Loose Change (Harry Styles) [BOOK 2]

"Jane. Jane you have to wake up. Jane." I hear as I feel myself being shaken lightly.

I hear myself groan as I sit myself up slowly, my eyes still closed and my hand automatically going to the back of my head.

"My head." I mutter as my eyes shut even tighter due to the sudden pain.

I feel something very cold touch the back of my head, an ice pack I'm guessing, and I replace my hand with the person's, now holding the ice pack.

"Thanks." I say as I feel my whole face scrunch up. The pain is pretty bad, maybe almost menacing.

"No problem."

My lips separate at the realization of who the stranger is and I wish that my eyes would glue shut, but since I obviously fell on my head, I have to keep myself awake so I won't fall into a coma or something. But then again, maybe that wouldn't be so bad.

"Open your eyes. I can't risk you getting into a coma."
I force out a chuckle and I don't think I have ever heard a faker laugh in my life. I just want to leave.

My eyes open and at first I think I'm just dreaming again since I see him wearing that petrifying red cloak, but when my eyes finally focus and everything begins to clear, I realize that he's just wearing a Dark red long sleeve button down. What a coincidence. An ironic, metaphoric, and self aching coincidence.

He's just staring down at me and right now I feel homeless again and that he's yet another wealthy snob holding a cup full of something and I'm just awaiting him to just pour it on me already. The pain wouldn't be as bad as it was when that girl did it though, it would be expected - him causing me pain would be expected.

"Where am I?" I ask as I tear my eyes away from him, noticing how I'm laying on a gray very cushioned couch.

Besides me, he is the only one in the room and I'm beginning to feel confused. I'm not in Rose's home anymore, but instead in a modern looking one. The floor is made of a dark ebony brown wood, the walls are a dark blue and are covered with several shelves that are filled with books, potted plants are spread throughout the space, and I just shake my head a little as I bring my knees to my chest.

"Where's Aiden?" I ask as I look back at him.

His black hair is slicked back at the sides, he has very noticeable dark circles under his light blue eyes, slight stubble is tracing itself upon his jawline and he looks like my father when he was younger.... before I came along. I bet he's happier too.

He just remains standing in front of me, his foot tapping persistently in an uncomfortable seeming way.

"You're in my place." He states, ignoring my question about Aiden.

I nod weakly, wrapping my left arm around my legs and placing my right hand down to rest, laying the ice pack down beside me.

"It's um nice." I whisper.

"Um thank you. I decorated it myself."

I nod again, biting my bottom lip to hold my emotions. My head is already killing me in the back and crying right now would just cause it to hurt more and also would make me humiliate myself in front of this man. That's not going to happen.

"How long was I, you know,out for?" I question.

"About twelve minutes. Took you out of Jones' place so you wouldn't feel crowded when you woke up. I know how you feel about crowds."

I shut my eyes closed and I take a deep breath.

No. Stay strong. Stay strong. Please let me stay strong.

"Is that so?" I mutter, my voice cracking.

My self conscious begins to laugh at my weak pathetic tone as I feel myself dig my fingernails into the skin of my knee.

His hand places itself on my hand and I quickly pull away

"Well thank you Ted. But, um I better head back home." I quickly say as I get up and begin to head myself to the door, my eyes slightly opened as well as a little glossy. I don't even know how I'm getting home since Aiden has obviously fled, so I guess I'm walking. Whatever. I would crawl over there if it meant that I could get out of here.

All I hear is silence as my hand reaches for the door handle and I quickly stomp my foot before turning around and walking up to him.

His head is dangled down, but quickly raises back up when he hears me approaching.

"Why did you leave me?" I question, with my fists clenched at my sides and my cheeks flushed from frustration.

His eyes widen a little, obviously taken off guard by my question.

He doesn't say anything, causing everything inside me to stir with anger and sadness, but mostly anger.

"You made this new life for yourself out of no where while I have just been torturing myself with that question! What? Do I just mean nothing to you all of a sudden?"

My whole self is just replenishing with confusion as he begins to shake his head slowly. When I was little, I always looked up to him. He was my superhero and even though I hardly had anyone, I had him and that was enough. That was always enough for me, but I guess I'm just not enough for him. To reach that level of enough, to reach that level of being sufficient seems just so simple to grasp, when the cold hard truth is that it's quite the opposite.

Enoughness is a quality that even the wealthiest of people want to obtain but can't ever touch. Call me selfish, call me greedy, but I just want to be good enough. Not even more than enough, just enough. I want Harry, my father, my mother, just anyone to go to me and tell me that I am enough for them. Can't I just get something that I want for once? Can I just be...enough?

