(Harry POV)

Home is where the heart is. If there was anything true to that statement, London, or England even, wasn’t home anymore. Don’t get me wrong the last two weeks had been great hanging out with my family and the lads but it was missing something. I was missing someone. Spencer.

Everything I did without her felt incomplete. Yes, the guys and I recorded a couple songs for our new album and yes we finished our video for the first single, but it wasn’t right with Spencer there. After my long had days shooting or in the studio I wanted to come home to my lovely girl and cuddle her proper all night. Instead, I came home to a cold empty bed.

Right now I was currently back in New York. I flew home a day early to surprise Spencer. I knew she had the day off so it would be the perfect surprise. I had made sure she was going to be home when I arrived. It was bloody early so I wouldn’t have to worry about that. She would be fast asleep.

I was entering the lift in our building when our adorable neighbor couple, Mike and Georgia, exited it.

“Oh Harold!” Georgia smiled. “It’s been so long since we’ve seen you.”

“It has been.” I responded with a smile and hug for Georgia, shaking Mikes hand.

“How was the tour dear?” Georgia asked.

“Long and tiring, I’m very glad to be home.” I smiled.

“Home? Isn’t that England?” Mike laughed.

“Wherever Spencer is, that’s home now.” I lit up.

“I’d say the boys in love Mike.” Georgia smiled over at her husband.

“Anyone with eyes can see that Georgia.” Mike replied.

“Yeah, I really love the girl.” I couldn’t stop smiling. “What are you folks doing up so early?

“I could ask you the same thing.” Georgia winked. “We’re heading out for breakfast with some friends!”

“Sounds lovely. I’m actually just returning from London, me and the band had some things that needed done.”

That was something I loved about these two, they didn’t care I was insanely famous. I could openly talk to them about work and they seemed genuinely interested, not because I was Harry Styles but because they really cared. I missed having casual dinner with them and just hanging out and learning from them. They were like my grandparents away from home. They had been together a wicked amount of time which was something I really admired. 54 years. I smiled just thinking about it.

“Harry babe, please tell me you and Spencer will come over for supper soon?” Georgias eyes pleaded for me to say yes.

“You tell me when and we’re there.” I smiled back.

“Of course, we’ll give you a ring okay?” she said.

“Perfect!” I stepped into the lift.

“Make as much noise as you’d like son, we’ll be out all afternoon.” Mike said right before the doors closed.

I couldn’t help but laugh at the couple. They were literally me and Spencer in 50 years. I never realized how much I missed them until right now. It’s funny how you need people in your life that you meet in the most ridiculous ways. I made my way off the elevator and to our door. I unlocked it as quietly as I could so I wouldn’t wake Spencer. I contemplated not waking her up and just watching telly until she did, but I couldn’t resist.

I dropped my luggage gently into the living room and headed down the hall. Even with no one home, she still slept with the door closed. I loved her little quirks. Every night before bed she always made me get up and shut the door if it wasn’t already. I turned the knob, slowly cracking the door open.

I smiled at the sight in front of me. She was sprawled across the bed diagonally. The covers were thrown about the bed in a heaping mess. She was on top of the all the blankets, laying on her stomach. She had on the tiniest pair of undies barely covering her bum and no shirt. God I loved this girl. She was the sexiest person I had ever met and she wasn’t even trying. I took my phone out and opened the camera. I wasn’t trying to be weird but I wanted to remember this moment forever. She was perfect. I’m sure without a picture I would always remember but it never hurt. I snapped the photo and the shutter sound went off.

Spencer stirred in the bed, rolling over to face me.

“Fucking Christ.” She mumbled, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Why don’t you just give me a heart attack?”

“Sorry love, I was trying not to wake you.” I sighed.

“That’s oka….WAIT! WHY ARE YOU HERE?” she jumped up off the bed towards me. She lunged forwards latching onto me in the biggest hug I’ve ever received. I picked her up her legs instantly locking around my waist. I placed a long, deep kiss on her lips. “You’re here.” She smiled again.

“I’m here.” I smiled into our kiss.

I walked the couple steps towards the bed, laying her down on her back. She shimmied up onto the mattress more as I discarded my clothes lazily on the floor. I crawled up the bed on top of her, placing gentle kisses up her entire body. She giggled as I passed by her exposed breasts and onto her neck.

