Loose Change (Harry Styles) [BOOK 2]

"Morning Jane!" Jeff says.
"Morning." I reply, forcing a smile.
Jeff is one of the new cooks at the homeless shelter along with his equally charismatic wife Helen. Even though I adore volunteering and actually doing something productive with my time, I'm lonely. I actually have been filling in for Katherine since she went to New York to visit her daughter and her daughter's fiancé for the holidays. She's staying there two weeks, and I'm working here for two weeks, so far it's been three days.
She of course offered me to come along with her, but I declined since I know that she hasn't had some real mother and daughter time with her real child in almost half a year. I can't just follow her around everywhere like a lost puppy. She has a life outside of Virginia and I have to respect that.
Harry, Louis, and the boys are off doing some interviews in France since there album is almost completed, so I don't even have them. There actually coming back in two days and I'm really excited. I'm unsure if Harry has missed me as much as I've been longing for him, but I could care less. Even though it's only been a week since I've seen him last, I desperately have been yearning to hear one of his cheesy knock knock jokes or even just the sight of his green eyes twinkling during our silly and pointless conversations.
We promised each other that we would not try to contact one another since everyone has been saying that we are too 'attached' and need some space. I guess they're right about that, but besides Katherine, Harry is really one of the only people that I truly care about, and it's just hard. I sometimes feel that when he said goodbye through the phone before he went to the airport last week to me, that that was the last word I will ever hear from him again. I can't have that and lately it's been haunting my thoughts. I love him. I'm in love with him.
All this silence hurts, and it's one of the worst pains I have ever had to endure.
The only voices I've listened to lately are the staff and some people at the homeless shelter. Many of them are very sweet and even remembered me. Apparently Katherine has told them much about me, so it's as if I go along with her. Mike, one of Katherine's friends that volunteers there, actually found my jacket that I've forgotten that was filled with the watch money. He made sure no one touched any cent and I am truly grateful, even though I don't really have anything to spend it on. My father won't communicate with me at all and has seemed as if he has disappeared from the face of the earth, so I don't think he would accept such a gift from me.
Other than that, I also find the people very generous like Katherine, but again....I'm alone. And even though the bright smiles I receive light up the slight shadows I obtain, they're not enough. I sometimes catch myself just staring at the beds all the way in the corner... The beds where my father and I would rest... Where we would share laughs. Where he would tell me stories about his childhood. Where he would hug me tight when I was saddened. When he would just be there for me like he always has and will never again do.
So do I have something to do? Yes.
Am I healthy? Yes.
Am I doing my job correctly? Yes.
Am I happy?
No.
Right now I just finished greeting everyone and I'm now grabbing the sheets from the now vacant beds to wash them in the back. I think it's nice how every night people get to sleep in delightful smelling beds instead of filthy and dusty holes. I am completely positive that everyone appreciates that and I am thankful that they do. Everyone deserves a good night sleep, whether they're wealthy or not.
I'm heading to the washing machine, holding three comforters bundled in a ball, practically blinding me since I can hardly see where I am even walking.
"Turn that up Jeff." I hear his wife say, speaking about the volume of the radio they always have next to them I'm guessing.
"Why?"
"Just turn it up Jeff! I think it's about that little girl again! The one that's missing!" His very nervous seeming spouse commands.
I chuckle a little at her nervousness as I place the comforters in the washing machine, and pour in the detergent.
As I press the spin cycle and turn around to walk over to them, I notice how Jeff is opening a bag filled with corn, while Helen is bent down, her right ear practically touching the speaker of the black cheap looking radio.
I saunter myself over to them, finding myself to be quite curious about the whole situation as well.
"There's a little girl missing?" I question, hoping to spark up conversation and delay time as I await for the comforters to wash.
Helen glances over at me and nods before turning her attention back to the radio.
"She's just a little antsy about this sweetie. Helen loves her news stories." Her husband states as he pours the corn into a silver gray tray.
I shrug and I lean my body against the wall beside the radio.
'Day two of the search for the missing little girl. She was last seen at her foster care family, the Jones', apartment at eight o' three in the evening. Authorities are searching any possible location to where this ten year old girl can possibly be.'
For some reason I feel my body tense nervously.
"Oh that poor child!" Helen comments, placing her hand over her fore head, adding to her dramatic demeanor.
I cross my arms and I feel my eyebrows furrow together in concentration.
"Did this take place anywhere around here?" I ask.
Jeff moves the corn a little with a serving spoon, before sauntering up to his wife's side, placing his hand on her shoulder.
"Yes very close actually. Only three blocks away in the wealthy looking apartments near downtown." He answers.
"Little girl was a runaway. Never quite heard of such a young person doing that before." He adds.