"No. You don't." He replies, getting me out of my overwhelming thoughts. God, my head hurts.

"Than why? Why did you never call? I know you called Harry, but why not me?"

His eyes widen at my words and his face pales. It looks as if he's seeing me with the red cloak and he's the helpless one.

"Well? Please answer me daddy."

I resent even muttering that last word, but I couldn't help it. I can't believe it's come to the point where I feel foolish for calling my father such a simple word. Where has my life gone?
I hear myself whimper at my thoughts, wrecking myself, and I just glance down at the floor feeling ashamed in my self.

"I'm sorry." I say as a few tears leave my eyes, breaking the whole brick wall I had roughly built.

"You're not my daddy anymore. I forgot. I'm sorry." I add as I force myself to chuckle again, wiping my eyes.

His features calm and his eyes begin to shine, his mouth opening to say something which he quickly recalls as his lips touch one another again, silencing himself.

I nod quickly before attaching a plastic smile on my lips and turning around to leave and go back to Kat's, most likely going to draw everything out as soon as I get there.
I feel myself cry more when I realize that I left my sketchbook at Harry's. Why can't anything work out for me?! Fuck!

My hand begins to tremble a little as it tries to turn the copper colored door knob. Great. Just Great. Just fucking gre-

"Because if I talked to you, than I would ruin everything."

My body stops and I just glare at the black door in front of me.

"What?" I ask, not wanting to look back.

His footsteps begin to become louder as I hear him walk closer to me.

I turn myself around to see how his eyes are now puffy and red and his fancy shirt has a few wet spots on it now.

My bottom lip begins to quiver and when he finally stops himself right in front of me, both of us crying the more we look at each other, he shakes his head.

"I never wanted to leave you. It's just that I'm not good enough an-"

I suddenly wrap my arms tightly around him, not letting go and I nuzzle my head into his chest, most likely creating more of those wet spots on the high quality fabric.

He wraps his arms back and I feel him kiss the top of my head.

"I love you Jane. You're my daughter and I-I'm sorry." He mumbles into my hair as he rubs his hand on the back of my head softly.

The pain in the back of my skull begins to hurt as he continues rubbing it and I bite my tongue, trying to not make any noise so I can just have this moment with my father, but I fail in doing so as he continues rubbing that area and a small shriek leaves my lips.

He quickly pulls away and brings his hands to his sides away from me.

"I'm so sorry Janey! Maybe we should take you to the hospital o-"

I shake my head.

"No I'm fine! It's just that I think it's going to bruise there. Mrs. Jones has a hard floor." I state as I sniffle and chuckle a real genuine chuckle.

He called me Janey.

I can't help but smile at the thought.

He scurries himself back to the couch to grab the ice pack before walking back up to me and placing it on my head.

"You really fell hard huh. Well it will heal. " He says to himself as if he's speaking his mind, his eyes observing the wounded spot.

I just smile because I think I may have him back. I may have my super dad back.

Small laughs leave his mouth.

"You remember that?" He asks with a slight sense of bewilderment,

I don't even feel surprised anymore when I speak my thoughts. I obviously got it from him and it usually works to my advantage so I guess it's like a small super power I possess.

"Of course. Super dad - the savior of the universe and dishwasher whenever it breaks!" I comment in a mocking announcer voice. I really need to practice that.

He laughs again and this time i join him. Both of us laughing with our dried teared faces, the sounds forming together to create the wonderful symphony I haven't heard in many months. The symphony that I always cherished when we were together as father and daughter, as best friend and best friend.

"Remember that cape I used to wear? I wish I kept it." He speaks, his eyes glancing down at me as he begins to venture himself back into that time.

I nod, my smile widening.

"You were so little too. I remember when you would wrap your little arms around my neck and I would just hold on to you and run around the house like an idiot. You thought we were actually flying." He states, reminding me of just how much I've missed him.

"We were actually flying dad." I say, causing him to look at me with one of his soft and genuine smiles.

"Yeah we were, weren't we."

Our feet may not have left the ground, but when I was on that man's back and when he would make those wooshing noises to add to the effect, I felt as if I were truly flying. Many kids were only happy when they got more toys or some videogame of some sort, but for me it was my dad. He would hardly be at home, so when he was, we enjoyed each other. And I was truly flying.

"Time really does go by fast." He whispers, talking to himself again.

We just both remain standing there, his hand holding an ice pack against my head and my face puffy and flushed from crying as well as his. We look like messes, but like father like daughter right?

"Remember when we stayed at the Page's apartment and you would always carry Aiden and I both in the air? He would always scream in complete terror and you and I would just laugh."

