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Clarity

17.

It had been a day and a half.
I hadn't spoken to Harry nor gone with in a ten mile radius of his house.
For the past thirty six hours I had done nothing but become an unusally silent present of thought.
That night when I had got home I was completely restless. The new information about Harry was weighing down on me like a ton of bricks, so heavy I could barely breath.
The guilt from me treating him bad was definately there along with my confusion on what to do. I wasn't sure if I should stay friends with him or break off the friendship. Then again that would make me a pretty crappy friend, leaving the other when they were obviously in a desparate time of need for friendship or just company in general.
Yet I was scared of making a mistake with my words if I showed up at his house. So instead I did nothing but hide in mine with Scruff unless I had to go school or shopping for nessicary items.
Carson and Shailene had defiantely noticed my instant drop of the giddy mood on Wensday but made no comment after I confirmed harshly there was nothing wrong and even if there was (which there is) I wouldn't want to talk about it. Of course both had taken offence but dropped their ill feelings with in half an hour.
Now today, today was Thursday.
Yesterday had literally felt non-existent because of how evolved I was in my thoughts and Tuesday seemed like a dream, which I desparately wished it was. Honestly I wished Harry was a dream because then I wouldn't be having any problems right now but sadly we don't always get what we wish for so I would have to learn to deal with it.
"Bye buddy." I mumble to Scruff, running a hand through his fur with a solem bored expression. I wasn't exactly sad, I just felt confused and unable to defer what my proper emotion should be. I mean of course I felt horrible for Harry, beyond words but I still didn't know what to do next.
Luckily he hadn't been in class Wensday so I did get a break from him while in school, and by break I mean my thought proccess being destracted with other things that I tried to convince myself were more importent even though they weren't.
"Hey lad!" Carson calls once I had arrived and parked in the parking lot of the all to familiar University.
"Hey Carson." I murmer and he makes a pouty face as he pulls me into a tight hug and rocks our bodies, "Stop looking so beat Lou.." He whines and I couldn't help but whimper and laugh as I gave him a light shove and he pulled away.
"I'm just tired." I assure, my vocable only particually true.
''I can tell! You look like someone forget to remove your make up for The Walking Dead." He teases, earning a smack upside the head as we stroll in and are greeted by Marcus who I hadn't been paying much attention to lately.
"Hey mates!" He says and ruffles my hair as he squirms inbetween us and Carson gives him an unamused look.
"Hi Marcus." I utter with a slight grin and he returns it, only more genuine and wider. He was adorable even though he was a bit of an attention seeker at times.
"Hey Tommo! Man you look beat. Is the weather being rough on you?" Was it seriously possible for unsettling thoughts to change your appearence? Well minus the fact I didn't sleep much last night because of homework and a sudden surprise case of insomina.
"Yeah that's it." I say with a shrug as Carson cocks an eyebrow but remains silent while smiling at every attractive girl we pass and ignoring everyone else. He had that playboy charm about him at times but the rest he paid no attention to the thirsty girls craving his attention.
"Well I hope your ready for a more upbeat day because Mr. Styles is back! And man his black eye and busted lip is crazy. Said he smashed into a wall with his bike." Marcus informs, revealing Harry had expectently lied about his injuries and I completely, full out, dead on, stop in the middle of the hallway as my relaxing body tenses and I swallow.
"Oh? Is that so?" I say, trying to keep it causual, refusing to show any panick. "Yup." He confirms with a slight pop of the 'p' which made Carson roll his eyes because it was his pet peeve. "Lovely.." I mutter, not prepared for this. I knew what that idiot was going to do, he was going to find an excuse to keep me after class to talk to me about how I felt about the whole thing.
"Well won't this be an interesting day." Carson remarked just as we all stopped near the entrance to our history class. "If we all make it." I breath, our hands pulling open the door and feet carrying us in.
"Hi boys." Harry's extensive voice greeted, his green eyes staying trained to the paper on his desk that had 'Subs Notes' printed in large neat letters.
"Hi Mr. Styles." Marcus uttered in response, scurrying over to his desk shortly before Carson, who remained silent, did the same and I lingered for a moment.
I wanted to say something really bad but I didn't know what to say. I was so torn.
I must've stood there for a good five minutes like an idiot, people brushing past me to get to their seats occasionally but I couldn't tear my gaze away from the desk. I wasn't exactly looking at Harry but I was looking in his general direction.
"Do you need something Mr. Tomlinson?" Harry then asked, clearing his throat as he did so and our eyes met.
At that moment a strange relief filled me once I saw the dull, dry, greyish look in his eyes were gone.
They were still a bit dull but most of it was blotted out by his faint sparkle that seemed to match his smile perfectly giving him a sweet angelic look when happy and intimidating devilish sneer when he was angry like the night in the club when that man had been all over me.