I feel myself beginning to shake nervously. It can't be. It just can't.
"The girl was ten they said?" I dare to ask.
They both nod in unison.
No. No. No. No.
I take a deep breath as I un cross my arms and begin to rub them together anxiously, hoping that it will calm me down, when instead it's only doing otherwise.
"Have they said her name?" I question, staring at the floor.
"Yes." The man answers.
I close my eyes and I ball my hands into fists.
"What is it?" I add, my voice cracking from anticipation.
"Didn't they say it was Daniela or Gabriella or something?" his wife says.
I feel my body calm as I open my eyes, releasing the breath I've been holding in for what seems like forever.
Jeff begins to laugh.
"Where'd you get those names from? They said it like three times already. Her name's Rose dear."
My eyes instantly widen.
Helen just giggles.
"I knew it was some Hispanic name of that matter." She jokes.
I feel my breathing beginning to speed and I quickly place my hand over my chest.
"Jane are you alright?" Jeff comments, concern evident in his features.
I shake my head.
"I-I gotta go. I gotta go now!" I blurt out before I quickly turn around and dash out of the shelter, ignoring the voices and glares around me. I practically fell over some shoes that people have left around, adding to my adrenaline.
I have to find her. I have to find her. I have to find her.
I mentally curse myself for not going to work with my hair pulled up, since I'm getting hit in the face repeatedly by it, slowing me down.
Where do I search first? Where can she possibly have gone? What if she's hurt? What if some pervert grabbed her? What if. What if. What if.
I would go to the apartment first to investigate, but A. I'm still not quite sure of its location, B. Many police officers would be there, most likely not going to answer my many questions since I am just a mere citizen, and C. Most likely many people will be there, and I seriously don't want to put any attention on myself.
My feet just continue to move for me, unsure of where they are heading, and I have never cared less in my life. I'll literally search everywhere if I have to. I just have to find her.
I'll find you Rose. I'll find you, even if it kills me.
...
I feel myself fall to the floor from exhaustion. I've been looking for already six hours. My feet are beginning to numb, and my hair is stuck to my face due to my sweat. I want to walk farther, search more, but I don't think I can much longer.
I haven't eaten all day and it's already four in the afternoon. My shift is already over at the homeless shelter and I'm beginning to lose hope. I also have to know my own limits. I don't think it would be a very smart idea to continue until I finally lose consciousness in the middle of nowhere. So I decide to use the rest of my strength to walk to the nearest bus stop and head back to Kat's.
...
Right when I enter the air conditioned and cozy apartment, I immediately head to the kitchen and I begin to cook some ramen noodles. After boiling the water and placing the noodles to cook, I head to the phone for any missed calls.
Two missed calls from Aiden.
After eating the food known as 'poor' people cuisine, I take a long shower and I grab the phone, walking to my bed and getting comfortable under the covers.
I hum at the relaxing sensation and take a deep breath before dialing his number.
My damp hair is pulled up by a towel, some droplets escaping and streaming down my face. Dang it.
"Jane?" I hear his voice finally come through.
"Hey A. Did you call?"
I wipe the moisture off my face before sinking my body more into the mattress. God my feet hurt.
"Yeah. I just wanted to see how you we're doing. So.... how are you doing?"
I force out a chuckle.
"Fine I guess. How about yourself?"
"No."
I raise an eyebrow.
"No? What do you mean no?" I question.
"No as in, we are not continuing this conversation until you tell me the truth Jane Mildred Anderson."
I place my hand over my face and I shake my head.
"What did I tell you about saying my middle name?" I state.
Mildred is such an elderly and bland name. It's resembles the color brown and it makes me nauseous.
"Well right now I don't care. Now tell me what happened today. Why are you down Jane?"
His voice sounds more serious, and I can't help but sigh. I don't even know why I even attempted to lie to him. Even though we aren't as close to each other as we used to be, I did spend practically half of my life with him. He knows everything about me, and I'm still unsure if I'm okay with that.
"Have you heard about that missing girl?" I say, my grip tightening around the phone.
"Yes. Rose right? What about her?"
"She's like a sister to me Aiden. We met at the homeless shelter and..."
I sigh.
"I'm worried. I've been looking for her all day today and I don't know what to do." I add.
I wait for his response, but all I can hear is his breathing. He's thinking.
"Aiden?"
I hear him clear his throat.
"I'll help you search tomorrow." Aiden finally speaks.
"Would you? That would be so awesome!"
"Of course JJ. I'll do anything for you."
I feel myself smile at his words and I hear him cough through the line.
"You know I mean because we have a lot of friendship history and stuff you know." He adds.
