*Reagan’s POV*
“Reagan Wake up.” Harry’s voice rung through my ears and I could feel my eyes flutter open slowly, but when I look around the room I don’t see him. I close my eyes again, drifting further into sleep before I hear my name called again.

“Reagan!” He’s closer now, but there is something by my head that’s wet. I run my fingers through my hair before I open my eyes and when I bring my hand down by my face, a deep dark red color covers my fingertips. I can feel myself begin to hyperventilate as I run my other hand through my hair and get the same result when I bring it to eye level.

When I turn my head, I can see that my entire pillow is covered in blood and that Harry holds a blunt object in his hand that’s covered in the same deep red color. He wears a white t-shirt with blood splattered on it and his eyes are dull with dark rings around them.
****

“Pumpkin? Reagan, come on sweet heart.” I wake with a start and look around the room quickly. My head was in my arms, folded on top of my laptop and as I sit up every vertebrae in my back aches. Sweat makes my night shirt cling to me and I’m shaken by the dream. I wish I never watched that footage. I wish I never opened the folder in the first place.

Brown eyes stare back at me making me physically relax, hoping that I don’t show the worry on my face. My dad smiles before he moves to the fridge and fills a glass with water before handing it to me.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” I lie as the dream rakes through my brain trying to embed itself into my memory. I put my head into my hands and rub the sleep out of my eyes before I drink my water, pushing my laptop as far away from me as it could go on the table.

After the video stopped last night, I went through every single file in the folder reading what was legible. I don’t remember falling asleep at the table. The last thing that I remember seeing was the pictures that were placed in front of Harry in the tape. Clive’s battered body lying in a pool of his own blood that made a small halo around his head. I snap myself out of the blank stare that I felt myself go into before I smile at my dad.

“Where’s mom?” I ask standing from my chair after I look the clock in the room. It’s ten am and I have to meet with the therapist in a little less than forty-five minutes. I can’t believe I have to go to a therapist. The irony of everything makes my head spin.

“She’s still asleep. I should be too, we called off work to try and spend some time with you.” I smile nervously. I want to spend time with them too, but today I have too much to do, too much that I’d rather not share with them.

“Oh um, okay...I just have some things to do first. It won’t take long, just a few hours.” I feel myself start to ramble and my father nods his head but his eyebrows rise suspiciously. It’s hard to fool a lawyer. I surely get my inquisitive side from him.

“Alright, does what you need to do involve transportation need?” Before I can answer he turns his lips into a knowing smirk before he throws me the keys to his Lexus. “Don’t scratch it. When you come back home after you’re done in London maybe you can go car shopping.”

I nod my head again forgetting to tell them that I might not be back at home as soon as they think. I still haven’t received any news on my applications, but I know that I’m destined to get into at least one University I’ve applied to.

I head up the stairs to go shower and then go back to my room to change clothes. I don’t have much here seeing as how the majority of what I wear is back in my apartment in San Francisco. If I do get into a school in London for my last year, I might just start fresh and buy new clothes. The thought of moving all of my shit back and forth again makes me annoyed and gives me a slight head ache.

I dress in simple jeans and a t-shirt before pulling my hair into an elastic band, but just as I do I picture my head wet with blood the way it was in my dream. I force myself to shake the thought before I head back down the stairs and into my dad’s car. I have a little less than twenty minutes to get to the therapist office and I don’t want to be late even though I’m nowhere near enthused to see her and open up the scars any further.

I pull into the place and park before I hesitantly open up the doors to the building. The office has a warm feel to it, but it makes me want to shut down even more. As I look around the waiting room, I notice nothing but other women here. All of them look relaxed as if they’re relieved to get what they have to say off of their chest. I highly doubt that I will ever get to that point.

Several minutes pass and as the clock ticks, my nerves stand on end. This is what I need to do, but why does it feel like I’m going to be put under scrutiny for being here? My body stiffens in my seat and I take several deep breaths, hoping that I don’t have a panic attack as I wait.

“Reagan Stoger?” I look up at the office attendant feeling tensed and more nervous than I did before, “Dr. Stone will see you now.”