“Like that or something?” I whispered as I got to her ear.

“You have no idea.”

“Been a long two weeks, eh?” I smirked placing another kiss on her lips.

“You could say that.” She tangled her fingers through my hair.

I slipped my fingers under the waist band of her underwear. She let out a soft moan as I drug them down her legs.

“I missed you.” I smirked as I slipped my own boxers off.

“No briefs?” she mumbled, a little more awake than before.

“Wore sweatpants so I figured boxers would be okay. You know I can’t fit them under my jeans.”

“Harry, I could wear your jeans.” She laughed.

This is something I loved about being with Spencer. We were both stark naked in bed about to make the sweetest love and we could just bullshit around. To me, that’s something not everyone can do. To feel that level of connection was something I’d never imagine I would have.

To be honest, before I met Spencer I never really thought I would find real love. My profession is time consuming and outrageous. I watched so many celebrity couples fall in love and fail. I didn’t want that. Divorce for me was not an option. You marry and commit yourself to one person because that’s the one person in the entire world for you. I was so fortunate to have met Spencer, a regular down to earth girl. The whole celebrity world didn’t matter to her when we first met. However, now that she was meeting more people and making more clothes for big names, she was a hot topic in the famous world.

People who didn’t know her, wanted to know her. Her popularity with the paparazzi and other celebrities was starting to worry me. I wanted her to succeed, no doubt about that. I just wasn’t ready for both of us to be famous. To be fair, I guess we both already were, she just was starting to gain a fan base.

I had been noticing on social media that her followers had exploded and she was now a certified account on all sites. I didn’t know when that happened, she never told me. But this is the stuff that keeps me up at night.

I loved Spencer so much I would be torn apart if our relationship failed due to our fame status. I couldn’t even bear the thought of that right now. Spencer cleared her throat, bringing me back into the present.

“Babe, are you with me?” Spencer asked, snapping her fingers in front of me face.

“Sorry, got lost in my own mind.” I smiled down at her. “Now where were we?”

“No, I want to know what got you so caught up!”

“I was just thinking about the future.” I shrugged, rolling off her.

“What about the future?” she rested her head on my chest.

I pulled the blankets over us and sighed. “I don’t want Hollywood to tear us apart like all the other celebrity couples.”

“Harry, whether you want to believe it or not, the world and rumors don’t break up the couples, the couples break up themselves.”

“People can’t handle the pressure and they fold.” I sighed.

“Yes, but we aren’t those people. We’re strong. We know what we do and that’s all that even matters.” She smirked rolling on top of me.

“Yes, we are.” I laughed as she leaned down, pressing her lips to mine.

“I love you.” she whispered into my ear as she rolled her naked hips over mine.

“Fuck.” I felt my dick twitch with her touch.

“Two weeks is an awfully long time to be alone, Harold.”

“I think I have time to make up for that.” I smirked, flipping us over.

“I might need you to make it up more than once though.” She moaned as I teased her entrance with my tip.

“Oh yeah? Whys that?”

“Once is never enough when your boyfriend is a sexy popstar.” She winked.

“Can’t get enough.” I pushed inside of her.

“Good thing I have you forever.” She smiled, closing her eyes.


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(Spencer POV)

I stood over the stove making dinner. I had so much rushing through my mind. I was so surprised when Harry woke me up, even if it was taking a picture of my ass. I thought I had one more day to figure this out though. I knew he knew about my wild night out. he hadn’t said anything yet, but there was no way he didn’t know.

After a vigorous two hours of love making, or fucking like rabbits, whatever you prefer, we both fell quickly back asleep. I had woken up around 10, letting him sleep of his jetlag. I had been fretting over what I was going to tell him and when. In the 8 hours I had been up I had taken 5 Xanax. I had never been so stressed out in my life.

I heard commotion behind me. I turned around and was greeted by a very confused looking Harry wearing sweatpants, and just sweatpants may I add, dangerously low on his waist.

“What century is it?” he mumbled.

“21st I think still.” I giggled.

“Bloody hell. What time then?” he rubbed his eyes.

“It’s almost 7 at night.” I watched as his face twisted.

“Why’d you let me sleep so late?!” he grumbled taking a seat at the table.

“You needed it babe.”

“I hate the time changes more than anything.”

