Author's Note

So here is your second story that I have finished reviewing!

Because your story is a sequel it's really great that you kind of gave a summary that fit in with your first chapter. You made it subtle so readers from the first story didn't feel bored as they began this story. It's also good because your new readers don't necessarily have to read your first to understand what's going on. Good job!

There weren't too many differences from your first but to reiterate, make sure your pace is slow. It seemed like they were broken up but got back together extremely fast. I want to feel her pain and I think I'd feel it more if you were able to slow down her thoughts and what she's doing with herself. She went to Hawaii and went to spas to relax but what happened there? Did she meet anyone who liked her? Did she think about Liam 24/7? What exactly happened?

Slowing your story down will also give you time for more descriptions and detail. Detail is very important as I always say because it's going to put your reader right there with your characters. I'm very happy that you keep your characters' traits consistent. You make sure your characters have the same mind set throughout each chapter which is hard to do. I always find myself having my character start off really shy and then out of no where she's super sassy. You do a great job of controlling that!

While I am mentioning detail, it would be great if you tried adding some detail so we know what's going on. So when she asks how he is, is she biting her nails? Is she watching tv? What is she doing that will let us see her actions. Her actions will definitely speak louder than words. Dialogue is great but give us some description with it!

Last thing I would make sure you watch out for is diving in too deep. They seemed to just break up and after two weeks they are already back together? I didn't really have time to comprehend the break up before they were back together. I enjoy that you show their struggles with the media but like I said, slow down!

Like your first story I am happy to say this is extremely fixable. And hey, if you don't want to change anything I'm sure you'll be just fine! These are just suggestions and if you have any more questions please ask away!

-A

Notes