I Understand. An AU/punk story.

Next thing I know, I'm drunk off my ass.

Blue eyes brings me a few more shots and ten later, his shift is over and he is on the stool next to me, his hands on my waist, his lip in between his teeth as he listens to my drunken ramble.

"You wanna get out of here?" He asks, his voice is pleasant but no where near Harry's.

Then again nothing about him is any where close to Harry. Not anything about him draws me in or interests me like My green eyed boy.

But once more, no one comes close to him.

I shrug and play with the hem of my dress. My head a blur. just how I was trying to get it.

All I wanted was to drink my brain in to oblivion, dance until my knees gave out, And then sleep where my head lands until I'm awakened with a hangover and the guilt I managed to stow away for the few hours the night held.

Blue eyes leans in and his olive cocktail breath makes me nauseous. It was no where near Harry minty smell. The one I preferred over everything.

"C'mon, I wanna show you something." he purrs. Taking my hand and dragging me off my stool. I don't fight back.

He pulls me through the smoggy bar and no one seems real phased by the image of a drunk girl being tugged towards a dark hallway.

He pulls me in to the bathroom and locks the door before pushing my back in to the sink. His hands dangerously low on my back.

I don't meet his eyes, instead, I close my own and try to picture his touch is Harry's.

The minute his mouth meets mine, I know I won't be able to sleep with him. No matter how hard I pretend it to be him, it won't be. Not ever. He was done with me and he amd eit very clear.

The thought feels like fire under my feet so I kiss back with haste and anger, trying to forget the events from earlier. Blue eyes shoves my back in to the mirror and his hands cup my breasts and his tongue slips through my lips.

I want to stop. And I hate that.

I want to be able to do this to get over him... But I know I won't be able to. And that sucks. It sucks so fucking much.

I can not help but picture Harry's if he was to find out I slept with the black haired bar tender.

Would he be mad?

Sad?

Jealous?

No. None of the above. he wouldn't care. He doesn't want me. He is probably back at the bowling alley dancing with another girl.

The thought makes me involuntarily bite my lip. Which turns out to be Blue eyes tongue. He yelps on my mouth.

"What the fuck?" he hisses, spitting blood on the dingy floor.

I take this as my leave and as he rinses out his mouth, I shove him to the side and flee from the bathroom and from the stupid bar. Not bothering to pay for my drinks. That steamy make out will have to suffice for now because I'm not facing him again.

When my skin is greeted with the summer air I make my feet get to work in to running.

Running to one of my many safe havens.

I can feel blisters forming on my feels from my thick boots but I keep on keeping in my stumbling run for help.

The really drunk part of me tries to tell me to run to Harry's. I have enough sense to ignore her.

My skin breaks out in a light sweat the rumble of the liquor in my stomach is making me feel nauseous.

But finally, I flop against the door I was running for all night.

"Open upppp!" I cry, pounding my fists against in panic. It takes a few moments of yelling and door punching before it swings open and nearly fall straight on my face.

"What the...?" Martin yells as he takes my elbow in an attempt to steady me.

Once I'm standing an his door is closed I rest my palms on my knees as I gasp for air.

"Holy shit, Lil, you scared the piss out of me!" He breathes. Resting a hand no my back to rub soft circles in an attempt to calm me down.

I straighten myself up and wipe my teary eyes.

"Wait.. whats wrong?" he voice becoming serious as he sees the emotions on my face.

I whimper and close the space between us, laying my head on his shoulder and wrapping arms around him so I can cry.

He seems shocked at first but calms down in the next second, his hands smoothing my hair and back as he leads us t the couch.

"Hey, what the hell is going on?" he presses. I merely shake my head and sob harder.

My drunk mind taking over the mix of emotions flying through me.

I cry for a long time.

For a lot longer than necessary.

And a lot longer than anyone would deemed acceptable.

But In don't care.

My heart feels like it did that many months ago when I found out he had cheated on me.

I feel just cracked, dry, broken and open.

Just terrible.

I wipe my nose and Martin wipes away the mess of dripping makeup as he studies me unevenly. Clearly unsure of my mental and emotional standing.

"Doll, whats wrong? What happened?" he coos, rubbing small circles on my back.

I sniffle and hiccup and catch my breath.

"H - harry.... He... He hates me! He hates me!" I sob. Covering my eyes. "And Louis... He .. he and Mckenzie..." I cry silently in to my hands as he wraps both arms around me, hugging me close.

"Shh, it's OK. You're OK." he coos against, trying to pull my wrists from my face.

"No it's not OK! I'm all alone again, Martin. I can't stand it! Everyone leaves me and I just can't take it any longer!" I whimper, meeting his clear eyes.

"What do you mean? That's farthest from the truth!" he argues. I furrow my brows and wish for him to continue. Even though his words are mistaken I wish for someone to give me some freaking closure. "You are not alone, Lily. You have all of your amazing friends, and your dogs. And me! Boys are stupid, forget Harry and Louis, They're one of many."

The last part burns. the thought of Harry as one of many kills me slightly.

"And you are strong. You are undoubtedly one of the strongest girls I have ever met. You can handle being alone. Even if you were, which you aren't." his voice is gentle as he cups me face.

"I just don't understand why I'm to enough." I mumble an try to look down again but he keeps our eyes locked.

"You are enough." he breathes.

His face gets closer and his breath fans my face and my body grows rigid.

Martin places his lips on mine.

It's slow and gentle and so believable I could cry again.

He keeps our mouths together for three seconds before pulling away.

"You're enough for me. More than enough. And you're enough for man others. And the sad thing is. For some people you won't be. But the flip side being there will be others that won't be enough for you. But don't believe for a second you're aren't enough for everybody. There's somebody out there. I swear.''

He doesn't kiss me.

I am in a bitter drunk shock.

When I don't say anything he stands up and takes my hand.

"Lets get to bed." He pulls me to my feet and drags me to his room.

I stand next to his bed as he digs out some clothes and hands them to me and points to his bathroom.

I change hastily in to blue boxers and a white T shirt before coming out in the room where Martin is sitting on the edge of his bed.

"C'mon." he gestures. I nod smally and wipe my eyes again before crawling on the bed towards the pillows on the opposite side. He pulls the covers back and we slide in after he flicks the lamp off.

I lay still as he gets comfortable and for a moment I think he is about to lay still too, he reaches over and wraps his arms around me, pulling em to his chest.

I tangle my legs in his and burrow in to him as he tucks the quilt around us tighter.


"Night." he hums, holding me close to him. I nod and let sleep over take me.

Notes

ok fuck you internet. I had this all typed out and amazing and then it cut out and it all got fricken deleted so I had to re write so this sucks ass. sorryy but im tired as shit and could not re do it all like it was. too time consuming