“Yeah, not too fun.” I ran a hand through his hair. He quickly threw an arm around my waist and plopped me onto his lap.

“Missed you.” He nuzzled into my neck.

“I missed you too babe.” I placed a quick kiss on his lips before trying to get up. He pulled me right back down. “Chickens going to burn.”

“We can make more.” He placed sloppy kisses down my neck.

“Harry!” I giggled. He knew that was my weakness. “You stink.”

He chuckled underneath me. “Well I did ride in a plane for half a day and then I did come home and fornicate with my incredible girlfriend for 2 hours straight. I don’t see why I smell.”

“You’re weird. Go shower, dinner will be done when you get out.”

“I don’t wanna move.” He pouted.

“Fine, then sit here and watch me finish dinner or unpack or do whatever. I don’t care.” I rolled my eyes playfully turning my attention back to the stove.

“How about I just stay here and watch you cook.” He said softly.

“That’s fine babe.”

“The view is great.” I could tell he was wearing that cheeky ass smile across his face.

Being so comfortable with our relationship, I mean we’d almost been together a year and we lived with each other, I was just wearing underwear and one of Harrys shirts. He loved my bum.

“It better be.” I joked.

I finished cooking dinner in silence, occasionally hearing clear his throat or typing on his phone. I was mentally preparing myself for the talk we were about to have. I was so nervous. Obviously, he knew the minimal details.

Louis was always checking out the gossip surrounding the boys so there is no doubt that he knows something. I had checked the news for us on google and the articles I found were astounding. I never knew so much about my own relationship before reading those. I saved a couple so I could read them to Harry as a joke.

I plated the food and set one in front of Harry. He smiled his dimple smile, it still made me weak. We ate in silence for the first few minutes other than him telling me how good it was. I waited until we were finished eating to talk about it. Okay, I had planned to talk about while we were eating but I pussied out. I was so afraid to have this conversation and I don’t know why.

After dinner, we made our way into the living room. Instead of snuggling in like I usually would, I sat directly next to him, indian style. He gave me an odd look but turned his attention back to the tv.

Now or never Spencer. You have to do it.

I wasn’t afraid to tell him that I was hanging out with Zac and Ella. I wasn’t afraid to tell him about the altercation with the police. I wasn’t afraid of telling him how much I actually drank. I was afraid to tell him the amount of drugs I consumed that night.

“Whatever is bothering you, let it go.” He said without even looking at me.

“How do you know something is bothering me? You haven’t even looked over here in like 5 minutes.” I stared blankly at him.

“Spencer I don’t need to see you to know what you’re feeling.” He said, finally looking at me. “What’s wrong?”

“We need to talk about things.” I said reluctantly.

“About what babe?” he questioned, flicking the TV off. “You have my full attention.”

Great, I thought to myself. “Well, I sort of did something stupid while you were gone.”

“Go on.” He quirked an eyebrow.

“Well a few nights ago I went to The Rolling Stones concert.” I paused. “I went with Zac, Ella, Barbara Palvin and Mac Miller.”

“I saw the post on Instagram on Barbaras page. Did you get to meet Mick?” he asked, so far so good.

“No, we left before the show ended, it was a great set.”

“Yeah, they’re true rock stars. We should get over to see Mick while we’re back in London for New Years, he’s dying to meet the girl that stole my heart.” Harry rolled his eyes.

“Wait, Mick Jagger wants to meet….me?” I half squealed.

“Yes love, we’re close you knew this.” He said matter of factly.

“I didn’t know you guys talked about me though.” I laughed.

“He’s like another dad to me almost. Of course we do.” He smiled. “Anyways, go on.”

“Well at the show something happened.” I sighed, he nodded for me to continue. “Okay, I may have done some drugs.”

“Drugs you say? Elaborate.”

“Coke, molly, and Xanax. Smoked a lot of weed.” I stated.

“Why?”

“I was already drunk when we got there and I wanted to do it with everyone else.”

“Did you do it so they’d like you?” he asked.

“No, I did it because I wanted to get really freaking high. And I did just that.”

“Do you know how dangerous that is?” he ran a hand through his hair clearly starting to get frustrated.

“Yes. But I had fun.”

“Good, I’d love to lose my girlfriend because she thought it’d be fun to pop some pills.”

“You don’t understand because you don’t do it.” I huffed at his tone.

