Loose Change (Harry Styles) [BOOK 2]

"Are you ready?" Harry questions as he just stares down at me with a small smile spread across his face.

I glance up from the plane ticket in my hand and I just nod a little, forcing a smile. His grin fades and he grabs my hand, holding it tight.
We had to wait about two hours in the airport, since our flight was at four. As we waited together in the sitting area talking, people one by one began to walk up to us, asking to take photographs with him as well as receive his autograph. He of course obliged and I just watched as more and more people began to just crowd around him, suffocating him with compliments and requests.

Some recognized me and even asked for my picture, but even though I agreed and smiled, my happy demeanor was all acting and my smile was masking my inner sorrows.
She said she came back, but even though I have a feeling that she might have actually told the truth, I just continue to build back the brick wall that was wrecked only a few hours ago when she intruded in my life once more. She left me, my father left me, Rose is missing, Aiden betrayed me, I miss Katherine, and I just miss myself. But to be honest, I don't even really remember who this Jane Anderson is. Who is she? Why does she push people away unwillingly? Why hasn't this so beloved and beautiful creature beside me at this minute left yet? Why is she thinking so much?

My head is pounding and my eyes are dry and puffy. I'm tired, and I just hope this plane ride is as fast as my mother when she dashed out of my house when I was little with everything, including my soul and my mental stability.

We didn't stop at Harry's house to grab clothes and pack, we just came straight to the airport, and I'm thankful for that. This place has just been haunting everything, even my day-dreams, and the faster we flee, the better. I know that it's bad to just leave your problems instead of facing them, but who says I'm strong anyway? Harry is my strength, my understanding, my reasoning, my smile, but most of all he is my escape.

People are addicted to cigarettes with the way that the smoke dances out of their lips in a graceful manner, causing them to be envious since they can never be that nimble and put together. Drinkers are addicted to the sensation of being completely oblivious to everything in their path, not caring whether or not they themselves crash like a speeding car slamming into a tree, demolishing it completely, because they'll have an excuse. Their excuse being drinking and depression. And those people that are addicted to cleaning, crave the overall feeling of actually being able to control something in their life, since like themselves, everything around them is unorganized and scattered. All of these addictions are usually fueled by desolation and their drive of wanting something. And for me, my addiction is Harry. And I just overdose myself with all of the glory that he is, never wanting to recover.

My hand is latched to his as we enter the plane, my eyes just focusing on what's in front of me, and nothing more. My mind is just stifled with memories of utter bliss that I shared with my mother when I was young, and that feeling burns more than that feeling of heated coffee seeping through my hair to my scalp. Keep looking forward. Don't look down, don't look back. You won't tolerate showing any signs of your inferiority. You won't even dare attempt.
The love of my life gives me the window seat and I just nod my head as he sits himself beside me.

I shut my eyes closed tight and I rest my head on his shoulder, his cologne whisking its way through my sense. I feel him bring my hand up, his lips soon touching the roof, and I finally take a breath, feeling as if I just emerged from the midst of deep waters.
'Don't pay attention to any of them Jane. Just keep looking forward. That's all you have to do.'
My father's words tattoo themselves onto my cluttered mind, striking my chest.
I open my eyes and I glance up at Harry to see how he's already staring at me. I just continue looking at him as the words repeat and repeat.
'That's all you have to do...'
...
Harry and I are both bunched together in his jean jacket desperately trying to keep warm. Maybe it would've been smarter to actually atleast get a jacket from his house before we left. But oh well I guess. Anyway, I like being this close to him and he's really warm. He got the directions to his sister's apartment from his mother earlier and now we are standing right in front of the door. The door is just not an ordinary door. At least not to Harry. It's a passageway to his redemption, and by the way I feel him shaking non stop, I know that he's probably as terrified as anyone would be if they were faced with their old actions and the possible consequences that have been brought forth due to them.

The door is a nice marbled looking wooden door and this place resembles the equisite and expensive structure of the luxurious one that belongs to Rose's foster mother. The number 1256 is hanging at the top in gold looking metal numbers and it's quite intimidating to the average person's eye.

Harry continues trembling in place in complete silence and I slowly wiggle out from his jacket.

"You can do this." I whisper.

His gaze meets mine and he takes off his jacket, putting it on me.

"You're going to freeze. Wear this." He says.

I roll my eyes and give him a soft smile before wrapping my arms around him. He's still shaking and it breaks my heart. I've never seen him this nervous.
His body begins to calm before he reflects my action, pulling me close to his chest. We just stand there for a few seconds, breathing in each other. I believe in him. Gosh, I believe in him as much as I believe that there is a greater place beyond us, and I just hope that he knows that.
And so I tell him, just so he is reassured. Just so he knows.

