Clarity

It was bothering me.The look Harry had given me when I mentioned his parents was bothering me.
That look had made him seem like a small, innocent, lost child.
The whole drive back to my apartment consisted of me allowing my thoughts to wander on what might've happened to make him look so sad at the mention of parents.
I had a few assumptions that seemed logical but I couldn't quite believe some of the crazier ones.
Perhaps when he came out to his parents they dis-owned him? Maybe his parents were dead? What if he was a neglected child?
That would explain alot actually.
Or maybe I had just went to far with my insults and he took offense when I mentioned his parents?
Yet he did say,
"Yeah that would've been nice."
Meaning one of my assumptions had to be true.
Actually the more I thought about the possibility of the neglected child one, the more it lined up with the way he was.
Then with in that moment I felt guilt and pity for my word choice from earlier and was slowly begining to wish I could take them back.
Yet they couldn't have effected him that much, because in all honesty he seemed to have a tough demeanor that was hard to break.
The words must've just pushed his emotions over the edge and brought out a reaction he didn't normally have to the mention of parents.
"Stupid.." I growled as I hit the arm rest of my couch and tossed my English homework aside.
Now in present time I was nestled on my couch with a pillow in my lap, to support my notebook that I was doing my homework in.
Even though it was nearly an hour since mine and Mr. Styles second falling out and nearly fourty-five minutes since I've arrived home, my anger and frustrating thoughts wouldn't go away.
I felt a ball of pressure burning in my chest as I stood on my sore legs and stretched before exhaling deeply.
I needed a drink.
"Be good Scruff." I say to my lazy animal as I gave his snout an affectionate squeeze before pulling on my sneakers and walking out of the apartment.
This really in all honesty was against my better judgement, to go drinking on a Monday, but I needed to relax. Bad. A hot bath usually would have sufficed but tonight I just felt overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed to the point where I needed to satisfy myself with something mind numbing.
"Piece of crap." I hissed as I pulled open my car door with a squeak and climbed in so I could start the engine, even though the danger of it failing existed. Once the car had started with a satisfying pop, I pulled out and begin the ten minute drive to the bar.
I debated calling Carson and Shailene but they were probably busy, and quite honestly I just needed some time alone. Since that night at the bar Harry has been completely screwing up my emotions to a breaking point, and it's only been half a week.
With in half a week he has made me as angry as hell, called me out on embarassing things, made me despise him even more then the week before, yet feel sympathetic for his droopy puppy dog face?
It was so confusing that I didn't even bother sharing the events with my friends because I was afraid I'd contridict myself. "Stay in your lane buddy!" Some arse shouts as I turn off the road and into the parking lot of the bar.
People are so pig headed and possessive of the road sometimes.
Once I had made sure my car was secure in it's parking place, a short walk from the door, I pocketed my keys. Since it was a Monday night there was no line so I got quick and easy access with the simple flash of my ID.
"Hit me up with a beer, no ice." I tell the waitress the moment I sit in the booth and she nods as she scurries off and I inhale then exhale deeply before leaning back against the plush red coushin of the seat to relax my limbs.
My gaze then fluttered over the room occasionaly stopping on a pretty girl that caught my eye but in the long run I found no interest in stealing a dance even though I was already slowly becoming bored in my current position.
"Your beer sir." The skimpy waitress says as she walks back over and places a cool bottle of alcohal in front of me and I smile at her with a slight nod as she moves on and I pop the cap before tilting in back and letting half of it drain into my throat.
Instantly when the liquor hit my blood stream I felt myself relax as I sigh and cross my legs before uncrossing them and spreading them out as I slumped in my chair. The air the bar was warm and filled with a mixture of smells including alcohal, food, and sweat.
Not exactly the best combination.
I then decided to pull out my phone and hit up Carson or Shailene, and see if maybe they could come down and have a drink with me; But something caught my eye that made my heart leap and stomach immediately erupt into a series of knots.
Harry.
Harry was here to.
He was sitting right across the room at the bar, sipping on some kind of fruit punch as he occasionally stretched. My first reaction was to pay for my drink then bolt so he wouldn't see me, but something stopped me as I rose from my booth.