“You’re right, I don’t. That’s because I care about my life, family, girlfriend and career too much to fuck it all up over a line of cocaine for a half hour high.”

“Sometimes I feel like I need to do the drugs to make it through the day.”

“What happened to all the good progression from rehab?” he rolled his eyes.

“Rehab stressed me out even more.”

“Why?”

“Because you forced me to go!” I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding in. “I never wanted to be there in the first place!”

“Well excuse me for giving a fuck about your well-being. Sorry for being the ONLY one in this relationship to give a fuck about your well-being.”

“You think I don’t care?”

“About yourself? No. I don’t think you care.” He shot back.

“I care! I just also like to have fun.”

“There’s so many ways to have fun. Why do you choose drugs?” Harry sounded sad.

“Because in the long run it’s fun and helps my stress and anxiety. Okay? I’m killing two birds with one stone. I can’t help it that I want to do it!”

“If you cared about you, me, this relationship, your family or career you’d stop right now.” He said firmly.

“YOU KNOW WHAT HARRY, YOU’RE RIGHT. YOU’RE ALWAYS SO FUCKING RIGHT. I’M ALWAYS IN THE WRONG. I DO DRUGS, I’M A BAD PERSON. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYONE ELSE.” I shouted, standing up from the couch.

“I don’t think you’re a bad person, I just can’t see how you could love and care about so many things and risk all of it for one small hit of something.”

“I go nuts on a daily basis. I have a very stressful job. If I mess up one tiny detail, everyone will know. No one will want me to make their clothes. I’m dating one of the worlds most famous and sought after men. That said man, is in a band that travels and is away more times than not. My two best friends are consumed in their own lives with barely any time to see them. My other two best friends don’t live on the same continent as I do. My family works more hours a week than is healthy and even if they did have more time, I don’t have a way to get to see them, I have no car.”

“So I’ll buy you a car.” Harry said.

“This is not about having a car Harry! Are you serious right now?” I threw my arms up in frustration.

“Well you said you want to see your family and I know your car is at your parents house, why don’t you take my car?”

“Because you always take the freaking keys with you!” I shouted.

“I’ll start leaving them here.” He shrugged. “There ya go.”

“This has so much more to deal with a fucking car and if you’re going to be so narrow minded about it, forget it.” I huffed as I left the room. I headed into the bedroom, tears spilling down my face. I quietly sob as I sat on the end of the bed. How could he think a car would be the answer to all my problems. Sure, I’m glad he wasn’t screaming at me for the drugs but at the same time he wasn’t getting it.

No, I didn’t want help but it was almost like he had given up on me. He wasn’t putting up a fight about my habits anymore. It was alarming to think that maybe I wasn’t worth the fight anymore. He cleared this throat and I looked up to meet his eyes. He was leaning against the bedroom doorframe with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Look babe, I love you to death. You know that. But when you keep doing these things no matter how much effort I put into trying to help you, I don’t know what more to do.”

“So you’re giving up on me?”

“I’m never going to give up on you. I’m just going to silently wish you’d get real help and keep my mouth shut. I’m going to let you live your life.”

“So that’s it? No more caring about me or my health?” I looked at him, more tears about to spill.

“DID I EVER SAY I DON’T CARE ANYMORE?” he raise his voice for the first time tonight.

“YOU DON’T FUCKING HAVE TOO. YOU BASICALLY DID ANYWAYS.”

“I DON’T FUCKING CARE. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR? DO YOU WANT TO PUSH ME AWAY? BECAUSE YOU’RE DOING A DAMN GOOD JOB AT IT.” He yelled.

“MAYBE THAT’S WHAT I NEED, YOU TO GO AWAY.”

“YOU WANT ME TO GO? FINE. I’LL GO. I’M MISSING CHRISTMAS WITH MY FAMILY TO SPEND IT WITH YOURS, I’LL GLADLY FLY HOME TO ENGLAND RIGHT NOW AND SPEND IT WITH THEM.”

“GOOD. GET THE FUCK OUT.” I said standing up. “GOOD THING YOU’RE STILL PACKED. GODO THING YOU’VE BEEN HOME, WAIT I FORGOT THIS ISN’T HOME TO YOU, FOR LESS THAN 12 HOURS.”

