I Understand. An AU/punk story.

Morning came with a head ache and the smell of pancakes.

Groaning I shove my thick hair out of my face and mouth and look around the empty room.

Memories of the other night coming back to me in pieces.

Holy shit.

I am fucking insane.

With a groan I push the blankets off of me, revealing Martins close.

He kissed me.

He literally kissed me?!

Did he like me?

Did I like him?

No you idiot, you're in love with Harry.

I groan and wipe the sleep from my eyes.

Following the smell of pancakes I find Martin in his kitchen cooking in a pair of black jeans and a navy hoodie.

"Umm." I stammer, still feeling incredibly shitty. He whips around and smiles at me.

"Hey, how did you sleep?"

Why is he being so casual??

"OK.. you?"

"Pretty good, you slept nearly all day. It's past noon." He laughs, putting a plate on his table.

"Breakfast past noon?" I quirk, sitting down next to him.

"Well, you just got up, so we can pretend it's morning." I giggle and agree and we eat in silence. "So. You wanna tell me what happened last night?"

I cringe.

Last night was most definitely not my finest hour. What so ever.

"A lot happened." I admit, trailing patterns in to the table top, swallowing the guilt and sadness that yesterday brought.

'I said no more back and forth. I'm done.'

I peek up at him and he's studying me carefully.

"Did he hurt you?" His voice suddenly low and husky.

"What? Harry? No! Of course not."

Liar. He stabbed your heart out and skewered it.

I cringe again.

"I made a mistake and... he wasn't to keen on it.... He doesn't want anything to do with me..." I swallow.

"And Lou?"

Jealousy and strange feelings mix through me.

Surprisingly though. They aren't as strong as the feelings of disappointment when I think about Harry.

Strange.

"He and Mckenzie..... Behind my back..'' I mumble. Remembering all for the times when Lou and I lived together we got close to doing things and I always stopped him when I saw a pair of green eyes.

"I'm sorry, Lil." he breathes

"No. No! It's fine. I shouldn't bother you with my problems! We weren't official or anything... it felt like we were... but we weren't. I'm mostly mad because of when he did it... and him hiding it." I shrug.


"it doens't matter if you were official. He made it seem that way. You two were living together for god sakes!'' he exclaims.

"Martin, don't be mad at him. Don't worry about it. It's OK..." I squeeze his hand and help him clear the table and put the left overs in the fridge.

"Do you want me to drive you home?"

"Yeah, I ran out on Perri. She's probably freaking out again." I admit, groaning in to my hands again.

I am such a fuck up. Honestly.

"Here, I'll get you some clothes." He smiles and I follow him int to the bedroom as he rummages through his stuff. I'm not quite sure why he isn't saying anything about our little kiss last night but I stay quiet.

i change in to the sweats and Artic Monkeys shirts he gives me and then we make our way out to his car after I grab my clothes from the previous night.

Once outside I cringe. The sunlight killing my eyeballs.

"Here." Martin pulls a pair of aviators from is jacket and hands them to me. I accept them graciously and slide them on, welcoming the instant relief.

"thanks." He smiles and we climb in his car and speed off to my place.

The ride is a comfortable silence until we park outside my building.

"Listen, Martin. I'm sorry I just showed up last night... That wasnt fair to you."

"Don't be sorry. Thats what frineds are for." he smiles at me.

Friends....

"Why did you kiss me?" I blurt.

Good fuck I am not an intellignt girl.

His smile stays but looks sad. He looks at his knees and runs a hand through his black hair.

"I have feelings for you. I have for a while." he shrugs.


All of the air seems to have been sucked out of the car. My entire body feels like it's on fire at the thought of bringing someone else in to the fucked up love triangle of Louis, Harry and Lilian.

"Martin -"

"No. Don't tell me. I know. I know I don;t have a chance and I know you don't like me that way. And it's OK. It is. I know you love him."

Green eyes prick my brain with old memories of us holding each other.

"Love who?" I breathe.

He turns to me, a small smile on his pale lips.

"Do I need to answer that? I think we both know" He laughs and shakes his head. "No I think we ALL know."

I nearly throw up in his car.

My face pals yet heats at the same time.

I give a curt nod and a small goodbye before getting out of his car and making my way up to my apartment.


In all honesty I should be evaluating what just happened.

But I'm to fucking hungover to do any thinking.

And even if I wasn't.

Love was never real fun to think about for me.

Once my door swings open I take in Perri, Rae, Lauren and Niall all around the TV. Stressed as usual because of me.

"hey guys..'' I sigh, dropping my boots on the floor.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!'' Perri is the first one to jump down my throat.

I cringe for the thousandth time today and cover my spiltting head.

"Let me explain before you fucking scream!" I hiss. She crosses her arms.

"Explain because Harry is going nuts!" Lauren chuckles, eating a chip as she watches the television.

"Something happened, I needed some alone time, got pissed drunk. Crashed at a friends." I shrug.

"What happened?" Pez presses.

"It's a long story I would like to share at another time." I sigh, walking past them to my bedroom. "I'm sorry I worried you." I tell her before i close my door. She grumbles something like a 'yeah yea.'

My dogs are in my dark room and they yip and bark happily as I come in. I strip my clothes off and put on a pair of spandex and asports bra before collapsing on ym doft bed.

The dogs join ym and lick my face as they cuddle in to me.

''Hello? Yeah it's me, shes home." I hear Perri whisper from the living room.

....

"No don't come over, shes hungover."

...

"She just said she slept at a friends.."

...

"Well you are the one who pissed her off. Don't worry though. Shes crazy about you.

Did everyone know things about em that I dind't even??

"It's not liek she slept with anyone!"

Little do they know....

"OK... OK... I don't know. Call her. I have to go.. Byyyye!"

The voices stop and slwoly my eyelids droop in to oblivion int he cool, dark room.

Notes