Loose Change (Harry Styles) [BOOK 2]

"I think you should go." I whisper, staring at my shoes as I hold on to the door handle securely.
I hear him sigh.

"Why can't we just be like how we used to?" He responds.

I raise my head and I stare into his eyes that seem to be submerged into guilt, sadness, worry, and something that is overwhelming...

Admiration.

I shake my head a little and I sigh myself.

"Aiden, first off, you betrayed me. Second, I'm nineteen and you're what? Twenty one/two? I'm not thirteen anymore and I don't obtain the same strong feelings for you that I used to." I coldly but honestly reply.

His thin lips purse together as he obviously tries controlling himself. He places his hand over his forehead and closes his eyes as he just takes a deep breath.

"I know Jane. I-I. I just want to know you. Get to know you... You may never feel the same, but even though I have and most likely will, I just want to be there for you again. Even if it's just a friendship or even just an aquaintenceship. Wait is that even a word?"

I feel a smile beginning to creep on my lips and I quickly bite them to hold back. You're supposed to be serious Jane. Act serious.

My hand releases itself from the door handle and I quickly cross my arms together to try to intimidate him, but fail as I see him not affected at all. I need to work on that.

"Aiden, I don't know if I can trust you again." I speak.

His shoulders slump slightly and I really just want this conversation to end, before I possibly give in to his plees. When I was younger, Aiden and I would have fights, but neither of us could stand being away from each other for long, so we would usually end up calling truce and have a celebratory bowl of cereal. But this time, it's different. He's been out of my life for five years and all he wants is a woman in distress to save and pity. I would always cry to him and since Aiden didn't really grow up in a 'lovey touchy feely' household, he would always savor me in his arms, comforting me in ways he wished his father would with him. We were there for eachother, but now it's different. I'm different. He's different. Everything's different, and he has already caused problems, I don't want anymore to add to the list.

"Please. Just give me a chance." He states in a soft tone, matching his puppy dog caramel colored eyes.

No Aiden. Don't do that.

I shake my head and I uncross my arms, placing my hand back on the door handle. But before I could even think of shutting the door, Lucas appears right beside me, yawning and stretching
his arms.

"Um, hello?" He says tiredly, staring at Aiden.

Aiden responds with a weak smile, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Hey." He retorts.

Silence begins to linger in the room, adding to the awkward mood.

"Who are you and why are you here?" Lucas questions.

My eyes glance at my hand that is still wrapped around the door handle and I just continue standing stiffly in place.

"My name's Aiden. Um I just came to talk to Jane."

I feel my chest hurt slightly as I feel both Aiden's as well as Lucas' eyes on me.

"Are you Jane's friend?" Lucas continues, turning his attention back to Aiden.

Aiden just shakes his head, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Um actually n-"

"Yeah he is." I interrupt.

Both Aiden and I are both shocked by my words, but I don't take them back. What am I doing?
Have I lost all sense of reasoning?

"Oh, well hello there Jane's friend named Aiden." Lucas adds, giving Aiden a welcoming smile.
Aiden smiles softly, his eyes on me and his back aligning. I force one on my lips and I turn my attention to Lucas, not knowing what else to look at.

"Shit, it's freezing outside and you were just wearing that?! Do you want to come inside?!" Lucas states in realization, his eyes widening.

He pushes me slightly to the side so he could open the door wider, to allow Aiden to enter.
Aiden quickly shakes his head.

"Oh no, I'm fine. I brought like five jackets with me, the guy in the lobby is just holding them for me. It's really warm in here. But thank you for your offer anyway." Aiden quickly retorts, his charasmatic smile returning.

I can't help but giggle a little, causing Lucas to look at me as if I were crazy and receiving a confused smile from Aiden.

"What? You know I get sick easily. I was actually going to bring like eight jackets, but my mom stopped me." Aiden remarks, a few chuckles escaping his lips.

I just laugh more.

"I wish you came up wearing them. I bet you looked like the pillsbury dough boy." I comment, causing Lucas to laugh along with me.