“You know what Spencer, I don’t care what you do for fucking Christmas, I don’t care if you have a way to get to your parents house, I can’t keep having this fight over and over again.” He left the room without another word.

I was feeling all sorts of emotions, tired, angry, scared, helpless, and most importantly hurt. I know I was hurting Harry as well, I know I should stop with my bad habits but I couldn’t. At the same time though, it hurt to watch him walk out when I need him most. I wanted to be strong and run after him, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. My feet were stuck in the same position they were in when he left.




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Two hours later.

I was curled up on the couch watching whatever was on TV. I wasn’t really watching it though. I couldn’t focus on anything. I had gone numb. I couldn’t cry anymore, my tears were gone. I couldn’t feel anything. For the past two hours since Harry left, I had basically stared at nothing. I was about to give up and try to sleep when I heard the front door open.

I heard him place his keys on the kitchen table like he always does, I listened to his footsteps grow nearer. He scooped me up and sat down placing me on his lap.

“I’m sorry.” Was all he said. “I’m not giving up on you. I could never give up on you. I know you don’t want my help, I know me trying to help makes it worse. But I don’t know any other way. I want you to be safe and healthy.”

“I know and I’m sorry too.” I wiped a stray tear. “I feel like shit after I do everything I do, but I can’t stop. I want to but it’s not that simple.”

“I can’t say I understand because I don’t. I just don’t want to lose you.”

“Harry, tonight was rough. It hurt a lot. I thought you were actually gone.”

“I just needed to calm down.”

“Did you ever think about really leaving? Be honest.” I asked, worried for his answer.

“Yes, I thought tonight was going to be it.”

I nodded silently. I couldn’t hold back anymore tears.

“But it’s not babe. It’s not over.”

“Do you think it should be?” I reluctantly asked.

“No, I don’t.”

“Neither do I, but it’s not going to be the same after today.”

“I know babe, I know.” he whispered. “I got you something on the trip.”

“What?”

“While I was gone, I got you a present.” He said completely changing the subject. We both knew we weren’t okay, we both knew there was a lot of strain right now but we couldn’t fix that overnight. He patted my bum for me to get up, I watched as he walked over to his suitcases, still packed on the floor. he dug around before pulling out a bag. He pulled a jewelry box out of the bag and handed it to. My eyes went wide in fear he was proposing again.

“Don’t worry, it’s not an engagement ring, it’s not a promise ring, it’s nothing like that. I just saw it and it was gorgeous. You needed it.” He smiled.

I opened the box and gasped. “Harry. This is gorgeous. I can’t accept this.”

“Babe, you’re my girlfriend. You’re supposed to accept all the nice things I give you. It’s what we do.” He kissed me softly. “Oh, I had it sized to a 5 ½ because I remember that one ring you have is that size.”

“Harry that’s my ring finger size. People will think this is an engagement ring.”

The ring was a large yellow diamond with smaller diamonds lining it. The band was covered in diamonds as well. It was beautiful but I didn’t need engagement rumors.

“It’s not big enough to be an engagement ring. It’s only 2.76 carats.” He said smugly.

“Shut up.” I rolled my eyes. The thing was huge.

“Just wear it on the other hand.” He shrugged. “I’m not taking it back and I want you to wear it but if you feel uncomfortable I understand.”

I slipped it onto my finger and stared at it. If this was the ring he got me ‘just because’ I couldn’t wait to see what he pulled out for an actual engagement ring. I admired it and smiled. Maybe engagement wouldn’t be so bad after all. Sure that was the little ‘diamonds is a girls best friend’ voice peaking in my head, but it had a point. Having a ring on my finger, even if it wasn’t meant for engagement made me think about it. The rumors and speculations that would come from it would test if I was truly ready.

“Let’s get to bed.” Harry said.

“We have to go Christmas present shopping after work tomorrow.” I said. “I have nothing for our parents.”

“That’s fine. I’ll get you from work. We can walk if it’s not snowing unbearably.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, he never wanted the attention on him.

“Positive. It’s the perfect time of year, I love winter.”

“Really? Why?” I asked, confused as to why anyone would pick winter as their favorite season.

“I met you in the winter.” He said so cheekily.

“I love you.” I smiled, kissing his lips.

Notes

this is a long chapter. next chapter is christmas shopping/christmas.

yay!

let me know what you think!