Love & Betrayal

“I’m so glad you came over last night.” I rolled onto my side, smiling at Emily.

“Yeah, I didn’t really want to watch Harry drink himself into oblivion and Lou encourage him.” She giggled.

“I would have just cried all night if you wouldn’t have showed up. That’s all I’ve done since I decided this needed to happen.”

“Are you keeping this bed?” Emily stretched out. “It’s amazing and if neither of you want it, I’ll gladly take it.”

“Shut up. I don’t know what we’re doing with the furniture, that’s why I asked him to come here today.” I shrugged. My voice wavered but I wasn’t letting myself break today. I wasn’t going to cry at all.

“Well I told Louis to come with Harry like you asked last night. Whether or not he’ll remember, is up to him.”

“Yeah, I just figure it’s better to have someone here in case it gets ugly. I mean I don’t plan on it getting nasty by any means but you never know.”

“Harry has been scary before so I’d rather us be here too.” She rolled completely on top of me, causing me to laugh.

“He only gets irrationally mad when I give him a reason though!” I argued, not wanting to make Harry out to be the bad guy.

“Oh so breaking his little fragile heart into a million pieces isn’t reason enough?” she giggled, still on top of me.

“Whatever, he’ll be fine.” I shrugged, letting a long breathe out. “But thanks again for staying. Seriously. You’re like the best friend I’ve ever had, other than Kasi.”

“And you’re like my best friend ever.” She stuck her tongue out.

“I take back my previous statement and I hate you.” I folded my arms angrily across my chest.

“Fair enough, I’ll leave now!” she went to get off me when a voice froze us both in place.

“No please, don’t go, I rather enjoy the view.” Louis smirked as he leaned against the doorframe. “Why do I always seem to find you two in compromising positions?”

“Oh you know babe, now that she’s back on the market, I just had to have my turn.” Emily wiggled her eyebrows between the two of us.

“I knew I was going to lose you to her! How will I ever live?” he placed a heart over his heart on fake hurt.

“As lovely as this is, can we do whatever it is we need to do so I can go home and nap before the show tonight?” a very hungover looking Harry pushed past Louis and into the bedroom. “Lovely, just lovely. She’s not even out of bed.”

“Someone’s crabby.” Emily whispered in my ear as we got out of bed. “I’m just going to take my little boy toy and we will be in the living room if you need us.”

“Don’t ruin my couch.” Harry mumbled unpleasantly. “Or Spencer’s couch. I don’t know. Just don’t fuck.”

Emily gave me one last small smile before closing the door behind her and Lou. Harry and I looked at each other and suddenly I became very aware of my tiny boy shorts and snug tank top. Harry had seen me naked a million times before but this time, I was uncomfortable.

“Sorry, I uh, thought it was earlier than it is I guess.”

“No it’s 10.” He said, averting his eyes from me.

“Um let me find some clothes.” I said, pulling on the nearest pants and shirt I could find. “Okay.”

He finally looked at me. “That’s my shirt.”

“Oh, I can, uh, I mean I can change, here.” I went to take the shirt over my head when I felt his hands stop me.

“Keep it. Or at least leave it on until I leave.” He ran a hand down his face.

I never even thought how hard this was going to be for him. The whole night I was up worrying about how mad he was going to be or how much it was going to hurt to leave him for the last time but not once did I think about how he felt. He looked hungover but there was more to the bags in his eyes than that. His normally shining green eyes were dull and lacked emotion. His dimples where nowhere to be found. He looked horrible and for more reasons than being hungover.

“Harry, look, I’m so sorry.” I took his hands off my shoulders.

“You know what, save it Spencer.” He rolled his eyes. “I don’t want to hear some lame attempt of you trying to spare my feelings. I get it. You’re done, you’re over me. It’s over. Leave it at that.”

“Are you serious?” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“What do you mean, am I serious? The answer is yes. Yes. I’m serious.” He haphazardly plopped himself onto the bed.

“I want to make sure you’re going to be okay. I feel bad that I’ve been so selfish, but this is the way it has to be Harry.”

