Harry's P.O.V.

I can't breathe. I can't think. I can't move.

I watcher leave without another word. My world comes crashing down on me like it never has before. It's the worst feeling in the entire world.

She goes because she can't try anymore? I don't understand. I listened, I did.... But if she cared about me like she said she wouldn't just give up on me. I don't get it.... I want her and I need her.

I have sacrificed so much for her. So entirely much. I changed for her and I realize she changed for me. So when two people feel that way, shouldn't it just always work itself out? Isn't that what happened when these stupid fucking situations happen in movies>???

The girl always leaves and the guy chases her and it Always works. And before this.. It felt that way during every fight. But now? It feels different and this never ending fued between us feels over.

And its all her fucking fault.

How could she forget everything we went through. I don't get it.. I don't.

-

Laying in bed. I have been crying, literally crying. I can't stop it. I feel like such a pussy but I can't help it. She should be here.. If Louis hadn't of showed up she still would be... Ah Louis...

Flashback

I sat here dressing her after Jake had just tried to rape her at the party. It infuriated and confused me how someone could literally intentionally try to harm this girl. I buttoned her shorts for her and silently cheered when I led her down to my car by her waist and she didn't pull away. She was small against my arm, I could feel her hip bones. So fragile as if I or anyone else could crush her in a moment. I have to protect her, make sure no one else can do it either. I help her in the car, watching for even pebbles so she won't trip and get hurt. The overwhelming care to detail I payed attention to when she was around was absurd. I brought her up to her room and watched her little bottom lip tremble. The heart I didn't even know I had is broken at the sight. I kissed her neck and she went breathless. I know now this girl is it for me. Shes mine now. So thats exactly what I told the beauty in front of me.
"I like you Lily, you're mine now."

End Flashback

That was before we were even dating, it seemed like so far away from now. So much has happened. I gave her my all and she took it with out question. Leaving me nothing but broken.

ME, HARRY STYES, Broken. I never thought this itty bitty girl could do so much damage. I had always pictures it the other way around... Who knew..

But in all honesty, I would do it all over again. I would meet her and save her countless times again and laugh with her and kiss her again. Do it all again even if I knew I would be heart broken.

But that doesn't matter now because shes gone and we're done and I can do nothing about it.

Time to move on and find myself again.... And what was I known for?

Thats right.

Fucking and leaving.

I called the biggest slut I knew and barked in some orders in to the phone.

"Be there in a minute, baby." Carissa purred in to the phone. Ew. Her voice was so nasally next to Lily's. Shit. I just realized I had never even gotten to hear her sing. Weird I know.. but her voice was that beautiful, I can't even count the times I couldn't find the bravery in myself to ask her to sing for me. It would have been the most beautiful sound in this atmosphere. I just know it.

Carissa knocks on my door and I let her in, she already knows where the bedroom is.

"Harold you're an idiot if you do this." Lauren whispered from behind me, making me jump.

"Go back to bed." I snap at her, I loved my cousin but I hated when she was right which was always.

"Harry, you love her. So go fucking get her. She's not my first pick but she cares. Don't you see that?" Her voice cracked.

"Really, if she cared, she would be in that bed waiting for me. Not Carissa!" I hiss at her and turn.

"She left because she cares. And if you can't see that then you are blind to love." She says sadly before turning and leaving me.

I would analyze it but I know it would mean I would make Carissa leave. If I had figured out what my cousin meant I would run like some fool back to my girl.

And you know what would happen then? I would tell her I loved her and she would say it back, because I know she does. I can see it in her eyes... And then a few months maybe years would go bye and she would leave me again.... She would rip me a part like she just did.

And I don't think I can survive a blow this big again.

I need to forget and move on... It's what she wants.. And want her to be happy. Even if it means with out me....

I walk back in to the bedroom and rid myself of my clothes to the already bare Carissa.

Lily was so much more fit and beautiful when naked. God the things she made me thought.....

I pulled Carissa close.

Lily's skin was so much softer...

I kissed her lips.

Lily's kisses made my feel fire.. Made me feel wanted and needed......

And then I did what I know I shouldn't of.

I slept with Carissa and betrayed every little word I had ever promised the girl I love.

Because that's what I'm good at..

Fucking up.

Notes

short but powerful