"I believe in you." I whisper as we remain standing in the same position. His warmth is radiating from his body and I can feel his chest rising up and down quite rapidly.

"Thank you." He responds before we both finally pull away. I look up to the right at him and he looks down at me.

I nod and he nods back before he knocks delicately. It looks as if he thinks that if he knocks too hard, his fist will shatter into shards of glass, but then again maybe that's just how fragile he is right now. But whatever happens, I will remain beside him, holding a bottle of glue just in case.
He's looking forward now, looking directly at the door with his hands stuffed in his pockets. I want to kiss him, I want him to know that everything will be okay, because I know it will. But before I can even continue to think of what to do, a tall lanky man with light brown hair and green eyes opens the door.

He looks exhausted as he stretches his back and releases a yawn. It looks as if he is intoxicated by his lack of slumber, but soon advances into reality when his eyes widen, exaggerating the green color within them. He has nice green eyes, but they're not as intense and magnetic as Harry's. No one's are.

"Gem! Gem come here!" He yells as he turns his head slightly behind him.
I look over to see Harry tense at his words and he licks his lips.

"What is it?" A female voice speaks and by the way Harry begins to shake again, I know that it is his sister.

A gorgeous girl with a british accent, brown eyes, and blue/purple hair in a messy bun steps in front of the skinny guy, and her whole demeanor changes once her eyes land on Harry.
Everyone in the room is completely ignoring my pressense and I have never been so elated to be ignored.

The girl's eyes begin to water.

"Harry. You're here." She mutters, her voice cracking.

I quickly step to the side and I just stand there and the lanky man and I just smile as we see them both wrap their arms around one another as if their lives depended on it, and I think it did.
She pulls away, tears streaming down her face and Harry is just chuckling out of astonishment and happiness before he pulls her in again.

"You twat! You can't just introvert yourself away from us like that!" She says in between sobs as she laughs a little and hits his chest slightly.
She seems astonished and happy as well and I don't think I've ever seen a more endearing sight.

Harry shakes his head.

"I'm sorry Gem. I just thought you hated me an-"

"Just shut up and come inside you twat." She states, wiping the moisture off her face.

Her boyfriend I'm guessing, wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her closer to him, leaving a sweet kiss on her cheek.
Harry finally looks at me and his smile is as evident as the emerald color that are his eyes. I just stand there, taking in the moment of togetherness, and I just wish that my family was this easily forgiven and this easily easy.

"Come on you two." She remarks with a soft smile, her eyes going from him to me repetitively.

Harry and I both nod and we follow her inside.
She closes the door behind us and locks it before turning to us.
Warmth hits my body immediately, and I gently take off the jacket, holding it in my arms.

"I apologize for the mess, Lucas and I kind of partied to hard yesterday as you can see." She comments before walking over to a circular brown table, bundling up a bunch of wrapping paper together in her hands.

Gemma is really pretty and I can already see the resemblance between her and her brother.
I place the jacket on a small green couch chair before rushing to her side to assist her in cleaning up.

"No, it's fine. Thank you, but you are my guest. If anything the twat should be helping me." She comments, causing me to chuckle a little.

"Are you going to call me a twat all day?" Harry teases with an adorable grin as he approaches
Gemma and I. She grabs the paper from my hands and nods before walking towards Harry.

"Well you haven't talked to me, in what, 365 days? So I get to call you a twat 365 times. Well 362. Now why don't you go throw this away for me twat." She adds, causing me to laugh quite loudly.

Harry raises an eyebrow and tries to hold in his laughter but fails as he joins me. Gemma chuckles, and Harry then grabs the paper from her hands before sticking his tongue at her and walking off.

"361." He comments as he walks off.

"The bin is down the hall to the right in the kitchen!" She yells, receiving a snort from Harry and more laughter from me.

Based on how easily she has forgiven Harry, I can tell that they have a very close bond with each other and I'm just really happy about that.

"Our boys huh. Mine washing the dishes and yours throwing away snowman wrapping paper.

And people say that women don't have any authority. I beg to differ!" She says as she turns her attention to me.
She walks to the round table and pulls a seat, sitting herself down and I doing the same.
I laugh a little.
"Well your boys. Harry and I are just friends." I truthfully say. How I wish it was a lie though.

My smile becomes a little forced and she just stares at me in observation.