“You’ve made that loud and clear. I’ll live.” He chuckled sarcastically. “I’m going to be just fine.”

“So that’s why you’re here, hungover as hell, looking the worst I’ve ever seen you?”

“Well maybe I’m not fine right now, but I’ll be fine eventually. I don’t know how long it will take. I’m not ever going to fully recover from this, if we’re being honest. Cause that’s what we based our relationship on, right? Honesty? So let’s get honest.” He eyed me, daring me to interrupt. “My heart hurts more than I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I feel shattered. I’m broken into a thousand pieces. But none of that matters because when I walk out of that door, I have to be happy ‘Harry Styles’. My life is so hard but no one ever stops to think about that. Everyone thinks I have it made. They think ‘oh look there’s a 21 year old kid who has had life made for him since he was 16. All he has to do is look pretty and sing.’ Trust me, I’ve heard it all. So just add this to the list of things that I have to deal with. So no maybe I’m not okay right now, maybe I won’t be okay in a few weeks or years but I will eventually be okay. Am I ever going to stop loving you? Absolutely not. It’s in my blood to love you, and that’s not something you can filter out. And I’m sorry that I love you, not loved, LOVE you. But this is how it’s going to be.”

“Harry, I’m always going to love you.” I sighed, not really sure what to say.

“Then why are we doing this?” he ran a hand through his messy hair.


"Because we tried. We ran our course and there's nothing left to do." I sat down next to him, keeping my distance.


"What do mean 'we've ran our course?' We just got engaged! We hadn't even scraped our course. Our lives were just getting started! How are even okay with anything happening right now? Did you ever care? Because someone who was in love with me and cared wouldn't be acting so casual about the end of the relationship!"


"Don't even question if I cared or love you. You know I do both. So don't even get started!" I was frustrated. "I didn't ask you to come here to try and fix this. I asked you to come so we can figure out who gets what."


"Take it all. I don't need it." He shrugged, as if was obvious who should get our belongings.


"Harry, you've bought most of the things we've gotten since we've been together. You should have it."


"I don't want it, okay?" He looked at me in the eyes for the first time today. "Just keep it, sell it, burn it, I don't care. I just don't want it."

"Can I ask why?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Not that my life or feelings are any of your business anymore, but I don't want the stuff because all it will do is remind me of you. So keep it."

"I don't want it either." I sighed.

"Then let's give it to charity." Harry shrugged like we weren't fighting, post breakup, over who should get what. "I don't want it, you don't want it. Let's donate it."

"Um, yeah. I mean, yes of course that's a great idea." I smiled, not even realizing it.

"See, I can be the brains sometimes." He shot a sideways smirk back in my direction.

"I always thought you were the brains." I said without thinking.

"I was just lucky. That's all I was." He studied the floor very hard, avoiding eye contact at all cost.

"Harry." I said softly, not really knowing where I was going.

"Spencer." He lifted his eyes to merry mine, voice slightly quivering. "Please, we don't have to end this."

"Don't." I warned, standing from my seat on the bed.

"Listen to me. Please, I thought we were working on the things that's didn't make us happy and turning everything around."

"We were." I sighed.

"Were?!" He stood to meet my level. "We had barely even began! See that's the problem with dating you, you never give anything a chance to happen. When something doesn't go your way instantaneously, you give up. You're a quitter."

"What did you just say?" I couldn't believe what he was actually saying right now.

"You. Are. A. Quitter." He raised an eyebrow, wearing his stupid smirk. "Spencer McMichael is a quitter."

"How dare you say that?" I raised my hand to slap his face, but he caught it right before it made contact with his skin. "You know I'm not quitting this relationship just because! I need to mentally fix myself before I can fix something with someone else."

"Whatever you say." He smiled, hand still wrapped around mine where he stopped it.

"You think you're so funny, don't you?" I didn't even struggle to free my hand, taking in any last touches I could.

"I'm not trying to be funny babe, you just are upset because I'm right."

