Loose Change (Harry Styles) [BOOK 2]

Janes POV
"When did you really start drawing like this?" Harry questions as he points to my sketchbook.
Ever since the antique store trip, we've been hanging out together practically every day. I would wake up early each morning and Katherine would drive me to the studio. At first it was fine, but after a few days, I didn't want to seem like such a bother, so I began to just take the bus. But when Harry found out, he wouldn't allow me to continue, so instead he began to pick me up each morning. It's been about three weeks now that we have been doing this, and even though people would usually get tired of seeing each other by this time, Harry and I can't seem to get enough.
We usually just head to the studio extra early and we just lay down on the ground at the back of the studio, gazing at the sky as it rises. It's like our new tradition. And when I am not able to see him one day because either he has to go to an early interview or if Katherine just thinks that I need some space away from him, we just talk to each other on the phone as we both stare at the sky from where we are. It's as if we're watching it together and it's indescribable.
I still don't understand why people picture him as this horrendous being, when he is actually one of the best parts about this world. It was such a rare delight to see Harry really smile. With his white teeth shimmering and with his dimples revealing itself, it would make the angriest person smile back, the most depressed soul giggle, and people like me admire him and the amazing being that he is. But now, I see it practically every second, and I'm unsure if it's because of me or if he realized how magnificent he is, but I'm not really thinking about that, for instead I just want to bask in the happiness that is emitting all around him, drawing him countless times in my mind so I won't ever forget the times we share.
The thing that still confuses me though is that he sometimes holds my hand, sneaks a few kisses on my cheek, and twice on my lips. When he hugs me, it's just so tight and meaningful. I feel as if at that moment he thinks that he will never see me again, so he just savors me at that moment as long as he possibly can, and all I do is just wrap my arms around him back, reflecting his actions.
I don't really want to question his motives and thoughts since I'm quite terrified of his answer. I don't want to mess up what we have. Well whatever we have. Whether it be a friendship or even a possible romance, all I know is that as long as he's with me and I with him, everything in the world is balanced and for once in a long time, I'm laughing, I'm smiling, and I don't feel... alone. I love him and even if he doesn't feel the same, I want to remain being with him in any kind of way possible.
Right now we're in the white room at his house. Both of us laying next to each other, our chests on the floor, my sketch book in front of us, and our legs tangled with each other. Everything is just...perfect.
"Probably when I was eight. " I respond to his question as I begin to shade in a tiger with my favorite green colored pencil. I don't think I will ever go back to a regular pen ever again.
He scoots himself closer to me and traces his left index finger over the ears of the beautiful animal, his right hand holding his head up. His eyebrows are furrowed together in concentration.
"Why eight?" He speaks.
I shrug simply.
"I don't know I mean that was the year when My father and I had to live in Aiden's father's apartment that he had for us. My father would always sleep and lock himself in his room, so until Aiden would come home from school, I was lonely and just had nothing to do."
Harry only really knows about Aiden and nothing else, like the reason why my father and I even had to hide in that dreadful apartment all day everyday for six years. He only even got me to speak of Aiden, because he caught me having a phone conversation with my child hood best friend and practically forced me to explain about his relevance to me. A little dramatic if I do say so myself, but also slightly amusing.
Ever since I ran into Aiden at the grocery store that day, he actually began to call me and we've begun acquainting with each other again. Even though I still miss my father painfully, at least I have Harry, Katherine, and maybe even Aiden. Maybe things are looking up for me after all.
"Why did you live there to begin with?" Harry asks.
I begin to color in the pupils of the beautiful creature on my paper, hoping he'll change the subject and realize that I am still not ready to tell him.
"Do you not trust me or something?"
I sigh and I place my pencil down to look up at him.
"You know that's not true." I answer.
His eyes gape into my own, a hint of curiosity and even a little bit of sadness hidden in them.
"Then why won't you tell me? You know I'll answer anything for you." He comments.
I can't help but burst out into laughter, receiving a raised eyebrow as well as a confused face from Harry.