"Hey! I looked like a sexy pillsbury dough boy!" Aiden jokes, sticking his tongue slightly at me.
I do the same and I can already tell how child like and foolish we appear right now, making me laugh even more.

Lucas' laughter begins to die down, a bright and wide smile still present on his pale face.

"How long are you staying here man?" Lucas asks Aiden.
Aiden shrugs and glances at me for a second before looking back at Lucas.

"I don't know. A few days I guess. My father owns a pent house here near Ponder avenue, so I'm just staying there."

Aiden is such a rich white boy.

"Well, we're all going to the mall on eighty eighth tomorrow, interested?" Lucas continues.
I feel my heart stop and my smile fades.

I may have just laughed right now and tolerated Aiden's pressense, but that doesn't mean I forgive him. Besides, due to Harry's reaction when he saw Aiden, I don't think he would really be comfortable with him being there. Why was Harry even acting like that...

"Sure. Around one?"

My mind un swirls and ventures back to reality as I see Lucas and Aiden plan my demise right in front of me.

"Yup, sounds good." Gemma's boyfriend retorts.
I want to just interject and tell them both that I do not want Aiden to be near me anytime soon, but I don't want to seem like a rude egotistical douche, so I keep quiet.

They both exchange goodbyes and I just offer a simple and emotionless wave, before he finally leaves and Lucas shuts the door behind us as we re enter his home.

"He seems nice."
I nod.

He is nice, don't get me wrong. I just can't find it in my heart to forgive him yet.
As we head down the small hall that is covered with many pictures of Gemma and Lucas, I begin to hear voices. I'm guessing Lucas hears them too, since his eyes narrow in a form of concentration.

"You have to grow some balls and tell her." I barely hear Gemma's voice.

Her? Is she talking to Harry? And what about?

Lucas and I both glance at eachother and he just stops me, his hand placed on my right shoulder. I guess he's curious himself and doesn't want them to hear us walking.

"You don't understand. I just can't!"

I feel my heart clench. That was Harry's voice and he sounds frustrated.
"Why can't you? Why do you always have to shut people out? Don't treat her like how you've treated me and everyone else." Gemma almost screams. I can tell that even though she forgave Harry, the memories of her calling her brother and receiving immediate voice mail and silence for a whole year haunts her. I know it would haunt me.

As Gemma's voice begins to grow more frail, Lucas quickly releases his hand from my shoulder and scurries himself to the room where the noise seems to be coming from.
Lucas opens the door, me behind him, and we both see Gemma sitting at the edge of a bed,

Harry hugging her tight in his arms and whispering sorry to her repeatedly. She just cries in his chest, and my heart hurts for her.
They both resemble two broken violins trying to play and regain their beautiful sound, and it's quite saddening to see. He begs for her forgiveness, while she just remains there wanting him to forgive himself more than anything. Me too Gemma. Me too.

"Baby." Lucas whispers from the door way.

Gemma slowly lets go of Harry and turns her attention to the both of us. Harry's eyes remain on his sister and I think he's trying to avoid me on purpose.

Gemma wipes her eyes and just begins to chuckle. I can tell it's forced and I know that I'm not the only one that thinks that.

"Harry and I were just talking about how horribly he washes dishes, brought tears to my eyes. Because he really just sucks." She jokes, making the situation even sadder. She's one of those people that hide through humor and when I see Lucas practically run to her to hold her in his arms, I feel happy that he is in her life. Lucas is Gemmas and Gemma is Lucas' and how wonderful it must be to have someone that loves you that much.

I turn my head up to Harry to see how he's already looking at me. His green eyes have lightened up, but still hold a tad sense of confusion.

What is he thinking about...

...

Gemma eventually felt better and we all just ate some pizza from Dominoes while chatting about this new art museum that has recently opened. Lucas and Gemma won't stop gushing about it, and I kind of want to go. I've never been to one before.

"Harry, if you like Jane's art, you will just love this museum." Gemma comments.

I feel my cheeks heat up and I glance at Harry who is sitting across from me. He just shrugs as he continues staring at his pizza slice.

Something is on his mind, something's bothering him and I just want to know what. I hope he doesn't feel bad about the situation with him and his sister from earlier. He needs to know that they forgive him and that the past is the past.

