I Understand. An AU/punk story.

He held me. He held me all night. And I sobbed like they selfish, naive, foolish, little girl that I am.

The worst part?

He didn't even care.

He just wants me happy. And that I will never be able to repay Lou with because like I said. I'm selfish and undeserving.

I cried in to his bare chest like an animal and he soothed me and comforted me with his words.

After my insane sobbing and babble stopped, poor exhausted Louis fell asleep with me in his arms.

But I didn't sleep.

I stayed awake as his breath fanned my face, his arms stayed around me, night until morning. Neither of us moved.

My heart is broken.

Harry kept coming in to my head...

His sexy muscles, his piercing green eyes. Those pink limps, his ink.... I shake my head and screw my eyes shut, blinking away the tears and huddle deeper in to Louis's hold. On reflex he squeezes me tighter.

-

As the sun broke through the window Lou stirs next to me, his perfect eyes flutter open and he looks down at me with sad eyes.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" He mumbles sleepily. I shrug and drop my head on his shoulder. "You didn't sleep, did you?" I shake my head no after a few seconds. he sighs and kisses my temples. "What do you wanna do?"

"I don't wan't to go home... he'll be there waiting." My voice cracks on home and I dare not say his name.

"You can stay here as long as you want. But you don't have any things... and last night it was late and you were upset.. I think you should talk -"

"No. I will not talk to him because he'll give me that look and I'll cry and I'll forgive him and I do not want to forgive him..."

"Then just don't forgive him!" He argues, encircling me waist tighter. I sigh.

"It's not that easy, Louis.." I whimper, wrapping my arms around his neck, leaning my forehead on his. His eyes are sad and worried. "But I do wan't to stay here.. the girls will just trick me in to talking to him. And as much as I love them as long as they are there, him and his friends will be.. And they are honestly not good for me. those people.... and he won't leave me alone. " I huff.

"Well, stay here. With me. I want you to." he says softly, our lips are inches apart and his eyes keep studying me in a way that makes me feel naked. I nod and he snuggles his head in to my neck. I bring my hands to his hair and softly clench them in my grasp. He sighs again and kisses my collar bone.

"I really am sorry about what happened... '' He starts. I shake my head and pull him back to look at me.

"It's fine, don't worry about it or me. " I tell him as reassuringly as I can. He nods and we stare at each other for a few moments.

"I'm always worrying about you." He mumbles. It's true. He is.

"Can you come to my place with me?" I ask him. He nods and slowly gets out of bed leaving me cold. Once the blanket falls I instantly blush. He's in his boxers and I'm in nothing but panties. I wrap my arms around my chest and bite my lip, ignoring his gaze. He leans over the bed, grabs my ankles and with a sneaky smile he pulls me to the edge of the bed.

"Lou!" I breathe, trying my best to cover my breasts. He leans over with a brilliant smile, puts both hand son the bed next to me so our faces are even.

"Don't be shy, you're beautiful." He pecks my cheek playfully and hands me my top and leggings. I quickly get dressed and so does he. "Where are your shoes?" he chuckles as we go down the stairs.

"I, um, lost them while I ran here." I stammer as he slips his own on.

"Wait. You ran here all the way from Harry's?" He squints at me in a confused voice. I nod once. "Damn... I could of picked you up." He scratches the back of his neck and opens the front door for me.

"I ask to much of you." Is all I say as we get in his car.

"Don't you realize I would do anything for you? Nothing is too much." He says with furrowed brows as we drive off. I don't say anything to that.


When we pull up to my place everyone's cars are there. Everyone's.

"Oh god, lets just forget my stuff. I don't want to see them." I stammer, clenching my seat nervously. His hand ensnares mine.

"Look at me." he says calmly, but I can't. I'm freaking out.

"He'll be mad I'm with you. The girls will scream, you'll scream. He'll fight you! I don't want anyone to get hurt. Oh god, please leave before they see us!" I cry out. Light tears have started falling down my cheeks. His hands brush them away.

"Lily, look at me." he says softer, taking my face between his palms. I take a deep breathe, practically hyperventilating because I might have to see my x boyfriend. That is no way healthy.. what in the hell is wrong with me?!

I look at him hesitantly, he's leaning across the console giving his pity look.

"It's going to be OK. I will not let him touch you. And I will not fight him. You're strong. SO show him that you don't need him. Prove him wrong because he isn't worth the tears." My mouth is slightly agape as he searches my eyes.

He is perfection.

And for once my skies are his petty blue and not swimming green.

I reach for the back of his neck, and pull his mouth to mine.

His lips are slow and soft and sweet. There isn't any fire in the kiss like with Harry but for once i feel like that's OK... Because you wan't to know what? It doesn't feels like I'm not suffocating from a males touch.

And it's wonderful.

He pulls away too soon and I nod.

"let's go."

He holds my trembling hand the whole way. My breathe is knocked out of me when I open the door to my apartment.

Our whole clique of friends is in there, it seems like everyone is arguing among themselves. Their heads snap up when we walk in. Their eyes go to our hands. HE is leaning against the wall that separates the kitchen and the living room but I don't meet his eyes. I don't need to to see the anger in the sight of the two of us. His ex girlfriend and his ex best friend.

"Oh my fuck, where have you been? We have been blowing up your phone?!" Perri snaps. I shrug and yank Lou to my room. But before we can reach the the door frame his hand is ripped from mine and I don't need to loom to see by whom. Strong hands push me in to the room and lock and close the door behind us.

Shit.

Cornered.

Like an animal.

My breathe hitches.

"Lilian." His raspy voice whispers. I ignore him and go to my closet and pull out my suit case. "You're leaving?!" His voice is rushed and panicked but I don't reply.

"OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR!" Lou screams from the other side. I make a beeline for it but he side steps in front of me.

"Just a second." I call to him and the pounding stops. My voice sound strong and I feel proud of myself.

"We need to talk."

Notes

Ohh shiat.

Does anyone have like any personal questions for me?

Orrrr

IDK.

I feel like I never leave any notes.

ummm.

How do you feel about the demise of Hilian?! and wut about lou and lil?!??!!

aaahhh!!!