I Understand. An AU/punk story.

I followed Louis upstairs, silently curing to myself.

Why did I always stop him?

Why couldn't I just man up?

I shake my head and enter the room.

"Where are we going to go?" I ask him in a small voice. He looks up from his drawer and gives me a sweet smile, He was too forgiving...

"Mmm, where do you wanna go?" He smirks and goes back to digging in his drawer for something.

"I don't mind. I kinda wan't to stay home though..." I huff, dropping down on the bed, running my hands through my hair. I felt emotionally drained. So much has happened in the past few days...

"Aw, why?" He coos, joining me on the bed, wrapping an arm around my waist. I sigh in contentment and drop my head on his shoulder.

"I haven't been sleeping very well and I just feel kinda gross.'' I shrug.

"Well how about we order Chinese and get a movie on, On Demand and just cuddle on the couch?" He suggests. I beam up at him and he chuckles down at my eagerness. "Go pick a movie and get the blankets." He smiles. I nod my head and jump up, first pulling on some fluffy, short, shorts and a tank top and grabbed the comforter off our bed before skipping downstairs and plopping on the couch, pulling the coffee table forward for our feet as I searched for a movie.

Louis comes from the kitchen in sweats and a fresh T shirt a few moments later after ordering, jumping on the couch next to me.

"Pick one?"

"It's between The Hobbit and The Godfather since I know you like that movie." I laugh and hand him the remote. We decide on The Godfather and lounged back on the couch, my head on his chest as he slumped back on the cushions.

After the food arrived we ate and continued with the twisted plot of graphic and violent movie. His arms tight around me, his head on mine, his chest falling in a perfect rhythm

"lou?" I whisper, not meeting his eyes int he dark room.

"Yeah, sweetheart?" He hums. I can hear that hes tired, it's getting late and the mix of yummy food and long movie making him drowsy. Unfortunately for me; my insomnia had me wide awake...

"I'm sorry about earlier." I whimper, digging my face in to his side, embarrassed about this whole ordeal.

"What? Why?" He asks, his voice louder from confusion as he takes my chin and pulls my face up to meet his eyes.

"Well..." I start, my face scarlet. "You want to go farther and... I didn't." I breathe , trying to hide my face in his chest again, wrapping my arms around his torso.

"Hey!' His voice suddenly serious as he tries to pull me back to look at his face. I squeeze tighter and don't meet his gaze. "Baby, look at me right now." he snaps. I groan in a whiny voice and peek up at him. "I told you; I'm going to wait for you. And if you don't want to then that's fine!" he coos, a sweet smile on his pink lips, his hands lightly squishing my cheeks. I frown as his warm hands squish my cheeks like a fish.

"I just don't want to make you sad." I admit, my words slightly slurred from my puckered lips. He surpasses a smile at my facials, but manages to keep a straight face.

"Your more important to me than fucking.'' He tells me. My eyes widen lightly from his dirty talk but the way he says it, without flinching, I know hes being serious. Nothing but truth on his face. I nod apprehensively and pull his hands away from my face so I can peck his lips. He beams down at me and pulls me down so we're lying under the heap of blankets, my back to his front, his arms around me.

With in the next thirty minutes he's snoring lightly, lucky bastard not having any problem with sleep... After the movie was finally over I switch off the TV and close my eyes.

I lay there for what feels like hour but nothing.

No sleep.

My mind won't shut the fuck up!

I groan and roll around and bury my head in to his neck, he shifts in his sleep and holds me close and I'm comfy as hell but nothing helps.



After giving up on the attempt to just keep my eyes closed I sneak from his arms and head to the kitchen, filling a kettle with water I sit on the counter as I wait for the water to be ready. Once it screams, I'm quick to pour it in to a mug, adding a tea bag and some honey before putting The Hobbit on with the volume low so Lou doesn't wake.

The tea which usually works does nothing for me and I find myself laying on the couch while the movie plays, absentmindedly tracing patterns on Louis's skin.

I think.

I remember.

I smile at some thoughts.

Frown at others.

I reminisce on the shitty life that has been playing out before me. Maybe I'll start running again? Maybe I'll run with the dogs each night....

Wait, then I would have to see Harry.

Harry. Stupid Harry.

