rate: 9.3
grammar: good
idea: +

To begin I love the title of your story! It's very inventive and should definitely capture the attention of the readers. Almost everything in this story is realistic which is so important for me when I read! I hate when I read something and it's so far fetched I can barely take it. Something I'd brush up on is just the structure of your sentences. It's getting better as the story progresses but here's an example (your words):

My name is April Banks. I was homeless. I might as well tell you out straight. I lived on the streets. I didn't have a penny to my name and had to spend the cold nights on a wet, dirty pavement people walking by without even spearing a penny. I watched my life go by.

It's very choppy with all of the periods. I would make it look something like this:

My name is April banks and I was homeless some time ago. I might as well tell you straight out: I lived on the streets. I didn't have a penny to my name and had to spend the cold nights on a wet, dirty pavement people walked on without even a spearing penny. I watched my life go by....(continue something here)

The bold are a few changes I made but it flows better like this. The sentence that begins: I didn't have a penny... Is the perfect length!

Also slow down! Things are rushed a bit. I'd like to hear more about Harry's thoughts on the kiss. What was he feeling? What was he thinking? Let me read his thoughts and understand his confusion.

Last recommendation is to use the POVs sparingly. If you switch them to much things can get confusing. Especially if the POV is for just a paragraph.

I love it and keep moving along!

Notes