I Understand. An AU/punk story.

You have got to be shitting me.

"A therapist?" I ask in disbelief.

"Well, yes. I believe you would find it really refreshing and it would make you feel better. You're young and have been through a lot. I can see that... I'm sure you would appreciate talking to someone." She smiles genuinely at me. I do not smile back.

After I leave, I get in Lou's car and drive back to the club, a black cloud over my head.

This was embarrassing.

Did she think I was different?

I didn't think there was anything wrong with speaking to a therapist, and I didn't want to judge people who did...

I just never thought there was something wrong with me to the point in which a complete stranger would tell me I had problems.....

Was there?

How was I going to tell Louis?

I frown and pull up to the club where I recently dropped him off at before my appointment. Slamming the door behind me I take note of Harry's and the guys cars outside. Another meeting? I groan again, now I would have to see him...

Lou would ask me how it went and where my medicine was and I would have to tell him the story in front of Harry.

I didn't want Harry to know there was something wrong with. Not that I'm sure there was...

I shove the door open rather roughly and am greeted by Mariah, Angela and Beth.

"Hey, where are the guys?" I ask them, placing my purse on the bar.

"There in the board room. Go on back." Angela chirps. I nod and smile and make my way behind the bar. There's a plain blue door which I pull open to reveal a long dim hallway. I creep down the walkway, listening for voices, giving away which door they're behind me.

"That's not a fucking option and you know it!" A familiar, raspy voice yells. I roll my eyes. His temper will always be his downside. I spin the handle on the closest door to and push it open, everyone jumps as I barge in.

It's a very similar room to the one in the basement of the room in the bowling alley. One long table lined with rolling chairs, all filled with punk boys, some I know. Some I don't.

"Lily?" I hear Louis call, but of course my eyes meet his first. He gives me a sad smile in which I don't feel I can return at the moment.

"Hey." I sigh, looking up to him. He's at the head of the table, his friends to the right and left of him. A head of brown hair catches my eye.

The fuck?

Mckenzie smirks at me from the table, only a few chair between her and Harry and her and Lou.

Somebody is going to get it.

"Why don't you wait with the girls. This will take a bit." he smiles. SO why the hell does she get to stay? I frown and swallow, nodding once I turn to leave. "Wait, did it go OK?" He asks, probably referring back to my appointment.

"Y-yeah." I breath, I can't help but catch Harry's eyes again. A skeptical look on his face as he studies me. Of course he knows I'm lying and he doesn't even know what the fuck we were talking about. I quickly bow my head, snap the door closed and retreat tot he bar.

-

They're in there for what feels like hours to me.

"Hey, party at the Alley tonight. You guys should all come." Niall announces as he comes out. Everyone leaves minus Harry and his friends and Lou and his friends.

"Bye, guys." A stupid Mckenzie says in her stupid voice. Giving Louis a flirty wink and me a sinister smile.

"Bye." Louis calls. I shoot him a glare that he doesn't see but Harry does. I imagine the smug look on his pink lips as he watches it happen.

"Sounds fun!" Mariah chirps as her boyfriend wraps his arm around her, nodding in agreement.

No it does not sound fun.

Harry scowls at Niall but his eyes eventually find mine. Full of longing and other mixed emotions. I bite my lip and look down, playing with fingers.

"Yeah, it does, actually. I'll go." Louis announces. My jaw hits the floor. Honestly? Could this day get worse? Just wondering.

"Sweet! I'll get the girls to go. How about you Lilian?" Niall chirps, his happy little face looks over to me.

"I guess..." I mumble, pouting, though nobody seems to notice except Harry who has a big frown on his mouth. While Louis starts talking to Liam, Niall and Zayn. I'm not mistaken as a pair of boots tap the floor as they make their was to me nonchalantly.

"Hey." Whispers, sliding in to the booth next to me. I grimace and drop my head in to my arms, not looking at him.

"Hi." I whisper back.

"Whats wrong?" He whispers again, looking at Louis to make sure hes not watching. I furrow my brow and shrug. I am not in the mood to talk about my feelings with my ex boyfriend. "Come on, tell me." He urges, dropping his head in his arms next to mine after poking me gently in the ribs.

