(Harry POV)

“Jesus, since when do they know where we live?” I complained to myself about the paparazzi as I entered the lift.

I was more than excited to be back in New York City and spend some much needed time with Spencer. Just the two of us. We really needed to work through a few things and surely that wasn’t happening if we weren’t together.

I smiled as I reached our door. This is home now. This is my life now. I fidgeted with the keys, attempting to unlock the door. Once through the door, I plopped my shit down on the kitchen island. I forgot how nice this place truly was. I slammed the door shut and hopped onto the couch flicking the telly on.

It was only about 2 in the afternoon and I knew Spencer had work until 4 today. I figured I would unpack, make plans for us tonight, and then who knows what. I had two hours to figure it out. I hopped up heading into the kitchen to grab a beer when a noise from the bedroom caught my attention.

“Kas? Is that you?” I heard Spencer groan.

I skipped down the hall happy to see her.

“If you’re a robber my boyfriends in One Direction, wait for him to come home and steal him.” I heard her giggle. She must have known it was me now.

“You’d really sell me out like that?” I leaned up against the door frame.

“I knew it was you because you walk like an elephant!” she giggled.

“Hey! I do not! I was skipping, it makes a difference.” I rolled my eyes, crawling into bed with her. “Why are you home?”

“I’m sick.” She frowned.

“What’s wrong?” I sat up, instantly concerned.

“Well you seeeeee….” She started. I never liked when she started like that. “I went out last night and partied a little too hard. I woke up this morning feeling alright but once I puked in the shower I figured today wasn’t going to be productive anyways. So I called the office and let them know I wouldn’t be in.”

“Did you take any advil or something?” I asked.

“Yes, I took my meds.” She sat up to meet me.

“You’re meds?”

“Well I had a migraine so I took the meds the doctor prescribed. And then I crawled back into bed and promptly fell asleep.”

“Spencer.” I said seriously.

“Harry.” she mocked.

“We need to talk about those pills.” I sighed.

“Why?” she answered very quickly. “Can’t we just have sex a few times before we talk.”

“Not this time.” I hung my head.

“Okay then let’s talk. I have a lot to share as well.”

“I know those aren’t for migraines or allergies.”

“Oh yeah?” she shot back, with much attitude. “Then what are they?”

“Spencer, I know they’re Xanax.”

She shrugged. “I get anxious and stressed out a lot. It’s way easier and less embarrassing saying you have allergies.”

“Then what? A drug problem?” I said.

“A drug problem? You think I’m addicted to drugs?” her voice slowly rose.

“Yes I think you’re addicted to Xanax.” I tried to remain calm.

“Well good, great. That just show how much you actually know.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Maybe if you’d pay attention more while you were gone you’d know what’s been happening in my life.” She huffed.

“We talked every day! How could I not know what’s going on?”

“90% of the time, you’d be distracted or cut me off and say you had to go and you’d call me later. Later came and you’d never call back!”

“Well I’m sorry that’s how you felt, you should have said something sooner.” I really didn’t want to lose my cool today. I just wanted to have a grown conversation about these pills.

“Cause I’m sure anything would have changed.” She snapped, laying back down.

“What do you want me to say now Spencer? I’m sorry I was shit at calling you! I’m sorry I wasn’t always paying attention! I don’t know what you want me to say. I won’t go on the next tour if this is what’s going to happen every time I leave.”

“You have to tour.” She rolled her eyes.

“Fuck the tour, fuck the band! I’ll quit it all if it means not leaving you!”

“Now you’re being stupid. The bands your life and I’m not asking you to throw away your life for me.”

“You’re my life though too Spencer. Please just talk to me about why you started taking these pills.”

