BACK IN NYC


“I’ll be there at 10.” I smiled into the phone.

“Don’t be a second later.” He laughed.

“Bye Zac.”

“See you in a bit.”

I hung up and sat down on my bed next to Kasi.

“Stop smoking all my weed dude.” I rolled my eyes watching her hit off my bong.

“Zayn gets the best stuff. Seriously, who’s his dealer here?”

“Kasi! I don’t know! What should I wear tonight?”

“I don’t think you should go.”

“Why not? We’re friends remember?” I sighed.

“I also remember you telling me you and Harry got into a huge fight over him.”

“Minor fight. We were over it in like 4 minutes flat.” I shrugged.

“Don’t go.”

“I’m going! It’s just a drink or two!”

“Of alcohol, which you’re technically not even old enough to drink in a bar.”

“Fake ID asshole.”

“Fakes don’t work when you’re famous Spencer Delaney.”

“I’m not technically famous.” I shrugged. “Shut up, it’ll work.”

“Whatever you say loser.” She shoved me off the bed. “And wear those black skinnies and that silver top.”

“With the deep V neck?”

“Yeah it’s hot.” Kasi smiled.

“Didn’t you just tell me not to go with him?” I rolled my eyes. “Just make up your damn mind.”

“No matter what I say, you’re going to go out with him tonight. It doesn’t matter. So you might as well look damn fine doing it.” She winked.

“I can’t wear a bra with this!” I laughed at her.

“That’s the point.”

“I can’t not tell Harry and then look this sexual!”

“He won’t find out.”

“I hope not.” I sighed.

“You’ll be fine. Now get ready and go. You’re going to be late.”



----------


“Spencer! I’m so glad you made it!” Zac stood up from his stool, engulfing me in a hug.

“Yes! It’s been too long!”

I had been back from New Zealand for almost a week now. Harry was flying in tomorrow and I couldn’t be more ecstatic. I figured I better go out with Zac now because once Harry was here I wouldn’t get the chance. It’s not that I was hiding it from Harry, it was probably just better he didn’t know.

“So what will it be?” he smiled.

“Aren’t these on me?” I laughed, remembering the whole reason we were here was because I owed him a drink.

“Maybe I’ll let you grab one or two.” He said. “First rounds on me.”

“First rounds on the house!” the cute little bartender said, batting her eyelashes at Zac.
“It’s not every day we have two celebrities sitting at our bar. You’ll do wonders for our business.”

“If at all possible, we’re trying to keep a low profile so don’t mention we’re here to anyone who isn’t here.” Zac asked politely.

“No no, I get it. I wouldn’t want my boyfriend to know I’m out with another guy either.” She looked at me. I was about to open my mouth when Zac stepped in.

“Excuse me? You’re not going to talk to her like that.”

“All I’m saying if you’re going to cheat, why do it publicly?” the bartender shrugged.

“Remember how you said we’d boost your business?” Zac said, she nodded. “We could ruin it just as fast.”

She looked between the both of us. “So what can I get you two to drink?”

“On second thought, we’ll go elsewhere.” I smirked, standing up. Zac followed me out of the bar. Of course someone had to of said something because there was paparazzi
everywhere. I rolled my eyes.

“So where are we going to go?” Zac asked.

“There’s a pub a few blocks over, let’s just go there.” I shrugged.

“Do you want to walk? With these people all around?”

“Yeah, I don’t care.”

We started to walk, cameras following us. We kept at a safe distance apart just in case. I didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea this time.

“Spencer! Spencer!” a pap shouted at me, I looked over towards the group and smiled.
“Enjoying your evening out?”

I decided to talk to them today, why not? “We were until the horrible service we got in that bar.”

“What happened?”

“The bartender was extremely rude! I’d never go back.”

“What’s going on with you and Zac?”

“Friends.” I shrugged.

“Does Harry know?” I ignored that one. “Zac! How are you tonight?”

“Good thanks.” He smiled, keeping pretty quiet.

“Spencer can you confirm that Liam is engaged?”

I knew I wasn’t supposed to say anything about that. They hadn’t released a statement so I certainly wasn’t allowed to talk about it.

“Can you confirm you and Harry have split since coming back from New Zealand?” I whipped my head around at that one.

“Keep walking.” Zac whispered in my ear, placing a hand on the small of my back to push me forward. “Don’t worry about them.”

We finished our walk to the next bar. I breathed a huge sigh of relief once we sat down.

“Sorry about that.” Zac said. “This round is really on me.”