"Oh really. I don't know. I just assumed since I've never seen my brother go through a whole crowd of paps to carry a pretty girl like yourself before."

I feel my cheeks flush and my lips separate slightly.

"What?" I ask.

She opens her mouth, but as she is about to speak, she gets interrupted as Harry walks in.

"Well I did your dirty work. Is there anything else you need me to do?" He questions.

Gemma simply winks before turning to him.

"Well, the toilets need major scrubbing and the shelves are getting kinda dusty-"

"Ha ha very funny." Harry interrupts as he walks over to the table, sitting himself next to me.

"Who says I'm trying to be funny?" Gemma jokes.

Harry rolls his eyes before glancing at me.

"What were you two chatting about while I was gone?" Harry asks.

I feel myself blush a little as he continues looking at me, Gemma's words repeating themselves in my head.

'I just assumed...'

Oh God.

"You know the usual women stuff. Periods, birth, contractions, things like that." Gemma answers.

Harry scrunches up his nose in an adorable way. And I simply poke it, not having the strength not to.

He chuckles and his face brightens when he turns to me again and pokes my nose, causing me to scrunch up my own as well.

"Lucas, there's too much PDA in here! Can you come before Harry attacks her face!" Gemma yells, trying to get her boyfriend's attention.

My face becomes as red as a tomato and I look down at the table, feeling a little embarrassed.
I don't know what Harry's thinking, but by his sudden silence, I think he might feel embarrassed too.

"Your man candy is here!" I hear the skinny man say and I turn my head back up, averting my eyes towards the couple.
These two are seriously perfect for each other.
He wraps his arms from behind her and I feel myself smile a little.

"Babe, you have to show them what I got you!" She states charasmatically.
He almost stumbles when he quickly turns around and sprints to get his gift, causing all of us to laugh.
"
He's an excited one huh?" Harry comments.
Gemma just looks over at the hallway where her boyfriend has just passed and she just smiles in a loving way, obviously thinking about him.

"Yeah. He is."
...

We spent about an hour just conversing with each other about many things. Her boyfriend who I found out has been with her for seven and a half months now showed us all the Star Wars merchandise she bought him for Christmas. Even though he seems silly, he is very intellectual like his girlfriend. They both met at a frat party and since then, its been history. I couldn't help but zone out a few times during their story. All I could think about was how much I wish Harry and I were together, and that he would glance at me as if I were the only one in the room like Lucas has several times during the conversation with Gemma.
He bought Gemma a beautiful pair of diamond earrings from this place called Tiffanys and they were very lovely.

We continued talking about her college life and how she's going to graduate in March, and just life in general. She's such a good humored person, but when she's serious and really talks about something she cares about, she's like a different being all together and it's just interesting to hear her speak as well as Lucas. They seem like a great people, and I'm happy that I have the pleasure of meeting them.

"Now what about you two?" Lucas asks.

I just stay there speechless. It's actually beginning to hurt when I have to explain that we have nothing, and for once I just want to hear Harry say it. To see his point of view on things, on us. Is he going to label me as a simple friend or will he just label me as a companion, buddy, pal... the possibilities are endless.

"What about us?" Harry asks.

I just look blankly at Lucas who is now sitting beside his Gemma. Gemma's looking at me seriously and I can tell that she wants to intrude and say something, but she doesn't.

"How did you two meet?"

My chest is already expecting the pain that it's going to endure from his potential answer, and it's saddening how I'm actually ready to get hurt. I just glance down at the table and I look at the pattern the wood makes.

"We met at a park. She was wearing this dark brown shirt with these light colored jeans. And I don't really remember what I was wearing but-"
My eyebrows furrow together as I look at him. What?
He looks in deep concentration as he tries to remember that day. That amazing day.

Eventhough he kinda yelled at me the first time we met, it was the day I met him, and that means more to me then anything.

"She was drawing me and I was acting like a prick, but I mean she forgave me. And Gemma, she draws absolutely brilliant! And when I say brilliant, I mean brilliant! If you just see what she can do, I mean it's like super detailed and she even draws like the really exact details like loose hair strands and lint. And the second time we met-"
He begins to chuckle and his face calms.

"She tried to climb this tree and oh my gosh. She ju-"

He stops himself and becomes silent when he notices how everyone is just quiet as well. Especially me.

He looks over at me and I know that my mouth is most likely dropped to the ground, but I don't care. His cheeks turn bright red and I don't know what to do at all. The way Niall talks about Eli, the way Zayn talks about Perrie, the way Liam talks about Danielle, the way Gemma and Lucas speak about each other, he- he talked that way about me and I've been completely taken off guard.

