Lily's P.O.V.

The cup fell to the ground and broke at my feet.

He's right in front of me.

I'm not dreaming.

He's here.

Right now, right in front of me.

I'm going to puke. Oh my god I'm going to throw the fuck up.

His green eyes pierce in to mine like nothing ever happened. Like he was still my lover. Memories of him kissing down my chest, his face twisted in pleasure as we works his way in to me. His lips on mine as I gave myself to him willingly. I shudder.

My mouth is dry as is someone just dumped salt in to it and I'm choking.

Seeing him right now is as painful as swallowing fucking salt.

It's a bitter slap in the face.

Louis's hand instinctively finds my back, his eyes flicker to it and his face twists in to a sneer.

The room is dead silent.

Are you going to give him the satisfaction?

What do you mean?

His eyes meet mine and it's like a stab to the gut as he waits for my reaction.

Are you going to let him know how bad he fucked you up? Or are you going to show him who the queen really is?

I don't think I can.

You can and you fucking will. He doesn't deserve the satisfaction.

I'm well aware of the fact I'm talking to myself but right now I have bigger fish to fry. I swallow the salt in my throat, tilt my head slightly to the right and swallow the shock, hurt, betrayal, love, pain and hate from my face and turn it all in to a look of utter indifference.

With out a word I tear him from my gaze, spin on my heels, and walk away calmly.

Everyone's eyes are on me like I just grew three heads.

What did they expect?

....

I attack him?

Well I have to admit, punching him the damn mouth would feel real nice.

But I am a lady tonight. See my lace dress?

Ladies do not punch mean boys in their lying, shit hole, mouths.

Ladies smile and nod.

I make my way to Perri who keeps looking over my shoulder.

"I like your shoes." I tell her. Her jaw drops, I cock my head, waiting for her to finish.

"T - thanks." She laughs strangely. Rae side hugs me, suppressing a giggle. Glad someone found this amusing..

"I missed you grape!"

"I have pink hair now." I correct her with a smile, wrapping my arm around her.

"You'll always be a grape to me!" She says with a cheeky smile. I roll my eyes.

"Lily, get your fine ass over here and hug me! Rae always hogs you!" Lauren pouts, she's standing by Liam who is standing by Zayn who is staring still in shock; same as Niall, Louis, and he is...

I smile and make my way to her, ignoring their confused glances.

"Hi! I missed you!" I coos, wrapping myself in to the hug she offers me.

"No fair I missed, Lily too!" Liam pouts. I laugh lightly, tear my self form his girlfriends grip and and allow the hunky Liam to hug me. I squeeze him back and then pull Zayn in to a sheepish hug. Except he deepens it and drops his head in to my neck so his mouth is by my ear.

"I'm really sorry about this.." He whispers so only i hear before he pulls away.

I shrug and give him a reassuring smile

"Aw, I missed, you too, Lillian. Where's my hug?" He chuckles, leaning against the drink table next to Niall. I cringe from hearing him say my full name.

No one ever does that but him.

Louis instantly tenses and turns to walk to Harry but tiny little Rae catches his rippling arm. I give Lou a sweet smile and turn my eyes back to my ex boyfriend.

"Aw, that's so sweet of you to say." I say with the same sweet smile, walking a little closer to him. "Maybe if one day I can look at you and not feel repulsed, I will hug you too. But until thin, I'm afraid."

Harry's P.O.V

I don't know why I said that. It was immature. I just don't understand how shes being strong and I'm this fucking little boy. I'm in desperate love her and Lilian? My Lilian? She could care less. Louis makes a move at me but Rae grabs him, I smirk at him and turn back to her as she smiles at me.

It doesn't reach her eyes.

Someone else could be fooled by it but not me. I see right through her.

Shes dying and so am I.

"Aw, that's so sweet of you to say." She says with the same fake sweet smile, walking a little closer to me. "Maybe if one day I can look at you and not feel repulsed, I will hug you too. But until thin, I'm afraid."

Ouch.

This the card she wants to play with me..

I laugh, let out a happy laugh break the awkward.


Something flashes across her face and it gives me hope.

The more I see her hurt, the more she feels, the less she hides, the closer she is to realizing she can't fake smile for forever. The closer she is the closer we are to getting past this. The closer she is to being my Lilian.

The more I push her, the closer she gets to snapping in front of all of us.

My pretty little china doll shedding her glass skin she's formed around herself.

Her smile returns and she shrugs, turning away.

She looks good. Damn good.

Lily's P.O.V.

He studies me for a second. I shrug and turn away, the others still shocked. I go to the drinks and pour a cup of cherry vodka before turning to the radio, turning it up a little bit I make my way back to Louis, smiling up at him.

He gives me a confused look I shrug and plop down on the couch, sipping generously.

