Author's Note

So this is my second review for this story and I can definitely see improvement! It's also getting very interesting and keeping me on my toes! I can tell you've changed some things and all of your changes have made things seem more realistic such as when management works out the DUI and jail stuff. I tried to pick out small things to give you feedback but it's definitely getting much better!

1. Texting Lingo
Try to stay away from saying 'btw' and things like that while a character is talking. If they are texting then great, but while talking you shouldn't write 'btw' unless they are literally saying the letters. If they are saying those words, I suggest writing it as b-t-w so everyone know they are speaking the letters.

2. Numbers
Make sure you spell out numbers. The only numbers you don't need to spell out are odd numbers such as 23,768,632.
100 = one hundred
7 = seven
2:00 = two o'clock

3. -don't do this-
Never, ever type out:
-three hours later-
-skip this-
There are easy ways to get rid of situations like that. Here is an example:
-5 mins later-
I've been running for over 5 minutes I'm exhausted, my heads throbbing and I cant feel the leg I fell on during my jump from the window anymore. I slow down knowing he wouldn't dare come after me.
Literally, take out the -5 mins later- and everything is fine. You already mention she's been running for five minutes.

-At the bar-
"Woah. Harry, how many drinks did you have?" Louis asks while helping me out of the bar.

Try:
I sat at the bar drinking away the problems I wish I didn't have to think about. No one should have to think about these things. I raised my glass, signaling the bartender for another drink as Louis sat next to me.

"Woah. Harry, how many drinks did you have?" Louis asks while helping me out of the bar.

Another good thing about doing this approach is that you're introducing where you are. You can give detail which will help the reader understand where they are. Are they in a smoke filled, old pub or are they in a high class club which plays Beyonce and Rihanna?

Overall I can tell you've made change for the better! As far as I can see you've made it much more realistic and that will definitely gain you subscribers. I'm on the edge of my seat wondering what is going to happen with Matt which is perfect! You want your reader on the edge and wanting more!

Good job and keep writing!
-A

Notes