"What?" He speaks up.
I hear my own laughter stop abruptly as I notice that he's being serious.
"Harry you never answer anything I ask. you are actually probably the most hidden person I've ever met!" I say honestly.
"That isn't true!" He defends as he chuckles a little.
"Have you met yourself?"
He rolls his eyes as a foolish smile spreads on his lips.
"Yes and I am quite amazing and very open." He defends.
This time I roll my eyes and I nudge his arm with my elbow.
"Fine. Fine. I'll answer anything you want if you answer my question from before." He says.
I bite my bottom lip as I begin to fiddle with my fingers.
I just don't know if I can.
"I-I don't know Harry. I- I mean I trust you, I just don't know." I mutter.
I feel his hand rest on my own, and my body tenses at his touch.
I look up back at him slowly, his grin gone as he is now serious once again.
"You don't have to if you're not ready Jane. I understand."
He gives me a small reassuring smile and all I can do is nod.
"I can ask you anything, you said?"
He nods back.
"Anything." He whispers.
I nod again before releasing my hands from under his and I sit myself up, him doing the same.
A deep breath escapes my lips before I close my eyes.
"My last name isn't Weck Harry..." I admit.
"W-what?"
I open my eyes to see how lost he looks, and all I want right now is a drink so I won't remember having this conversation.
"My real last name is Anderson...My father used to be very wealthy... He owned a very successful oil company and Aiden's father invested all his time and money in stocks, they we're practically brothers."
"So what happened?"
I begin to twirl a piece of my hair around my finger, hoping that somehow my hair is magical and will help me disappear.
"Men tried to kill my father..."
His eyebrows furrow even more together as he tries to understand what I'm saying.
"Why?" He asks as his eyes meet mine again.
"You're asking a lot of questions Harry." I say, hoping that he'll just leave the situation alone and we can just continue what we were doing before.
"Well you still haven't answered my first question."
I release the breath I didn't even realize I was holding and I nod.
"You're right. Um sorry. They framed him of purchasing and even dealing drugs to very powerful people. And I guess they had no one to blame so they picked him, causing many people to get pissed. I'm not really sure. No one has really explained that part to me actually."
I state as I glance down at my lap, trying to remember as much as I can.
"Aiden's father, Jerry Page, in order to keep us safe, let us hide and live in one of his apartments that he owned. We we're kind of like the Frank family from the Holocaust. Less brutal of course, but similar in the fact that we had to hide." I add.
Harry grabs my hand and holds it tight. His lips are separated and his eyes are filled with worry and sympathy.
"Those people aren't still looking for you are they?" He asks.
I force a small smile and I shake my head.
"No."
To be honest I'm unsure, but I don't want to worry him any further.
"What happened to your mom though?" He continues.
I release my hand from his and I shake my head again.
"I answered your question Harry. I-I I'm sorry, but I can't anymore."
Just admitting to him that is bringing back many dark memories and right now I feel very small and just frail like a pale ghost.
I feel his arms wrap around me.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you." He whispers.
I wrap my arms around him, nuzzling my head into his neck.
"It's fine. I understand." I reply.
After a few more seconds, we both finally pull away and he holds both of my hands again.
"Now it's your turn. I'm all yours. Feel free to ask anything."
I smile slightly before looking up at the ceiling dramatically.
"Hmm what should I ask the most mysterious guy in the world? His underwear size possibly? Maybe how many straws he can stuff up his nose." I joke.
Harry begins to laugh very loudly, me joining him.
"Okay but being serious. I don't really know what to ask you. I actually have many questions." I comment.
"Well sadly I can only answer one today."
I nod and I release my hands from his, crossing my legs criss cross and placing my elbows on top of my thighs, balancing my head in my hands.
This is probably the only chance I will ever have to get inside Harry's mind, so I really have to come up with a good question. A question that will maybe answer more than one question. Maybe about his mom? His sister? Nah. None of those are really good enough.
As I'm about to give up and just ask him about something random, something pops into my mind that has been eating me for a while.