I look over at him to see how his smile has completely vanished.

"About Aiden, Janey..." He begins.

"What about Aiden?"

I raise an eyebrow and I see how he places his hand down from my hand to relax a little, sighing.

"You shouldn't see him. You won't see him again."

His voice becomes deeper, more serious and I can't help but cross my arms.

"And why is that?"

He tangles his fingers in his dark gelled locks, ruining the very neat look.

"I-he- Just don't okay? This is for your own safety Jane."

Safety?

I begin to laugh, not believing the words coming out of his mouth.

"What? Are you serious? I'm nineteen years old. And besides, Aiden is my best friend! How would I put myself in danger by hanging out with him?"

He removed himself from my life and now that he accepted me, he's already treating me like a child. I can't even fathom-

"Jane, you have to listen to me! He may seem nice bu-"

I step away from him, shaking my head. He probably scared Aiden off! Maybe I should check on him. I hope my father didn't do anything drastic.

"Seem? He is nice! While I was crying over you the whole time, he was there! He may have left before, but that wasn't his fault. He couldn't control it. But now he's back and he- he loves me!"

My father's grip around the ice pack tightens and his nostrils flare dramatically.

"Did he tell you that?" He questions.

I nod and continue standing my ground.

"Jane, you can't be serious. You love him? You love that freak?!"

I stomp myself up to him and I narrow my eyes as my arms continue being crossed.

"Don't you dare call him that! And I don't but it just shows that he cares and that he won't leave me like you have!"

I'm screaming now and I'm unsure if I'm defending Aiden for the sake of defending my friend or because I'm using it as an excuse to just scream at my father and tell him how much his abandonment has hurt me.

"What about Harry! Huh!?"

His eyes widen once the words leave his lips and his mouth drops, trying to help him recover his outburst.

I feel my heart stop and my arms quickly uncross, laying themselves at my sides.

"Harry left," I admit, clenching my fists and turning my head towards the floor.

"He- he what?"

His voice now sounds a little panicked.

"He left! He went after some art chic and left me!" I scream as I look up at him, my breathing beginning to quicken as I feel my blood boil within me.

He looks confused, even lost and I feel myself beginning to turn around, my hand resting on the door knob for the last time.

"That's impossible." I hear him whisper.

I begin unlocking the door with my free hand.

"He loves you Jane."

...

I left his place that day, not wanting to hear anymore of his lies and actually went to sleep. I slept for a wopping thirteen hours and I think it was needed. It's been about two weeks now and all I've done is visit Rose. I know he lives close to her, but I just have been ignoring my father and have been focusing my attention on her, Katherine who has finally returned, and Aiden. The three most important people in my life.

Mrs. Jones has been very generous to me, always letting me come over without a doubt or regret. We even bonded I guess you could say since she and I have had long conversations with one another, discussing her life in Nigeria and me discussing my homeless life. Her stories were always of course much more interesting and impactful.

Rose still hasn't answered my questions about her wounds and pretty much hasn't answered me at all. She's either always in her bed, staring at the roof, or staring out her small window in the corner. She just seems so sad, never wanting to leave her room or even speak to Mrs. Jones. She won't ever look at me or utter one word. That doesn't stop me though.

I just sit in one of the wooden chairs Mrs. Jones provided for me in Rose's room and I talk to her. I talk about what Katherine and I have been doing the past months, how I think the colors of the sky have been becoming darker, how I've been beginning to dream of her as well as her mother, and how much I've missed her.

I feel that she listens, not yet ready to forgive me, but she listens. She may never talk to me again, but as long as I can hear her small breaths and see her tiny body resting under one of her bright purple knitted blankets as she observes the white popcorn looking ceiling, I can survive.
Right now I'm just discussing Louis' face when I gave him his birthday present. Yeah, Louis has actually visited me twice and it's just nice how he remembered me.

It's weird thinking how I loathed the man only a few weeks ago and now we're getting along and becoming well friends. He absolutely loved his present and was actually surprised that I even remembered when his birthday was in the first place. He always carries it in his front pocket and I'm just glad that he likes it.

"I know how you're not very fond of Louis, but if you just get to know him Rose, you'll see just how hilarious he is. He's not all that bad and he resembled a little kid when he saw his present." I say, staring at the back of her as she stands in front of that window, probably looking at the birds.

"How's Zayn?"

For a second I thought I was hallucinating when she spoke. I even did a double take, but when my mind finally concluded that she did in fact say two words, two syllables, I smiled.

"Um he's fine. He's actually engaged." I respond.