"Louis?" He tried again, using my name this time and I shook my head as I finally was jerked back to reality and I gave him a nervous smile and shook my head before looking down and walking back over to my desk.
"What was that all about?" Carson inquires the instant I take a seat in my desk causing me to force a laugh.
"The art of intimidation. I was trying to intimidate him, but I guess it just creeped him out more then anything." I lie smoothly, my back hitting the chair along with my bag hitting the floor. "Oh." He breaths, looking away and across the room as I sighed deeply and Harry took a stand.
"Today class we'll be taking a break from Romeo and Juliet to learn about great poets, writers, and authors. So to do so I've arranged for all of us to be permitted into the library until the last ten minutes of class. Now when we go there you will be required to use the computers provided for five minutes each to look up a great author or play writer besides Shakespere and find one a biography about them. Once you have this I will request that you read it by the end of next week along with your Romeo and Juliet book so you can write a paper on both."
He notify's earning a few groans and soft whispers of complaint.
"Any questions?" He then adds and everyone shakes his their head as he grins, showing off his two dimples faintly, and the class remains quiet.
"Good. Then be off with you all!" He says making a sweping hand motion and everyone laughs as they get up and gather into a clump while wedging their way out of the classroom and towards the direction of the library.
"Except you Mr. Tomlinson, I want to talk to you." Harry vociferates and I could feel the frown on my face as I sat back down and Carson glanced between us but said nothing as he rushed off with the rest of the students who paid no heed to me.
"Am I in trouble? I swear I didn't do anything wrong." I rush out the instant my last peer leaves the classroom.
"No, no. Your not in trouble of any kind. I just wanted to talk to you." He promises and I fight back the urdge to annouce, ''I knew it!" because I did. I knew he'd pull a stunt on me to get me alone with him, it was quite predictable actually.
"Okay. What do you want to talk about?" I ask softly, swallowing the lump in my throat as he sighed deeply and bit his lip.
"What I told you Tuesday night. Look Louis I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to tell you about the part where I killed those two men. It was a complete accident and I just..I did it out of anger..not because I'm heartless. I did it because I was afraid to hurt my dad and felt the need to. I regretted it so much afterwards. Living with that kind of guilt is horrible. I can't even breath, and look I understand if you don't want to my friend anymore but please-"
I then cut him off as his voice cracks and I say,
"Harry it's okay." His features then twisted into surprise as he folded his arms and leaned against his desk staring directly at me.
"It is?" He asked softly, just above a whisper.
"Yes. It is." I confirm, standing up slowly.
"I was just shocked. I mean, I still am but not as much. I just needed some time to comprehend it that's all." I say honestly shoving away every protest I had against what I was saying because it was true. He told me because he trusted me and felt like I needed to know before our friendship went any further.
It actually made me feel a little warm inside that he even considered the concept.
"So your not mad?" He query's and I shake my head, mimicking his movements of crossing my arms and leaning against my desk.
"No. I'm surprised but not mad." I assure truthfully, biting my lip and he sighs as a smile spreads across his face and the last touch of dull fades in his emerald eyes.
"And that right there is why I have hope with you Louis,"
He stands up straight,
"Because a normal person, would've ran and hid the moment I told them but not you.''
A small chuckle escaped his lips as I cocked an eyebrow curious to hear the end of his sentence, while I watched him walk over to me and jab a finger lightly into my chest as he looked down at me.
"And you know why that is Louis?" He asks and I shake my head, my eyes drifting down to his finger.
"Because your special. There's no other explanation." He informs and I bite my lip but smile slightly as I slapped his hand away playfully and he stepped back from me,
"There's nothing special about me. I just eat, sleep and poop occasionaly like the rest of them.'' I state and he shrugs while looking down and playing with his fingers,
"Oh but there is and that's why I'm afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
"Afraid that I'll ruin you."
"Why would you say that?"
He then inhaled slowly as he looked up, his green iris mixing with my blue one in an intense stare while his tongue glided over his lips,
" Because I'm a darkened soul while your pure and golden and I'm scared with every touch, every moment and occasional kiss I'm turning you into something dark and unlovable....me."
He then tore his eyes away as he fixed his tie,
"And believe me when I say that would ruin you." He finishes as I can only look at him, stunned.
The words that had come out of his mouth had really surprised me. Friends didn't say those kind of things to each other did they? Was that normal? Or was that his way of saying he still liked me but was afraid to acto upon it anymore? And since when was I pure? Was this a joke? He couldn't really think that just because I spent an hour or two with him two to three times a week that he'd turn me evil now did he? Why was that even a fear? And why did he say he had hope with me?
