Author's Note

I think this fanfic is looking up! It's a great concept and I'm really excited to figure out the whole Liam thing. I'm guess it is Liam or at least a brother but I'm still eager to find out.

You have great detail and it's consistent which is a bonus. Consistency is key! Your chapter lengths are perfect and any kind of structure/grammar/spelling is spot on. The only thing I noticed was the way you type your quotes. It's really an easy fix.

You have:
"Okay, Mom." I called back, hugging Gracie one last time.

When it should look like this:
"Okay, Mom," I called back, hugging Gracie one last time.

So instead of a period after Mom, use a comma. You have a few instances like that to fix if you want to go back and fix them. This is because, after your quote, the sentence isn't over. You still have a few more words. After the quote you are simply completing your sentence. I hope that makes sense...

Looking back on all of this, your pace of the story is great. You aren't rushing through anything and you're also not going too slow. I like that you take the time to add extra scenes such as when she has to go to the bathroom. Those instances help your reader understand her personality like the way she talks to the woman in the bathroom. She could have easily waited patiently and that would have made her a completely different person. So that was perfect to throw in there! You also didn't carry it on for too long, kudos to you!

I think you're doing great and if you have anymore specific questions just ask away :)

Happy writing!

Notes