Author's Note

Hi! So I'm pretty sure I've reviewed your stories in the past but I can't remember! Anyways, here we go:

The first thing I noticed when I went to the first chapter was the pov from both characters. Instead of adding all of that information aside from your story, incorporate all that detail with it! When you write I notice that it's all very factual. Such as: "We went here. Then his mom said hello to us. The room was big and I felt so small." I completely just made that up but my point is there is tons of description (which is good) but I want to feel their emotions too. In order for me to care about your characters I need a reason.

If you give me more thoughts from your characters it will be so much easier for me to love or hate them! Please, don't take out any of your descriptions because I can see everything so clearly and I absolutely love that about your story; just give your characters some depth.

Again, in one of the later chapters you explain how they feel about each other but it isn't within your story. I want to hear dialogue that shows me how they feel. Maybe something like,

"I can't believe you just said that!" Liam said dramatically. I couldn't help but watch the way he shrugs his shoulders, adding a cute laugh on the side. I turned away with a blush; it's so hard to hide these feelings.

Now that's far from perfect but I am listening to her thoughts. You are telling me how she feels within your story rather than just facts. The concept of dialogue, description, and detail all go hand-in-hand. The more you add, the more interesting your story will be.

So really you have two things to work on: character building and character thoughts. Once you are able to do that I can't imagine people not subscribing! I'm already wondering how this is going to play out! This will take practice but I believe in you!

-A

Notes