”Where is he?” I asked knowing that they must be well aware of who I was referring to.

“Outside,” Aida sais and pointed at the door a second before I rushed out.


When I got outside I didn’t see anyone looking familiar, just strangers taking some fresh air from having danced for so long, and my eyes kept searching for some blonde hair to light up in the dark, but without success. I pulled out my phone from the pocket in my black skinny jeans and called Niall.

He didn’t pick up and I started to get a bit worried as well as I walked around the buildings hoping to find him there.

As I made a turn to the right I bumped in to someone that I immediately recognized.

“Harry,” I exclaimed as he just stared at me with wide eyes. “Where’s Niall?”

He looked down at his boots looking like he was considering whether or not he could tell me, so instead I tried to guess.

“Has he left?” I asked.

Harry nodded.

“Towards home?” I then asked.

He nodded once again.

“Damn,” I sighed running my fingers through my hair. “Is he upset?”

“It seems like it,” he answered while handing me something taking me by surprise and pulling me out of my thought of what I could possibly do about this. I glanced down in my hand to get an even bigger surprise. A car key. Harry’s, I supposed.

“Go,” he said without showing any emotion and it didn’t take me more than a second of reconsideration to oblige his orders and rush back inside to get my violin and jacket. To my relief the rest of the guys looked like they were about to leave as well. I didn’t want them to feel too uncomfortable with what had just happened.

I quickly waved at them on my way out with all my stuff and I noticed a couple of encouraging smiles being sent in my direction, which calmed me down just a bit as I felt the blood rushing through my body so fast it made me feel dizzy and unpleasant.


On my way out again I hastily asked Harry how the hell he would get home if I had his car, but he just answered that he could get a ride with Liam, Em and Aida, since they were all going back to our place. He smiled probably trying to calm me down a bit as my pulse was now at a rapid speed and I started to feel the sweat return, unfortunately this time is wasn’t because of dancing.

I quickly thanked and said goodbye to the band who were all about to leave as well.

“Everything okay?” Eric whispered as I hugged him, obviously noticing me leaving so suddenly.

“Don’t know. I hope so,” I said and he actually looked a bit worried which just seemed all wrong when he always used to look happy and cocky.


As I got to Harry’s car out in the small parking lot multiple paparazzi’s were waiting to get pictures of the boys. I felt incredibly bad knowing that Niall would have had to deal with them while he was upset. They shout so many questions but for the first time ever I don’t listen to a single one of them as I throw my things in the back and get in at the driver’s seat, but suddenly it hits me: I have no idea of how to drive in England. The wrong side of the road, the wrong side of the car, everything was opposite. Thank God, Harry didn’t drive a stick, that would just have made it all much worse, probably completely impossible for me to handle.


I slowly pulled out of the parking lot desperately hoping that driving with other people for the past couple of months would help me a little, but as soon as I hit the actual street I couldn’t help but start squealing whenever a car would pass me or when I would have to make a turn whenever the GPS on my phone told me to.

I felt horrible thinking about that might be going through Niall’s mind right now and driving through the crazy busy street of London didn’t make it easier for me to clear my head and figure out how to explain everything to him.

The only positive thing I could think of was the fact that luckily all that dancing had sobered me up almost completely, or else I would have probably been dead by now and Harry’s car would just about non-existent.


It felt like hours before I started to recognize the area just a little bit and even longer before I pulled up at the boys’ building.

I grabbed my things and hurried towards the door and pressed the button to Niall’s apartment for him to let me in. No answer. I pressed the button again. Still no answer.

I knew he was in there, his black BMW was pulled up right in front of where I had parked Harry’s car, but apparently he didn’t find it necessary to talk to me. Fuck.

Fucking hell.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. What should I do?! Would some of the others get back here any soon?

I typed Niall’s number on my phone to call him for the hundredth time in a ridiculous hope that he might pick up. But of course he didn’t. Why would he?

I didn’t want to call the others, they had already done more than enough with putting up with all this drama and borrowing me a car to fix my shit.

Man. What the fuck should I do?!


And then I remembered. The key. Harry’s key. Not the one to his car, but the one to his apartment that he’d borrowed me a while ago when I wanted to make everybody dinner at his place right after I’d gotten out of the hospital. That day I had also caught him and Aida having sex. Ugh. Don’t want to think about that again.

I searched through my own keys remembering that I had put it in the same key chain. And there it was. It wouldn’t get me all the way in to Niall’s apartment, but I would rather wait inside for him to get ready to talk to me than outside here in the British Christmas cold.

I locked myself inside and hurried up the stairs making my breathing enhance its speed within seconds.

I slammed my hand against his door once I finally reached it, relieved that no one else in the building would be bothered by the noise.

After a few seconds the door flew open and I was met by a blonde haired guy that definitely didn’t look like the one I remembered seeing just an hour earlier.

His eyes were blood shot and red, his hair messy and the expression on his face was tired and exhausted, which was replaced by a slight surprise for a brief second when he saw me.


“Niall…” I sighed struggling to compose my breathing. “Can we talk?”

“What is there to talk about?” he mumbled looking down at his multi colored gorgeous Vans that made his entire outfit so flawless, even when the rest of him would like it did now.

“Can I come in?” I asked trying to catch his gaze as it kept turning in any other direction than mine. “Niall?” I asked when he hasn’t answered me several moments later.

He then slowly stepped aside and motioned for me to pass him, still without looking at me.

