"Ahhhhhhh!" I sighed loudly.

"You okay?" Josh asked.

"I can't get this stupid sketch right! It has to be perfect!"

"What's it's for?"

"Rihanna's Grammy dress." I groaned. "She wants sheer and diamonds and everything else that doesn't go together."

"Grammys are overrated as shit. You make a two hundred thousand dollar gown for someone, they don’t pay for it and then the dress never gets worn again. So lame.” Josh rolled his eyes.

“You’re full of shit right now. I know how much you love award season.”

“So maybe I do.” He laughed.

“Whatever leave so I can finish this!” I huffed.

“Fine, but we’re still going for lunch, right?”

“Yes babe.” I said as he closed the door.

I leaned back into my chair rubbing my temples. Harry was still in London and I was growing impatient for his return. He would be back in just 4 days. That’s all I had to make it. I was worried about what was going to happen when he got back. I had picked up my habit a little since he had left and it wasn’t exactly something I wanted to tell him. I know I have too though. He’d find out one way or another. I had lied to Dr. Clark about my usage. I didn’t want to be in the rehab anymore. I was fine. I was only taking the Xanax on a regular basis and maybe a little pop of Vicodin here and there. I was fine.

I was having such a hard time finishing this sketch. I wasn’t focused. I dug through my back in search of my special container. Once I found it, I opened it and fished around for the long orange pill. I popped two and continued to draw. Oh did I mention I was taking Adderall to focus? It helped.

I really had declined fast in the week Harry was away. Maybe it had something with the fact that I had been hanging out with Zac almost every night. I was so stressed out and didn’t want to bombard Kasi with my problems, she had enough of her own with Tim still recovering. Ana was way too busy to even think about telling her. Emily and Rachel aren’t here, I didn’t know what to do. So I had called Zac.

We had just gotten together at each other’s apartments a couple times. Two max. I just needed someone to talk to face to face. Zac understood what I was going through. He was as stressed out as me. We stayed up until the sun rose and just bullshitted. I told him about the issues Harry and I were having and he told me the struggle of his long term friend with benefits. He wanted to make her his girlfriend but she wasn’t having it. He was clearly infatuated by her, I don’t see why she couldn’t give it a try. It wasn’t my best moment but it happened none the less.



My focus eventually kicked into overdrive and I had the sketch finished right before I was supposed to go to lunch with Josh. I still had yet to tell him about Niall or anything really in my relationship. He wanted to know all the details and I was finally at the point where I could trust him.

I exited my office and headed over to his desk. He smiled as I reached him.

“Ready?” he asked jumping up.

“Yes, I need to get out of here. I might just dip out after lunch.” I laughed as we headed onto the elevator.

“You’re getting awfully comfortable around here.” He said, joking entirely.

“Between me and you, I’ve had a few chats with Igor about moving on.” I shrugged. “We’ll talk about it when we get to lunch.”


-----------------------------------------

“This place is really cute.” I smiled as we got out of the cab. “But why are there so many paps here?”

“Ummm.” Josh drug out.

“Josh.” I looked at him.

“I may have forgot how fucking famous you are and tweeted we were coming out to lunch.”

“Uh. Thanks a lot!” I laughed. “Don’t worry, I forget sometimes that people actually care what I do, too.”

“Don’t be mad.” He begged.

“No way, I’m not.”

“Okay good. We can just get a table in the back away from everyone.”

“Good plan.”

“Hello, welcome to Mister Bistro just the two of you today?” the hostess smiled brightly.

“Yes and if possible would you be able to place us towards the back?” I asked politely.

“Oh of course Miss McMichael.” She smiled before leading us towards the table.

“I’ll never get used to people knowing me.” I laughed to Josh.

“Any girl age eleven to thirty knows who you are babe.” He winked.

Once we were sat and ordered, Josh started to get into his many many questions.

“Okay, spill.”

“What?” I rolled my eyes.

“When you left to go to New Zealand you said something about an affair and you haven’t told me a damn thing yet! It’s been like 4 months sister. Spill.” He gave me the ‘talk now’ look.

“Okay, don’t say a fucking word.”

“Lips are sealed bae.”

“Jesus you and you’re retarded pet names.” I rolled my eyes. “Okay, anyways…at the very beginning of Harry and I’s relationship I sort of cheated on him.”

“With who?!” he shouted.

“Shhhhhhhh. This is all supposed to be a secret.” I hushed him. “Niall.”

I waited for his reaction. I watched as his face contorted and twisted into a confused pout.

“Horan? As in his band member?”

“Yes, that Niall.”

“Oh my god. I’m hyperventilating.”

“I see this, breathe. Please.”