I nod my head but don’t get up to move, taking my phone out to text Harry before I go.

To: Harry Pleassssse?!
I’m taking the first real step to assure that I will get back to you soon. xx

He doesn’t text me back and it makes me more nervous. Since he’s been to therapy, I feel as if I could gain more comfort just to hear from him. I stand from the couch and walk into the office slowly as if I didn’t know what to expect when I entered the room. I know this is my field, but I’m not ready to be on the other side of the spectrum and lay everything bare.

“Hi Reagan, I’m Dr. Pamela Stone.” The woman stood from her desk and offered me her hand. I shook it at smiled at her before I sat down on the therapy couch.

“James Koch sent you?” I nod my head before I answer her resting my purse on my lap.

“Yes, I work for him.” I give the woman a closer look. She’s young but not that young, maybe in her early forties? She can’t be that much older than my mom.

Her brown hair is pulled back off of her face into a sensible bun and her business attire leaves me feeling intimidated. When her hazel eyes stare back at me I’m speechless. She is me, or what I will be when I’m her age. It’s creepy and more than daunting. Dr. Koch sent me to her on purpose, I know he did.

“He told me,” she smiles, “do you want to begin by telling me how your day is going so far? How are you feeling?”

I lean back against the couch and cross my legs. I’ve heard this approach a thousand times with Dr. Baker.

“I’m fine.”

Dr. Stone looks at me waiting for me to elaborate more, but I really don’t have anything else to say. I felt fine this morning...besides the dream that I had but we’re not here for that. I shake the memory as she writes on the first sheet in the manila foleder.

“Okay, do you want to start with telling me a bit about yourself?”

The session goes back and forth this way for a half hour and I’ve really only given her one word answers, however somehow we still manage to get pretty far into what’s happened. I keep having to remind myself that this is for Harry and I in order to respond. I want to be animated with her the way Harry is with Dr. Baker but when I open my mouth to give her answers, all the words I want to say won’t come out. I feel like I’ve been stripped of my personality and I hate it. Maybe I should have said that when she asked me how I felt?

“Are you in a relationship?” Dr. Stone asks me and I look at her kind of taken aback by her question. I feel like it came out of nowhere. I nod my head yes and she begins to write more in my own private case file. The tables have majorly turned.

“And has the rape taken its toll on you in the relationship do you think?” I look at her blankly before I answer. The situation came up within ten minutes of my being here and I cringe every time she uses the word.

I look at my feet and then back at the wall before I answer.

“Can we talk about something else? It’s kind of personal.” I laugh inwardly and am reminded of my sit in sessions with H. I can see why he didn’t want to talk about anything now and was always trying to change the subject.

“Reagan look at me,” Dr. Stone speaks firmly, “rape is a power play and the person who did this to you wanted nothing more than to feel like he had power over you. It wasn’t for pleasure. We won’t get anywhere if you don’t start talking to me and elaborating more in these sessions and the more you close yourself off, the more you show that you’ve given him what he wanted. Tell me how it’s reflected on your relationship.”

I chew on my bottom lip as my eyes begin to water. What Channel said to me the other day was very similar, maybe she’s better at this than she knows. I wipe my face before I answer her.

“It affects a lot like conversation with him and well I, I can’t have sex. Every time I try to I have a disturbing memory from when it happened even though I can’t remember it all at once. I get scared and tell him to stop. He's understanding, but I know it's hard on him.” She nods and writes again in my case file. She’s been doing that a lot and I’m curious to know on a scale of one to ten how fucked up I am from all of this in doctor terms.

“It says here in what Dr. Koch sent me about you that you were drugged, LSD and Rohypnol. LSD is a hallucinogen. You won’t ever fully remember how it happened, because of it. Certain things will trigger a memory like tastes, touch, and, smells and sound but it will only come to you in stages.”

It all makes more sense now as I sit back on the couch with my mouth open in shock. Dr. Stone looks at her watch before she grins at me writing something else down before she continues.

“I have a small assignment for you. It’s going to sound strange at first, but I want you to do it.” She looks at me expectantly and I nod my head yes in agreement.