I groan and pull the curtains behind the couch back and find the sky a pearly pink, summoning a soon to be sunrise. I hurry up to my room and pull on a big fluffy grey sweater on over my tank top and grabbing another blanket for my legs I head back downstairs and as quiet as can be, open the front door and shrink out to the front porch steps.

Once the door is closed I sit on the top step and pull the blanket over my lap and watch the sun rise by myself.

I wish I could sleep.

-

Once the beautiful red and yellow have fully dripped down the once black and purple sky, revealing the glory of the day, I slip back inside, tip toeing back to the living room.

I didn't want him to worry about me..

He did far too much for his own good.

The cold clings to my thighs and just as I turn the corner to enter the living room I run smack dab in to someones broad chest. I let out a scream and do the most logical thing which is reaching out and karate chopping the creep.

"What the fuck?!" Lou scoffs. I open my eyes to find him rubbing his shoulder where I just whacked him, a confused, cute, morning smile on his face.

"You scared me!" I whisper yell.

"Sorry!" He chuckles, then he take sin my appearance. The blood hot eyes, bags, quilt and hectic expression. "Did you even fucking sleep?!" He asks appalled. I repel from his tones, hiding slightly in the blanket.

"I may or may not have gotten absolutely no sleep." I say hesitantly, cringing, waiting for his reaction.

"What the hell, Lil!? You're going to get sick! You need to sleep!" He throws his hands in the air and i groan.

"I tried! I just can't!" I pout, not wanting to be yelled at further. He groans and brings his hands to his face, rubbing his eyes harshly.

I recall my conversation with Harry. He had wen't to the doctor and he was sleeping fine. Would that work for me? It was worth a try. I don't think Harry would lie to me...

Did I really think that?

I cringe at the words flowing too freely through my jumbled brain.

"Don't worry. I'm going to take care of it."

-

http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=111030260

I thumped my knees impatiently as I waited, stopping for a moment to adjust my clothes. I really didn't like the doctors office. It made me feel weird. Don't ask.

Anyways, being here and already being on edge from being so tired made me so jumpy that when the nurse called m name I almost screamed.

"H -here.'' I stammer, she beckons to follow and I do so. I'm brought in to a waiting room where I sit and play with my fingers until my stupid doctor finally appears.

"Hello, you must be Lilian. I'm doctor Markos." She says with a nice smile. She's in her mid fifties I'd say but her blonde air was curled to the point and her make up looked flawless.

"Yeah, thats me." I give her a weird wave and she goes to her computer and pulls up my file.

"So what seems to be the problem today?"

I begin to tell her about my inability to sleep, my high stress level and my constant feeling of being tired and drained as she listens intently and asks a few questions.

"And when did this all start would you say?"

Something pangs in my stomach and it makes me uneasy. Since the love of my life ripped my very soul to shreds and danced the rain dance upon the pieces.

"After a bad break up actually.." I tell her hesitantly.

"I see, and did it just begin or did you avoid sleep at first?" She presses, scribbling something on that damn clip board. I nibble my lip. I remember back tot he bad dreams of Harry and my father while I drove... I shudder.

"Actually I was having terrible nightmares so I sort of avoided it at first. but it progressed on it's own." I admit, wrapping my arms around my shoulders.

"And these nightmares?" This bitch was relentless. All I wanted were some fucking sleep medications.

"Um, bad ones." I say bluntly.

"Reoccurring?" I nod and she nods her head back. "Besides the break up, has there been other traumas in your life that effected you?"

What the fuck?

What did this have to do with anything?!

Did she know me?

Guilt washes over me.

Then I start counting all of the terrible things...

My fathers death, me getting kicked off state track for my anorexia and depression, my move here, my moms boyfriend molesting me, me being forced to move out, the break up with Harry cheating, Audrey and Rhonda, when Jake attacked me.

Holy shit.

"Miss Forest?" She snaps me out of my day dream and I jump, quickly wiping my misty eyes.

She studies me with a sad expression.

"Well?"

"I would prefer not to answer." I say in a thick voice. Wiping the one tear that falls quickly. God I feel stupid for crying in front of her.

"Heres what I want you to do before I subscribe any sleep medication." She turns back to her note pad, scribbles something down, tears it off and hands it to me. It has a name a number and an address.

"Whats this?" I ask in confusion.

"I think you should talk to a therapist first."

Notes

I NEVER SAID THIS WAS A HARRY FANFIC(; XX