As soon as I got to Perri's and was all unpacked in to the guest room I said my goodnight's and closed the door.

As soon as the wood was separating the rest of the world from me I slumped to the floor and let everything I had been feeling flood out.

Every. Last. Part.

I wished my boys were here. How sick was that.. My Boys? Plural as in there both mine. God I suck.

I cried because I suck

I cried because I missed Harry

I cried becasue I missed Louis

I cried because hell, I missed me.

Flashback

It was right after my little 'makeover' for Harry. Louis was in my kitchen, it was before he really started feeling for me.
"I don't know I feel bad for you Lil."
"Why?"
"Because girls change for him, change to be with him, change so he wants to be with them, or change from just plain being with him. The sad thing is once it's done, how do you get the old you back?"
"It's not like that, Lou. Don't worry about me." I insisted.

End Flashback

God he was right.

But, it was worth it. So incredibly worth it. After crying my eyes out on the hard wood floor I got up and carried my aching and exhausted body to the bathroom.

Gross. My face was swollen and tear stained, eyes bloodshot, hair tangled and matted.
I peeled off my heels and jeans and tops and turned on the shower.

I scrubbed every memory and feeling for them from my skin.

The problem?

No matter how hard I tried it wouldn't wash down the drain along with the sweat and dirt. It stayed on me and in me. The feelings and memories stuck with me.

-

I collapsed, exhausted on to my bed. After endless tossing and turning I finally fell fast asleep.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two Months Later...

"I can't believe it!!!!!!" Perri screams and jumps in to my arms. "WE"RE FINALLY DONE!!!"

And she was right, we were done.

"WERE ADULTS!" I scream back and hug her to me.

Today was finally graduation day and I was so fucking happy to be done with school and this town. So many bad memories later and I had survived.. sort of..

Zayn pulled her away from me and swept her tight to his chest, planting a big kiss on her lips. It hurt to watch Harry's and Louis's best friends but I sucked it up. Niall and Rae made there way to us and both pulled me in to a huge celebratory hug. Harry made his way up to us, I took a step back and pretended to busy myself with my cap and gown. God he looked good.

We haven't spoken. Once. Not two months later. There was still an unbelievable amount of tension between us, I felt him stare at me but he was interrupted when Zayn and Niall started rough housing him.

I was still best friends with the girls, in fact all three of us were getting a huge apartment together downtown, and they were upset when I never got back with Harry considering it meant I never went to the Bowling Alley or any party that I know Harry or Louis would be at. It was just too tempting to be honest.

And then there was Louis. As soon as he figured out Harry and I were splitsville he came knocking on Perri's door. I slammed it right in his face. I couldn't be with either of them, I just couldn't.

I still haven't found myself exactly. I'm some where deep inside but after the damage with the boys and my mom and everyone else. And then moving again in with Perri. I have became much more of a bad ass and some what of a party animal. But that's just life I guess.

"Party at the Bowling Alley tonight, whole class is invited!" Harry announced and practically every graduate cheered like crazy. Harry has been throwing some very wild parties since our break up. I didn't anttend any one of them and I wasn't planning on going to this one either.

"Ahhh YES! Were goign to dress like hot little mammas!" Rae squealed as she bounded to Perri and I.

"We have to finnsh unpacking!" I whined.

"THATS the best excuse you could think of?" Perri scoffs. By this time our old group of friends, minus Louis, is gathered around listening.

"It's not an excuse!" I snapped, blush flushing my skin. Rae laughs.

"Oh, bullshit, you party every single night." Harry's shot his eye brows up. "And now you suddenly can't?" Perri complains.

"Perri -"

"NO, You two girls are my best friends, were going shopping for skanky clothes and then were going to get shit faced with the boys just like old times!" She snaps. Did I mention Perri still isn't OK with the break up?

I don't bother arguing. I hear Harry chuckle. Jerk face.

-

"You can see your ass, Rae!" I laugh as she comes out in her ten thousandth dress today.

"I know, that's the point!" She giggles and struts to the mirror. "This is the one!!" It's a short blue dress with no straps and cutouts on the waist. I hugs her body tight and she looks beautiful.

"I'm dead set on the one!" Perri giggles coming out in a short red dress with one sleeve and a very low cut back that hugs her nicely too.

"You both look great, but I don't know if I want to go.. it's going to be awkward." I says, playing with my fingers.

"Oh come one, you won't even see the boys, and besides! You'll be smashed before you can get the chance to even feel awkward!" I think about it, there's no doubt I'll be drinking my fucking face off.

"What if one of them hits on me?"

"Good, maybe you'll finally date one of the poor boys." Rae adds, pushing her boobs up in her dress.

"I don't want that!!" My eyes pop out of my head, what if my terrible drunk mind takes over?!

"Oh relax, it's not like we would let that happen to you!" I raise my eyebrows. "OK, we do want that to happen but we wouldn't let it if we knew you were too drunk." She sighs.

"OK, OK, but please, no funny business." They smirk at each other, their backs turned. "Hey, bitches, you're in front of a mirror I can see that!!!" I snap. They roar with laughter.

-

I am finally ready to go on the girls standards, I take a step back and look at my self. I look smoking! Marcel runs up to me and slobbers on my dress.

http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=105335526

"Hey! Bad doggy!" I snap. I'm glad I got to keep him after everything. He liked Harry so much that it was hard to drag him from the apartment but after ten hot dogs later he was in the car. He whines and runs back to his dog bed, picking up his favorite squeaky toy.

"Ready, bae?" Rae peeks her head in at me and smiles. "Looking haawwt!" She giggles.

"You too, boo!" I say giving her a wink and laughing with her. Once were done complimenting each other we jump in the car and head to the Bowling Alley. My stomach turns and I find it hard to get a good breath. I am so incredibly nervous...