"Okay first off, don't call me babe. Second off, you are sooo far off from being right."

"Why can't I call you babe? You're my babe."

"WASyour babe."

"Does it still turn you on when I use my cute little pet names, in my husky British tone?" He smiled down at me innocently.

"No." I lied through my teeth.

"I think it does, babe." He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear with his free hand. "But look, I'm not here to turn you on. I'm here to get some closure and pack my things."

"Do you know you're an infuriating person?" I spat through my gritted teeth.

"Yet at one point, all you wanted was my dick inside you, begging me for more. So I mustn't be that infuriating."

"I didn't date you just for the sex." I rolled my eyes. "You always make it sound like I only loved you for sex."

"Well there's not many other redeeming qualities about me."

"Stop, you know that's not true."

"Well, let's see... I'm not the greatest looking blokes, I'm not funny by any means, I have a mediocre voice, I'm a terribly lousy boyfriend, I can't do much right apparently, because here I am begging my fiancée not to dump me."

"You know zero percent of that is true."

"How so?" He asked, rubbing small circles with his thumb over the back of my hand he still held.

"Stop that and maybe I'll tell you." I glared at him.

"Right, go on."

"Stop putting yourself down. I've already told you, this break up had nothing to do with anything you've done. I need to do it for myself. I'm just not in a good place. So stop with the self-loathing. You know you're beyond good looking, super talented, always had me laughing for one reason or another and you didn't suck as a boyfriend. We've just grown apart. Your touring is too much for me and I'm selfish but this has to happen."

"But does it really have to happen?" Harry asked with the most serious voice I've heard yet.

"Yes Harry, it does." I looked down at my feet, not wanting to look in his eyes.

"I love you, Spencer Delaney." He tilted my head up with his thumb, giving me no choice but to stare into his green eyes.

I sighed defeated, knowing I only had one response to him. "I love you too, Harold Edward."

Before I had time to react, his lips were pressed hard against me. As stupid as this was, I kissed him back. For a split second I thought maybe I was being irrational, maybe I didn't want to break up. I felt him slide his tongue against my lips, causing me to gasp and him gaining full entry to my mouth. I should have stopped him but the second his hands wrapped around my waist and pulled me against him, I forgot all motor skills. His hands wandered up and down my side and into my hair as I surprised both of us, by walking us back towards the bed.

"You taste like beer and stale cigarettes." I mumbled as he pulled my down on top of him.

"I'm sorry baby." He whispered, placing chaste kisses down my neck. "Now I do believe this is mine...I would like it back."

I felt a nervous tingle in my stomach as his fingertips brushed over my stomach, taking my,his, shirt off my body. He slipped his hands under my tank top, tossing it with the shirt. He ran a hand from my hips to the curve of my breasts, licking his lips slowly.

"Oh how I've missed this."

"This doesn't change anything." I mumbled as his mouth began its assault on my body.

I tried to focus, clear my mind and find something in me to stop this nonsense but I couldn't. I looked begin us both from my position straddling his lap. It would be a lie to say that I would be disappointed if I didn't get some serious breakup sex from Harry. But it wasn't right, I needed to stop him.


---------------------

"You know my mind tried so hard to get my body to stop you." I sighed, tangled in the sheets of our bed.

"I'm glad it lost its battle." He placed a kiss on my temple.

"Harry, I meant what I said when I told you this changes nothing."

"I know." He frowned. "Can we talk about something without you getting mad at me?"

"No promises." I smiled up at him, earning myself a giggle.

"Well you know how you have some plane tickets booked already for a few shows in America still?"

I nodded silently, letting him finish.

"I know we're broken up and all but maybe, you don't have to agree, but just maybe you would want to still come see those shows? It doesn't have to be weird, we don't even have to ever be alone."

"I don't know, Harry." I sighed, I hadn't even given that a thought.

"Please just think about it. You don't have to give me an answer now but I think it's worth a shot at being friends." He shrugged harmlessly.

"Friends?" I laughed almost in his face. "Sorry, you want to be friends with your ex-fiancée? Seriously, how would that even work?"

