I Understand. An AU/punk story.

I cried for a good hour in his bed. He kept calling for me, begging for me to just open the door but I didn't. I was so mad. I didn't want him to comfort me.

After my crying finally stopped I huffed a shaky breath and sat up. I knew he was sitting right outside of the door. I wish I could go home and sleep forever...

So I did the next best alternative, slipped off my shoes and sweats and curled in to Harry's bed, subsiding in the comfort. Sleep over taking me.

-

A warm body is pressed to mine, a hand brushing my purple hair from my face. I groan and slap Harry's hand away.

"Go back to sleep, doll." He sighs deeply. I peek up at him, eyeing the door I know I locked.

"How did you get in here?"

"Picked the lock."

"Of course you did." I say bluntly, rubbing my eyes. His face is sad and hes giving me big puppy dog eyes as he lays on his side next to me. I sniffle, I know my eyes are puffy and I probably look just as shitty as he does.

"Lilian, I'm sorry..." He whispers sadly. I let out a shaky breath and rub my nose. I'm upset about our fight. I hated fighting with Harry.

"You really hurt my feelings sometimes Harry." I say as strongly as I can he looks at me sadly and scoots closer, pulling me to him, knowing I could start crying at any second.

"I know I do. And I'm sorry. I don't mean to... You just .... you just... sometimes you.." He sighs sadly, not sure how to put it, he looks at me for help. His eyes are light green and his frown his huge.

"Annoy you?" I offer in a tiny voice that breaks. My eyes water. I'm tired.

"No, no, no. Of course not baby. You just get me going. I wan't to protect you and sometimes you don't see whats best for you." He says reassuringly, pulling me tighter. I shake my head and dip my head in to his neck. "Look at me, Lilian." He says softly.

"If its true then why did you say you don't want to take care of me to Perri and Rae? That was terrible!" I say, my words muffled by his shirt.

"I didn't mean that!" He lifts my head so he can look at me, I take my hands from my sides and they find themselves going around his neck, connecting us closer. He's encouraged by my actions and his hands slide slightly lower on my back. "I was just so mad! I have a temper! I was mad Perri and Rae hadn't watched you... something bad could have happened that night and it kills me when you put yourself in those situations." He rushes out. I let a little whimper out, wanting to believe him but not knowing if I should.

My fingers fist a few of curls and he bites his, studying me unevenly. His hands slip lower, fingers digging in to me slightly.

"OK... I believe you..... I'm sorry for running off. I was just hurt." I finish. He smiles.

"It's alright.. You don't hate me do you?" He asks sadly.

Did I hate him? Was he crazy?

"I couldn't ever dream of feeling anything for you except love." I mumble, feeling my cheeks flush. He smile lights the room, his hands trail down, sitting right above my ass. His pelvis digs slightly in to mine now.

"Lilian?" He asks uneasily. I look at him, waiting for him to continue but he doesn't. Instead his lips find mine. Its a weird kiss for a moment. Filled with tons of emotions, good and bad. But it's over taken by the fire in moments. He pulls away asking for acceptance. I reassure our actions by smashing his mouth back on mine.

Then things get cray.

He flips me on my back, my tongue pushes threw his lips, making him moan on my mouth.

"Oh god, Lilian." He groan as his hips start working against mine. My breath hitches at his words, making me moan which only gets his hips working faster as he rubs himself on mine. Harry's mouth kisses mine roughly, I'm getting wetter by the second, I feel like I need him. As in need him to take care of the throbbing in my panties but I know I'll regret going all the way with him.

But doing this? His lips on mine? I need this right now.

His teeth tear at my bottom lip as I pull his hips tighter to my crotch. My fingers fly to his zipper, his pants are off. His hard on feels so incredibly amazing on me. I can't stop moaning at the pleasure.

My hands leave his hair and go to my own, tearing it back, fisting it in frustration, knowing I'm about to come undone.


"Baby, I need you." Harry pleads, reaching his long arm over me to his night stand where he makes a small foil packet emerge. Panic rises inside me. Uh oh.

My eyes get huge and he freezes, realizing he hasn't exactly gotten an OK yet. He looks down at me needily.

Do I want this? No...

Should I do this now? No....

Do I feel like I have to? Yes...

Am I going to?

I nod my head nervously and he rips his boxers down

oh god

He rips the foil open, putting the condom on himself while his mouth works hard on mine. But I can't really find myself able to kiss him back. My lips are clumsy. I'm so not incredibly ready for this right now....

His hands brag the edge of my panties and their ripped down to about my knees, I can feel himself at me entrance.

My heart is beating a million miles an hour. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I can't right now...

"Harry wait!" I let out but it comes out more like a scream, he freezes. I lay there in horror. Embarrassment washing over me.

I. Am. So. Lame.

Hey stares dumbstruck at me. My hands fly to my face which is red and hot.

"I'm sorry!" I say panicked, my eyes water. This had to be the fourth time I have done this to him... His hands fly to his own face and groans. My eyes water. Was I fucking crying? Holy shit.

I do what I would usually do. Freak out and get the hell out of there! I grab my panties and rip them up my hips, jumping from the bed I grab Louis's sweats and pull them on too.

"Lilian wait!" Harry says. I shake my head and speed walk from the room. Tears have now managed to spill over as I yank on my shoes, Harry comes from the bedroom in his boxers, spotting me he rushes over but once again I'm too quick and I leave his apartment. I shouldn't of let that happen. I close his front door and not long after I'm outside, jogging frantically down the sidewalk towards my apartment.

-

I storm in to Perri, Rae, and I's place. Only one light is on in the kitchen.

"Shes not here! Stop fucking up!" Rae yells. I make my way in to the room shes in and find her on her cell. She clicks it off and jumps when I appear.

"What the hell is going on!?" She snaps at me. I glare and turn with another word. I didn't owe her an explanation. I didn't owe anyone an explanation... I slammed my bedroom door and went to my bed. Harry called five times but I let it ring.

I was embarrassed....

A stare at the ceiling for a good twenty minutes, feeling bad for myself before my bedroom door opened. I watched a flash of bright pink come towards me as Perri sat on the edge of my bed.

"Hey... You awake?"

"Unfortunately." I snap.

"What happened with Harry?" She asks timidly. "He keeps calling, he wants to come over. We told him no... If you wanted to see him. you'd be there..." Well then.

"Thank you." I stutter, surprised by her kindness.

"Yeah, yeah... Listen, I'm sorry hun. About all of it. It was my fault.. I was such a bitch." She says sadly, running a hand through her hair. I sigh. I love Perri to much. I can't stay mad at her.

"Hey, it's fine. What I did was pretty shitty." I chuckle sitting up next to her.

"Are we OK?" She asks hesitantly.

"Of course!" I squeal, pulling her in to a hug. She squeezes me back. Shes a good friend.

"What about me!?" Rae suddenly appears from my door way. I laugh.

"Get your ass over here!" I yell at her, she runs in and I give her a hug too.

After a good while of talking and apolagizing and talking we say our goodnights and they go their rooms. Were planning on having a girls night one of these nights. We need it.

Notes

sup yo. GUYS I WANT TO DYE MY HAIR PURPLE BUT DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD HSKFHSKDFHSLDJKFSDJF I REEAALLLYYY WANT TOO!!!! AAHHHH