I can." She chuckled.

"If this whole designing thing doesn't go right for you, I say you got a shot in comedy." He laughed.

"I mean, I wouldn't go that far. The comedy would probably be the audience laughing at me because I'm so bad instead of because I'm funny." She giggled.

"Well in that case, I guess it's a good thing you're so talented with clothes."

"Yeah, it comes naturally I guess. It's just what I love." Her whole face lit up when she talked about her work.

"Do you think that your mom, Cee Cee, has anything to do with the whole naturally thing?" Jimmy asked curiously.

If I knew my fiancée properly, the one thing she hated more than when I leave dirty dishes on the counter, is being accused that her step into the spotlight is all because of her mom.

"She taught me a lot growing up. I used to go into her workshop with her and just watch her work. I knew from a young age that I wanted to be a designer like her, but when it came down to it, I had to be the one to learn and make all the clothes and pieces on my own."

"Has she helped with any of your new line?"

"No, we've both been so busy working on the fall collection that we've rarely even spoken to be honest. This job always has you moving." Spencer smiled bright.

"Is she worried you might over throw her at the top of female designers? She's been queen bee of designers for as long as you've been alive now practically."

Spencer laughed at this. "I think she just wants what's best for me and if that means selling more than her, she'll be okay with it. I mean no one wants to compete against their mother but it is what it is."

"Christmas dinner might get a little weird... "Uh hey mom so did you see my sales from last month? Yeaaaah that's right suck it!" Jimmy laughed as he impersonated Spencer talking to her mom.

"Nothing will ever make out Christmas dinners anymore awkward than they already are." Spencer laughed along with him. "We're an odd family as it is."

"As for families, seems like you might be ready to start thinking of your own?" He questioned, her face falling but she quickly caught herself before anyone but me could notice. I knew her too well for that. When she didn't answer right away, Jimmy continued. "Word on the street is you managed to snag one of those One Direction lads."

"Word on the street might be right." She smiled, absentmindedly twirling her ring around her finger.

"Might be!?" Jimmy practically shouted. "You could see that rock from Mars without a telescope!"

She giggled, almost a nervous giggle, as a blush swept her cheeks. "Yeah he's good for something I guess."

"I mean just look at that! Can I see it?" Jimmy asked as she extended her hand to show him. He jokingly made a faux microscope with his hands and zoomed in on her finger. "Yeah keep him around for the diamonds if nothing else!"

"I just might have too!" She smirked.

"Awe, sorry Harry, I've put the idea in her head now. She'll be expecting a new ring when she gets backstage." He chuckled. "What's it like being the one on this side of the stage for once?"

"Um, it's incredible!" She laughed while heartedly. "I'm always the one watching him on TV and now here he is, sitting back stage waiting for me. It's weird but I could get used to it."

"Well you better! The world is about to see a whole lot more of you!"

"That's the plan, isn't it?" She joked. "Hopefully now I'll be more than Harry Styles' fiancée." She added another laugh.

"He better watch out, you're about to take over!"

"I don't think I'll ever be as huge as he and the band are, but I'm happy doing what I'm doing, and I'm happy with him." She smiled, and there it was, the first genuine smile of the interview.

"That's all that matters in life." Jimmy smiled. "And you're about to debut your first ever clothing line! Tell us about where and when we can get our hands on everything!"

"My fall line comes out next week, both men and women's, and it'll all be carried in Macy's, Dillard's, Saks, and Nordstrom."

She hadn't told me any of this. And I never thought to ask. She had been so emerged in her work, I didn't want to bother her. But something just clicked inside my head. I understood why she was so irritated with him. I hadn't bothered to ask how any of the planning and designer had actually been going. No wonder she doesn't want to marry me. I had been completely wrapped up in myself, not even bothering to care. But at the same time, when we talked, she didn't bring anything up either. Come to think of it, our conversations were mindless or me telling her about something from a show.

"Some big names for a starter." Jimmy’s voice pulled me back in. Jimmy held up some pictures of her work for the cameras. "These outfits are incredible!"

"Thank you, and yes, I was shocked at first when all these places agreed to carry my work. I was just over the moon that such wonderful stores loved what they saw in my line. So now we just sit back and see how everything goes."