“Shots?” I looked at him.

“Spencer, do you want to get hammered? I thought we were just having a drink or two.”

“Shots?” I asked again, ignoring his comments. I flagged the bartender over, “Shots, tequila.”

He nodded, turning around to get two glasses. He set them down in front of me and Zac, filling them quickly. I picked mine up looking at Zac. He shook his head before reluctantly picking his up too.

“Cheers.” I downed my, looking over at the bartender. He nodded filling our glasses up again.

“Spencer.” Zac laughed. “Come on, not another.”

I rolled my eyes. “Pussy.” I took my shot and then his.

“Can I have a rum and coke please?” I smiled as the bartender looked over to Zac.

“Whatever’s on draft.” He said. The bartender nodded, going to make my drink and get Zacs beer.

“So what’s new?” I smiled at Zac. I wasn’t drunk yet, but those 3 shots were going to hit me soon, and hard I’m sure.

“Nothing. I got approached for a role while you were gone.” He smiled.

“Really?! That’s exciting. What’s it for?”

“It’s about a frat house that goes to war with its neighbors when they move into a quiet community.”

“Sounds super fratty bro.” I joked.

“I would make the perfect frat boy. Shut up.” I shoved my arm playfully.

“You would, that’s the sad part!” I laughed.

“Whatever.” He rolled his eyes as the bartender set our drinks down in front of us.

“OH! Another round of shots please!” I said excitedly to him.

“Going hard tonight, eh?” the bartender asked. “What are we celebrating?”

“He landed a new movie role!” I smiled over at Zac.

“Well you’re a great girlfriend bringing him out to celebrate and starting the tab. I may just throw a couple extra shots in for free.” He smiled between the two of us.

“Oh um, we’re…” Zac started.

“You’d do that?” I smirked at him. He nodded. “I’d come back here every time I go out if you did.”

“Well that’s what we love!” he smiled. “Regulars are our favorites here!”

“Spencer.” I smiled sticking my hand out.

“Rob.” He shook my hand, reaching over to Zac.

“Zac.” I smiled as they shook hands as well.

“Well Spencer, Zac, drink up and enjoy the night. Let me know if you need anything.” He smiled.

“Thanks Rob!” I smiled back. I watched as he moved on to the next customer.

“I don’t think he knew who we are.” Zac smiled. “I like this place.”

“Me too. I started coming here when I moved to the city.”

“When did you move here anyways?”

“Right after high school. I was 17.”

“And you got into this bar?”

“Being a cute, flirty babe has its perks.”

“I’d agree to that.” He laughed. “I mean you flirting with the bartender got us free shots, even after he thought we were together.”

“I have special powers.” I winked.

“Yeah, two of them.” He laughed pointing at my chest.

“Shut up! My boobs aren’t even that big.”

“They do the trick nonetheless.” He joked.

“Typical guy.” I rolled my eyes. “Take your shot!”

He still hadn’t taken the shot I ordered. I was into my fourth and he hadn’t even taken 2 yet. I wasn’t trying to get wasted but I also wasn’t trying to stay sober. I just wanted to let loose. It was my last free night before Harry came back to NYC. It’s not that I wasn’t excited about spending some good quality time with him, he was always just so over protective. It was a trait that I loved and hated at the same time. I knew he meant well no matter what though.

I downed my drink, looking at Zac. His beer mug was empty as well.

“Do you want another round?” I asked, he nodded. I flagged Rob down, he placed two more shots in front of us as he stopped.

“Those are on the house as well. Just remember me after you make this movie.” He laughed with Zac. “Another round?” he pointed at our cups.

“Yes please!” I smiled picking up my shot, clinking it with Zacs.

“Here’s to one hell of a night Spencer McMichael.” Zac laughed downing his drink.

“Zac, I’m glad we’re friends. But like honestly.” I mumbled. Fuck 5 shots and 1 drink, am I drunk? I’m losing my touch.

“Spencer, I’m glad we are too.” he laughed.

“But like you’re going to have to hang out with Harry. He wants to be sure nothing is going on between us.” I rolled my eyes. “It’s like the bloke doesn’t trust me.”

“He trusts you I’m sure, can’t be mad at him wanting to be sure.”

I looked at Zac. “Be sure about what?”

“That you aren’t cheating. No worries, we’ve had this talk and I know my boundaries.”

“I’m glad you’re such a gentleman.” I smiled.

“I’m glad you’re such a lady.” He mocked.