I felt as if some invisible force was containing me from running like I longed to, the force was drawing me to him.
Maybe this was karma's way of screwing with my head?
"Might as well." I then mumble to myself as I grab my drink and brush a hand through my hair before walking over and sitting in the stool next to him.
"Hi." I mutter after clearing my throat and he gave a little start of surprise as he glanced to the side at me.
I swear for the slightest moment his face then seemed to light up but quickly it faded into a plain look of disinterest. "What are you doing here on a Monday night?" He asks as he shifts to look at me and I gulp as I notice the lines of his tattoo's showing through his white shirt.
A sudden longing to them brushed over me but I pushed it back over a cliff.
"I'm nineteen. I can do what I want to." I state as I take a small sip of my beer and shrug as he cocked a steady eyebrow,
"And I'm twenty-three, but I can't do what I want to." He says as I give him a surprised look,
I had not been expecting him to share his age nor could I believe how old he was. Harry looked no more then nineteen and fresh out of a Men's Wear magazine with his model like appearence, that was obviously a bit sloppy at the moment.
"Why so silent?" He asks interupting my thoughts and I shake my head, "Just tired." I say receiving a curt nod as he gulped down the remainder of his drink then asked politely for another.
"Why did you look so sad when I mentioned your parents?" I then blurt out as he looks at me in surprise,
"Sorry?"
I then swallow, "You heard me Harry."
His features then twist into an unnamed emotion as he hits the counter with his fist.
"Why do you care?"
"Who said I did?" I counter realizing I might've touched a sensitive subject,
"Well you're asking me, meaning it's obviously been on your mind."
He then looks at me with a impounding stare as I shift in my seat and he smirks, "Oh come now Louis, I haven't even sucked on a lollipop yet." He says reaching into his pocket and I slammed my beer bottle on the counter to interupt his actions,
"What's your problem?" I snap and he laughs,
"I think that's the question I should be asking you."
"Why do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Laugh when you get me upset!"
I say raising my voice slightly and his hand taps my cheek, "Because your cute when you get angry, the way your nose scrunches up, and lips curl into a pout." He taunt's and I slap his hand away as I get up,
"Where are you going?" He asks and I point to the group of girls I had been eyeing earlier,
"To dance with them so I stop wasting my time on you." I growl as he shrugs and takes a sip from my beer, "You have good taste." He says gesturing to the brand of the drink as I fight the urdge to knock out one of his pretty little teeth.
"And you have a terrible personality." I mutter as I turn on my heel and walk across the bar then over to the dance floor before grabbing one of the girls hips, "May I?" I ask even though I didn't usually dance with girls that were complete strangers.
"Of course! No invitation needed." She purrs in a thirsty tone as I rest a chin on her shoulder then dared to glance at the curly haired lad as he watched me with narrow eyes.
I could understand him watching me, but I couldn't understand why a look of jealousy not anger crossed his face.
At least I think it was jealousy?
"Mind if I cut in?" Another girl then asks as with out warning she slips inbetween me and the girl I was dancing with and grinds her front on me as I smirked at her and grabbed her hips.
"No invitation needed.'' I say stealing the other girls line as I pressed my forehead to the brunette's in front of me and she bit her lip as she looked me over.
"Mm..you look like something from Mighty Fine!" She says as I feel her pinch my bum and I let out a soft yelp, "And you've got a nice bum to." She adds as she wraps her arms around my neck and I loop mine around her waist and pull her closer to me.
We danced in the same position for a few minutes before she slipped her fingers into my hair and pulled my face towards hers, oh no.
She was going in for the kill.
"I want to take you home." She whispers loudly as she leans in and brushes her lips against mine and I tilt my head deciding to go a little further against my better judgement, but a large hand grabs my shirt and pulls me backwards.
"Hands off Jazmine, he's not interested in your skinny arse!" I hear Harry shout at the girl as I'm pulled to his side and I squirm while he clings onto my shirt holding me in place, "What makes you that? He obviously was about to kiss me!" she snaps as Harry grits his teeth and points off to the side,
"Go. Leave. Now." He growls as I open my mouth to protest but decide against it. "Fine you bloody bull." She snarls as she tosses her hair over her shoulder and walks off to another crowd of dancers. "What the heck?" I say as I shove him off and he sighs as he brushes a hand through his hair and shakes it out,
"Trust me, I just did you a favor."