“I started taking them the night of our huge fight over Niall in England.” She started. “I went to stay at Ellas and she gave me a few. They made me feel so good, like I had no problems in the world. So once I got home I set up an appointment with my doctor. I told him I was feeling super stressed out and anxious with you being away, with work, with all of our fighting, just everything. So he suggested I start taking Xanax when I had an anxiety attack. I knew that’s what would happen if I went in there and did that, so I did. He tried to give me the generic brand but I promised money wasn’t an issue, I wanted the best. He didn’t really question it knowing I can afford it. Of course I didn’t follow the guidelines and take it when I had attacks, of course I take them all the time. Have you ever taken a Xanax or two? They make you feel incredible. Happy now?” she added for good measures.

“Babe, we have to do something about it.”

“What? No way! I’m fine! I’m not missing anything, I still go out, I still go to work. I’m fine. I don’t need to ‘do something about it’.” She mocked.

“Spencer, please. I don’t need you getting carried away and taking too many or something.”

“I’m fine Harry.”

“No you aren’t!” he felt my patience wearing thin. “You’re lying to me about things, you aren’t fine.”

“This is the only thing I’ve lied to you about.” She sat back up to look at me.

“Who’d you go out with last night?”

“A friend.” She shrugged.

I honestly didn’t know who she went out with but I had a feeling it wasn’t someone she was supposed to be around. I didn’t say anything, I just continued to look at her.

“Alright fine!” she threw her hands up. “Zac, I went out with Zac!”

“Good. Was it a nice time?”

“I mean I had fun.” She said, never breaking eye contact.

“Where’d you guys go?”

“Some little pub on 43rd.”

“And how much did you drink?”

“Too much. A bunch of shots and a few mixed drinks.”

“And how’d you get home?”

“Zac brought me back in a cab and helped me up to the apartment.”

“Ah so he was here last night?” I really didn’t want to assume the worst and overreact like I had before, I was honestly trying to let her finish the whole story.

“Yes, but only for like 20 minutes max. He just made sure I was okay.”

“That’s all that happened?”

“Um. Yeah…I mean…yeah, yeah that’s all.”

“Spencer, why do I feel like you’re not telling me something.”

“Because I’m not.” She sighed defeated.

“Is this what the ‘I’m sorry’ text is from?”

She nodded, a tear streaming down her cheek. “He kissed me.”

“And?”

“That’s it.”

“I don’t want you to hang out with Zac or Ella anymore.” I said flatly.

“YOU CAN’T CONTROL WHO MY FRIENDS ARE!” she shouted at me.

“I can break up with you if you choose to continue to hang out with them though.”

She looked at me eyes full of tears. “You wouldn’t.”

“I would and I will.” I knew I was lying, I don’t think I could break up with Spencer if my life depended on it.

“I hate you.” she mumbled, sobbing uncontrollably.

“Now are you sure that’s all that happened with Zac, nothing else gonna pop out at me later?” I asked, waiting for her to regain her composure as much as she could.

“Well I guess when he took me to the airport he admitted he had feelings for me.” She managed to get out.

“So you lied to me in New Zealand?”

“Not really, I just left that part out.”

“That’s fucking lying Spencer!” I think I had finally lost it. “What did you say when he said that?”

“Well he asked if I felt the same and I told him I couldn’t be sure because I’m in love with you! Then he asked if we ever breakup and it turns out I do like him, to give him a chance.”

“So I’m sure you said, no right?”

“I said if we’d ever happen to not work out, I don’t see why I wouldn’t be able to give him a chance.”

“IN WHAT WORLD DO WE NOT WORK OUT TO YOU?” I shouted.

“In a perfect fantasy world yes we work out, in a realistic world we don’t!” she cried.

“What are you even on about?”

“Harry! You’re One Direction! I’m normal girl. We don’t live the same life, we don’t do the same things. Hell, we don’t even live in the same fucking continent!”

“I can be here as long as I’m not touring! I’m pretty sure we bought a flat together in England so if you want we could live there if you don’t have work or something. I don’t know. I thought when you loved someone you made it work no matter what!”

“That’s the weird part. How can someone like you even love someone like me? I’m a drug addict who lies and cheats, fuck if that’s not the worst girlfriend ever!”

