Author's Note

You truly have a great concept and it's extremely original! I know it is going to be very appealing to your readers BUT (there's always a but), you have some things to brush up on.

1. Usually the length of the chapters doesn't matter but not only are they short, there isn't much depth. If you add more detail to your chapters, even the smallest things like what she is wearing or how tired she is, your reader will be able to imagine the scene better. These short chapters are also rushing your story. Remember, you have all the time in the world for this story. Don't rush with this great idea!

2. This is going to be the biggest thing I stress: grammar, spelling, and sentence structure! You have no idea how many more subscribers you can gain just by fixing these things!

i = I
im = I'm

Read over your work before you submit the chapter; these things matter.

Here is your first paragraph:
"Okay Nina do a hair flip for me and move your foot up a little"I told my model as I took pictures of her."You know Val is you flip your hair and move your foot up you'll put me out of a job why don't you become a model"Nina said as she did what I told her."you know Nina they don't pay you to talk they pay you to look pretty"i joked."Well I'm multitasking taa daa" she chuckled."okay multitasker younare done and I have to meet Louis at some upper dupper important lunch thing so change and lock up please and thank you"i told nina as I put on my jacket and throw her the keys.

Try this:
"Okay Nina do a hair flip for me and move your foot up a little," I told my model as I took pictures of her.

"You know Val, if you flip your hair and move your foot up you'll put me out of a job. Why don't you become a model?" Nina said as she did what I told her.

"You know Nina, they don't pay you to talk, they pay you to look pretty," I joked.

"Well I'm multitasking taa-daa," she chuckled.

"Okay multitasker, you're done and I have to meet Louis at some extremely important lunch thing! Quickly change and lock up! Please and thank you!" I told Nina as I put on my jacket and throw her the keys.

Can you see how much easier that is to read? Now you can really tell who is talking. Also, this is your FIRST paragraph. Honestly, if I were to read this I wouldn't continue because I shouldn't, as a reader, have to struggle to figure out who is speaking. This goes along with your summary; I was so confused as to what you were trying to say! Definitely fix those and it'll make a big difference in your work.

Again, I absolutely love your idea. It's original and I'm sure it has great potential! Just really make sure you're looking of your chapter before submitting it and don't rush. If you ever need help with grammar I have no problem fixing them for you!

I hope this helped and if you ever need help, just ask!

Notes