"Why don't we go this week? Are you two going to stay here long?" Gemma asks, interest and charisma brightening all of her features.

I glance at Harry because it isn't really my say. He has to go back to work, so it really depends on him. Besides, I'm not really in a rush to leave. I can stay here for a few days.

He still avoids my eyes, but shrugs again.

"Um I guess. Probably going to stay maybe three or four days." Harry answers before taking a bite of his remaining pizza crust.

I just nod in agreement as I look back at her.

Her smile widens and I can't help but smile a little myself. I wish I had a sister like Gemma.

"It's settled then. We're going to go this week!" Lucas states excitedly.
Harry grins slightly at both his sister's and her boyfriends happiness.
I just giggle a little before yawning.

"Are you tired love?" Gemma asks.

I really am exhausted, even though it's about seven here, it's ten in Virginia, and that's the time I usually go to bed. But, I enjoy talking to them and I don't want this day to end, so I shake my head.

"No, I'm fine." I lie.

"Where are your extra blankets? I'm tired too." Harry announces as he gets out of his chair, grabbing his plate and throwing his food scraps as well as the plastic plate in the trash bin.

"I said I'm n-" I begin, but am interrupted when Harry and Gemma walk out of the room to get blankets I'm assuming.

I don't understand Harry. He was so happy and cheery in the morning, then he ignores me without explanation, and now he's getting blankets for me. His silence is just utter fire, his laughter water, and his words are steam, a mixture of both. He is just a piece of work and sometimes i'm unsure whether it's in a good way or a frustrating one.

Most likely both.

They both soon return and Gemma hands Harry the blanket in her hand before motioning Lucas to follow her to their room.

"Good night you two. If any of you need anything, Lucas and I will be in our room at the end of the hall to the left." Gemma announces graciously.

I nod and respond with a grateful smile.

They both wave before finally leaving me and Harry alone in their TV room.
I just remain standing there, just staring in front of me at the empty hall. I'm unsure what's going on with Harry or if he's mad at me, and I'm unsure if I should just let him cope with his own anger until it finally subsides and the real him returns to me. I'm unsure.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and I slowly turn around.

His eyes are directed upon the two blankets in his hand. One plain bright pink one that looks as if it's made of a soft wool and the other, a black one with the Star Wars logo all over it. Oh Lucas.

"Here." He says as he hands me the pink wool one.

"Thank you." I whisper.

He just nods, his eyes still on the blanket, before turning around and walking to one of the long black leather couches.

I just sigh before sauntering myself to the other couch, holding the blanket tightly in my grasp.

"Harry." I state as I sit myself down.

His body is turned away, so all I can see is his back and it's killing me how he's trying to avoid me.

He doesn't respond, so I just sigh before laying my body completely down, placing the blanket over me.

"Goodnight." I whisper before turning off the light with the remote Gemma has that controls everything and closing my eyes, drifting off into sleep in complete silence.
...

"What's your favorite color?" Harry questions, my head resting on his left shoulder and his head resting on my own.

"Green." I reply.

He chuckles as we both continue looking at the sunrise from the balcony. Our spot.

"What's so funny?" I ask, laughing a little.

He lifts his head up and looks down at me, a foolish grin spread on his lips making him look absolutely beautiful.

"Why green? Green is so... green."
I laugh a little before shrugging, my cheeks flushing.

"What? Why is green your favorite color?" He questions, his head slightly tilted in a curious adorable way.

I bring my knees to my chest and I wrap my arms around them as I stare into his emerald colored eyes.

"Your eyes." I whisper, staring down at the floor. Great. He probably thinks I'm a freak now.
I feel my face being lightly turned to the right as Harry's hand tilts my chin up to him. His smile has faltered and his eyebrows are furrowed together in concentration as he just observes me as if I'm the only thing that mattered to him.

"Harry I-"

"I love you." He mutters, causing my heart to race and my smile to grow, making me resemble a small child.

"I-I love you too." I respond, causing him to smile as well.