“This isn’t who we were when we started to date Spencer. I can help you!”

“I DON’T NEED ANY FUCKING HELP FROM THE LIKES OF YOU!” she yelled in my face.

“Oh excuse me for loving you and not wanting you to overdose and die!” I got up.

“I CAN HANDLE MYSELF.”

“No you can’t! I leave for a tour and I come back to a girlfriend who’s addicted to drugs.” Shit. Probably not the best thing to yell at a raging girlfriend.

“If you wouldn’t have fucking overreacted over Niall, I wouldn’t have even started to take them!”

That cut and it cut deep. I whipped my head to look at. “Don’t you dare blame this on me.”

“Why not? You’re the one that yelled at me! You’re the one who never lets me finish talking! You’re my main stressor! It always comes back to you!”

“MAYBE IF YOU WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN HAMMERED AND FUCKED MY BEST MATE, I WOULDN’T HAVE A REASON TO THINK THE WORST AND OVERREACT.”

“AND WE’RE STILL NOT OVER THAT!”

“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET OVER THAT? I HAVE A CONSTANT REMINDER.”

“GET OVER IT. GET THE FUCK OVER IT. IT HAPPENED. YOU HAVEN’T BROKEN UP WITH ME YET SO WHY DOES IT MATTER NOW? WHY DOES IT ONLY GET BROUGHT UP WHEN WE FIGHT?”

“It hurts still regardless of the time frame.” I collected myself a bit.

“And you think you’ve been all sunshine and rainbows this entire relationship? Like you haven’t done one little thing wrong.” she shot back.

“How high are you right now Spencer?”

“Sure, yes greeeeaaaaaaaaat, let’s throw that one back at me!”

“Spencer, stop. I just noticed the bongs out and your pills are on the bed table.”

“So I got a little high. Whatever. I’m fine. I’m still having this grown adult conversation, am I not?” she rolled her eyes.

“I just want everything to back to the way it was the day we met.”

“I do too, but we’re a little too far gone for that!” she yelled.

“I just don’t want you to fall back into your old ways.”

“And what does that fucking mean? My old ways?” she stood arms crossed over her heaving chest.

“Spencer, I know you’ve had issues with drugs in the past. I know you’ve gone to rehab when you were younger.”

“FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN KEEPING THIS FROM ME? LONG ENOUGH TO HOLD IT OVER MY HEAD ONCE I FINALLY SLIPPED UP. GREAT.”

“I never thought you’d slip up again Spencer, I thought things were going rather well honestly.”

“WELL I DID. I FUCKED UP. I GOT INTO DRUGS AGAIN.” She went over to the closet getting out a bag.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m leaving. I’ll go stay with Ana and Kasi.”

“I’m not letting you leave, not this time.” I shook my head.

“What could go much worse than last time huh?” she looked at me, hands on her hips.

That’s when I finally took a good long look at my girlfriend. I obviously hadn’t been paying attention as well as I should have. She was thinner, she looked like she hadn’t slept in weeks and she was constantly biting at her nails. That’s not a habit she had when we first met. How was I so stupid? How did I not noticed this in New Zealand. She clearly looked worse off than before the tour. She looked miserable. Her clothes were too big. She needed me here more than I ever thought. I sighed taking a step closer to her.

“Don’t go. If you need to be away from me, I’ll go.” I said. “This is our home, your home. You picked it out. You should be here before me.” I took the bag out of her hands, she stayed in the same position.

“I’m not going to make you leave. It’s better if I just go.” She ran a hand through her hair.

“Please don’t.” I tossed the bag into the closet, grabbing on of her hands. She flinched, but didn’t fight it. “Spencer, look at me.” She slowly met her eyes with mine. “I love you no matter what gets thrown at us, okay?”

“I wish you would see that I’m not good for you. I’m going to destroy your career. You don’t need a girlfriend that does drugs. What if the wrong person finds out?”

