Author's Note
Infinite Winter
rate: 5
grammar: poor
Well there is only two chapters but it does need some work grammatically. Because there are only two chapters I can't base it off of what the story is about. All I know right now is that a plane crashed and some girls found the boys. There's no substance to it. The whole story is just dialogue which makes it rushed. For example, let me see the girls finding the boys:
The boy with tan skin and black hair slowly opened his eyes as I hovered over him. It startled me at first but it also made me feel better knowing he's okay. The plane crash was awful and loud. It was like a car crash but ten times louder. Nothing interesting ever happens here in our small town, now we have five hot guys crashed in a plane. I don't know if this is a miracle or a curse.
So it gives a small description of Zayn, it tells us what the girl is feeling, and it tells us what happened in just a few sentences.
Something I do before I write is put myself in the situation:
1. I close my eyes.
2. I imagine what I am feeling. Am I cold? Am I angry? Am I startled?
3. I look at my surroundings. What am I seeing? What is happening?
4. I use my senses. Are there loud noises? Does it smell funny?
If you can put yourself in your characters shoes, so can your reader. It may seem silly but detail is extremely important.
The good thing about your story is that you've just started. You can go back and easily add detail or you can continue where you are and really capture your audience. Your idea is lovely, you just have to use your creativity.
I know getting a low rating always sucks but this is meant to be constructive and I'd love to help if you'd like! I really hope this helps your story grow!
grammar: poor
Well there is only two chapters but it does need some work grammatically. Because there are only two chapters I can't base it off of what the story is about. All I know right now is that a plane crashed and some girls found the boys. There's no substance to it. The whole story is just dialogue which makes it rushed. For example, let me see the girls finding the boys:
The boy with tan skin and black hair slowly opened his eyes as I hovered over him. It startled me at first but it also made me feel better knowing he's okay. The plane crash was awful and loud. It was like a car crash but ten times louder. Nothing interesting ever happens here in our small town, now we have five hot guys crashed in a plane. I don't know if this is a miracle or a curse.
So it gives a small description of Zayn, it tells us what the girl is feeling, and it tells us what happened in just a few sentences.
Something I do before I write is put myself in the situation:
1. I close my eyes.
2. I imagine what I am feeling. Am I cold? Am I angry? Am I startled?
3. I look at my surroundings. What am I seeing? What is happening?
4. I use my senses. Are there loud noises? Does it smell funny?
If you can put yourself in your characters shoes, so can your reader. It may seem silly but detail is extremely important.
The good thing about your story is that you've just started. You can go back and easily add detail or you can continue where you are and really capture your audience. Your idea is lovely, you just have to use your creativity.
I know getting a low rating always sucks but this is meant to be constructive and I'd love to help if you'd like! I really hope this helps your story grow!
Can you please review my story just friends
4/16/16