We both just begin laughing out of happiness before he quickly pecks my lips. I peck his lips back and then he slides his hand from under my chin to the side of my face, leaning his face to mine, but this time he doesn't pull away. He continues and we both just begin to overdose on each other's lips and overall being.

Cynical laughter fills the air and I slowly open my eyes. Harry's lips are still on my own, so I break the contact, receiving a concerned look from him immediately.

"Is everything alright?" Harry questions.

My eyes begin to roam the area surrounding us. The sky has turned pitch black and the room has grown colder. Freezing even.

I begin to shiver and I quickly feel arms wrap around me. Harry's arms are chilling and for some reason his embrace feels recognizable yet not.
I turn my head to him, and my eyes immediately enlarge.

He's wearing the deep red suede cloak again, and all that is evident is his smile, the hood of the red fabric falling over his eyes and most of his nose. Most people would usually pull away if they saw something as horrendous and terrifying as my father caging them in their arms, evil thoughts most likely raking through his brain.

"Oh, my dear." He whispers as he laughs.

I feel my body begin to shake, but I don't dare move from him. I miss his hugs, and even though I'm unsure what he is going to try to do, I don't want to let go. This isn't him. This is just a nightmare. I know it. I feel it. And besides, if the only way I can get that man to hug me is by depicting him as this horrid beast in my dreams, I'll take it.

"Daddy." I whisper.

His smile grows and he shakes his head before releasing one of his hands and placing his finger over my lips, silencing me.

"Shhh child. Father's love their children, therefore you are just another one of my weak victims and nothing more."

My heart stops and I feel my eyes beginning to water. His right arm is now wrapped around my shoulder and my knees are still to my chest with my arms still wrapped around them.

"What do you want from me?" I choke out, holding myself tighter as liquid begins to release.

He brings me closer to his side and I just shut my eyes closed, feeling the wind blow through my hair.
His chuckles vibrate through me, sending me anguish.
"Pain." He mutters into my ear.

My lips separate and the cold air begins to enter my body, sending goosebumps to automatically clothe all of my skin.

"I've already given that to you... So many times."

He laughs again, that tragically yet horrifically intense laugh.

"Open your eyes." He says.

I ignore him.

"Open your eyes!" He yells, his voice no longer holding amusement.

I'm shaking repetitively, not being able to stop as I open my eyes, seeing Rose lying lifeless and pale in front of me.

"That's fake. You're fake! You might've tricked me before, but I know that this is all a nightmare!" I yell back.

His arm releases from me and when I turn to him, he's vanished as well as Rose.
I take a deep breath, but continue to tremble. The balcony seems to be cracking and aging impossibly and I just remain seated, too cold to move.

"You're a smart girl you know that. Not very strong emotionally, but smart."

I hesitantly move my head to the left to see my father standing towards the entrance, his back leaning against the brick wall.

He catches me looking at him and smiles before walking back up to me.

As I try to say something, cold air releases from my mouth, freezing my lips.

I hold myself tighter and I begin to rock myself back and forth in hopes that the action will help me warm myself.

He blocks the view from behind me, so all I see is his mouth and a shadow over his eyes as I glare up at him.

He doesn't look cold at all, his skin is perfectly tanned and smooth while mine is a dreadful pale white tint polluted with goosebumps.

"Everything is all psychological you see." He begins.

He bends down and stares into my eyes, my weak emotionally brown eyes.

"If you believe something hard enough, your mind will think it's real." He simply says.

I just remain silent, looking at him with confusion and uncertainty.

"So just because something's not physically in front of you, doesn't mean it's not happening. Doesn't mean that you still don't fear it." He continues.

I raise an eyebrow.

"W-what do you m-m-mean?" I question.

His smile widens and he just steps aside, revealing the sight of the truest tragedy.

Harry is standing on top of the railing of the balcony, looking up at the night sky with his blood shot eyes and an empty bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand.

"HARRY!" I Scream, feeling a scratch in my throat.

He looks over at me for a brief second, smiling. I'm sobbing and no matter how hard I try to get up, I can't. It's as if I am cemented to the ground.

"I can finally live young forever Jane." He whispers.