I snort,
"That's a first."
"No thank you?"
I then huffed,
"Nope."
"Your loss."
"Does that mean that you'll get lost?"
He then glares at me as he shoves me to the side.
"I'm done with you."
"There was never anything to be done with!" I shout after him as I bite my lip harshly then start walking towards the bathroom to calm down before my drive home.
"Excuse me." A deep voice then calls out as a hand is clamped on my shoulder and I laugh humorously as I turn expecting to see Harry again but instead I'm met with the cold baring eyes of a different man I've never seen before, not once in my life. ''Sorry am I in your way?" I ask as he pulls me closer to him and I feel my breath hitch,
"No your just fine, right where you are." He growls as I bite my tongue to contain a cry of fear because I could now fully understand his intentions and I was to small compared to him to fight back. "I need to go." I protested as he grabbed my upper arms and pulled me towards him as his hot breath mixed with the stench of alcohal hit my face.
"No you don't." He says as I feel him brush his already risen member against mine and my breath stopped.
I could feel my stomach twist in disgust and legs start to tremble, as he grabbed my waist with two meaty hands pinning me in place. "Let me go!" I then shouted but my voice was drowned out by the music which seemed to get louder; more impounding.
"Shut up!" The guy snapped before he pressed his lips to my neck, causing sharp whiskers to scratch the surface of my skin.
"Help!" I tried to call but my lips couldn't seem to form the words properly nor make them loud enough for anyone useful to hear. "I'm gonna make you feel so good." He hisses against my skin as I feel myself being pushed backwards and I notice he's about to corner me against the wall.
Oh no buddy.
"I don't want you to! I'm straight! Unhand me!" I yelled at him and he laughed,
"I saw that little fight scene with your boyfriend sweet cheeks, I think you need someone to relax you and make you feel better then he can."
"He's not my boyfriend! He's..a..he's..um..he's not my boyfriend!"
I protested angry that he thought such a thing as my back hit the wall and I was trapped between this guy and the pitch black corner of the wall.
"Now lets see.." He muttered and I felt his hand slip under my shirt and brush over my stomach which instantly caused my body to tense; then his other hand gripped my bum, "You've got a nice arse for a white boy." He growls squeezing it tightly and I yelped as I tried to squirm away but he used his strength as a blockaid from me moving.
"Your not going anywhere for a little while." He snarls as he begins to grind against me and I feel my heart start to pound hard as I squeezed my eyes shut.
"No but you are dick head!"
I hear a voice then shout and the man that was nearly on top of me was torn away and I heard the sound of something crack followed by a cry of pain.
"Go pick on someone your own size!" The voice shouted again as another cry of pain sounded and this time I dared to open my eyes.
The scene before me was shocking.
Harry must've seen the scene unfold at one point of another, because now he was over here and kicking the guy in the side. "And this one is for good measure!" He says as he kicks him one more time and the lad curled into a ball withering in pain as I felt my jaw drop.
"You can go to the bathroom now." Harry then says as he licks his lips and rubs his knuckles before looking up at me. "You..I..why..just.." I choke out trying to form a proper sentence but he waved me off as he disappeared into the crowd again, leaving me dumbstruck as the guy on the ground groaned and wiped some blood from his nose as he looked up at me with wide eyes.
"He's not my boyfriend!" I then snapped as I felt my chest start to rise and fall rapidly while I stumbled past the man and over to the bathroom.
Once I was inside I slammed the door shut and locked it before leaning over the sink breathing deeply. Harry had just beaten the crap out of a guy for touching me. I mean it would've been understandable if he had just merely pulled him away, but no. Harry obviously broke his nose and probably a few of the lads ribs as well.
I wonder if the guy had even gotten in another punch?
My eyes were shut half the fight so I honestly had no clue.