"Well yeah it'll be the most torturous thing that I'll ever do to myself, but I'd rather have you as least my friend then lose you completely. I can't bare thinking of not seeing you at least once and awhile."

"You'd have to cut the feelings off. And we never have sex ever again."

"No promises." He mocked me, causing me to erupt into a fit of giggles.

"Okay, okay, but do promise me one thing, alright?"

"Anything, yeah."

"You'll move on." I stated.

"You know I can't promise you that." He sighed, pulling me in closer to his side.

"Then promise me you'll at least try."

"Fine, I'll try but I'm not promising anything at all."

"I guess that's all I can ask." I looked up at him. He was already looking down at me, a very serious look plastered across his hungover face. "Harry?"

"One last time and I'll never do it ever again." He said before placing his lips to mine. I smiled into the kiss right before he pulled away. "Sorry, friend."

"You're excused, my friend." We laughed together in perfect harmony.

It was moments like this that made me wonder why I was doing this. I was happy with Harry. I just wasn't happy with myself.

"So you're clothes are all packed and you've moved most of the things you wanted then?" He questioned out of the blue.

"Um yes. Yeah, Yep. I'm basically moved out. I tried to pack most of your things, but I didn't know if you'd just keep the place and stay sometimes."

"No, I'm going to get out of the lease. I can't stay here without you. I'll pack what I can then send someone from the management team for the rest. I'll let all the right people know we want to give our furniture to charity. Everything will be taken care of."

"Thank you." I sighed, not wanting to deal with packing or moving anything else for a long time.

"Where are you staying, if you don't mind me asking?" He questioned, worry in his voice.

"I moved back in with Ana. She has the place to herself now that Kasi moved out and to Columbus."

"Do you miss her?"

"Yes but it's where she needs to be. She visits constantly so I can't be mad at all."

"You're a strong person, you know that?"

"I do what I can."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" I raised an eyebrow confused.

"For not giving you what you deserved. You are worth so much more than what I treated you as. And for that, I'm sorry."

I did the only thing I could think of and pressed my lips softly to his. When we broke apart for air, he chuckled before we were interrupted by the door flying open.

"One last time, yeah?" Louis rolled his eyes. "Christ I should have known."

"It's not what it looks like!" I tried to cover myself up with as much of the cover as I could.

"Emily sent me in here to make sure everyone was still alive, and this is what I find. I do remember you telling me that I wasn't permitted to have sex with myactualgirlfriend in your living room, yet here you are doing just that with yourex-girlfriend. How are these rules fair now?"

"Lou, just go. We'll be out in a second." Harry groaned.

"You've been in here for 2 hours. We for sure thought one of you would be at least injured by now. But we couldn't have been more wrong."

"We'll get dressed and be right out." I sighed, knowing I had a lot of explaining to do to Emily. Not that it was technically any of her business.

"Play nice children." Louis rolled his eyes, closing the door behind him.

"I should probably get going though, we have a show tonight."

"Yeah. Right, okay yeah." I said awkwardly getting up to find my clothes.

"Keep the shirt by the way, it looks better on you anyways." He smiled over at me as he slid his too tight pants back on.

"Okay." I said quietly.

The mood in the room had shifted in a dramatic turn. The fun airy laughter was now clouded by dark hanging rain clouds. I wasn't sure what to say or do. So I just let him continue to do the talking.

"Rachel and Emily are going to the show tonight, are you still going to come?"

"I don't know. Maybe." I shrugged.

"Well don't know come just because of us. You're friends with all the guys now too. So if you want to be there you have every right to show up."

"I'll think about it Harry."

"Fair enough. So I'll see you around then, friend?" He asked as we entered the living room, both fully clothed and forgetting about our previous activities in the bedroom.

"Yeah, sounds good." I smiled, accepting the hug he offered.

"Just leave the key here or give it to me tonight if you decide to come. It's not a huge deal, whenever works." He smiled. "Lou, you ready?"

We looked over to the other couple, eyes both bulging out of their faces.