“Shut up!” I laughed. “You know what I mean.”

“No, I do.” He smiled at me. “Need another drink?”

“Yes please.”


--------------------


“Spencer, come on.” I heard Zac groan. “There’s paparazzi everywhere.”

“I mean fuck the paparazzi.” I flicked off the flashes.

“That’s going to be great in the morning. I’ll be sure to find that picture and send it to you.” Zac laughed at me. “Now come on, get out of the cab and I’ll make sure you get up to your apartment.”

“Shit. I got drunk.” I laughed.

“Really? You think?”

“No, I don’t know.” I giggled. “I’m going to be hung over.”

“Probably.” He laughed.

“Let’s go.” I swung the cab door open, stumbling to get out. “Whoa.”

“Here let me help you.” Zac laughed, placing an arm around my shoulders steadying me.

“SPENCER! ZAC!”

“Hey guys, we’re just trying to get inside, do you mind?” Zac asked nicely.

“More than friends?”

“I’m in a relationship.” I looked at the guy. “I’m in a relationship so that’s impossible.”

“People cheat Spencer.” The guy said.

“Well I’m not most people you ignorant asshole.” I shoved past him, getting closer to the building.

“Is Harry okay with you two hanging out?”

“We’re grown adults. We’re not in middle school. I have friends of the opposite sex and so does he.” I rolled my eyes. Drunk Spencer is quite feisty with the paps.

“Does it bother you that Harry is always on the road?”

“Why the fuck would that bother me?” I scoffed.

“Is that why you have to hang out with another guy?”

“I have a fucking life and more than one friend. Maybe you should try it sometime.”

“Zac, any comments on the nature of your relationship?”

“She said it all.” Zac laughed as we made our way inside.

“Shit. Fuck those people man.” I rolled my eyes, hitting the elevator button.

“That will be entertaining for a while. It may cause some controversy but I think you put them in their place for a bit.” He laughed as the elevator opened.

“Don’t let me get this drunk if we go out again.” I mumbled, fumbling with the key for the door.

“Let me help.” He laughed, opening the door for me.

“Thanks.”

“Soooo.” Zac said awkwardly.

“Can you get my pills out of my purse?” I asked without even thinking.

“Sure.” He said, rummaging through my bag. “Here you go. What are these for anyways?”

“Allergies.”

“You take allergy meds at 2 am?” he laughed.

“Maybe.”

“What are they Spencer? It’s fine, I won’t judge. I do drugs too.” he shrugged.

“We should do drugs together sometime.” I laughed.

“What do you got now though?”

“Xanax.” I looked at him.

“Did you just take two?”

“Yes. Want one?”

“Nah, I prefer coke.” He said completely serious.

“You do coke?”

“Occasionally. It’s fun, you rage so hard. Everything moves so fast.”

“That sounds awesome.”

“It is.” He smiled. “We’ll try it sometime.”

“Do you do drugs with Zayn?” I blurted out.

“Generally yes. That’s basically all we do.”

“What does he do?”

“He smokes massive amounts of weed but he occasionally drops acid or molly. I’ve seen him snort cocaine a few times. He dabbles with a little bit of everything.”

“I knew it!” I laughed. “He’s so fucking fun.”

“Agreed, that’s why we’re friends.” He laughed sitting down next to me on the couch.

“So now what?” I asked.

“I should probably get going. I know you have to be presentable for Harry tomorrow.”

“Yes, that I do.” I giggled. “He’s going to know I’m hung over though.”

“No big deal.”

“You don’t have to go yet. I don’t mind, hell you can crash here if you want.”

“It wouldn’t look good if I never came out of the building because you know the paps aren’t going to leave until someone sees me leave.”

“True.” I said, standing up with him.

“Well, just text me when you wake up so I know you didn’t overdose and die.” He joked.

“Fair enough, don’t snort too much cocaine tonight.” I shot back. “Druggie.”

“Coming from little miss Xanax addict.”

“Hey! If you were dating Harry Styles you’d do drugs too. It’s stressful.”

“I doubt he’s the reason you keep popping those pills.”

“You’re probably right, but it’s easier to just tell myself that.”

“Well if you need to talk about anything ever, I’m here.” He smiled down at me.

“I know.” I accepted his hug. he lingered a few moments before letting go.

“Goodnight Spencer, get some sleep.”

“Goodnight Zac.” I smiled as he opened the door. “Hey wait.”

“What’s up?” he asked letting the door close.