"Oh come now, your not half bad." I promise, with a small smile as he shrugs. "You may believe what you please." He responds, walking back down the isle and up to his desk. "Maybe it's you who doesn't believe." I retort softly, and honestly.
I really, despite the part of his story where he killed two men, didn't see all that much bad in him. Yes he had a temper at times, and yes he annoyed me at times but once you started to really get to know him he wasn't half bad.
Or was it just me being naive?
No. Not possible.
''Why don't you go to the library now?" He suggests and I clear my throat and nod as I run a hand through my hair and ruffle it before giving him a small wave and making a swift exit from the classroom and out into the hall.
I remainded perfectly quiet physically and mentally as I strolled down the coordiers and into the next building where the entrance to the library was located.
Once I had walked inside I was greeted by Carson who had already snatched a computer and waved for me to come over which I did with a smile.
I wouldn't exactly say I was back to my amazing mood but I did feel my body relax slightly.
Confusion was still swirming in my veins as I inhaled and exhaled deeply and slowly the way I did to keep myself on track.
"Here's a list of authors." Carson informs pointing to the computer screen as I kneeled down next to him and my eyes scanned repeatedly over the list before I found a couple of what seemed to be suitable names and grabbed a stray pen off the computer desk so I could scribble them on my arm before giving it to Carson as I scurried off into the long rows of ancient looking books.
The library had an ancient theme to it and smelled like rust and old book pages. The shelves were all wooden and worn down from years of supporting books upon books and stepping stools were scattered here and there to assist students in grabbing a novel on a high shelf.
I didn't really bother to read the book titles as I read the info tags, looking for biography's while weaving my way deeper into the maze of stories involving things from dragons to politics all organized perfectly to a tee.
It was actually marvilous that the school had enough money to make so many works of literture excessible to students for no fee.
"Bingo." I whisper, spotting the biography section and I begin to scan through the shelves as I looked for the desired name but all to soon failed once I realized what I needed was on the top shelf, clear out of my reach.
"Dang it." I hiss, grabbing one of the stepping stools that were convinently in the miniture hallway of books and I climbed onto it and stood on my tipy toes but I could merely brush my finger tips over the books let alone grab one.
"It sucks being short doesn't it?" A soft familiar voice rings out and I glance to the side to see Harry who is leaning lightly against the bookshelf with an amused smile.
"Yeah it can but there's perks." I whisper back with a shrug and he laughs almost silently as my arm is grabbed and he guides me off the stool.
"Allow me." He says climbing up to the top step and easily pulling one of the books down before stretching it out to me, "I suggest you do this one." I then reached foreward and grabbed the book before seeing it was Shakespere.
"But, you said we had to do a writer other then Shakespere?" I ask in confusion as he winks and climbs down, "I thought it'd be easier on you if there was the element of theater involved." He informs and a wide grin appeared on my face as I nod and tuck the book under my arm.
"Thanks!" I say and he nods as one of the students, his fan club, runs up to him and they begin to talk in rapid hushed whispers as they point at a piece of paper they have in hand.
"Hmm.." I hum as I shake my head at them and begin to walk away before Harry glances at me and holds up a finger for them to hold for a second as he walks over to me and grabs my arm before whispering,
"Are you going to be at the bar tonight? I heard you, and Carson go there to party?" He whispers and I bite my lip as I give him a surprise look, finding it a little amusing that he had remembered that but I didn't.
"Well..um..yeah!" I say back and he smiles with two prominent dimples as he gives my shoulder an affectionate grip and walks back over to the girls who inclose him in a circle of their jabber.
I think I'm going to be seeing Harry tonight even though I had promised myself no more bars.

Notes

Hi guys!
So omg I loved your reactions to the last chapter! Everyone had such amusing comments :D I love you all so so so so much! Now, I appoligize for not updating I wasn't feeling well and a computer was not excessable but I really hope you enjoyed this chapter and argua until tomorrow (:

QOTD: What is your favorite pick up line?
Mine is (excuse the pervertedness), "If your left leg was Thanksgiven and your right leg Christmas could I visit inbetween holidays?"
~Mazzy
{Vote, Comment, Fan?}

Comments

@mandyyloveslouisandharry



@Larreh Stylersun
nvm. i think she's done writting it

XavierDye XavierDye
11/21/14

@XavierDye
I can't find it:(( could you help me please ive been waiting for an update sooo long

@XavierDye
Can you tell me her 2nd profile name in Wattpad please??

Larreh Stylersun Larreh Stylersun
10/27/14

If you want to read another chapter go on wattpad and look it up, she updated. It's just her second account

XavierDye XavierDye
10/25/14

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Larrys_berry Larrys_berry
8/13/14