Harry clears his throat and he quickly turns his attention back to Gemma and Lucas.

"Well yeah. Um well yeah, she draws good. Um where's the bathroom?"
Gemma and I just look at each other as Lucas just nods his head and gets out of his seat to lead Harry to the restroom.

I guess he could sense that Gemma wants to talk to me alone.

"I thought you two were just friends." Gemma says, a small smile spreading on her face.

"We are... I mean he's probably just tired. It was a long flight." I defend, because I am really confused right now.

"Well then... I heard you draw good." She adds.

"I heard too."
...
Harry eventually came back with Lucas and after Gemma and Lucas fought over what we should have for breakfast, Gemma eventually won and now we're are all just eating french toast made by Lucas of course.

"You know, I'm beginning to think that you only agreed to go out with me for my food." Lucas says as he finally sits down, admiring his delicious creation in front of him.

"No! You also make a good dishwasher." Gemma defends, causing me to giggle.
Frosty the Snowman is playing in the background from Gemma's phone and it feels nice to just be around genuinely good people.

"So tell me Jane. What hotel are you two staying at? Are the rest of the lads here too?" She questions before stuffing a forkful of the sugary toast in her mouth.
Harry takes a sip of his juice and I just bite my lip quite awkwardly.

"Well-"

"We're not staying at a hotel and Niall is in Ireland while the rest of the boys are in England with their families." Harry answers for me.

Gemma raises an eyebrow.

"What? If you're not staying at a hotel then where are you going to stay? And where's your luggage?" She begins to speak up, her older sister concern kicking in.
"Well I don't know. I was planning on looking for a hotel later on and we didn't bring anything." he answers.

Gemma drops her fork and knife and stares down at Harry.

"What?! Harry, it's fucking Christmas. All the hotels are full! And why the hell didn't you pack! I mean-"

She places her right hand over her forehead and shakes her head.

"You're staying here, until you have to go." Lucas interrupts.
Gemma looks over at him with a questioning look.

"Is that alright with you?" Gemma asks him.

Her boyfriend nods.

"Ofcourse! Why wouldn't it be?"

She smiles and alligns her slumped back, sitting up straight as her stress obviously dissolves.

"God, I love you." She whispers.

I feel my body freeze and I look at Harry across from me who is staring down at his plate of food. His eyes meet mine briefly and I just give him a small smile which he returns before taking another sip from his cup.

"Well it's settled then. You're staying here as long as you can and tomorrow we are going shopping." Gemma announces as she claps her hands together.

"I don't have any money though I-" I begin, feeling humiliated as I mutter the words.

"Nonsense! Just think of it as a Christmas gift from me. And you can even borrow my clothes in the mean time." She says.

I shake my head.

"No I can't I-"

"Yes you can. Please. I owe you at least that much."

Her kindness is almost overbearing and I feel my body beginning to submerge itself in an ocean overflowed with guilt.

"You don't owe me anything."

She smiles and all eyes land on me.

"I owe you more than you can imagine." She whispers before looking at Harry.
That feeling of completion is so hard to obtain, so hard to grasp. I've always wondered how it feels, would it feel as if I was floating? Would it feel as if nothing could tear me down? Would it make me realize that maybe life is actually worth something like people have told me countless of times? As I stare into the eyes of everyone in this room, two new faces and the other the face of light itself, I realize that even though I'm not completed, I am now a believer in that sensation since I am now heading towards it. But then again...

I look over at Harry to see how his eyes are roaming up and down my face, a smile revealing itself on his lips. Maybe I am already completed.
...

We talked again for a while longer before heading to Gemma and Lucas' TV room to watch home videos of Harry and Gemma when they were children that Harry's mother emailed her. Her laptop is connected to the TV and we have been watching for the past three hours.
My cheeks hurt from smiling so much and my stomach I feel is going to be sore in the morning due to my constant laughter. I watched videos of Harry riding a small go cart, of him singing, laughing, and enjoying life like how a happy and loved child usually would.

He was so full of life, so full of adventure, and it was so amazing to just see him reminisce and watch good parts of his past, instead of having to focus on the tough ones.
His dimples were popping out the whole time and I just feel so honored that I even got to see him act this giddy, to share this happy moment with him.

Harry and Lucas are now asleep on the couches, and Gemma and I are just sitting on the floor beside each other, still giggling over the video of Harry singing in his underwear.

"He looked like a miniature Elvis Presley." I comment, revealing my teeth through my smile.
Gemma nods.

