Recap:
"Where's Louis?" She asked, grabbing my arm to stop me, and I frowned.
"Why do you care?" I asked, and a devious twinkle instantly appeared in her eyes upon the moment the words left my lips.
"I'm bored."
-
At Gemma's comment I couldn't help but then deepen my frown. "What does that have to do with him?" I retorted, my fingers fiddling with the tie of my sweats now as I awaited her answer.
"Because he sounds like a nice time." She said, swiping her tongue over her lips. At the sound of those words coming from her crude mouth I felt my eyes darken. Just the thought of her looking at my little Louis was enough to make me punch a wall.
"Louis would never sleep with a slut." I said curtly, my lips twisting into a nasty sneer as Gemma laughed. "Oh little brother, he's not as perfect as you think." She said, folding her arms over her chest with a smug look on her face.
That look she was giving me begin to stir an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I was begining to get the impression she knew something I didn't, something bad, but I still wasn't going to let her say such a thing about Louis.
"He's perfect." I countered sharpy, my sneer melting into a glare. If Gemma was trying to start a fight it was working. I had a very short temper when it came to people slandering my Louis. She may not think he was perfect, but I did and my word against hers was enough for me.
"He's not the perfect, little, innocent boy you think he is Harold." Gemma replied equally as sharp, and at that I bit my lip. Perhaps I should try to figure out what she was talking about first before letting loose my colorful tongue.
"What do you mean?" I asked quiety, my breaths coming out deep. "He doesn't love you Harold." She then smirked, making my stomach immediately twist in anger as I clenched my fists. "Yes he does. I know he does." I said, standing up to my full height as I stated the fact, pride in my voice.
I knew Louis loved me, I knew he did, Gemma was assuredly trying to start a fight. "Really?" Gemma laughed, standing up to her full height as well. "Do you really think so?" She asked, an amused smile on her face, and I felt my heart beat begin to pulse in my fingertips.
"Shut the hell up! I know he does!" I shouted, turning away from her to storm upstars before my bubbling anger turned into an explosion. How dare she make false accusion's against my Louis. I was furious she'd dare to say something so horrible.
To some people it may not seem like a big deal, but to me her words were. Hearing that someone you would take a bullet for, didn't return your affection was the most painful thing in the world, and even though I knew Gemma's words were far from true, it still hurt to hear them.
"He said if I laid off you he would fuck me anytime I wanted." Gemma then said, her tone calm and callus. I had never in the moment felt my heart crack harder then it did then as I turned back slowly to look at her, the impact those words had clear on my face.
I felt like someone had cut off my breathing. She had to be lying, fucking hell please let her be lying. Louis would never make a deal like that.
"Your lying! He'd never fuck a bitch like you!" I screamed at her, gripping the railing of the stairs to contain myself for smacking her for saying such a horrible thing. A horrible thing that made me terrified of the fact there was a fifty-fifty chance it was true.
"C'mon Harold do you really think someone like him would ever love someone like you?" Gemma asked, her tone still calm as she walked down the last two steps and stood at the bottom of the staircase, crossing her arms as she looked up at me.
"Gemma don't say that to him. You know it's not true." I then heard a soft voice say, and only then I noticed Louis standing in the front hall, the front door shut behind him.
The look on his face said it all.
I knew then it was true.
-Louis' P.O.V.-
The first thing I did when I had arrived home was put Ireland on his leash and take him outside to go to the bathroom.
Once had finished his buisness I brought him back inside and gave him some nurishment prior to grabbing my radio and putting it on the music station so I had some entertainment while packing.
When I had first arrived at the apartment building I had informed the office I would just leave behind whatever I didn't need, and they told me it was fine.
While some upbeat hip hop kind of music blarred through the house I walked around with a trash bag, cleaning up any trash items I could find, then as soon as my bag was full I proceeded to pull out the boxes and place my stuff inside.
I would give you a full description of every little thing I did to close down my apartment, but I fear that would take to long. With in an hour and a half I was stuffing my last box into my car, making the thing stuffed to the near max.
In total I had about maybe ten boxes of junk, a trash bag of my clothes, and a giant plastic container with all of Scruff's old stuff that would now go to Ireland. As I had said I didn't have much to pack since it was just me there so the job was a quicky.
Once I had manged to force my trunk and back door shut I wondered back inside to give them the key to my apartment, and retrieve Ireland from upstairs.
I had considered putting the puppy in a carry on to prevent any problems I might have with him, but Ireland was in such a sleepy mood at the moment I didn't see that trip being a nesscity so I placed him down in the passengers seat, and winded up his leash into a ball before placing it next to his sleeping body, then was off in persuit of Harry's house.