"This party is lame, Nialler. You're losing your touch." I wink at him

"WHAT?! Fuck that! Everyone take a shot!" He demands. People groan. "My party my rules! You're all getting intoxicated." He announces. Niall hands out two shots to everyone and we all make our way to the couch area. Louis perches next to me, our bodies touching.

Perri lands on my other side, Zayn squeezing in next to her. Harry exactly direct form me in a chair. Liam in the chair next to him, Lauren on his lap.

Niall drags another chair in and demands Rae sits in it and then sits at her feet where she then plays with his spiky blonde hair.

Everyone starts their chatter, Harry watches me intently and then again so does Louis.

I watch the ceiling, the wall, Zayn's quiff, my foot. Pretty much everything except my friends and used to be lover and future lover.

I go to take another sip to find my glass empty. Getting up with out a regret I make my way to the drink table and pour until a pair of hands take my hips.

I spin around and check to see who it is

Yes I have made that mistake before!

I sigh when Louis looks down at me.

I turn back around and lean my hand back on his chest.

"What, were you expecting someone else?" he chuckles, kissing the back of my head.

"Yes, actually." I breathe. Once my glass is full I lean my hands forward on the table, taking my head from him and simultaneously pushing my ass in to his hips.

"We can go, you know..They would understand." he whispers, making sure only the two of us hear the conversation.

"Then he would win." I whisper back, finally letting myself breathe for the first time tonight.

"It's not a game. And if he's making it one, you don't have to play." He takes my hips firmly and makes me face him.

"Don't you see that it's always been a game to him? I'm playing weather I like it or not." I retort coolly.

"Lily..." he breathes, a sad look on his face.

"I'm fine. The sooner we get back the sooner we can go home." I conclude, making my way back to the group and back to my seat, still under his scrutinizing gaze.

"No. You guys. Truth or dare! Right now!" Rae giggles. Niall groans and rolls his eyes, dropping his head back so he can look at her upside down.

"No, that game sucks." he pouts. She frowns and puts her puppy dog eyes on, leaning forward to rub her nose on his.

"But, Nialler... I wanna." She pouts.

My heart feels in awe as he beams up at her, pure love and adoration in his eyes as she calls him his famous nickname.

They're such an unlikely duo.

Niall was such a player, a real whore, well thats what Louis told me. He would sleep around, drink, party. Not a care in the world. Too carefree.

Then there was Rae who used to be one of the biggest nerd son the planet until she went to that first party with me all of that time ago and started talking to him.

They truly are soul mates..

He stopped. All of it. He did a complete 180 just so she would be with him, just sleep with him at first, but it developed, obviously. They changed everything for each other.

Selflessly, truly, compassionately, no questions asked.

it made me bitterly jealous and uncomfortably happy for them.

Where was my Niall?

Why hasn't he come yet to sweep me from my feet?!

I swallow it back and look up at him for the first time.

His eyes are sorrowful and soft, kind almost.

They're sorry.

This is his way of apologizing.

I frown at him and shake my head softly as if I was saying 'why? Why was I not enough for you?'

His lips parted softly and he closed his eyes, dropping his face in his hands saying 'I have no clue what I did.'

We had an unspoken language and this is one of the only times I was really appreciative of it.

A few minutes later it was decided we were playing truth or dare.

We pushed the coffee table away and all sat in a circle. Me, Louis, Liam, Lauren, Harry, Niall, Rae, Zayn and then Perri.

"Niall, truth or dare."

"Dare, obviously!" He says with a laugh.

"Two shots!" Rae giggles. He rolls his eyes and obeys.

"Lily, truht or dare?" Niall asks, sapping me back to earth.

"Truth." Harry rolls his eyes.

"Are you dating Louis?"

"No.."

"But you're fucking him, right?" Niall asks cheekily

"One question at a time, Ni." I laugh. Harry's gaze becomes deathly and his hands start to shake. Louis laughs and takes a drink. Niall pouts but the game moves on.

A few other turns are taken but I don't pay attention until Harry's turn comes around.

"Hazz, truth or dare." Perri asks. He sighs and thinks about it for a moment.

"Truth."

"Who's the best you've ever been with?"

Oh god, I can't hear this right now..... I can't be here. I should have left. I don't want him to answer this. I look up at him and he's already looking at me.

"Yeah, Harold. Who's your best?" I smirk, vodka fogging my brain.

"I'd rather not answer." He says simply, glaring at me.

"Oh but we all wanna know!" I laugh, my heart feels like it's crumbling. My very well designed walls falling down right before him.

"Are you fucking Louis?"

"Thats none of your fucking concern." I bite back. Lou's hand finds mine.

"So, no." He says with a stupid smirk, pushing me to say it.

"Not yet. We'll be home in an hour or so." I snarl back, my face hot. Even though I didn't mean it.

"You're fucking lying"! He yells back.

"AM, I?!" I ylls back.

"Carissa. She was the best. Best by far. God she was good. I fucker her nice and good and she let me and I loved it."

Then I'm on him.

Notes