"He used to always gel his hair back to try to get it like him, but his hair always ended up in a complete mess." She adds.

I chuckle and her as well before I look over at Harry, who is sound asleep. His arm is hanging loosely from the couch, his finger tips touching the rugged floor, and his mouth is slightly open.

He looks so peaceful.

"This is all because of you. You know that right?"
I turn my head back to Gemma to see her looking at me.

"What do you mean?"

"My mother called me just before breakfast and told me everything you did for him and for us." She whispers.

"I mean all I did was call her, it was really you two i me-"
She laughs.

"You're really humble. Now I see why Harry loves you."

My eyes widen and time just freezes along with my body.

"W-what? Did he tell you that?"

I begin to fiddle with the end of my jeans, flapping it back and forth because frankly I don't know how to react right now. But that's just the Styles family for you.

"No. But I can tell."

She fixes her oversized Star Wars shirt, Lucas' I'm guessing, before giving me a reassuring smile.

"He doesn't love me. And he never will." I mutter, my eyes landing on my lap.
I look down too much, but really what else am I supposed to do.
I glance up when I see her hand land on my right knee and I wish that I can know Gemma longer, because she is a great person. But I know that one day Harry will grow tired of me and my problems, leave me, and then I will no longer be able to see her and most of all him. And I know that on that day, it will rain, maybe even worse. Possibly a hurricane since as I've mentioned before, the weather always portrays my emotion, and when that day comes, My soul will become like the eye of the hurricane, like a black hole. I'll just be lost, most likely never able to come out. Oh God, I just hope that someone has a rope to pull me out.

"Why would you think that?"

She removes her hand and I pull out a few bricks from my wall, exposing some of myself.

"I'm just a homeless girl who has panic attacks. He can get better."

The room becomes devoured by silence and I already feel foolish. I'm so pathetic and just so pathetically in love with him.

"God created love Jane. People created status."
My eyes narrow as I take in her words. She just nods before she begins to shake back in forth in place, her cheeks turning a little pink.

"I'll be right back. I know I'm ruining our little moment, but I kind of have to take a wee."
I force out a chuckle and nod before she walks out, leaving me alone in my thoughts.
'God created love Jane. People created status.'

That may be true, but Harry is a person and not God, so I don't know what that leaves me with.
A sudden knock on the door leaves takes me out of my thoughts and I contemplate whether or not to wake Lucas. That would be rude.

I get up and I begin to walk to the door. I hope it's not one of their friends. I won't really know what to do and I am pretty awkward.

When I open the door, my mood suddenly becomes more harsh and as I try to slam the door on his face, his foot stops it.

"Jane please! I've been looking for you for hours! Please let me explain!" Aiden says.

He's wearing the exact same clothes from last night and his hair is very messy. I know he's telling the truth since he never lies to me, but I still don't want to speak with him.
I stand in the door staring him down with hatred and I just want him to leave.

"Go away." I spit out.

His eyes widen and I feel my heart hurt a little. Him and his freaking wide eyes.

"Please. Let me explain. Let's talk about this!" He continues.
I shake my head in disapproval and I really hope he doesn't wake Harry or Lucas up.

"There is nothing to talk about. You betrayed me and we're done here."

I try to close the door, but he does the same thing and remains standing in front of me with his begging eyes.

He takes a deep breath.

"Just let me explain. Please." He whispers.

I clench my hand into a fist and I stare at the wall behind him, not wanting to give in.

"Why did you bring her? Why did you even want to keep contact with me? Did you just want to see me hurt because of something from our past? I thought you were different!" I whisper harshly.

He shakes his head quickly before tangling his fingers in his hair.

"That's not it. I-I-"

"What Aiden? Just tell me! If you really care about me as you say, then fess up."
I cross my arms and I lean myself against the door frame, trying to show him that I mean business.

He takes a deep breath and glances at the floor before looking back at me slowly. His whole body hunches over as in defeat and I'm a little nervous.

"I did it because you seemed so depressed when you saw your father, and I just thought that maybe if you saw her again, then you would know that at least she cares about you."
I feel my arms uncross and I bite my lip, not knowing how to respond.

He then walks up to me and stares down at me, his eyes narrowed in concentration.

"I just want to make you happy Jane. I-I love you."
He whispers the last part, and I feel my lips separate a little.

"Um I-"

I quickly turn around to see Harry standing behind me. His eyes look pained and his smile from before has completely vanished.

He shakes his head.

"I'm gonna go look for Gemma." He mutters very quietly as he averts his eyes to the floor, avoiding eye contact with me and walking off without another word.

Notes