I admit, I was going to miss my apartment, I was going to miss my annoying neighbors and having my own stuff, but there was something better about finally living with someone. Also in the mist of me packing up my stuff, I had called my parents to inform them I was moving in with a friend.
When they inquired why in their fretful way I recluently admitted to them I had lost my job so I could use it as an excuse. Of course after a bit of banter, I had managed to convince them Harry was definately okay with it, and I would try to get another job soon.
On the drive to Harry's I did ponder on the thought of what I was going to tell Shailene and Marcus about me moving. How was I going to explain me moving in with Harry, especially to Marcus who would reconize him the instant he saw him.
That thought was indeed unnerving, yet I didn't turn back around, or change my mind. I would just have to tell my friends soon. Hopefully not to soon though, because I still hadn't rehearsed how I was going to break that to them.
By the time I was pulling into Harry's drive way most of those upsetting thoughts were non-existent, and my stomach was pulsing in excitement. "This is our new home boy! Isn't it swell?" I asked Ireland as I pulled up next to Harry's car.
I was going to ask the arse for help with carrying in my stuff, because I was exhausted and covered in dust. Quite frankly all I wanted to do right now was eat dinner, take a shower, and go to sleep cuddled in Harry's arms.
Once I had turned off my car, I grabbed Ireland, pulling the lazy animal into my arms, and hopped out of the car. I was eager to see Harry, eager to unpack, eager to officially move in.
Whistling softly as Ireland nipped at my chin, I pulled out the spare key Harry had given me, and slipped it into the lock before pushing the door open. "I'm he-" I started to call out, but was cut off when Harry's shout ripped through the air.
"Shut the hell up! I know he does!" He yelled, and immediately I felt unsettled as I slipped off my shoes. Who was Harry shouting at? Was he fighting with Gemma? Did she already go back on the deal? But sadly my answer came far to soon.
"He said if I laid off you he would fuck me anytime I wanted."
When I heard those words slip from Gemma's mouth my heart stopped.
It literally stopped as hot tears began to sting the back of my eyes.
She told him! She told Harry! She told him about the deal and made me sound like a true cheat! Immediately I put Ireland down, deciding to find out where their argument was being held so I could perhaps fix the damage Gemma just caused.
"Your lying! He'd never fuck a bitch like you!" Harry then screamed, his voice bouncing off the walls of the house, and I felt sick. There was so much fear present in his voice.
He sounded scary.
"C'mon Harold do you really think someone like him would ever love someone like you?" Gemma then said her voice showing no sympathy. By the time she said that I had came into sight, breathing deeply and fighting back tears as I swallowed the lump in my throat.
"Gemma don't say that to him. You know it's not true." I said softly, and Harry's dark eyes drifted over to me as a tear slid down his cheek. They were both quiet for a long moment, Gemma smirking like the witch she was, and Harry taking breaths equally as deep as mine.
His body then started to shake, tremble as if he was trapped out in the cold, quiver like Satan was possessing him, and his drained with life in an instant. Upon seeing his demenor shift so drastically I nearly whimpered.
Not only was it scary as hell, but it was my fault.
"I fucking hate you Gemma! Go burn in hell!" He then screeched, stomping down the last two steps and grabbing the vase off the end table near the steps.
For a moment I had been convinced Harry was going to hit her or me with it the way he waved the thing around, but instead he threw it hard against the wall, biting his lip harshly in the process which caused droplets of blood to smear on his chin from his teeth ripping into his skin.
When the ear piercing sound of the glass shattering tremored in the air around us I jumped, but managed to keep myself composed as my brain scattered for the words to say to Harry.
"Well you know what Harry, it's true! No one can ever love you! Your selfish, whiney, and bitchy! I can't believe Louis put up with you so long!" Gemma shouted back at him, a look of annoyance crossing her face as if she was dealing with a small child.
Harry then stepped towards her, the trembling of his body only increasing, and he opened his mouth with a demonic glare and that's when I jumped in because I couldn't take hearing all this anymore.
I couldn't bare hearing Gemma say suck untruthful words, and I couldn't handle seeing Harry getting anymore upset. It was ripping my insides to shreds, and making me want to sob.
"Stop it! Stop it now! Both of you!" I shouted, jumping inbetween them, then turning to Harry. I had to say something quick. "Listen Harry I'm so-" I started, but he shoved me away from him.
"Stay away from me Louis. Stay away from me." He heaved, gliding his tongue over his lip to clean up the blood as I reached out a hand. "Harry please." I said, my voice soft and pleaing. I had to explain to him the full story in true detail, in my version, not Gemma's version.
