rate: 8
grammar: great
idea: =

So far I think you're on a roll! Your grammar is nearly perfect and same with your sentence structure. I think the idea is used a lot (moving to London) but I like how you used the farm. I haven't read that yet. The detail you give is really good, just try not to make it too choppy. Here's an example of what you wrote:

Suddenly it started to rain. I squealed and tried to finish putting on her rug. I ran with her to the stable. It was so muddy so it made it a lot more difficult. I noticed Harry just laughing. I stopped and stood there in the rain. I knew if I didn't move he would come and get me because he would be worried that I would get a cold. I stood there arms crossed letting the droplets soak me. He started walking but then it got into a fast jog. He put some hair behind my ear and smiled. Suddenly he picked me up bridal style and took me to the porch. He had a towel and I dried my hair with that. I took off my boots and pulled up my socks. I walked inside and really wanted the fire to start. I chucked some random bits of wood and lighted it. Harry and I sat near the fire watching a movie. I tried to gently pull the blanket up but I ended up punching myself in the face.

It should look more like this (same words):

Suddenly it started to rain. I squealed and tried to finish putting on her rug. I ran with her to the stable but it was so muddy so it made it a lot more difficult. I noticed Harry just laughing so I stopped and stood there in the rain. I knew if I didn't move he would come and get me because he would be worried that I would get a cold. I stood there, arms crossed, letting the droplets soak me. He started walking but then it got into a fast jog. He put some hair behind my ear and smiled, suddenly picking me up bridal style and took me to the porch. He had a towel and I dried my hair with that. I took off my boots and pulled up my socks before I walked inside and really wanted the fire to start. I chucked some random bits of wood and lit it. Harry and I sat near the fire watching a movie. I tried to gently pull the blanket up but I ended up punching myself in the face.

I made a few changes and it flows a little better that way. Less periods can be a good thing!

For the character descriptions, I wouldn't add too much detail (like with Francesca). We will find that out in the story so don't tell us before we have the chance to read it. Also, I don't think you really need to include her pets in the character list but it's fine if you do.

Also, watch how realistic you are making things. Where in the world did she get the money to go to London and have all of this stuff? I know you said her boyfriend is rich but did he pay for everything? Also it's a bit rushed. There aren't very many chapters and Zac's already beaten her, they've fallen in love, and I still don't know very much about your characters. From the beginning she didn't seem scared of Zac, she completely loved him. If he was hitting her I feel like there needed to be some kind of tension for us to see before the scene where he hits her. Slow down and don't rush, you have all the time in the world!

Other than that the length of your chapters are great along with everything else I said above! Hopefully this helped and if you have anymore questions just let me know!

Notes