Author's Note

Hi! I read over your story and here it is:

When I read the first chapter I was a little concerned. Everything was moving extremely fast and everything that was happening confused me. I wasn't really sure where it was taking place and detail was lacking. I was hoping for some detail, character description, or really anything that would give me a little bit more. I went to the second chapter and was thoroughly impressed! It was like a completely different story with the detail and slow pace. The dialogue is on point and it was much more believable.

The concept of your story can be very touchy because it is a common topic. I have a story that is similar however yours is much different. As long as you make it your own you should be fine! I think if you continue going the way you are, your story can be something unlike anyone else's. Harry is a bad boy in your story and you should make sure it stays that way.

That leads me to my second point. In the beginning, Stephanie is not very happy about Harry moving in but once she sees him she automatically seems to change her perspective. I'd try to make sure she is still hesitant about him. She may think he's cute but make sure she still has that little bit of anger towards him. That goes for Harry as well. In the car he comes straight out and tells them what happened. From my impression at the beginning I can't see him doing that. Consistency is key!

So improvements are really within the character build and detail. After the first chapter you have nailed it! I would revise your first chapter just because after reading that people are prone to stop reading. It moves quickly and doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I definitely think you need to keep the fight but make it more believable!

You have something great going for you and it definitely has great potential! I hope this helped and please, please, please message me for anymore questions!

-A

Notes