I remember Louis telling me about it. It was a simple proposal, yet so meaningful. I'm happy for Zayn as well as Perrie. They make a beautiful couple.

"Good." She says.

"Good." I respond.

...

"Would you like anything to eat sweetie? You've been here a few hours, you must be hungry." Mrs. Jones questions as I sit beside her on her couch.

Roger is sleeping soundly on her lap and all I want to do is draw them. They're such a genuine and overall lovely family and I'm just so relieved that they're the ones taking care of Rose and not some weirdo.

I shake my head.

"No thank you. I ate a big breakfast this morning." I say, still full from the pancakes and eggs Katherine made me this morning. Since I have been coming home from Rose's house late and hungry, Katherine has been making me large amounts of food for breakfast as well as dinner when I get home so I won't starve. She's so adorable.

She nods her head as she places her hand on Roger's head, rubbing small circles softly in a motherly way.

"I um have something I want to share with you Jane." She states, her voice sounding a little nervous. I've never seen her antsy in any way and it's just unnatural to see her like this.

I give her a reassuring smile which she reflects and her attention turns to Roger for a brief second before going back to me.

"I want Rose to be apart of our little family." She admits, chuckling and smiling from excitement soon after.

My whole mood fills with happiness and bubbliness and I begin laughing and smiling out of joy with her.

"Oh my gosh! You're going to adopt her?!"

She nods her head quickly, her eyes sparkling, matching the glow on her face.

"Yeah. Since Roger's father is always away, I think he needs someone to play with and he's very fond of Rose as well as I, so yeah. I just love her like my own and I don't want her to have to go to another horrible family again."

I feel my mood diminish a little and when she notices, her eyes widen a little.

"You don't know?" She asks in a quieter and much more serious tone.

I shake my head, biting my bottom lip and digging my fingernails into my thigh slightly.

It can't be, it-

"Her last home Jane...they were abusive. They hit her."

She obviously doesn't like speaking of it, since I notice how she pulls Roger closer to her as if someone's going to injure him and also by the lack of shine her eyes are perceiving currently.
Rose's wounded arms flash into my mind and I feel my chest collapse under me, my breath being taken away.

If I visited her, if I even tried then I would've known. I have been so submerged into my own problems that I pushed her aside and allowed this to happen to her. The way she screamed and sobbed when she saw me...that's how I felt when I saw my mother and my father again...that's how I felt when I looked into the eyes of the people that abandoned me.
I abandoned her.

"Jane are you alright sweetie?"

I shake my head and realize how I'm tearing up. I quickly wipe them away and I just stare at Mrs. Jones in an appreciative way.

"Thank you." I mutter.

"Thank you for not leaving her." I add.

She gives me a soft smile as she places her free hand on my shoulder.

"I'll never leave her."

...

The cab ride back to Kat's was long due to the traffic, but it was relaxing I guess. The cab driver was a rare species of cab drivers since he played only classical music the whole time. He looked so focused on the road as well as the music that I didn't comment on anything, not wanting to break the tranquil state he was in.

I'm still shocked by the revelation that was just revealed to me only a few hours ago. She hates me and trust me, I hate myself too. I just need to talk to someone right now and since I don't see Aiden until tomorrow for the big surprise he has planned for me (oh lord, I hope he didn't invite a dictator or something this time) I'm just going to vent to Kat. I know it's selfish of me to put all of my problems on her, but I don't know what else to do. I just want to hear a sugar coated answer like

'everything's going to be okay.' or

'She will forgive you. Trust me.'

Yeah, I know that I'm a loser, a desperate loser, but everyone has their downfalls and this one sadly is mine. Needing reassurance.

Oh well.

After I finish paying the driver and walking upstairs, I take out the key from my right pocket. I yawn loudly as I begin unlocking the door thinking about just how much I really need sleep. It's almost ten at night and I've been at Rose's for about eight hours.

Once the door is opened, I walk in, locking the door behind me.

"Kat, I'm home." I yell as I wipe the dirt off my shoes on the welcome mat Katherine's daughter got her for Christmas. I wish I got her something.

It says Welcome in bold black letters, surrounded by floating cookies. Yeah, this mat was made for Katherine.

I feel myself chuckle a little as I glance at it one more time before finally walking myself to the kitchen.

"Look. I don't think you should be here. She already has enough things on her mind." I hear Katherine whisper loudly as I approach the kitchen. Wait, is someone else here?

"I just need to tell her. She just has to know this and then I'll be out of her way forever."

My eyes widen and my lips separate as I hear Harry's voice.