“I just even fathom how many sexy fucking dicks have been inside of you!” he squealed.

“Oh lord jesus.” I covered my mouth, laughing uncontrollably.

“Are any of them gay? Bi? Anything that would get me those asses?”

“No, none of them are any of the above.”

“Damnit!” he frowned. “Okay, so Harry and Niall, who else?”

“What do you mean who else?”

“Like what other celebs have you fucked girlfriend?” he looked at me with all seriousness.

“None. Made out with Zac…once. And I was hammered.” I added for good measures.

“SHIT I KNEW IT!”

“Knew what?” I laughed.

“You two had something going on.”

“Ew, gross we don’t.”

“Don’t anymore, but did.”

“I would hardly call a quick make out a ‘thing’.” I shook my head.

“Whatever, you get the sexiest dudes. I’m so incredibly jealous.”

“Yes great, cheating is so something to be jealous of.”

“So does Harry know?”

“Yes, about both.”

“No wonder you guys have problems.” He laughed.

“Yes, I’m aware. Honestly most of our problems recently are about drugs.”

“I’ve read you have a problem online.” He laughed.

I stuck out my tongue. “Maybe a little one.”

“That’s what happens when two of your best friends are Ella George and Zac Efron.” He rolled his eyes.

“Ella did get me hooked on the Xanax.” I giggled.

“And Zac?”

“Hasn’t gotten me hooked on anything.”

“Yet.” Josh added.

“No, ever.”

“Whatever you say babe.” He smiled.

We were interrupted by our waitress delivering our meals. I was glad he was done asking me about my life. I always got so nervous talking about it in public. Luckily, no one was really within ear shot.

In the middle of lunch, my phone began to ring. Josh quickly snagged it off the table before I had a chance.

“Oooooooooooh lover boy.” He winked at me.

I rolled my eyes taking the phone from him expecting to see Harry on the screen but was completely surprised. “What is he calling me for?”

“Sex.” Josh said flatly.

I rolled my eyes answering the phone. “Hello?”

“Hey Spencer!” Zac said happily.

“What’s up?”

“I was just calling to see if you wanted to come out with me and a few people tonight. You know most of them.”

“Who’s all going and what’s going on?”

“Well The Rolling Stones are playing over in Brooklyn at the Barclays Center tonight and we’re going to hit it up for a bit then maybe go out after. You in?”

“Who’s coming?” I asked again.

“Shit! Yeah, Ella George, I know you guys are friends and Barbara Palvin and Mac Miller.”

“Why does that sound like such an odd collection of people?”

“Because it is.” Zac laughed. “Ella and Barbara are best friends apparently.”

“And where do you fit in?” I laughed.

“I don’t. I’m friends with Mac I guess. And Mac and Barbara got something going on.” He chuckled.

“And me! Count me in.” I smiled.

“Alright, I’ll swing by around 7 and grab you. We’re going over to Ellas place here in the city then off to the show all together.”

“Sounds good. See you then.” I hung up. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“You just made plans to go hang out with Zac and his friends.”

“It’s such an odd group.” I laughed.

“Well take a billion selfies and send me all of them.” Josh smiled.

“Always.”



--------------------------------------------------


“I’m just so excited you’re here!” Ella kept hugging me as we sat in our secluded box listening to the band. “And I’m so glad you and Barbara get along! She’s my best friend and so are you!”

“Yes, you’re great Spencer. I see why Harry loves you.” Barbara smiled.

“Thanks, I’m glad I came out tonight. I was going nuts in my place.” I laughed.

“How do you and Harry do it?” Barbara asked.

“What?” I laughed, taking her question the completely wrong way. Alcohol and drugs do that to you.

“Nooo!” Barbara laughed. “But if you want to tell us that too.” she wiggled her eyebrows.

“I mean we just talk to each other all the time. We like time alone usually. It’s just been hard this time around.”

“Is it true you went to rehab?” Ella asked.

“Yes, he forced me to go.” I rolled my eyes.

“That’s so lame because I saw you take those pills earlier.” She winked.

“Yeah, super effective right?” I laughed.

“Well we’re all about to pop some molly. So get in on this.” Barbara smiled.

“For sure.”

----------------------------------------------

“Having fun?” Zac came up behind me.

“Yes! Thanks so much for inviting me!” I gave him a hug. “Barbara and Mac are really nice.”

“Yeah, this is the first time I’ve ever met Barbara, she’s legit.” Zac smiled. “You feeling okay?”

“Great.” And I wasn’t lying. For the first time since Harry had left for London, I was at peace with myself. I’m sure I had all of the different sorts of drugs I ingested tonight to thank for that.

“Good, shows almost over so we’ll be headed out before it ends. 20 minutes give or take.” Zac said before walking back over to the balcony to watch the show.