I laugh genuinely this time and I can just imagine him blushing tremendously.
"Thank you Aiden. This means so much to me. You have no idea."
"No problem. I'll pick you up if you want from the homeless shelter tomorrow morning and we can search."
"Actually would you mind if you get me from Kat's?"
I'm going to call sick tomorrow, and I really don't want anyone seeing how I'm actually healthy and am just avoiding work. I'll feel super guilty, even though I do truly have a good reason, but still.
"Sure, um where is it?"
I exchange the apartment info and we both chat a little more about how his club is making renovations before we both finally hang up.
Aiden and I talked for about half an hour, and for those thirty minutes, I felt relieved and un lonely. But now that our conversation ended, it's just me and the phone in this empty apartment.
After about twenty minutes of staring at the wall mindlessly, I decide to take out my sketchbook and draw.
Sometimes I'm not really sure what I'm actually sketching. It's as if I have this mysterious picture in my mind and I have to draw it out in order to explain to myself what it is and also to know what I feel.
With the green color pencil in my hand I begin to draw two ovals sideways side by side. I add a few angles in them, forming them into eyes and I begin to sketch the iris for each one as well as the pupils and eyebrows.
After many many minutes, the pencil releases from my hold and I just stare at the pair of eyes in front of me. They're his eyes...
I trace my finger over it, observing it as if he was actually in front of me at this moment.
"I miss you." I whisper to myself before I turn my attention to the phone.
After staring at the numbers for about two minutes, my thumb begins to dial in his cell phone number.
I know we made a deal, but I just want to hear his voice...
I quickly press cancel before throwing the phone at the end of the bed, holding myself in my arms soon after as my thoughts keep me awake the rest of the night.
I'll find you Rose.
...
"Morning. How did you sleep sleepy head?" Aiden asks with a bright smile as I enter his car.
His hair is slightly messed up and he's wearing a dark blue T- shirt with light colored denim jeans and I'm unsure about his shoes since they are on the pedal. He looks very laid back yet ecstatic while I look like a complete mess as well as a nervous wreck.
"Good." I simply say as I force a smile.
I didn't sleep at all and I'm utterly exhausted, but I don't want to concern Aiden with anymore of my further issues.
"I'm glad." He says with a pleasant grin.
His eyes then open wide as he snaps his fingers. He turns himself to the backseat of the car and grabs a brown paper bag before handing it to me.
"What is this?" I question as I stare at the paper bag with much curiosity.
"Your favorite." He states.
I raise an eyebrow before opening the bag and pulling out a delicious glazed doughnut and a thermos filled with... chocolate milk.
My stomach growls at the scent, causing Aiden to laugh beside me.
"You even remembered the chocolate milk?!" I say surprised.
He nods and his whole face glows with excitement, making him resemble his five years back self.
"You can't have a glazed doughnut without chocolate milk! It's illegal!" he comments, causing me to smile super wide.
I quickly split the doughnut in half, handing him one half.
"No I got it for you. It's fine." He chirps.
I shake my head.
"A. You know as well as I do, that this fantastic meal is not made for only one. Don't be a sissy and bask in the glory that is chocolate milk dipped glazed doughnuts." I announce.
Many people may find dipping a doughnut in chocolate milk repulsive, but to Aiden and I, it's food sent from the heavens. One day when I was little, there was only one glazed doughnut left and Aiden and I were fighting over it, until I dropped it by accident into my cup of brown goodness, and since then it has been history.
He chuckles and nods before finally giving in.
We both eat our delicious breakfast and for a moment, I swear that I was six years old again.
...
"Are you sure there's no other possible place we can go to?" I ask.
"Don't you remember Scooby Doo at all? Velma always said that we had to start from where the crime scene began."
I roll my eyes, receiving a laugh.
"I guess it's just... a lot of people are going to be there and-"
I feel Aiden's hand rest on top of my own, and I quickly glance at him. It feels weird having his hand placed like that. I don't feel that sense of safety I feel when Harry does that. But then again, Harry and Aiden are polar opposites.
"I won't let you get a panic attack Jane. I swear. Besides, the press and police are there for Rose, not for your father."
I let out a sigh.
"Yeah you're right. I'm just frightened."
He places his hand from mine back to the stick of the car and puts it in park.
"Don't worry. Like I said before, I won't let you get a panic attack."
I just nod, wanting to get this over with. The sooner we find Rose, the better.
A crowd of police officers are outside the expensive white looking apartments.
"According to the news, Rose stayed in apartment number 567." Aiden exclaims.
I nod and follow as Aiden walks up a flight of stairs.
...
"Okay thank you Mrs. Jones." Aiden says, before we wave goodbye to Rose's foster mother and we walk back to the car.
