Author's Note

To start, I love your title. It fits perfectly for your story. Second, I love your characters name which I can't spell right now so I'm not going to attempt haha. Anyway, those things are more important than you would think so bravo!

I think where you should begin to look at is the information you give us. You explain everything really well. For example, I know who everyone is (as in band members, classmates, siblings, etc.) but you're telling me rather than showing me. I want to hear it within the context instead of you saying, Ashton is another band mate. Now occasionally that's okay but try to work around that.

If you add more detail to your characters that will help as well. You give great descriptions in the fact that I know exactly what they are doing. However, where are they? What are they feeling? Does Luke get nervous when he's around her? If so, how is he showing it? Instead of saying:

I felt nervous. Try something like: I began biting my lower lip, trying not to stutter.

That's not the best example but just by giving us his actions I know he's nervous. That goes along with describing the surroundings. You mentioned a diner they went to and I was so excited to read what it looked like because it was retro but there was no description. I want to know the atmosphere. Is it big or small? Colorful or old and dull? Small details will really help you out!

Moving on, you are moving at a GREAT pace. This is hard for some people because things either happen way too fast or way too slow. You're building something up so you're reader is on the edge of their seat. You want your reader to feel something for your character and the build up you are creating makes us feel something strong for them.

Another thing I love that is quite different is that you only have Luke's POV. Usually authors (including myself) have POV for at least two characters. I do it because it makes things easier and my readers can see from everyone's perspective. However, you only used Luke's perspective. BUT, you do such a great job that you only need his perspective! That's hard to do so good job again!

Your story is definitely going to be interesting and the anticipation is killing me! What's going to happen?! That's what you want! Congrats on a great beginning!

-A

Notes