“I just, I wanted, I… nevermind I guess.” I stuttered.

“What is it?” he laughed at me.

“I guess just thanks for tonight. I needed it.”

“We can do this anytime you want, I’m just a phone call away.”

“Thanks again.” I said, giving him another hug, kissing his cheek. No! Why did I do that?! “Zac, I uhh.” I said looking up into his eyes.

He replaced my stuttering with his lips. They crashed down onto mine so fast I had no clue what was happening. The kiss was short, yet powerful. He pulled away, leaving his arms around my waist.

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that.” He said quickly. “I just wanted to know what it’d be like.”

“Don’t be sorry.” I blushed.

“I should go before I do it again and things get out of control. Sorry. Goodnight Spenc.”

“Bye!” I waved as he closed the door behind him.

Shit. God damn it shit god damn. Fuck shit. What the hell just happened? It was only a kiss. Just a small infant of a peck. I didn’t have feelings for Zac so it didn’t mean anything. Do I tell Harry? I don’t know. it didn’t mean anything, it was quick, barely even happened. But I’ll feel guilty. It will eat me up inside if I don’t, but at the same time if I do tell him we’ll fight. He’ll scream, I’ll cry. The usual. I don’t want that to happen but I also can’t lie to him. He’s going to be pissed as it is that I didn’t tell him I was going out with him. I walked over to the end table where I had set my pills down. I dug another out, popping it into my mouth. I was so screwed.

Tonight was just plain weird, necessary but weird. It was fun to just go out and drink and bullshit. It was fun telling the paps off. Zac was fun to drink with, but it was so wrong all at the same time. Why is that every time you do something super fun and great, it’s bad for you? I had also admitted that I was addicted to Xanax tonight. I don’t truly think I have a problem. I only take them when I’m anxious or stressed out, which is all the time lately. Damnit. I have a problem. No I don’t. I’m fine. It’s not like I’m doing hard drugs. Although, I said I would, which is a thought that had never crossed my mind before.

I had no idea what kind of a world I was getting myself into. It was crazy hard being the girlfriend of someone who is so famous. It was crazy hard being a designer for people who are also famous. Everyone was watching every step I took. I could never do something without someone else knowing about it. I sighed out loud, searching for my phone. I loved Harry with all my heart, nothing was going to change that. I just wish the circumstances were different. Maybe if we were both average people none of this would be happening. I wouldn’t be into drugs. I wouldn’t be stressed out. I wouldn’t be like this.
What was this world making me? I had no idea who I even was anymore. All I know is that Harry comes home tomorrow and I need to get my life together. My problems don’t matter. I can bury those with the pills. Maybe I needed stronger pills. I’ll have to call Ella and see what she suggests. I needed to forget about everything that bothered me because Harry didn’t need that dumped on him. Hiding my problems and masking the pain was what I needed to do. Nothing was about to ruin the time we were about to share. Nothing at all.

I typed Harrys name into my phone, creating a new message.

To Harry: I’m sorry. I love you.

He’d have no clue what it meant but at least I said it. I’d have to explain tomorrow and he’d probably break up with me. I wasn’t sure I could handle that but hey that’s why Jesus invented drugs and alcohol, right? What have I made of myself? What was I getting into? I wish I knew.

I sat down on the edge of our bed. The tears began to fall. I cried hard. What was wrong with me? Why was I being like this? I rolled my eyes at myself. I’m a joke. Why does Harry even want to be with me? I’m self-destructive. I lie, I’ve cheated, I don’t care about anything, and I’m on drugs, yet he stays with me. Well I guess he doesn’t know about the drugs but still. I’m useless. Sure I had a great job, sure I had a great boyfriend, then why do I feel like this?

To Harry: you’re my everything, never change. I love you.

All of this guilt was building up inside me. I never realized how much I’ve probably, honestly hurt Harry in the past. We’ve been together for 8 months now and I’ve put him through hell and back. He deserved way better than me. I knew that, so he had to of known.

I guess I was just going to have to ask him about all of my fears and worry tomorrow when he came home. Maybe I was just being ridiculous. Maybe none of this is as bad as it seems. I mean I do feel pretty high right now. Maybe I should stop drinking and taking Xanax at the same time. I typed one last message to Harry for good measure.

To Harry: Going to bed now. Travel safe. I love you.

I knew one thing, I was a time bomb and I was ready to explode.

Notes

Here's that drink she promised! Not too bad, she's losing it though!
What do you think Harry's going to do?!

Let me know what you think!

xx