"No! Leave me alone!" Harry shouted, holding up a hand to bat mine away as he then turned his back to me, and ran up the stairs. "Harry!" I called after him, and Gemma huffed as she fixed her shirt.
"See what you did Louis?" She snorted, looking unamused. At that I had to restrain ever fiber in me from smacking her clear across the face as a welt began to form over my heart.
"Me? Me! Your the one who bloody told him! What possessed you to do something so h-horrible?!" I yelled, my volume almost at a scream as my voice cracked from how hard I was trying to contain myself from loosing it.
Gemma's unamused expression then turned into a smirk, one that made me want to punch her.
"Louis you know your really sexy when your mad?" She asked, and I exhaled sharply trying not to cry. "Don't." I warned, knowing if she said one more wrong thing I wouldn't be able to hold back my hand. I will hit her if she pushes her luck any further.
For a moment she was quiet, then shook her head at me with a smile.
"I'll be out if you need me babe." She said, waving as she pulled out her keys and tossed them up in the air prior to catching them. "I'm not your babe!" I then screeched at her, but she said nothing in response as she walked out the front door.
As soon as she slammed the door shut behind her, I allowed a few tears to slip out, but continued to fight back my sobs.
"H-Harry?" I called out with a cracked voice as I began to run up the stairs, but I stumbled on the last one and fell because of my shaky legs.
"I'm an idiot, idiot, idot." I whimpered repeatedly, making no effort to get up as I sat on my knee's and clasped my hands together prior to holding them to my chest. Harry was never going to forgive, he was going to hate me, this was stupid! It hadn't been worth it!
I just screwed over our whole relationship, I was going to loose Harry, I was going to loose him. At that thought I began to sob, leaning over and letting my forehead touch the floor as my tears begin to stain the carpet of the hall in a silent cry.
The deal had been a bad idea from day one, it wasn't worth it, it hadn't been worth it. I had been so consumed in my desire to protect Harry I didn't examine the hypothesis of what could happen if he gained knowledge of this deal, or caught us in the act.
He was going to think I was like the other boyfriends now. If I couldn't get him to forgive me I was going to join the list of ex's.
Starting to feel like I was going to throw up, I pushed myself to climb up on my shaky legs. I needed to fix this now. I couldn't cower away from the wrath of Mr. Styles.
Taking deep breaths that felt pain as the air passed through my chest, I stumbled over to Harry's door, wiping away my silent tears with the heel of my hands prior to enclosing my fist and rapping on the door.
"Harry?" I called out, trying to keep my voice steady. For a minute I had been convinced he was going to ignore me, but in less then thirty seconds the click of the door unlocking sounded, and Harry threw it open which aloud a flurry of smoke to exit the room.
Once he had thrown open the door I snuck a glance past him and felt my breath hitch. Harry had completely trashed the room, tearing apart nearly everything, and anything he could get his hands on.
"What?!" He asked harshly, twirling the ciggerette inbetween his teeth.
I then coughed, the smell of smoke never sitting right with me, and I wrapped my arms around myself as I looked up at him.
"I'm so sorry Harry. So sorry." I appoligized, and he took a long drag before releasing it in puffs in my face. In normal times I wouldn't smacked him over the head for doing such a rude gesture, but this time remained silent.
"You played me." He growled, taking another drag, and releasing the smoke which only made me cough harder. "No I didn't!" I protested, narrowing my eyes at him as they watered.
"And stop smoking that bloody thing! It's bad for your health, and I don't want you to get sick!" I demanded, and Harry merely shrugged in response as he raised it back to his lips to take another drag, but didn't get the chance for I smacked it out of his hand and stomped on it.
"Don't smoke." I said, my voice a bit softer, but still demanding. I didn't care how upset Harry was I wasn't going to allow him to smoke, especially considering the fact he had asthma.
Harry then growled, his red rimmed eyes darkening as he then shot foreward and grabbed my upper arms, dragging me into the room and slamming the door shut before letting go of me.
"Then why the hell did you sleep with my sister?!" He shouted as I rubbed my arms, my back pressed up against the door as he paced around the floor of the room in a huff.
"I never said I did! Gemma did!" I shouted back, and Harry took a deep breath as he pulled his fingers through his hair and sat down on the end of his bed. "Why would she do that?" He asked, his voice softer now and cracked.
There was a window of oppertunity now.
I could lie and say Gemma had indeed made the whole thing up to upset Harry, or I could be truthful and prevent any future conflict. If we had a future after this sorrowful night.
"She..um..I guess she's jealous.." I said quietly with a shakey breath, looking down and playing with my fingers. Harry then closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose as he inhaled deeply. "What about the bet you damn screwball?" He asked, his voice dangerously low, and dangerously calm.