"Do you ever really get time to just sit back?" Jimmy laughed.

"I wish the answer was yes! But I'm currently working on my fall of next year collection. Everything for fall this year and spring/summer of next year is basically done. You always have to be a step, or season in this case, ahead."

She was right. She never stopped working. You couldn't tell now but she wore her stress across her forehead and her anxiety showed in the way she rung her hands together all the time. I needed to care more.

"So she's talented, she's beautiful, she's in love with a rock star, her debut clothing line hits stores next week, you can catch her at New York Fashion Week in the fall, AND she's done it all before turning 22!" Jimmy smiled, looking impressed. "Spencer McMichael, everyone! Go buy her clothes! They're amazing! Thank you so much for being here tonight, Spencer!"

"It was my pleasure! Thank you for having me!" She smiled.

Jimmy held up a few more photos of her pieces before ending the segment. "Stick around to hear Sam Hunt’s new song after this!"

And that was a wrap.




(Spencer POV)

I was on cloud 9 as I went backstage after thanking Jimmy a million times for having me! That had been my best interview yet. He didn't stray too far off topic and when Harry was brought up he kept it tasteful, avoiding any cheating rumors, which I couldn't have been more thankful about.

I couldn't wipe the stupid grin off my face when Harry engulfed me in a hug once I got backstage, or the entire time I stood waiting outside with Harry as, we both, signed autographs for fans or the entire ride home or on the way up the elevator or even when we got into our apartment. I was legitimately happy for once.

The interview hadn't changed my mind about the engagement, or the fact that I was mad at Harry. But none of that matter when I slammed my lips against Harrys as soon as we got in the door. I felt him smirk into the kiss, before I deepened it. As we stumbled backwards collapsing on the couch, Harry mumbled something incoherent. I, hesitantly, pulled back for him to repeat himself.

"I didn't hear you." I said.

"Never mind." He said, pulling my face back to his. I broke the kiss, leaning back in his lap, which I landed on as we fell into the couch, looking him in the eye.

"No, tell me." I said, sternly yet still compassionate.

"I just... I wonder... I mean... Why'd you never tell me you got a spot in NY fashion week?"

"I just found out last night." I shrugged. "It wasn't really important. I was going to tell you this morning but forgot due to nerves." I chuckled, running a hand through his messy mop.

"Fashion weeks are like the Grammy's of my world and it 'wasn't a big deal' to tell me?" He rolled his eyes.

"I don't know Harry.” I sighed frustrated, running a hand through my own hair. “You know now that's all that matters!"

"I found out thanks to an interview I watched you do! You didn't even tell me! I looked like an idiot backstage asking if you were really going to fashion week!"

"Oh so what? I embarrassed you?" It was my turn to roll my eyes. "You're mad because instead of playing it off, you made yourself look like a fool?"

"I'm just saying as your fiancé..." He spat the word at me. "I might be privy to crucial information before the general public!"

"Whatever!" I sighed, I didn't feel like arguing about this. "I've been so stressed, it just slipped my mind this morning."

"New York fashion week slipped your mind. Oh okay!" He threw his hands up in the air.

I stood from his lap, not feeling like staying in the same room as him right now. I made my way to the kitchen to make myself some coffee when I heard his footsteps following my own.

“Don’t walk away from me!” I heard Harry yell.

“I just did!” I snapped back. “I’m not arguing over fucking fashion week!”

“It’s not even just fashion week! You didn’t even tell me what stores you were going to be in!” he shouted.

“Did you bother to fucking ask?” I spun around on my heel, glaring at him.

I could tell by the look he gave me, I cut deep. He stood in place, not moving a muscle. His mouth opened and closed a few times but nothing came out.

“That’s what I thought Harry.” I turned back around, continuing to the coffee maker. “If it doesn’t start with “One Direction tour” or “Zac Efron” you don’t give a shit about what I have to say.”

“That’s not true.” He followed me. “I care about you and everything you say more than anything in the word.”

“Then where the hell have you been since this tour started? I get it, I do! Okay! Touring is hard and tiring but what I don’t get it why you can’t fucking take three seconds out of your oh so busy life to actually listen to me.”