“That’s why I want to help but and if someone finds out? Fuck them. Zayn does why worse shit, he’s more likely to ruin our career than you are.”

“I’m going to break your heart.”

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take if it means staying with you longer.”

“Stop!” she cried.

“Stop what?” I was growing frustrated again, why couldn’t this girl see she was supposed to be with me? That I was going to love her until my heart stopped beating.

“STOP FUCKING LOVING ME.” She pounded a few times on my chest as she spoke each word.

“That’s not an option for me.” I replied coolly. “If you don’t want me to love you, break up with me. I can promise you one thing though, I will never be the one to break us up.”

“I can’t.” she cried, I knew she was having just as hard time as I was.

A part of me knew I should end our relationship, but what kind of person would that make me? She needed me now more than ever. I loved her too much to break up with her due to the fact that she might hurt the bands image. Besides, no one even knew she had a problem. I could tell she was struggling with more than the drugs though. Something else was off about her. She had herself convinced I was too good for her, which is not the case at all. Whether she voluntarily accepted my help or not, I was going to get her the help she needed. I wasn’t losing my girl to this.

“Is there something else you aren’t telling me that happened? That maybe you’re keeping a secret because you’re afraid it may set me off?”

She looked at me through her teary, bloodshot eyes and nodded. “I told Zac in the car on the way to the airport that I liked him too. Also if you didn’t exist, we’d be right for each other. That’s why I promised him if we break up, I’ll give him a chance.”

“Add that to the list of lies.” I sighed. I was trying so hard not to yell because I knew she was at wits ends as it was. “And were you lying to please him or did you mean it?”

“I meant every word I said in his car.” she hung her head sadly, tears still flowing. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t fucking fix everything Spencer!” I yelled.

“I know but you have to know I’m sorry.”

“So you like him? What the fuck does that mean for you and me?”

“I guess he’s just different, he’s not like you or any other guy I’ve dated before. I don’t know!” she was growing tired, I could tell. “But I love you! I’m so in love with you it hurts! I’m so confused! I have no idea what the fuck is even going on!”

“Maybe I should go.” As I was going to the closet she stopped me, pulling me in by my shirt she kissed me.

“Tell me you feel nothing after I told you that and I’ll let you leave.” She said.

“I feel everything still! I feel the same fireworks I did 8 months ago when I collided with you on the street.” I yelled. “I already told you I’m never going to stop feeling it!”

“I can’t deal with this anymore.” She cried. “I fuck everything up.”

“We’re a team though babe.” I brought her in for a hug. I was still extremely pissed but she couldn’t take anymore yelling. Sure this argument wasn’t over, but she couldn’t handle it.

“I’m so sorry.” She cried into my embrace.

“Will you let me help you?” I tried one last time. She nodded yes as she continued to cry. I would take that for now, it was step in the right direction. “Baby, look at me. I’m sorry too, I should I paid more attention.

“I shouldn’t have blamed you.”

“I deserve some of it.” I shrugged. “You know we have to talk more about this, but let’s have a nap yeah?”

She nodded, crawling into bed. I got in next to her pulling her close. I kissed the top of her head as she let out a sigh.

I had no idea what the future held for us. I thought I had it all figured out but after this argument I really had no idea. I wish there was some way to tell. It’s just so impossible with Spencer though. She’s really a wild child. I knew three things for certain though: one: I was going to get her help whether she wanted it or not. Two: I truly would never break up with her no matter what and three: I was going to put that douchebag Zac Efron in his place if it was the last thing I ever did.

Notes

Shorter than usual, I know! I was just getting so many feels writing this scene.

Guys, don't hate me. They're still together....but there's more to the fight to come. Don't worry though, everything will be okay one way or another. Sigh.

This is getting harder and harder to write but I hope you're able to stay connected with Spencer and Harry. I know some of you may even be able to relate, so if I ever hit a soft spot or a nerve know that you can message me about if you need someone to talk to. These are very real problems, I understand that.

Let me know what you think! xx