“You need to gain control of your body again and know that sex isn’t a dirty thing or bad. How you feel right now is normal, but in order for you to move forward, I want you to masturbate and find what feels good to you again.” All of the color drained from my face and a deep red blush takes the place of natural skin color. Did she just say what I think she did? She couldn’t have.

“Um, I-”

“It’s okay Reagan, this is just an exercise to help you. Our time is up. I’ll see you in two days.” She smiled at me and then shook my hand again making me feel more awkward as I made my way out of her office.

---

*Tamsin’s POV*
I walked into the bar to see him knowing that I would get a reaction when I did. I love getting a reaction from him whether it be small or major.

“Fuck, what do you want Tamsin? Are there no other bars in town that you can go to? I know there are.” I brushed off his words and smiled at him regardless to what he said. This is the way it’s always been with us, even when we were younger before we started fooling around. He never means it though, its just the way we communicate with each other.

“The other bars don’t have a rude Harry Styles in them. I’ll just have a beer thanks.” Harry turns to get my drink and my eyes fall on his bum as I watch him move around the bar. He stops to read a text message and I already know who it’s from. He might be with her now, but I know we have a connection and I know he knows it too.

Harry puts his phone back in his pocket before he puts my drink on the counter and lingers by me longer than he probably should seeing that he has a girlfriend that he’s so “in love” with.

“You look stressed.” I say before sipping my drink.

“Fuck off.” Harry takes my money before he goes to walk away. I grab his hand and he turns around with his eyebrows furrowed, pulling his hand out of mine.

“Stop touching me Tamsin.”

“Why? Did you feel something?” He doesn’t answer me, but he furrows his eye brows more. He doesn’t have to answer. I know he did, he always does.

“You finally told your mum about what happened to Reagan?” Harry narrows his eyes and looks around before he walks back over to me urging me to be quiet.

“I should have never told you. I told you not to bring it up again after Liam’s party. You weren’t even supposed to be there. You’re a fucking stalker and followed me after I left my mum’s house.”

“Stalker? Get over yourself Harry. Liam happens to be my friend too, I was invited and you told me about it willingly. I’m surprised you can remember talking to me there. You were absolutely sloshed. You like to confide in me. You used to like to do other things in me too from what I can recall.”

“Shut up Tamsin. Past tense by the way ‘used to.’ I’ll never have sex with you ever again.” I scoff at his comment, knowing fully well that it’s not the truth. Harry is drawn to me. Always has been and always will be.

“You haven’t had any in a while I can tell and eventually you’re bound to break. You look tired. I’ll tell you like I told you the night she was here; Reagan is draining you and you don’t need the extra stress and really can’t afford it. I’m sorry that she got raped Harry, I really am, but how much more weight can you really carry? You shouldn’t have to worry about her and the problems that you have of your own.” I trace my finger over the scar on his knuckles from the night I saw him lose control of his anger behind the bar.

Harry and Reagan are a toxic couple and no one but me has the guts to tell him so. No one but me has seen him slowly lose control that he’s fought so hard to regain. He pulls away from me again, but the look in his eyes says to me that I may have gotten through this time.

“Drink and then leave, Tamsin.” Harry turns away from me but I know my words are still with him as he attends to other people in the bar. Louis comes out from the kitchen and I wave at him before I stand to leave feeling that I’ll eventually get my way.

Notes

HELLO BEAUTIFUL SUBSCRIBERS!!!!!!! I'm Back Home!! Thank you for all of your beautiful comments in regards to my note! I would hug you all if I could! I have a long chapter for you all to compensate for my being away and will have another update ready for you all tomorrow as I am writing it right now! What do you think of this chapter? Reagan's assignment will be...interesting to say the lease and Tamsin is a doll isn't she? I can't wait to read what you all have to say about her in the comments section so please Load me with comments Because I'VE MISSED YOU AND YOU ALL KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE TO TALK WITH YOU ALL!!!! Also Thank you for your patience (see what i did there?) I LOVE YOU ALL TO BITS!!

Please continue to comment and vote and subscribe if you're reading my little story and are enjoying it so far I won't bite you and It makes me really happy when you guys do Xx. :*