All I knew with in that moment was I was definately not coming back to this bar again. Me, Carson and Shailene could find a new place to party because after tonight I was done here. "Pull it together lad." I muttered to myself as I turned on the sink and splattered some cold water on my face to cool off my burning skin then I adjusted my distraut shirt in the mirror before breathing in and out a few times.
I was also begining, with in that moment, to believe Harry might have a little thing for me; and that's why he threw more punches then nessicary, and tore me away from that girl.
Or maybe he was just being nice and defending me?
Yeah that had to be it. We hated each other, he didn't like me nor did I like him.
My mind was obviously all out of sorts.
Once I had felt satisfied with my appearence and calm enough to drive safely home, I pulled out my keys and walked out of the bathroom. "Here this is for my drink." I say to the bartender as I slipped him a five dollar bill for my beer plus tip and released a breath of relief as I gazed around the area to make sure the guy wasn't around.
Harry must've scared the guy off.
"Have a good night lad." The bartender says as he takes the money and I nod at him with a small smile as I walked out of the building and into the cool crisp air of the September night.
"Aren't you going to at least say thank you?" A deep voice then calls out and I glance to my left and see Harry perched on the hood of a very familiar looking car smoking a cigerette.
Great, the surprises just never end.
"Smoking is bad for you." I state as I bite my bottom lip and he laughs. "I've been doing it for years, and I'm as healthy as an ox." He says before coughing and I laughed with a shrug. "Is that what you usually do after fights? Smoke?" I ask and he shakes his head,
"Only when under stress." He says as he throws it on the ground and stomps on it before sitting back down on the hood of his car.
"And why are you stressed?"
"Reasons."
"That's not an answer."
"I'm the teacher, not you."
"Shut up."
I then turned on my heel and walked back over to my car and started to unlock it but I felt a hand grab my wrist and I was spun around and my back pressed against the car in such a swift motion I dropped my keys.
"Now about my thanks." He says as I felt my breathing alter,
"Thank you for saving my arse. Now let me go!" I say but he smirks as he then grips my waist and to my absolute surprise slams his lips to mine.
At first I froze underneath his touch and didn't dare make a move to kiss him back but when he slipped a hand in my hair I lost my self-control and started to move my lips against his soft plump ones.
"Mmm.." He moans softly and using the one hand that was still on my waist he lifted me off my feet, causing my back to slide up the car as I wrapped my legs around his waist.
Stop Louis stop. Stop kissing him. Stop making yourself look like a pretty little gay boy. Stop!
My mind reeled at me repeatedly but I couldn't seem to pull away and sub-conciously released a moan as he bit down on my top lip and tugged on it softly.
Someone was going to see this. I needed to stop before this went to far. I shouldn't be kissing him.
"Harry..'' I mumbled softly against his lips and he tugged gently on my hair and pulled my head to the side as he begin to pepper kisses across my neck.
"Come home with me." He then said and I shook my head, ''Harry no I can't." I manage to form as he tightened his grip on me, "Please..?" He pleaded as he nipped gently at my skin and I shook my head once more as I faught back a moan.
"Harry stop." I whispered and he let out a huff before setting me down gently then pulled his hands away as I bit the inside of my cheek to contain a whimper from the loss of contact. "Why not?" He asks as he steps back giving me some space and I bent down to retrieve my keys. "Because I don't want to have sex with you, again!" I say my tone defensive as I saw a small flash of hurt cross his face.
"I wasn't going to have sex with you. I just want to take you home with me." He says and I shake my head, "Harry, no." I then pulled open my car door and he sighed. "See you in class tomorrow." He mutters as he shoves his hands in his pockets and walks over to his car.
"Bye.." I muttered as I climbed into the drivers seat then slammed my door shut before leaning back in my seat.
My skin was still burning from the loss of contact, and my lips were swollen from the heated kiss. I felt the familiar knot of frustration building in my stomach again but there was something else behind it that made my stomach feel weird. In a good way though.
Maybe it was relief that he didn't continue to fight me on the matter of me going to his house?
Why would he want me to go there if he didn't want sex anyways? I found it very hard to believe that after our history he just wanted to hang out, or show me his place.
There was a little piece of the puzzle missing.
