Author's Note

Okay, sorry it's taken forever but let's do this! We have lots to cover so here it is.

Summary
To begin with, the summary has to be perfect. Like, no errors whatsoever or it will turn off your readers. If the summary has spelling mistakes then your story probably does too.

POV
Okay, you have way too many POVs. The most you should have is like three in each chapter and a POV should never been shorter than a few paragraphs. Each POV is extremely important because it is telling us how the character is feeling, their emotions, and how they see the situation playing out. If you are switching POV after three sentences, I have no idea how Harry is actually feeling. I see what he is saying but I'm not feeling his happiness or his annoyance. Give me more than just words, give me descriptions and put me in that location!

Descriptions
There usually isn't a limit on how short or long a chapter should be but yours are extremely short. Part of the problem is that you don't give enough description on the surroundings, the characters, or even emotions. By adding those elements your story will be stronger as a whole. I need to know what I'm smelling, what I'm hearing, and why Susie looks like she just ran a marathon. Here is an example of a good, well written description:

I was riding my bike through town as the wind picked up, forcing dust into my angry, hazel eyes. My long red hair was beginning to form tangles and I could just feel my hands drying out. Seriously? I mumbled to myself. This day can't get any worse. When I got home I drop my bike by our old mailbox and ran to the door, searching for the spare key. Of course it wouldn't be under the rug.

I held my arms close to my chest while bouncing up and down to make heat. I knew I should've worn my hat today. As the night sky crept up faster than I planned my cheeks felt rosier each moment. I blew warm air into my hands as I sat on the front porch stairs but it didn't seem to be enough. Where are my parents? Across the street was a boy, tall and lean who seemed to have multiple tattoos covering his arms. How he wasn't wearing a coat on this winter night was beyond me, but maybe he'd let me in. I can't stand this cold any longer.

Alright, it two paragraphs we have learned minor descriptions of the girl, the weather and season, it's approaching night time, the girl is freezing and she had a terrible day. A boy is walking into his home but is crazy for not wearing a coat and a small description of him as well.

Wasn't that much easier to picture? Could you feel yourself watching her on her front porch freezing?

Structure/Grammar/Spelling
This is super important! If you don't have these things close to perfect it won't be enjoyable to read. Here is your work:

"Jamie ,Kahlia get down here we only have 1 week to do this" i yelled to my two best friends. "Coming"they both yelled back the three of us were packing next week we are moving to a whole new country London to be specific we were currently making the plans as to where we were going to live looking for jobs and most excitingly meeting one direction!

Now try this:

"Jamie ,Kahlia get down here we only have one week to do this!" I yelled to my two best friends.

"Coming," they both yelled back.

The three of us were packing because next week we are moving to a whole new country--London to be specific. We were currently making the plans as to where we were going to live; looking for jobs and most excitingly meeting One Direction!

Here, the dialogue is separated and the sentences are set up so it is easier to read.

Just do some touch ups and if you need any other help just message me! I hope this helped and sorry for the delay.

-A

Notes