“Thank you,” I said quietly as I put down all of my stuff on the floor. “Look, I’m sorry it upset you to see us dance like that, but I can assure you that there was nothing more to it than just that, that’s just the way the dance is supposed to be done…”

“It really did look rather intimate…” he interrupted me, still just staring out in the air with his hands placed in his sides.

“I’m sorry, but it really wasn’t, I just forgot how it might look a bit dodgy for the ones who aren’t used to it, but it is honestly the same way whoever I would be dancing that with, even a girl,” I try to explain.

“It’s not the way you looked. It was…” he stumbled. “It was him.”

“Eric?” I asked confused. “What about him? I’m pretty sure he just looked the same way as I…”

“No he didn’t!” Niall suddenly yelled making me jump from the loud noise coming from him. “That’s my problem. If you just looked like friends, but he didn’t, he kept staring at you but of course you didn’t notice, you were looking down. But he… he had this… hunting glare in his eyes. I just didn’t want to sit and stare at it no more.”

“Oh.” His words left me speechless. “I had no idea, Niall. I… I trust what you tell me though. I’m sorry.”

”Yeah, me too,” he huffed. “I really don’t like him. Does he even know about us?”

“Of course he does.”

“Then why doesn’t he care then?”

“I… I honestly don’t think that he looks at me in any different way than he does with other girls…”

“Oh I do, the difference is easy noticeable, I’m sorry but it really is. And it kills me.” He stood with his hands fisted together making the skin on them go white from squeezing so hard, I could tell that he was upset, but mostly angry. It was weird seeing him like this, it made me feel uncomfortable.

“And to just know…” he kept on talking. “… that he already tried to get to you makes me want to beat his ass. And I never want to do that with anybody.” This was the first time he looked me directly in to my eyes and it made me squeak.

“Niall, calm down, nothing happened between us,” I explain but once again he blocked my voice by saying:

“How would you feel if I danced around like that with… I don’t know… Barbara?”


His question hurt. It really did.

I instantly knew that he was referring to the supermodel, Barbara Palvin, that he dated for a few months last year. The thought of the two of them together dancing as closely as Eric and I almost made me tear up right in front of him and I had to take a deep breath in order to keep my eyes relatively dry.


“That’s not the same thing…” I mumbled while looking away from his penetrating glance. Being compared to her made me feel worthless and like the most important person in the world, she was so terribly beautiful, Niall could get so much better than me.
Why was I even here? Did I expect him to want to be with me? Why the hell would he, I was just a typical normal girl with plain looks, except for my slighter bigger hips than most girls. “You two were actually dating, Eric and I are just friends.”
My voice was thick and trembling but I did everything in my power to not cry, I would NOT let him see all those terrible self-destructive feelings going through me, that certainly wouldn’t make him want me more, that’s for sure.

“But you would be dating if it hadn’t been for me,” Niall said persistently.

“What? No! He’s a completely player,” I argued back at him hoping that he would trust what I said.


We were both quiet for a while, spending time consuming all the words that had been said. He’s the one who figures out what to say first:

“I’m sorry, Barbara has nothing to do with this…”

“No, she doesn’t,” I replied still trying to hide the hurt in my voice, not meeting the eyes I could feel burning on me.

“I just can’t stand Eric’s attitude, he seems so provocative and selfish. Even though he’s your friend I can’t seem to like the way he acts around you,” he sighed and came closer to me.

Without waiting for me to do or say anything more he pulled me in for a hug and planting a kiss on my hair. It felt so comforting and calming, for the first time in what seemed like so long my mind was clear and empty for all the thoughts that had built up heavily for the past couple of hours.

I felt my hands start to travel around his chest outside the white t-shirt and that beautiful green flannel shirt that looked so hot on him. Yeah, it had to be that shirt that made me do these touches cause it seemed like I didn’t really had a choice, I couldn’t control my body, it had separated from my mind.

I felt Niall’s breath hit my nose as our faces start to turn towards each other.


“I’m sorry too,” I managed to mumble just in time before our lips meet with a lot more force than usual.

Right then and there I started to feel the longing for him from having to resist him earlier that night behind the stage, and I grabbed on to his shirt pulling him instinctively closer to me. He tugged on to my hair as he moved me backwards until we hit the couch where he sat down with me on his lap, one leg on each side of his thighs.

His hands travelled underneath my oversize white t-shirt and they trailed traces on the skin sending shivers all the way through my body as I deepened the kiss even further, tangling my fingers in his hair.
I started to feel a hard bulge pressing against my crotch that made me send a moan in to his mouth that he swallowed instantly. He quickly pulled off my t-shirt and unclasped my bra obviously not wanting to wait too much longer. I put my hand between his legs underneath me and palmed him, making his moans blend with mine.

It felt amazing to finally be able to feel him, to finally touch him.

“That shirt…” I whispered in his ear before nipping his earlobe, “makes me want you so bad…”

I could feel him smirk slightly through the groan that left his mouth and the warmth hits my shoulder that was already covered in goose bumps from the touches and kisses he placed all over my skin. I started moving down from him, even though it took a big amount of effort for me to pull myself away from his embrace. I opened his jeans and pulled them down along with the black boxers underneath.

“Oh God,” I heard him moan and his body tensed up as I slid the tip of my tongue lightly up and down his length in some teasing movements. Without using my hands at all I motioned to get it inside my mouth causing him to tug back on to my hair holding my head in place as he moved and out of me.

After only a few minutes he stopped me to pull me up, so that I was now standing right between his legs as he sat on the couch. He unzipped my black skinny jeans and slid them down my ankles. Knowing what we both had been wanting to do I quickly sit back on top of him and he thrusts himself inside me.

Notes