I Understand. An AU/punk story.

"Are you tired, it's late?" I whispered to Louis who's eyes kept falling closed. We had spent the night watching movies and the sun was starting to rise in the corner of the window.

"Yeah, we might as well. We are going to have quite the day." He mumbles, pulling himself out of my hold.

We were slumped back, our arms lazily wrapped around each other.

"What do you mean?" I asked as I got up with him, following him to his bedroom.

"I mean..." He said as he opened the door and led me come in to his room. "We have to take a trip down to the bowling alley.''

"Like hell!" I snapped, dropping on to his bed and snuggling in to the quilt. He stood int he door way and looked at me. His eyes watched my every move and were slightly glazed over.

"I'm not arguing with you." He said with a slight smile, coming towards me. I roll my eyes and move over so he can fit on the bed.

I know I shouldn't be doing this. If in fact I did want to keep the promise to myself to stay away from these two boys, which I did. But right now, I was tired and I was glad he had found me,so I let him wrap his long arms around me and pull me to him. Accepting the embrace I put my head on his chest and was asleep in moments.

-

Opening my eyes, I felt in a strangely good mood despite the fact I knew I would have to face all of my pissed off friends today. Louis snored softly next to me, getting up I went to the bathroom and started the shower. Pulling of my sleep trumped clothes and sighed small, relaxing my muscles under the water. I hoped it would be a good day, even though I knew it wouldn't be.

A few minutes in my showering ritual a knock sounded at the bathroom door.

"Hey, need some clothes?" Lou asked, coming in the bathroom, leaning against the sink.

"Yeah that would be great." I peeked my head out of the curtain. "I'm pretty much done."

"OK." Be right back, he left. I turned off the hot water and left the shower, wrapping one of his fluffy blue towels around myself. He came back and brought be a pair of sweats and a Beatles shirt, I accepted them and waited for him to go before I got dressed.

"OK, you ready?" He asked, fake enthusiasm as I left the bathroom.

"I don't want to Louis!" I whined, flopping obnoxiously on his bed. He laughed and laid next to me.

"I know, but hey. You made the choices you did, now you need to deal with them." I knew he was right.

"Yeah yeah, I know..." I retorted. Lou got up and motioned for me to come. Getting up I slowly followed him from the house, and to his car.

"It's going to be alright. I'm sure they will be more relieved than mad." Louis said reassuringly, squeezing my knee. Boy was he wrong.

-

Pulling up to the bowling alley I looked around the parking lot... Everyone's car was here. I got out and slumped behind Louis. He looked back at me with a worried glance and offered his hand. I took it in mine and he squeezed, making me walk faster to keep up with his long strides.

Here goes nothing.

Lou puled open the door and revealed the gang.

Harry sat in a booth with his head in his hands, phone next to him. Perri, and Rae sat at the bar, somber faced, checking their phones. Niall paced the floor while Liam twiddled his thumbs nervously at a table. Zayn sat next to Harry, arguing with someone on the phone. When I stepped in their faces flew up. Mixes of shock, horror, anger, and relief.

I awkwardly lifted my hand and gave a small little wave. Harry's head came up last. His eyes were bloodshot and his face looked worn and thin. When his eyes met mine with such an anger I tried to take a step back but Louis grabbed my waist, pushing me forward.

"What. The. FUCK!?" Perri screeched in anger, getting up she ran to me and grabbed my upper arm ripping me to away from Lou. She continued to scream at me but I blocked it out.

My eyes didn't leave Harry. everyone but him came up and everyone started either screaming at me or Lou or both. I slapped away Perri's hold and she took a step back in disbelief.

"YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING SLAP AT ME WHEN I HAVE BEEN WORRIED SICK FOR A WEEK BECAUSE YOUR DUMB ASS DISAPPEARED!" She screeched at me. Zayn came to her side and put his hands on her shoulders. "NO DON'T TOUCH ME!" she snapped, ripping away from him. "AND YOU!'' she turned her anger to Louis. "YOU FUCKING LIED TO US! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US YOU HAD HER!'' She screamed.

"I didn't have her, I found her!" Louis spit back in defense.

"OH I'M FUCKING SURE YOU DID!'' Rae butted in.

Before I could say another word Harry was in front of Louis, delivering a punch to his jaw bone. They were fighting like dogs in seconds, making everyone jump back.

"STOP!!" I screamed in horror as they went to town on each other. The other guys were hesitant to pull them a part. So I did.

Leaning down I grabbed Harry's arm, slowing down the momentum that he used to throw it forward at Louis's mouth. Remembering last time I had tried to brake them up and it led to one of the worst nights of my life. Harry stopped his arm and Lou took the chance to break from his grip, Zayn grabbed arm, trying to calm him down he pulled him away.

Harry's muscles rippled under me as he kept his back to me. His breathing racked his entire body. I slid my hand to his shoulders and then slowly and gently down his back. He turned to me.