"What?" Louis asked confused. "Yeah never mind, I'm ready. See you later babe."

I watched as he gave Emily a quick kiss and left me with a hug. I returned Harrys smile as he shut the front door tight. I was shook from my daydream by a hard punch to my arm.

"What the actual fuck?" Emily eyeballed me.

"You're going to have to be more specific than that." I chuckled, heading into the kitchen, retrieving a couple wine coolers for Emily and me out of the fridge.

"You fuck each other's brains out, decide who gets what furniture, and become friends all in the same day?"

"I don't know, it was weird. Yet oddly refreshing. I feel good about this breakup. He's taking it really well, for the most part, I think. He's being mature and I think that the friend’s thing could work." I shrugged, taking a large gulp from my bottle.

I made my way back into the living room, plopping down in front of the couch.

"Damn I forgot to ask about the TV." I sighed. "Oh well, guess it can go to charity too."

"Wait, what?" Emily looked at me like I was crazy.

"Well we're going to donate the furniture and shit to charity because neither of us want or need it."

"Logical." She nodded in agreement. "You know he has more than friendship on his mind, right?"

"I think we just need to give it a chance. He said something about me earlier that really made me think hard."

"Which was...?"

"That I was a quitter and that upset me a bit."

"We heard some yelling but not nearly as much as I was expecting." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Well anyways, when he brought up the idea of a friendship, I had to agree. I have to prove to him that I don't just give up on everything. I'm going to at least try and be his friend."

"You're only going to end up getting hurt worse by this, I know it." Emily frowned.

"Have some faith in a girl, okay?"

"Okay, okay fine." She held up her hands surrendering. "Just let me know if you need anything I guess."

"I'll be fine, don't worry about me."

I had no clue if I was going to be fine or not. I couldn't predict the future. But I knew I had to give this friendship thing a try. Harry was right, I didn't want to lose him completely either. I figured this was the best step to having both worlds. I needed to get my life together and maybe once that happened, because Harry and I stayed friends, we'd be able to ease back into something more. I mean it was worth a shot, right? What was the worst that could possibly happen?



------------------

(Harry POV)

"Dude, how did you get her to bang you one last time?"

"That won't be the last time but if it was, damn was it great."

"What do you mean that's not the last time?"

"This whole friendship bullshit is just an excuse to get her to keep coming around and then eventually she'll realize she doesn't want to end things."

"I was going to ask about the friendship thing and how you got to agree, but I think she's honestly done Harry."

"That's what you think, but I know she's not. She wouldn't have given in so easily today if she was over us for real."

"I just hope you know what you're doing, that's all."

"Trust me, I've thought about this plan all night. It's going to work."

"Spencer isn't like most girls though man. You have to keep that in mind." Lou continued. "She's doing this for her health, if I've ease dropped correctly."

"Yeah and once she's better or figured out her shit, she'll be putty in my hands again because I'm not really even going anywhere."

"You can't come on too strong and scare her away though. You have to somehow prove to her that it's a platonic friendship and you're moving on."

"Dude, trust me I know. It's like some science project. I have it all broken down and planned out. I'm going to play it perfectly."

"I've never seen you so fucked up over a breakup."

"I'm not fucked up over this."

"Harry, you're so broken inside that you've decided a plan to send even more time with the girl who did this to you. You're fucked up over this breakup."

"Well she was my fiancée, don't you think you'd be messed up too?"

"Absolutely! But I'd put as much distance between me and the bird that I would have to move on. It's over Harry."

"See that's where you're wrong. I know it's not."

And I believed that wholeheartedly. It wasn't over. It would never be over. She was mine and I was hers. Forever.

Notes

Ummmmm, sorry for the long wait!

A lot of unwanted and sad shit happened over the last couple weeks so I apologize for taking so long to update! Buuuuttttt......this is the second to last chapter just so everyone knows. ONE MORE AND THEN IT'S SEQUEL TIME. YAS.

I'm excited, so let me know if you are tooooooo! :)

much love xx