Author's Note

First, sorry it’s taken so long! I’ve been extra busy! So here’s what I saw:

First and foremost, this is a very creative story! I was extremely surprised with the whole Niall situation. I wasn’t expecting that at all so great twist!

For the things to work on I’ll go ahead and start with minor to larger things though it is very well rounded.

Character Descriptions
I always say that character description is extremely important…but in the right location. When I got to your story I don’t want to see that Betty is fun and loving and really wants to be with Zayn. I want to read that in your story! I usually try to stick to name, age, and something small. For example: Sally, 22, friends with Betty. So it gives the reader a tiny description of her relation to the main character. Other than that I suggest thoroughly explaining your characters in each chapter. This also helps develop the character. When I read I want to feel their emotions. The more you describe things, the easier it is for me to be excited with them or sympathize.

Chapters
When you say chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, and so on, don’t tell me what’s going to happen in the chapter. It’s okay to right a quote from the chapter but I wouldn’t suggest telling me what’s going to happen. I want to find out myself!

Posting your Chapters
Read over your chapter at least two to three times before posting. There are times where your sentences just don’t make sense because you either left out a few words or they are not put in the right order. Everyone makes this mistake (including me) but just try your best to look over it.

Grammar/Structure
This goes along with the topic above. The way you structure your chapters is extremely important. For the most part it is okay but make sure to make your paragraphs flow. Look at this:

I was 18 and trying to get on my feet. I hoped to one day become a writer but that dream lives in the clouds with my dreams of meeting One Direction.
I lived with my abusive father still because I had nowhere else to go. I was also an only child so all of my father's anger and rage was taken out on me.
I was trying to get into college, but that's hard when your dirt poor and had an average grades. I use to be a straight A student, then I started dating. I'm not sure why all the guys I was attracted to were abusive and controlling they just were
My mom left when I was about 7. She didn't say why she just left. After that my dad started drinking and that's when the abuse started. Then I set my phone down and started to cry.
Why do I even try Harry and the boys will never know me. I won't even be a fan in the crowd because I can't afford tickets.

Now look at this:

I was eighteen and trying to get on my feet. I hoped one day to become a writer but that dreams lives in the clouds with my dreams of meeting One Direction.

I lived with my abusive father still because I had nowhere else to go. I was also an only child so all of my father’s anger and rage was taken out on me.

I was trying to get into college, but that's hard when your dirt poor and had an average grades. I use to be a straight A student, then I started dating. I'm not sure why all the guys I was attracted to were abusive and controlling they just were.

My mom left when I was about seven. She didn't say why, she just left. After that my dad started drinking and that's when the abuse started.

Then I set my phone down and started to cry. Why do I even try? Harry and the boys will never know me. I won't even be a fan in the crowd because I can't afford tickets.

Now your paragraphs are separated and clear. Also, write out your numbers.
1 = one
100 = one hundred
35 = thirty five

Of course there are exceptions with crazy numbers but try to write out the smaller ones.

Flashback
In one of your chapters I think there was a flashback…
I say ‘I think’ because I was a little confused. In the chapter Harry is reading a letter and Niall is comforting him. I’m pretty sure Niall was looking back at a different time but it wasn’t distinct. All you have to do is write flashback and end flashback.

Rush
I feel like the story is being rushed. I only read the first few chapters but I just feel like everything is moving really fast. Like they kiss on the first date—which is fine, it just seems like they do it after two minutes. Describe to me what they’re eating and what the restaurant looks like. This will let me sit with them and it won’t seem as rushed. What are they talking about? Does she feel special? I mean, if I were with Harry Styles I’d probably be a little shaky—especially if she is going on a date with him.

Twitter
This is actually really minor but I was thinking about it. When you write all of the tweets I would do it just like a tweet would look like. Maybe like:
@HarryStyles I don’t exsist!
@HerUsername why do you feel that way?

Anything like that will make it easier to read.

Overall I think it’s great. Your plot is extremely original and I would have never guessed that’s what was going to happen. Keep going and again, I’m very sorry for the delay!

Notes