Author's Note

I really love the plot to your story and it's very different. Yes, it's in a mental hospital/asylum which I've read before but it's so different it doesn't matter! You have shown consistent detail throughout the whole fanfic which is amazing along with great sentence structure and grammar. Your chapters are a great length and I find it awesome how I feel like I am in the room with your characters. Everything seems realistic for it being fiction and I honestly think this is one of the best I've read. You also aren't rushing into the whole Harry/Charlotte romance (which is good) but I'm wondering if there is going to be one. I know you also said the story will be based around Charlotte but I'm hoping there will be some sparks soon.

Some things I would look at:

1. I know you're summary said this would be dark and not always happy but there really isn't any happiness that I've seen so far. It is really good but every once in a while I feel like there needs to be something to lighten the mood. It also seems when you do lighten the mood it's only for a few paragraphs; sometimes not even the full chapter. I found myself feeling depressed while reading and I rarely had any smiles. It's good that you have captured me but it's also good when something magical happens that can plaster a huge smile on your readers face.

2. At first you have Liz as the comic relief which I really liked but she quickly moves from that. Make sure to have some sort of relief like I mentioned above. I realize Charlotte is unhappy and depressed but if you want to keep your readers reading, we need a laugh every once and a while.

3. You have included amazing metaphors/analogies/life lessons but I find myself skimming sometimes. I would stick closer to the actual point of the story because I find myself skimming when her thoughts go on for too long about those things. They are really great but sometimes too much.

Overall I really like this story and I hope you keep up your consistency! It definitely keeps getting better as I continue reading! If you have anymore questions don't hesitate to ask!

Notes