The woman was very nice, and she seemed quite concerned about the ten year old's disappearance. Me too Mrs. Jones. Me too.
She has no clue where Rose could possibly have run off to, which is a downfall, but at least we can check this off on our list.
"Where to next bucko?" I tease.
Aiden enters his car and I the same.
"Well you said that Rose likes birds right?"
I nod.
"Well maybe she went to a pet store. You never know."
I shrug.
"I guess it wouldn't hurt to try."
Aiden nods before putting on his seatbelt.
"Oh hold on a second. I think I left my jacket. It'll just be a second." I remark. The woman's home was quite warm and if I didn't take off my jacket, I probably would've gotten a heat stroke.
"Okay."
I stroll out of the car and I saunter myself back up the stairs.
This place is quite nice. Mrs. Jones' home was very expensive looking yet cozy at the same time. It had a delightful feeling to it.
As I knock on her door and await for her to open it, I hear a door unlocking on my left and I quickly glance.
My heart soon stops and my eyes automatically fill with tears as I see the very familiar man two doors away, staring at me as well. His lips parted, with a bag of groceries in his hand.
"Jane." He whispers.
"D-dad."
"I-" He begins, but is interrupted as the woman opens her door.
"Oh hello dear, you forgot your jacket."
My eyes remain on my father for a few more seconds before I burst into tears and run off, not grabbing the sweater and not caring if I fell and injured myself at that moment.
I thought he would at least run after me. that I would hear him screaming my name from behind like a mad men, but I hear no such thing. He doesn't care about you. Why do you keep on thinking that he does? Why do you still have hope that someone cares? Why? You're just fooling yourself. Sure, people may be sticking with you now, but soon Katherine will leave. Then Aiden. Then- well Rose has already gone. And then there's Harry. Well he'll just-
"Shutup! Shutup!" I yell like a lunatic as I run passed Aiden's car, hearing him soon drive after me.
"Jane! What happened?!?! Jane get in the car!" I hear him yell, his windows rolled down.
I ignore him and I just keep running and running.
I need him. I just have to be with him.
After a few minutes of running and Aiden on my tail, trying to convince me to get inside, I run into a street less alley, losing Aiden and heading back to Katherine's.
I almost get ran over a few times due to my tears blinding me.
As soon as I get to the recognizable apartment, un aware of the time and un caring about the sudden change of weather, I run inside, lock the door, and I speed to my room, grabbing the phone where i have left it.
I dial his phone number rapidly and I press the green telephone symbol. He's not supposed be back for a few more hours, but I don't care. I just need to hear him. He said he'll never leave me and I just need that recognition, because right now I am a desperate wreck.
The call goes right to voicemail, and I just hold myself tight in my arms and the phone barely stays in my hold.
"I-I know we promised that we wouldn't talk to each other, b-but I need you Harry. I-I n-need to hear your voice. Please." I sob into the phone, before pressing cancel and praying that he'll contact me.
...
The thunder continues to roar, and I continue staring at the wall, shaking like what I've been doing for the past three hours.
Aiden tried coming in earlier, but I didn't answer. I don't want to talk to anyone at this moment. I deserve to be alone. For I must be so wretched since everyone seems to leave.
My eyes are dried and most likely red, since I cried out every liquid I contained. I'm empty and it's as if the sky is crying with me, since it hasn't stopped yet, and most likely never will.
As I shut my eyes closed, I begin to hear repetitive knocking at the front door.
I just hold myself closer. It's most likely Aiden again, and like I said before, I really am not in the mood to speak with him.
The knocking continues and I take a deep breath, before finally getting off my bed and walking to the front.
When I open the door, I feel my knees go weak and liquid begin to run down my burning eyes again as I see a soaking wet Harry standing right in front of me.
"I'm sorry." I croak as I wrap my arms around him loosely, not having any more strength within me.
He wraps his arms tightly around me and burries his head into the crook of my neck.
"I'm so sorry Harry. I-I need you. I'm sorry." I repeat.
He pushes me back slightly, his face in complete seriousness.
"Never apologize to me Jane. It was all my fault. I should be apologizing. I said I would never leave you and I did this stupid thing just because of the guys an-"
"I love you." I mutter, my voice cracking, silencing him completely. His lips separate and his eyes widen a little.
He pulls me back into his arms and I feel my legs being raised, hearing him close the door behind him.
I wrap my arms around his neck and I begin to feel my eyes droop as he sits himself down on the couch I'm guessing, and holds me tight in his arms.
I feel his lips touch the top of my head before everything begins to haze.
"I love you." I repeat in the quietest tone I have ever spoken. And I do. I adore him.

Notes