I quickly shake my thoughts and take a deep breath before stomping myself in the room.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, as I stare at Harry and Katherine who are both sitting around the kitchen table.

Harry's wearing a simple gray hoodie with his signature black jeans and boots while Kat is in her recognizable bright pink night gown.

Both heads turn to me and I feel myself gasp when I see a huge bruise on the side of Harry's face.

"Jane I told him he should leave. I never should've let him in I-" Katherine begins, but I just ignore her as I walk to Harry, our eyes never leaving eachother. I see how his right hand goes to his left arm and he pinches himself slightly as if to see if he's dreaming or not.

I place my hand on his wounded cheek for a brief second before quickly placing it in my pocket after realizing my action.

"Um what happened to you? Why are you here?" I ask, separating myself from him.

His eyes roam down to the floor as he licks his lips.

"Your father punched me when I went to see him."

I shake my head and my eyebrows furrow together from confusion.

"What? How do you even know where he lives, I me-"

He quickly stands up and motions to his seat for me to sit down, but I refuse and just remain there standing.

"I bought him that place, well I pay the rent." He says.

I step closer to him, crossing my arms and feeling anger flourish itself throughout all of my senses like wind.

His fingers tangle through his hair and I just don't know what to think anymore.

"You what?"

His tongue glides over his lips again and Katherine respectfully walks out to leave us alone.

"I got him a job at the bank. I-I got him to leave you at my place." He speaks, leaving me baffled, tense, and fucking lost.

"Why would you- How could you- Why?" I ask as my arms begins to loosen and instead of looking like a strong person with their arms crossed, I look like a weakling hugging herself.
He walks closer to me, but I just step back, my back hitting the wall.

"Jane."

"What else did you do? Why?" I question, looking at the floor so I could avoid his eyes.

He takes a deep breath.

"The first day I met you, when I-I made you cry, you just reminded me of Skylar. I didn't want to hurt you..... not another one."

I close my eyes shut and my eyebrows scrunch up together as I take in everything, trying to focus on his words.

"Our bond grew and I just became protective over you, I don't know why... When you almost got hurt at the homeless shelter, it was because of me. Everyone gets hurt because of me, and I already cared too much about you to let that happen. I couldn't let that happen. I wouldn't."

His tone is sounding more broken and my knees are beginning to feel like jello. He knows that I can't respond, I'm at a loss for words, so he continues.

"You are a great artist Jane. That day when you drew me, I don't think I've ever seen someone so passionate about their work and since you and your father didn't have much money, I wanted to help you. I stopped myself though, knowing that if I got involved in your life, then the media would most likely find out and haunt you like they have done to me, so I held back. But when you fainted at the park, they knew. Everyone knew and from then on I knew that I had to be there for you. I had to protect you. I have to."

"Why?" I mutter, my voice cracking.

His breathing is becoming more rapid, and it's just rising my anxiety.

"I don't know."

I just nod, motioning him to continue.

"Your father loves you Jane. I went to him that night and I made a proposal."

"What was it?"

"That if he gave me you, if he let me help protect you and allow you to live with me, I would help you get your artwork noticed. I would get him a job, money, a home, status, but he also had to leave you alone. He couldn't contact you at all."

All of the oxygen within me leaves my body and I finally open my eyes, staring at him and seeing all of the guilt he holds in them.

"He didn't agree at first, but I'm kind of a professional at making people feel like shit, because of course misery loves company. And I'm as miserable as they get."

His voice is beginning to sound shaky and I can tell that he regrets everything he's done.

"Why? Why would you do this to me." I ask again, needing a more detailed explanation.

He just shakes his head again, a few strands of hair falling over his eyes.

"I have everything Jane. I was never this selfish before. But when it comes to you, that is all I am. I just wanted you. I need you. And I know I'm a prick and I'm sorry. But I swear to you that this is the last time you'll ever see me. I won't destroy you anymore."

I just stare blankly at him with my heart swelling as it continues beating quickly.

He turns around towards the table and when he turns back my way, I see how he's holding a book. My sketchbook.

He walks up to me, my eyes glued on him completely.

"I have been talking to this girl. Her mother is a famous artist and is looking for an apprentice. I hope you don't mind, but I showed her your sketches and her phone number is written inside. She agrees with me and thinks you're spectacular."

He gives me a weak smile which automatically dies as he sniffles.

I grab the book from his hands and I look down at the beat up cover, speechless.

"Goodbye Jane." He whispers, before I hear his foot steps leave me and when I hear the front door open and close, my knees finally give in and I just cradle myself in my arms with my sketchbook on my lap and my confusion towering over me.

Notes