"I really don't want to talk about it." I admit, peeking a look at him. He rolls his eyes and gives me a skeptical stare.

"Are you going to come tonight?" He asks as his buddies say bye to Louis.

"I don't know. I might." I sigh, sitting up when he does. He gets off the stool as his buddies wait for him. He pulls a cigarette out and puts it between his lips before slipping his jacket on and finally turning to me. Cocking his head slightly in a way that makes something churn inside of me.

"I hope you do." He admits, furrowing his brows as he studies me. I nod and swallow. As he gives one final wave to Louis he turns to leave, as he walks away, he sticks his hand out and it lands on my upper thigh, with a light squeeze, the all to familiar heat spreads up my body like a wildfire.

I screw my eyes shut as his hand lazily slides down to my knee, one more light squeeze before walking off, not another look at me.

I watch him go in awe.

God, what did he do to me?

-

"You need to what?'' He asks with a strange look on his face. We were back at home with me trying my best to convince him of. I swallow and try my best to keep my face from twisting up with guilt as we sit on the couch.

"Just stopping thinking and ... go to sleep! She said it's a phase." I nod my head, biting my lip slightly.

OK, before you go off on me.

I know I shouldn't lie to him. But I couldn't help it.

I didn't want him or anyone else worrying about me like everyone already did.

It was not necessary.

"Oh..That's odd." He says simply, totally buying in to my lie. I smile and nod my head. I'm glad this isn't Harry because he would lose it. The boy sees right through me.

"Yeah." I agree, leaning back in to the cushions, finally relaxing before Mckenzie's face comes back to my mind. Now or never. "Louis?"

"Yeah?" He asks, leaning back next to me, flipping through the channels.

"Why was Mckenzie there?" He instantly grows a little rigid. I swear I see his jaw clench and unclench for a second.

"Shes in the gang." He says. turning to me. I faint almost nonexistent smile on his face.

"Yeah, but I've been around for a while and shes never been there before." I point out, furrowing my brows slightly. His lip twitches as he watches me carefully.

"Yeah. I told her to not come around for a while. You two don't get on well." He tells me, scooting a little bit closer. I nod. That was enough.

For now.

Then his mouth is on mine. Eager and sweet his kiss sweeps me off his feet. Needless to say, his hands pushing us closer, my fingers in his hair and my legs around his waist. Things become very heated.

I groan his name as he kisses down my necks.

Relax. Let it happen. He wants this and so do you.

Do I?

His shirt hits the floor and his hands trail down to my ass, squeezing lightly. I whimper in his arms. OK. Playtime's over. The mentally unstable girl has become uncomfortable....

His hand slithers down in between my leg, rubbing menacingly through the cloth. I stifle a moan and pulls his hair. I want him to stop. And I don't myself to want him to stop.

His hands find my waist band on my jeans and they are about to be pulled down.

"Wait." I whisper. His shaky hands freeze as he looks up at me. A strange look on his face.

"What?" He whispers back. I give him my 'i'm sorry' look and he lets out a breath of hot air. Realization of my rejection of him once more.

"Oh." he says. His voice is tight and my heart clenches.

I can't help it.

Something isn't right.

Something does not feel right.

I don't want to rush it if that's the case.

And he shouldn't either.

He crawls off of me and slumps back in to his previous position, his head slumped back, his eyes closed lightly as he tries to regulate his breathing.

"I'm going to go get ready.." I announce, softly. I figure if he wants to go it's the least I can do.

He nods curtly as I get up and leave

Notes

Honestly you guys are really making me upset. EVERY SINGLE FANFIC I HAVE EVER READ, AS WELL AS YOU, THE MAIN CHARACTER HAS SOME SORT OF TWO BOY DRAMA. It has been three or four chapters where they are not together. chill.

Regardless of team Lou or Harold; she has been with both. Obviously. So no need to freka out at me and each other.

it's a story.

And i was kidding. OBVIOUSLY it's a harry fanfic and will continue to be one.

Doesnt change the fact it's my story and my baby and if I want Lily to be with Lou then she will.

Relax.

I'm feeling more hate than love nowadays.