His green eyes were black, his hair was a mess.

"It's OK, just relax." I pleaded in a whisper, putting my hand on his cheek. He slapped it away, I took a step back in rejection. Everyone watched us. He closed the space between us.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" He snapped bitterly. I blinked a few times, trying to keep composed even though he was scaring me.

"W - what?"

"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, LILIAN?" He screamed in my face. Anger over came me but it came out as sadness. Hot tears flooded my eyes.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO YOU. HUH?" i screamed back, finding my voice.

''YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DISAPPEARED! DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I WAS?" He retorted, but his voice wasn't mad. It was glittered with betrayal.

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTED ME TO GO!" I bit back, a few tears broke over. ''YOU AND YOU TWO!" I turned to Harry and then Perri and Rae.

"YOU DAMN WELL KNOW -"

''NO! JUST SHUT UP!" I screeched back, interrupting him. I couldn't do this. I shoved his chest away and turned hot on my heels. I ran from the door and ran out to the empty parking lot. Tears blinded me but I walked away quickly in a random direction. Before I made it too far a pair of large hands grabbed my hips and yanked me back.

;LET ME GO! I HATE YOU!" I screamed at him as he turned me to him. Hurt etched his face.

"YOU DON'T FUCKING MEAN THAT. DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT!'' He challenged. I slapped his chest, tying to get away from him. Next thing I knew he bent down and threw me over he his shoulder.

"PUT ME DOWN!'' I yelped, slapping his back. He didn't say anything just turned and went towards where his car was parked, opening the passenger door he tossed me in and slammed it. Jogging to the drivers seat. ''BRING ME HOME!'' I sobbed as he ripped out of the parking lot. Speeding away from Louis and the gang who emerged from the building. He passed the road to my, Perri's and Rae's apartment and sped off towards his own. "HARRY TURN THIS DAMN CAR AROUND!" I shrieked, but he fumed in the drivers seat, not speaking.

When we pulled up to his house. I didn't get out of the car. I waited for him to come to my side, open the door, and awkwardly rip me from the car. Pulling my hands away that I gasped the seat with. Tossing me in to his arms bridal style he carried me to the elevator and through his front door. He dropped me in the couch and locked the door.

His hands tore through his hair angrily, at a loss for words he paced in front of me. I continued to sob on the couch. finally I just dropped my hands in my face. My back heaved up and down as I tried to stop crying so damn loud. His feet stopped and I heard him come kneel in front of me.

Hands grabbed my wrists and pleading eyes searched mine. I know he feels bad. He hates when I cry.

"Stop." He says weirdly as if he could cry too.

I brought my hand back and slapped it across his face, getting up I stormed away but his arms found their grip on me, pulling me back.

"WHY DO YOU TREAT ME LIKE THIS! I'M A PERSON NOT YOUR RAG DOLL!" I yelled, he released me and I turned to him.

"Lilian -"

"SHUT UP!" I snapped, raising my finger to him like a mother would do to her child. He did as I demanded.

''I'M A WOMAN, HARRY. NO... A LADY! AND YOU CAN'T TREAT ME LIKE YOU DO ANYMORE. LOUIS DOESN'T. JOSH DOESN'T! SO WHY DO YOU THINK IT'S OK FOR YOU?''

He stood there stunned.

"I HATE YOU FOR THIS. FOR TURNING MY LIFE THIS WAY. IF I HADN'T MET YOU NON OF THIS WOULD OF HAPPENED!" I start sobbing again. I didn't mean it but I wished I did.

"Don't you dare blame your shit fucked life on me. You made all of your own choices. If you hadn't of met me he would have raped you that night. and you would have gone to the police. And you know what? After that you would be dead, Lilian. Dead." He snapped harshly. I sniffled and shook my head.

"You're so mean." Was all I could manage. "I hate you." I added to hurt him like he was hurting me.

It was silent for a few moments, he weighed the words I just threw at him.

"You don't mean that." He concludes

"Yes I do."

"No you don't. Stop!" He snaps.

"Yes I DO, Harry!" I say more bravely.

"Lilian stop saying that. No you don't!" He pleads.

''YES I DO!'' I finally scream. His mouth drops and he shakes his head. The look breaks my heart.

"But, but... I love you.." He mumbles. His eyes water. God those words kill me. I shouldn't of said it. I didn't mean it.

"Please don't do this." I plead in a whisper. My eyes go to his, the green in them is pale.

"Please take it back, baby. I love you. I do. You know I do!" He whispers back, coming to me, his hands nervously grabbing at me. I shake my hand and put a hand on his torso.

"Just give me my space." I beg, before quickly turning and going to the bedroom we once shared. I close and lock the door before he can reach it.

What have I done?

Notes

sorry for the no update. LOVE YOU