I shake my head rapidly and I keep on trying to get up, but nothing. My chest is burning and I feel myself beginning to breathe heavily.

"Harry!" I try yelling, but the cold is strangling my dry throat, making it difficult to even breathe.
His right foot steps forward and then his left and I begin to scream.

"Jane! Jane! I'm here! Wake up!"

I feel my eyes open and I quickly sit up, my arms wrapped around myself. I'm trembling, and my lip is quivering.

It's fairly dark, but I know that Harry is with me due to the sound of his voice.

I try opening my mouth, but I feel as if I'm still dreaming and that I still don't obtain that ability.
He wraps his arms around me and I begin to cry.

"You're like ice." He mutters.

"You're alive." I respond quietly.

He pulls away and I can just see the outlines of his face.

"It was only a night mare Jane. I'm here." He states.

His skin is cold too and I grab his hands, just to make sure that he's actually here and that I'm awake.

"You're here." I say.

"I'm here."

I nod my head and just continue crying as I release his hands and hug him again.

We both eventually let go and he realizes that all this cold air is coming from the half open window in the corner. He shut it and when he returned, he grabbed his blanket as well as mine that had fallen on the floor and places it over both of us when he snuggles next to me on the couch with his arm wrapped around my body and my head resting on his chest. I quickly fall back to sleep, my tears dried and my arm wrapped around Harry as well. He's here and I wish to keep it that way until the day I die.
...
Harry's POV

I'm pissed. I'm mad as hell. I'm angered. At who? Myself.

Why the fuck did I allow her to sleep alone, knowing that she always has these nightmares? Even though I felt shitty about what Aiden told her, that still shouldn't have been an excuse. She had a nightmare that I died and she screamed. She screamed. Gemma and her boyfriend must have had fucking cement in their ears since they didn't even make a sound, but then again, Gemma has always been a deep sleeper.

I just dread seeing Jane look that terrified and I vow to never let her go through anything like that again.

We're now heading to the mall and to say I'm happy is a major exaggeration. I rather just be home with Jane and my sister relaxing, since I'm so tired of all of the attention, but my two girls looked so excited and I couldn't just deny them that.

Since both Gemma and Lucas each got new pairs of underwear for Christmas from Lucas' grandmother, they gave me and Jane the unused and unopened packs. We took showers, got changed, ate breakfast, and now we're in Gemma's silver Corolla. It's pretty enclosed and it just adds to the tightness I'm feeling especially since I'm wearing her boyfriend's tight ass clothes. I really should've thought out this trip better, but fuck it I guess. Besides, Jane looks really good in My sister's brown leather jacket and tight jeans that accentuate her legs amazingly. Damn. Maybe she should keep those. I'm sure Gemma won't mind.

"Jane, you're just going to love all of these stores. Especially Chanel. Oh my God, It's better than chocolate." Gemma comments as she drives into the parking lot of the gigantic building.
I glance over at Jane who is sitting beside me in the back and I see how nervous she's beginning to look.

"Chanel? Isn't that an expensive store?" Jane questions innocently.

Lucas is pointing to an empty parking space and Gemma follows his directions, laughing a little.

"Well, I mean I guess. I can hardly afford it, but it's really nice to see." Gemma responds.
Jane nods and begins to fiddle with her fingers that are covered by purple gloves. It's snowing outside which is another reason why we should've stayed home.

"I've been in there once." Jane remarks, glancing down at her lap and smiling as if she's remembering.

I place my hand on her leg and she glances at me, giving me a smile which I return.

"What did one glove say to the other?" I ask Jane as I pull my hand away,
She smiles foolishly and raises an eyebrow in confusion.

"What?"

"We're both gloves."

Jane shakes her head dissaprovingly before laughing uncontrollably, her eyes crinkling on the sides.

I join her and we both begin laughing our asses off.

"God, that fucking sucked." Gemma states as she chuckles herself, Lucas laughing beside her.
Jane bites her bottom lip, releasing a few more laughs before putting her hands up, motioning us to stop talking.

"Are you ready to have your mind blown away?" Jane asks, her teeth revealing themselves as she continues laughing.