I had taken a photo of the stage after The Rolling Stones started to perform and posted it on twitter. Of course that probably wasn’t my best idea, seeing that I hadn’t told Harry I was coming here tonight. I shrugged to myself, good now I was talking to myself inside my brain. That’s normal.

Barbara distracted me from my internal debate. “Come get in this picture babe.”

I followed her back over to the group and cozied in between her and Ella. I was having a total blast. I had made a new friend and the show was awesome. Barbara pulled me aside and we took a few selfies, I’m sure we looked priceless. Shortly after the pictures were taken I felt my phone buzz.

Instagram: @realbarbarapalvin mentioned you in a comment: Yeah man. Stones show with the crew. @ellageorge @larryfisherman @zacefron @spencermcmichael <3 J

Instagram: @realbarbarapalvin mentioned you in a comment: complete & total babe. friends 4ever. luv u @spencermcmichael

In both pictures we all looked beyond wasted or high or twisted. But we’re at a Rolling Stones concert, isn’t that the protocol?

--------------------------------------------------------

“I don’t know guys!” Barbara shouted from on top of a table.

“DO IT PUSSY!” Ella shouted back.

We were currently all in a club dancing and carrying on. Everyone was wasted and life was perfect. Mac and Zac had left a little bit ago, leaving me, Ella and Barbara to fend for ourselves. Ella was trying to get Barbara to take another shot but was failing. Barbara was already way passed hammered. The mix of alcohol and drugs had us all going. We were feeling great.

It reminded me of the first time Ella and I had met. We barely knew each other but ended up dancing on top of each other, loving every second. Nothing had really changed except for the fact that we got super close. People were taking pictures of us but none of us really cared. We were young and we were having fun.

I could tell already that Barbara and I were going to be great friends from now on. She had mentioned that she had starred in a campaign alongside Emily once and that they were good friends now. She also was friends with Rachel and the guys which was really great. I was excited to continue to soberly hang out with her.

“I love you girl.” Barbara laughed as she got off the table.

We were certainly drawing a lot of attention to ourselves, both negative and positive, but we didn’t care. Ella was sucking face with some random guy while Barbara grabbed onto me and started to grind. I’m sure we just looked like drunken messes but we felt like world champion dancers. Vodka is right, it makes you dance and I had enough of that to last me for the next four years.

“Let’s go soon.” Barbara whispered into my ear. “We can stay at my hotel. We should get Ella off that guy. He’s not even that cute.”

“Agreed.” I laughed as we stumbled over to Ella together. “Come babe, we’re going.”

“But I’ll just get a ride home with Jeff.” She slurred.

“It’s Jason.”

“That’s what I meant.” She shrugged not even phased.

“Baby girl, I want you to come home with me.” Barbara said before leaning into me so I could only hear her. “That gets her every time, just remember that if you need her to leave and she’s pissed.”

I nodded. “Yeah El, we’re having a sleep over at Barbaras hotel.” I smiled.

“Ohhhh I love sleep overs.” She laughed. “Bye Joe.”

“JASON!” the guy shouted before angrily walking away.

“He was ugly El.” Barbara laughed.

“I could feel his penis while were dancing, huge. Only reason I kept him around, just in case you know.” she giggled. “Let’s blow this place like I almost blew Joel.”

We made our way out of the club and onto the street. We had to hail a cab due to the fact that none of us arranged to have someone pick us up. Of course, like any other night we go out the paparazzi were close on our ass.
“Spencer! Ella! Barbara! Here! Here!” people were shouting from all directions and I couldn’t handle it. I tried to stay focused and reach the curb to stop a car. The wall of paps was too thick for us to even get through and no one was moving.

“Get out of the fucking way.” Ella yelled.

“El, don’t yell.” Barbara warned.

“I don’t care. These fucking bastards never let us just be! We are normal ladies attempting to have a normal fun night out. Fuck all of you.” she flipped off the entire crowd.

One brave cameraman took a couple steps closer to get a better view and accidently, or maybe intentionally, bumped into Ella.

“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS YOU PIECE OF SHIT?” she shoved the man back. “DON’T EVER THINK YOU CAN COME NEAR ME AGAIN.” She pushed him again.

“El, stop!” I shouted. She was too drunk to reason with. It was her way or the highway. Barbara tried to calm her down but had no luck.

“No, I’m going to stop. These scumbags follow us around like they have no goddamn life and use our faces and actions to make money. I’m sick and tired of them!” she threw her shoe into the crowd. This was bad. Very bad. She was causing a major scene, basically assaulted a man, and wasn’t showing any signs of slowing down.