My stomach starting twisting, making me feel more nauseated, and I cringed at the name. "It's true but nothing happened yet." I admitted, then instantly mentally smacked myself for my word choice.
I should've taken out the yet.
"Yeah, yet?" Harry said tauntly, a sarcastic smile on his face as he stood up.
"You said you'd be loyal to me! I shouldn't have trusted you! Why do I fucking try anymore?! Would be dying make this all better?!" He screamed, ripping the blanket off the bed, and throwing it in my direction before running into the bathroom, and slamming the door behind him.
I then felt like I was being punched and stabbed repeatedly as his words hit me hard, and I ran over to the bathroom door.
"Harry! Don't do anything stupid!" I shouted, banging on the door, panick increasing as his words replayed over and over in my head. "Like you care!" He shouted back, and I heard draws opening and slamming from behind the door.
"I do! Harry I do! Harry please! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry baby! I swear it was stupid! Harry please, please, please." I sobbed, leaning heavily against the door, and sliding down it as a salty taste filled my mouth.
When my bum hit the ground I could indeed feel pain ripping through my body, emotional pain. If Harry killed himself over this I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I would die. I wouldn't be able to handle the guilt.
"Just leave me alone Louis!" He shouted, his voice cracking, and I squeezed my eyes shut as I took deep breaths. I could scarcely control the unbearable feeling with-in me. I wanted to stab myself in the stomach repeatedly for hurting him.
I didn't want to hurt him, I had never meant to hurt Harry. I had never meant to upset him. I had never meant any harm. He had to understand I was still a teen in some sense, I was only nineteen, and sometimes I did really stupid things.
But even with that being stated it was awful what I did. Completely awful. There was no excuse good enough to dismiss my behavior. I may not've done anything, but just the fact alone I had instigated the deal was bad.
Feeling a new wave of tears come on I once more forced myself up on my feet, my mouth feeling dried out from the smoke still circulating the room, and my body weak from the emotional strain.
I was just going to do what Harry had told me to, because I couldn't think of anything else to do that wouldn't make this situation worse.
"I'll be in the guest bedroom with Ireland if you need anything." I sniffled, wiping at my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt, then made a silent exit from the room.
-Harry's P.O.V.-
"I'll be in the guest bedroom with Ireland if you need anything."
I heard heard my angel sniffle, and a moment later the faint sound of the bedroom door shutting sounded behind him.
I had desparately wanted to call after him, and tell him to please just hold me but I was to prideful. To angry. I wanted to just forgive him seeing the innocence in the deal, but couldn't bring myself to it. I did feel bad for scaring him though, and for grabbing him my the arms so roughly.
I knew I hadn't hurt him, but it made me feel like my father.
Once I had been stuck in my silent sorrow for a good five minutes or so, I began to cry. Cry pityfully, cry hard. I knew Gemma was right, I was the type of hard and hallow person that didn't deserve love of any kind, but I knew she was wrong about Louis not loving me.
When I had learned about my other boyfriends and girlfriends cheating, they left. Louis cried, begged, and appoligized. He made an effort. He had a different reaction from the rest. Yet again that didn't stop me from feeling like downing the bottle of pills in the bathroom cabinent.
It would be so easy, so easy to just kill myself now and spare everyone anymore frustration. To spare Louis from having to put up with me, to spare myself from any pain. To be with Maya. Fuck I wanted to be with Maya, but Louis was what made me decide suicide wasn't the answer.
Not just tonight, and right now but since the day I met him and he made me feel like I had been reborn.
Taking a deep breath I stood up, for I had been sitting on the toliet, and I wondered over to the draws once more. I had been two month's clean, two month's cut free, two month's of forgetting my depression.
Then Gemma had to ruin it. I really did wish I could've just let her behind, but when I talked to my mum about it she thought it would be good for me and Gemma to live together so maybe we could mend the bond we never had.
Allowing a tear to roll down my cheek and off my chin at the thought, I pulled out some fresh blades that were meant to be put in a broken razor, not used to harm one's self.
Biting my swollen bottom lip softly, I slipped out one of the blades, then walked over to the bathtub before stripping out of my sweats, and climbing in.
Usually when I cut I did it in a bathtub so if any blood free falled from my skin, I could wash it up with a warm stream of water.
I then sat back, stretching out my lanky legs as Louis like to call them, and I gritted my teeth as I began to dash the blade over my skin quickly, the pain numbing my ailing mind while I watched blood sweep out.
And in that moment it was just me, myself, and the cold blade slipping over my skin.

Notes