"Who's Skylar?"
I remember him saying how he killed this girl. Even though he said it while he was highly intoxicated, for some reason I feel as if he was telling the truth, and by the way his face almost instantly paled, I think he did.
Harry's POV
"Who's Skylar?"
What the flying fuck.
"Who told you about her? Was it fucking Louis?!?"
I swear to God if that punk ass told her I will-
"You told me."
Her gaze goes to my hands and I quickly look down realizing how tightly clenched they are.
"I never told you." I say as I try to calm myself, releasing the hold of my hands.
"You told me the night you got drunk. A few weeks ago... And besides does it really matter who told me?"
Her lips are in a small pout, making her look really adorable and I wish I could tell her the truth, especially since she just confessed probably one of her deepest secrets to me, but I can't. It's too risky and I can't let her know how much of a fuck up I truly am. I'll lose her if she found out, and I can't have that. I need Jane Anderson.
"No you're right. I um- I-"
Damn I have no idea what to say.
"Please don't lie to me Harry. We had a deal."
I stare into her hurt eyes and all I want to do is punch myself in the face for causing her to even feel a little bad.
"She was a girlfriend of mine a few years ago." I begin.
Nice start.
"We're you two together before Eli?" She questions, her eyes now filled with curiosity.
I nod quickly. A little too quickly. Shit. Don't fuck this up.
"Yes. And well we had a lot of history and she just broke it off out of nowhere." I add.
She bites her lip in the angelic way she does.
"Why?"
I lick my own and I clear my throat, trying to spare me more time to think.
"Um well she said that I wasn't enough for her. Even with all I had... I still wasn't enough. She left me for some billionaire kid."
I really fucking suck at lying, but by the way Jane is shaking her head with her eyes filled with a mixture of anger and sadness, I can tell that she's believing me. A part of me wishes that she would see through my lies, leave me, and move on with her life. I Know that I'm stopping her from achieving the things she can succeed in, but I'm fucking selfish when it comes to her. I can't let her go, and I hate myself for that.
"That's so cruel. I mean she left you for some spoiled punk?! You said that you killed her Harry, but I think that she killed you."
I feel my heart stop at her words and I quickly shake my thoughts and compose myself so she won't suspect anything. Did I really say that? I really need to watch how much I drink.
"Yeah I guess you can say that." I state, unsure really what else to respond.
"Harry, that Skylar girl was just some gold digging jerk who didn't even realize what she had right in front of her!" She says angered.
Jane could never be scary, no matter how much he tries she just can't. She could be the angriest she could possibly be, and she would still look god damn innocent.
I chuckle.
"What she had in front of her was shit." I say truthfully.
Jane's eyes begin to roam up and down my face and I begin to feel slight goose bumps spread throughout my body. God I can sometimes be such a pussy, but I kind of like the feeling she gives me.
"You're flawless." She whispers.
I feel my chest stop rising at her words.
"You don't know Jane. You just-"
Before I can finish what I was trying to say, she places her lips on mine and to say I'm surprised is an understatement. I'm just... fuck I am really damn surprised.
She has never done this before, and even though I don't deserve her, any of her, I can't seem to pull away. She's so addicting and her lips are just so sweet.
I place my hand on the small of her back, pulling her in closer, my other on the back of her head. Her hands are in my hair and damn, I can do this forever. Just kissing her, talking to her, sitting next to her...
My eyes are shut closed, because for some reason they always seem to when our lips meet each other. It's as if the intensity is just too overwhelming for me, that I can't even open my eyes. Or maybe even because my eyes are only usually closed when I'm dreaming, and when I kiss her it's as if I am dreaming, and like how a person closes their eyes again after they wake up from a good dream to continue it, I want to continue this. Kissing her and showing her how much I do care for her, because I can't really come up with the right words to explain them.
...
