What if there was no lie.
Nothing wrong, nothing right.
What if there was no time?
And no reason or rhyme?
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side.
That you don't want me there in your life.

What if I got it wrong?
And no poem or song..
Could put right what I got wrong,
Or make you feel I belong

coldplay/ What if?

"goddamn it!!!!!"
"honey is everything ok?!"
"yeah mom! i'll be down in just a second!"
i tried to pull the zipper of my dress up for the hundredth time that morning but it wouldn't budge,
"for gods sake just move already!!!!"
i gave it one more push but the zipper got out.i sighed and threw it at the wall while tears started gathering in my eyes.i know it's stupid to cry over a zipper but i can't help it.
"why does every thing hate me!"
i leaned on to the wall while slowly shrinking down until i was on the ground practically sobbing my eyes out.my door opened and i heard my brother curse while walking over to me and sitting next to me while hugging me and rocking me back and forth.
he kissed my head while saying soothing words to calm me down.and i'm not gonna lie,it did help me to do so.after about 5 minutes of me just crying and he soothing me i finally calmed down and got out of the hug but he didn't let me,so i leaned in to him just like when we were kids and sat there while he rubbed my arm up and down.i mumbled:
"thank you Jase"
"no problem sis"
after a while he asked me:
"so you wanna tell me why you were crying your eyes out?"
i looked up at him and told him:
"do i have to?"
he gave me one of those looks where i knew i had no other choice but to do as he says.i told him :
"my zipper broke"
Jason looked at me with quirked eye brows and a shocked expression,he confirmed:
"your zipper?"
i nodded my head.he sighed while saying:
"Anne,don't give me that bullshit,just tell me what the hell happened to make you look like you just saw some one kill their own dog again"
i smiled slightly at what he said,when we were kids my mom and dad were watching a movie lat at night and i was supposed to be sleeping,but i woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water and when i saw my parents watching a movie i got curious and watched the rest of the movie from behind the door way,but it was a thriller scary movie about this psychopath who in one of the parts of the movie kills his own dog who i have to say was really cute.
so in result i ran upstairs to Jasons room crying. and that leads to why Jason is saying this right now.
"i can't believe you remembered that"
"how can i forget"
i smiled remembering all of the other memories of us 2 when we were kids,i miss being one,no worries and no cares about anything other than home work.i remember looking at grown ups and wishing that i would grow up faster but now.....it's ironic how the tables have turned.
Jason brought me out of what ever day dream i was in by saying:
"i'm waiting Anne"
i sighed probably for the thousandth time that morning,and it's only 9 o'clock.i told him:
"promise you won't go mad at any one"
"i'm not gonna promise you any thing and you know it"
i thought about what i was going to say and said:
"here goes nothing."
"i'm listening"
"you know Zayn right?"
"of course i know zayn....wait,did that fucker do something??!"
"no!....at least not yet"
"what the hell does that supposed to mean?"
i rested my head against his chest incase the water works were going to start and told him:
"well,you know me and zayn are going out for near 2 years right,well lately,in the last month to be exact,he's....changed"
"what do you mean he's changed?"
"he acts different,he doesn't answer my call and even when he does i can feel he doesn't want to talk to me,our conversations won't hold for more than 3 minutes,he snaps at me a lot,now that i think about it,he didn't call me in the last month,it was all me,i was the one calling him,not the other way around,not once"
Jason sighed saying:
"Belle i'm sure he's just busy,maybe he has a lot on his mind,but i thought you would be smarter than this to cry over something like this"
"Jason i love him,how can i not cry?"
he chuckled and i asked him a little bit irritated :
"what?"
"oh god,i never thought i would be the one having this talk with you"
now it was my turn to ask the questions:
"what are you talking about?
he sighed and said:
"Anna,tell me where do you thing your relationship with zayn will go?"
"I-....i-....."
i seriously hadn't given it much thought,i mean i was always the live in the moment kind of girl in these type of things.but where will our relationship go? will it be something more?or will we be the same?
can i see myself with a man like zayn?is it going to be an enjoyable life?
but i already knew the answers to those questions.and as much as it hurts,
the answer to them was no.
Zayn is a celebrity,there's no way i'm going to enjoy a life with him,yeah maybe sometimes but i know i would be hurt a lot.he's going to be away for long times,i'm gonna hear and see things on TV known as 'rumors' and at one point i know i'm going to give in and believe them,i can never have the same life again cause i'll be known as 'Zayn Maliks partner'.
now that i come to think of it,this is what every one has been trying to warn me about Simon,my mom,Avin,Atoosa,Jason.
they've been trying to make me see that this is going to go no where,that this,what ever it is,it's going to end at some point.
'this' is only a high school love sort of thing.
'this' is never going to last.
that i'm going to lose 'this' no matter what i'll do.
or in other words
i'm going to lose Zayn no matter what.
cause that's just how it's supposed to be.
some one like me,can never be with some one like him.

"Anne, you didn't answer my question,where do you think your relationship with zayn will go?"
"no where"
Jason sighed and held me more closer while kissing my head again.he said:
"let it all out"
and i didn't hesitate to.
.
.
.
.
.
"honey aren't you going to the Maliks house?"
"no Mom"
"but i thought Zayn was coming here"
"he is"
"then why aren't you going there"
"i just don't feel like it"
my mom looked at me with a shocked expression while Jason was looking at me with a sad but knowing smile.
he knew what i was planning to do,he knew i was planning to end what shouldn't have taken place in the first place,because it doesn't bring any thing but heart break,sadness and hate at the end.

Notes

i know short,but what can i say,i had to post this one.
you know i think i lost readers,because i use to have at least 7 comments after every chapter but now,i only have like 2 or 3.so yeah....it's kind of sad.i'm losing my good spirit to write.
so if you are still reading,please like put something in the comments so i know some one is except well IN.MY.1D.DREAMS who i've come to love dearly since she comments sweet things on every chapter,and Aamna Malik13 who answered what i asked on the last chapter. and also others who are quite a few so i really don't want to name some and forget others so thank you!!!!
wow i used a lot 'so' in my sentence
With love
/
Anoosha