Not long after her mental breakdown we heard police sirens. A few cop cars pulled up in front of the club. Shit. I’m underage. Barbara is underage. Ella is on drugs and assaulted a guy. We’re screwed.

“Ella the cops are here, come on.” Barbara begged Ella to stop.

“Fuck the bobbies, I don’t care.” Ella shouted.

“How’s it going tonight ladies?” a tall cop approached us.

“Good, just on our way home.” Barbara smiled her perfect model smile. Ella began to walk away when the cop stopped her.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked politely.

“No, I have to go.” Ella rolled her eyes, trying to walk away again.

Barbara and I stood as close as we could get to one another, trying to pull Ella back into us.

“Have you had a few drinks tonight miss?”

“So what if I did? I’m allowed to drink in this god forsaken country.” She took major attitude.

“Do you have ID on you?”

“No, but you can google me and find out anything you need to know.” she said, acting uninterested. “Really, we’re on our way home.”

“I’m going to need you to stand right here and not move miss.” The cop said.

“And I’m going to need you to stop ruining our fucking night.” Ella said back.

“ELLA!” Barbara and I shouted at the same time. “Stop.”

“What’s your name ma’am?”

“Ella George.” She rolled her eyes. “As if you don’t know.”

“Ma’am, I’m going to for you to place you’re hand behind your back for me.” The cop said stepping towards Ella, with his handcuffs out.

“Sir, really we’re taking her home.” I said.

“Yeah, just let us get her.” Barbara added.

“I suggest you two back up before you’re next.” He said sternly.

“You seriously aren’t going to let us take her home? She’s fine, we have her under control.” I rolled my eyes.

“Ma’am, I’ll repeat myself again, step back.” The man said.

“Fucking hell.” Barbara whispered when I got back next to her. “Ella is getting arrested.”

“And all of these paparazzi are catching it.” I added.

“Fuck.”

“Seriously, let go of me!!” Ella shouted. “Stop touching me.”

“Ma’am, calm down. Stop resisting.”

“This is so fucking stupid. You American cops are such intolerable twats.” She spat.

“Ella, stop you’re making it worse, just let him cuff you.” I said.

“He can’t touch me like this!” she shouted.

“El, come on.” Barbara said.

Once the cop struggled a little more with Ella, he finally got the handcuffs on her. She was throwing a fit as he walked her over to the car. He searched her for anything that could potentially harm them and placed her in the back seat before returning to us.

“I suggest you ladies go straight home.” He looked at us. He turned around and got into his car before driving away.

Barbara and I stood there dumbfounded. Ella just got arrested. It was surely going to be huge news because she got arrested in front of paparazzi who all caught it on tape. She hit a man and threw her shoe at them as well. Nothing could go in Ellas favor.

“We better go babes.” Barbara said.

We headed to the street and hailed a cab. We barely spoke, both still in shock our friend just arrested. We had no idea what to do, who to call or anything like. We decided we’d figure it out in the morning.

This was the last thing I needed to happen. Harry was going to find out I went out and partied like crazy. He was going to know everything. He was going to know I was hammered, he was probably going to know I was on drugs. I had no idea why the cop let us go home but being underage we were both lucky as shit.

When Barbara and I reached her hotel we crawled into bed. We laid facing each other in the bed.

“What the fuck happened tonight?” I asked.

“I have no idea but I know I made a lifelong friend out of it.” Barbara made light of the situation.

“I’ll agree to that.” I smiled.

She leaned in placing a kiss on my forehead. “Love you already.”

“Love you too.” I sighed. “Now let’s get some sleep. I know I’ll have to deal with Harry and my parents tomorrow.”

“Mac’s not going to be happy.” Barbara laughed.

“What’s going on between you two anyway?”

“He’s so sweet. I really like him. I mean it’s nothing official but whatever. I’m happy.”

“I’m glad. You guys were cute tonight.”

“Thanks.” She giggled. “I know this is going to be stupid because I know you and Harry are soooooooo madly in love….” She paused. I knew where this was going. “But what’s going on with you and Zac?”

“Nothing, we’re friends.” I said.

“If you say so.” She winked before turning over to shut the light off. “I’m not sure you even believe yourself when you say that.”

“I do, we’re strictly friends. Harry and I are very serious.”

“Yes, I understand that but being serious and being in love are two different things.” She said. “Just follow your heart. It will lead you where you need to be.”

I thought about what she said. Those were the most profound words someone has ever told me. She was right. Your heart wouldn’t betray you and that’s why I knew mine couldn’t wait to have Harry in my arms again. There was no one else, it was always Harry.

Notes

GUYS ITS 445am I LOVE YOU


downfallllllllllllllllll let me know what you think

xx