“I haven’t been focusing on the right things, I’ll give you that.”

“Yeah, partying with your ex-girlfriend is way more important than your fiancées new fucking business.” I threw my hands in the air, tired of fighting, tired of worrying.

“She just showed up!” he shouted.

“But you’re still going out after every show. Regardless of who shows up, you’re still there. It’s bad enough I don’t get to see you for months on end, but now I don’t even get to talk to you?”

“I fucked up! I get it!”

“Yes you did!” I yelled back.

“You act like you’re a godsend that hasn’t ever done one fucking thing wrong here either!” he said taking a step closer to me.

“Please, Harold, enlighten me. What have I done that’s so wrong? Promoted my new line with someone you don’t like? Tried to tell you about how the process and planning was going? Worried that my fiancé was cheating on me? Forgot to tell you about fashion week? Question our relationship because my fiancé has changed so much in such a little time? Cried myself to sleep countless nights because I was so stressed out and worried about myself, about you, about us?”

I was worked up. I wasn’t having any of this. I knew I probably had done something along the line that I shouldn’t have, but that wasn’t what this was about. This was about the problems here and now. Harry stared at me again, not saying anything.

“You’re kidding me?” he finally said. “You’re worried about cheating when all you do is hang out with a different guy every day? You hang out with Zac more than you bother to talk to me? What, he didn’t lend a shoulder to cry on? I’m the one who needs to worry about cheating! Because you can’t seem to keep your legs closed when I’m not in the same fucking country.” He yelled, inches away from my face.

“Get out.” I snapped. “Pack your shit you brought and go stay with the guys.”

“Spencer…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Get the fuck out. Right now.” I said again, clenching my jaw.

“I technically own this house.”

“Fine!” I raised an eyebrow. “I’ll leave.”

I pushed passed him and into our bedroom. I found my overnight bag and started throwing things into it haphazardly. This all seemed so much like déjà vu. Except this time, I wasn’t sure we’d be okay.

“No, baby, please!” Harry grabbed my wrist, trying to stop me from throwing whatever I had in my hand into the bag.

Without even thinking I raised my free hand, slapping him hard across his face. His cheek instantly flushed pink, a hand mark threatening to stay. I didn’t even mean too. It all happened so fast. He dropped my wrist, stumbling a few steps back.

“I’ll get my stuff. You stay here. The guys won’t mind me staying.” He nodded.

I didn’t say a word, not trusting my voice. I wasn’t sure if something I would regret would come out or I’d apologize profusely. Neither of which that I wanted. I wasn’t going to piss him off or push him away more and I certainly didn’t want to say sorry for something I wasn’t sorry for.

I watched him get his small suitcase, since he didn’t need to bring much considering most of his things were still here, together in a rush. I followed him down the hallway and watched him put his shoes on. He looked at me a few times within the entire process but didn’t say a word. When he stood from slipping on his boots, he turned to face me.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything at all, especially about you. You’re a courageous and beautiful woman. I’m a fool. I can’t imagine how hard this has been for you. I should have been more involved with the process. I’m sorry I’ve been going out more and talking to you less. The cheating rumors must be driving you nuts, but I swear on my mother’s life, she honestly just shows up. But you also have to look at your situation from my point of view as well. You’ve been hanging out with him a lot. I understand now it was all for publicity and promotions. I’m sorry and I love you.” He kissed my lips without giving me time to respond or object. He opened the door and headed into the hall, suitcase in tow.

I went to close the door but did something else instead, surprising myself and Harry. “See you tomorrow at the concert. I love you too.”

Before he had time to turn around or approach me, I closed the door and locked it. Even though locking it does nothing when Harry has a key. I slumped to the floor, feeling the first tear fall. Yes, I love Harry more than anything in the world, but what he said cut deep. He had to think of me poorly in some way for him to even say what he did. They cut deep and they weren’t something that could be easily healed. I knew what I had to do. It wasn’t what I wanted to do, but it was needed. I couldn’t keep this up. It was wearing me down and I deserved better. I had to end everything, not just the engagement, with Harry.

Notes