Author's Note

So since I did your Half a Heart review I just looked over your others and I think if you fix up Half a Heart you can do the same for the other stories. So lets get started!

When I first looked at your story I was a little concerned about the layout. For example, it looked like one big paragraph with no spacing. I looked passed that but I had trouble getting through it. Instead of writing a big paragraph, this is what it should look like (I took a piece from your story):

We walked into her huge closet, never had I seen a closet like it.

"This is my favorite part about our house is my closet... my own shopping mall"

"Wow were did you get all these clothes?"

"Well I model so the ones I model I get to keep which is most of my closet and then the rest is from shopping" she walked forward and found the pair of shorts she was looking for and then stood up and searched through her shirts and found a mint colored crop top then she went to her shoes and looked back at my feet, " hmmm your a 8 aren't you"

"Umm yeah."

"Good you'll fit into these shoes."

"Wait your picking an outfit out for me? But why"

"Because I want to give you an outfit."

"No I can't except an outfit from you."

She stomped her foot, " yes you can stop fighting me on this."

That's a little part that you had as one big paragraph. It's much easier to read now! This is something your reader will look for and if you fix it you should automatically gain some subscribers!

Next I would look at the speed of your story. At some points you are rushing. For example, in the first chapter you tell us her dad leaves her right away. Now this can and should definitely happen but it's the way you present it. If you slow down, add some detail, and give your character some emotion you will find that it will sound much better. In that aspect, slow down.

So just remember detail is key! However, there were some moments where you gave great detail! I could picture Eleanor's room perfectly and if you keep that up your story will be great! Just take some extra time, read over it, and add that detail I know you have! I think the concept is great and I like that it is a Zayn story. Keep working with all your stories!

-A

Notes