Author's Note

Okie doke, I know I reviewed another story so I will try not to repeat myself but I probably will. Sorry :/ So let's get started!

This is definitely my favorite out of the two and I don't know why, I just do. Like usual, I will go from smallest to biggest!

1. Title
I think in your title you should have it as Vampire's Rule. Vampire's need an apostrophe but that's it.

2. Characters
I say this a lot and I really think it is up to you but it's important. Your character descriptions are way too long. I promise, I'm not going to read all of them and I'm guessing a lot of other readers won't either. I want to read those things within your story rather than in the description. I want to know Calypso is quiet and shy through her actions (as you do show) and that she will fall in love with Louis while I'm reading. The only things I would say is: name, possibly age (though you do a good job in the story), which they are (vamp, vampire, human, slave), and maybe something else small.

3. You have a lot of (...) which aren't necessary. Word it so you don't need those dots!

4. I only noticed one spelling mistake that you keep repeating:
intill = until

5. Grammar
Your structure and spelling (for the most part) is great! Just make sure you are using the right punctuation.
He murmured “Calypso…Pretty name” He gives me a once over look before saying, still looking at me “I’ll take her”

He murmured, “Calypso," a long pause, "pretty name.” He gives me a once over look before saying, still looking at me, “I’ll take her.”

Just a few changes and I took out the dots!

6. Chapter One
Chapter one is extremely informative and it helps a lot but I don't think you should exactly add it the way you did. I think you could probably add it as a prologue and maybe have someone pick it up as a book and read it to us. That way we will know what everyone is but it doesn't seem so informational. Remember, it is a story and you should have everything in story form. You also can insert this information throughout the story as you do sometimes. You explain what a vamp is which means I wouldn't need to read the beginning. This is just a suggestion of course!

So let's look at it as a whole!

Honestly, it's great! I'm not a supernatural reader myself but I didn't want to stop reading. It's really well written and my favorite part is all of the detail and depth you have added. That is a quality that will bring in readers (as myself) who aren't into supernatural stories. Detail is key and it helps your characters. It's given me a sense of who each character is and how they are going to be defined throughout your story. Your summary is also very well written and this is very original! Just keep going and make sure you are consistent with all your detail! Even though your chapters are fairly short, your detail takes over and makes up for it. You have just enough dialogue and detail at the same time! Great job!

Anymore question? Messages are more that welcome!
Happy writing!

-A

Notes