After watching a few movies and watching her draw a little more, I dropped her off at Katherine's and the day sadly ended. Even though it's only eight now, I don't really have anything else to do until I see her again tomorrow, so it's as if I just spend the rest of the day breathing and rotting my brain with television. If I never met Jane, I probably would be at a club right now, drinking my ass off until the lads or security drag my ass back home, adding to my bad reputation.
But since she is here, I can't and I won't.
I care for her, and I know how much she detests my drinking habits, so I have to hold back.
Niall's back in his room, Skyping with Eli of course, and I really don't know what else to do so I decide to take a shower.
I grab a towel from my room and I saunter to the bathroom at the end of the hall.
As I take off my clothes, I stare at myself in the huge mirror in front of me. I drop my dirty shirt into the hamper behind me and I lift my arm up, revealing the many wounds I have. I trace softly over the many scars before closing my eyes.
Don't do it again Harry. You promised yourself you wouldn't
I open the drawer and I hold a razor blade in between my fingers, almost playing with it.
My eyes begin to fill with liquid and I quickly sniffle, before I shake my head and I place it back in the drawer.
Not today. Not ever again.
I take the rest of my clothes off before climbing into the shower, clearing my mind with each water droplet that falls at the tip of each hair.
Words are jumbling around in my mind, giving me a headache and the only word I can process and focus on, the only one that is important to me right now is her name.
Jane
...
"I'm going out Okay?" I tell Niall.
He takes off his headphones and raises his eyebrows.
"I said that I'm going out."
He nods.
"Where to?"
I lick my lips.
"Over Ed's." I lie.
He nods before waving and placing his headphones back in his ear.
...
The whole ride I felt antsy and my hands were sweating profusely as they tried to grip the steering wheel. I know what I have to do, and even though I'm nervous as hell, I have to do what's best for her.
I'm now right in front of the door, knocking repetitively. Man can't he fucking answer for once.
"Fuck. Don't you know that people need sleep?" His stubborn ass says as he finally opens, revealing himself.
He looks exhausted and right now I could care less about that. I walk passed him and I enter his home. Or shall I say, my home.
He closes the door behind him and I sit myself down on his couch.
"What do you want Harry?" He questions as he stands in front of me, his robe covered body hunched over in a lazy way.
I really did wake him up. Whatever.
"It's about Jane."
His eyes widen and he quickly sits down next to me.
"Is she alright?" Her very now frantic looking father asks.
"Yes Ted she's fine. It's just... I don't want to lie to her anymore. I think we should stop everything." I say seriously, hoping he'll agree with me.
He shakes his head.
"What? No. You started this kid. You made me lose everything and because of that you have to finish it."
But of course he's stubborn as shit.
"I know. Okay!?! Look if you want, I'll tell her everything and she'll forgive you and you both can go back to normal."
I try to reason with him, but by the look of his angered face, I know that he won't budge.
"I can't let her be without a home again. You don't understand how miserable she was and I just won't have it."
I rub my hand through my hair, aggravated.
"I of course would let you keep the apartment and job dumb ass."
His face turns red from his anger, and to some people he may seem intimidating, but I've known him long enough to know that he won't do shit.
"Watch your fucking mouth. And that's not the only thing! You promised me. You swore. And even though she has no clue about it, you swore to her too. You can't give up on her like that Harry. She doesn't have all of her education done and this is the only way she can have a bright future. You can't just give up on the plan. She needs you."
No. I need her.
I lick my lips and I stand up quickly, pacing back and forth. My boots begin to make a clacking sound as they hit the wooden floor, adding to my migraine.
"I'm tired of lying to her Ted."
"Me too kid. You don't think I miss having my daughter with me? This is the best thing for her and you know it."
I close my eyes shut and I stand still, trying to catch a breath.
"Please. Keep trying. For her." I hear him say as he approaches me from behind.
I turn around, opening my eyes to see how his features are now calmer and more serious. He doesn't know. No one knows about my feelings for his daughter and even though I'm tired of this sick game I'm playing with her. I have to continue playing it a while longer. She can't end up like Skylar. I won't have it.
"Fine." I breathe out.

Notes