"That's what I was born for." Gemma says as she puts the car in park.

We all eject our seat belts and get out of the car, Gemma locking it soon after.

We all begin to walk together like in a sideways line, awaiting for Jane to continue.

"How did the italian chef die?" She begins.

Everyone shrugs as we continue walking through the desolate lot.

"Because he pasta way."

She just smiles widely, waiting for us to react, but we all just remain silent until I finally burst out laughing.

Gemma just rolls her eyes and giggles, while Lucas chuckles beside her. No one really shares my love of bad humor like Jane.

"That was terrible." I state, my hand stuffed in the pocket of my jean jacket. At least I got to wear that.

She nudges me in the shoulder playfully.

"Oh and 'were both gloves' is genius!" She defends, still smiling.
I put my hands up in the air and I look down at her.

"That's classic. You don't bash on a classic Jane." I remark.

She shakes her head again before smiling even wider.

"My poor ears. I can't believe they had to hear that horrible pun. I'm going to be forever grateful to them for now on." She comments, holding her earlobes.

I open my mouth in disbelief.

"Yours was even worse! If anyone should be apologizing to their ears, it should be me!" I continue joking, now covering my ears with my hands.

"No. Mine was hilarious."

"No."

"Yes."

"Jane."

"Harry."

Gemma and Lucas both begin to look at us as if were idiots, causing Jane and I to both continue laughing together.

When we enter the building, warmth hits all of us and we all shake off the snow we have. I wipe some off of Jane's head and she just giggles, ruffling my hair. I do the same back to her and she scrunches up her nose.

"Guys do you two need me to leave you at a day care or-"

We both stop and glance at Gemma who is laughing herself.

We both glance at each other once more before we continue, walking beside one another right behind Gemma and Lucas.

I look down at Jane and my smile continues to remain. Her cheeks are flushed from the cold and her hair is messy due to me and I don't think I've ever seen anyone look more...beautiful.

"Why are you looking at me?" She whispers, her eyes staring in front of her.

"I'm just still astonished by that horrible joke."

She then looks over at me with her mouth wide open, a gasp releasing from her pink lips before hitting my shoulder lightly.

I chuckle and she as well.

"Oh hey man!" I hear Lucas say.

Jane and I stop as we both see Lucas and my sister greeting someone.

Aiden.

He's not a bad kid. He has good taste in music and seems nice, it's just... he's in love with my girl. And the thing is that right when he confessed his feelings, a part of me wished that she said it back so she could leave with him. He would just be a better and safer fit for her and I'm just a fuck up. But the thing is that I'm selfish and my feelings for her surpass my reasoning. God, I am literally shit.

My smile is gone and when he walks over to her, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist, I want to throw up.

When people get a cup placed in front of them that contains a medium amount of liquid by a therapist, the therapist asks them what they see. It seems like a simple question, but it's actually very psychological and intense. If the person says it's half filled, then they're happy or at least average, but if they say it's half empty, then they're depressed. And right now, seeing a better man wanting her and savoring all of who she is makes me feel half empty. Almost completely hollow.

When they both pull away, they both are smiling at each other and I can't tear my eyes off of them. I'm just standing there seeing my life being with another life.
...
I ended up walking up to Gemma and Lucas, leaving Jane and Aiden to talk amongst themselves. Jane would always ask about my opinion on something they were talking about and I would just shrug.

"I don't know." I responded countless of times, wanting her to just get bored of me and focus on him.

This plan I have with her father didn't include me falling for her, and maybe I should start following the plan for once and begin letting go.

Gemma excitedly points towards some chic place called Zara and when she grabs Jane's wrist, dragging her inside, I know that we all have to go inside as well.

Lucas sighs.

"We're going to be in here for hours you know. This is Gem's favorite store." He announces.
I sigh too and nod, while Aiden just shrugs. We both walk in and when I begin to hear loud whispering behind me, as well as seeing flashes through the reflection of the glass doors, I know that we won't be the only ones entering this dreadful store.

"Oh my gosh! Is that Harry Styles?!"

And so it begins.

Notes