Yet now all my doubts about him liking me were gone, but was it a crush? Or lust? Did he like me? Or just my body?
This had to be a sexual thing because there was no way the guy could possibly like me; for I was annoying in class, always faught with him, caused unessicary problems, etc.
The worst part about this whole thing though was I felt to embarssed to talk to anyone about this, because I was to prideful to admit I had kissed and gotten dirty with another guy.
Drunk or not it was embarassing.
I really wanted to hit something right now.
It seemed as if Harry caused a new problem everyday, whether I started it or not. He was causing the extreme problems, I was only fighting back.
Maybe I should try to just talk to him about this? Maybe I should try one last time to just sort all this out? Maybe I should tell someone? But who?
Normally I would go to Shailene and Carson about my problems but this one was to much. I could call my mum but I don't think she's going to be very happy when she hears what happened and might get physically involved herself and cause a whole new stream of unessicary problems.
I then heard a knock on my window and I jumped in surprise then groaned as I saw Harry standing there with a goofy smile and he waved.
It was kinda cute actually.
Shut up Louis.
"What?" I ask as I rolled down my window and he leaned his elbows on the half open window.
"Something wrong with your car?" He asks and I cock an eyebrow at him as I shake my head, "No it's fine, just fine." I counter as he smirks, "Oh really?"
I swear he was annoying me now.
"What are you going on about Styles?" He then shrugged, "Your engine is leaking gas all over the parking lot." He says as I hit my steering wheel. "Shoot!" I hissed as I opened my door nearly hitting him then got down on my hands and knee's to look under my car, only to confirm he was right. The car was leaking, bad.
"Did you cut a hole in it?" I accuse and he holds up his hands in protest,
''I didn't touch your precious car Mr. Tomlison."
He then walked back over to his and sat on the hood.
That little.
"You better not have." I warn as look back under the car trying to find the leak then sigh, "I think it will hold until I get home." Harry then jumped up,
"No Louis! You can't start a car that's leaking oil! You could make something expload." He informs as I look at him in surprise.
I didn't know that.
"Are you sure?" I ask biting my lip as the lingering thought of this possibly being planned came to par.
"Positive. I made that mistake once." He confirms crossing his arms.
"Okay then." I mutter as I stuff my hands in my pockets and begin to walk across the parking lot.
"Where are you going?" Harry calls and I glance over my shoulder at him, "Home, where does it look like?" He then laughed and gestured for me to come to him,
"C'mon, I'll drive you home." He says.
Yes this was definately planned, I refuse to believe otherwise.
"No it's fine." I counter and he shakes his head,
"Louis, don't be difficult. It's almost a twenty minute drive, meaning you'll be walking for over an hour! And it would suck if you got jumped on your way home, not to mention it's pitch black out."
He argues and I groan as I roll my eyes.
"Well with that being said, and tonights events it looks like I don't have much of a choice giving the circumstances." I say giving in as I walked over to him and his lips curled into a smile.
"I knew you would change your mind." He says as he walks over to the car then holds the passengers door open for me and I smile slighty at the sweet gesture.
I was not okay with this, but in all honesty he wasn't leaving me with many options.
"Thanks." I mumbled as I climbed in and buckled up before putting my feet on the dashboard.
"Nice wheels." I compliment him as I take in the car's fancy, neat appearence.
"Thanks! It's one of my favorites. Not my top favorite though, which I'm thankful for because some idiot made a dent in the side of this one today during school hours." He informs me as he climbs into his seat and buckles in before starting the car and causing a smooth vroom to arise around us.
Okay maybe this wouldn't be as bad as I thought.
"This looks like it costs a fortune." I state as Harry nods in confimation.
"It's a little over a hundred thousand."
"And you got this on your teacher salary?"
"Nope."
I nodded as I begin to wonder where he got enough cash to buy a ride so sweet then a thought dawned upon me; I was the one who made the dent in this car earlier at school, because I had been trying to get into mine.
Well in all fairness it serves him right.
"You buckled in?" He asks as he pulls out of the parking lot and I nod and he licks his lips.
"Good."
He then pulls out of the parking lot.

Notes