Author's Note

Okay I read through chapter 36 so far and I have lots for you! I'll start from small things to big things.

1. Ruby's description on the first character description is way too long. I really want her personality to show me through her words. It isn't necessary to have that much information before the story starts.

2. Spelling
Here are some spelling you need to fix:
to and too
I went to the store.
He was wearing the hat too.
'too' is kinda of like 'also' or an emphasis
of and off
I know of him.
She took off her shirt.
These two words have completely different meanings.
You also keep saying 'defiantly' when you mean 'definitely'. Those are just a few spelling errors you should fix but other than that it looks good.

3. Punctuation
I asked Liam feeling my natural slayer curiosity slipping into me "Why?"
Liam shook his head "Na, its nothing really..."
I said half joking, half serious, giving him a slight nudge "Come on, tell me. Please?"
Try this:
I asked Liam feeling my natural slayer curiosity slipping into me, "why?"
Liam shook his head, "nah, its nothing really..."
I said half joking, half serious, giving him a slight nudge, "come on, tell me. Please?"

You just needed to add some commas and not capitalize certain words in your quotes.

4. Spacing
It's always good to use spacing but you are using it way too much. You need to write paragraphs, no sentences. Each sentence shouldn't be its own line. Sometimes this is okay but for the most part you should write paragraphs. If you need help with this just message me! Also, all of the (...) are not needed. Say things like, "it's nothing really," Liam's words trailed off. Dots are okay sometimes but you use them too often.

5. Your chapters are super short! This is okay but I would try to add a bit more, maybe add some detail or depth? Your detail is pretty good but adding more, as long as it's not fluff, never hurts.

Last thing, which is a big deal!

Don't talk to me! I want your characters to express what's going on! I feel like you are telling me everything when you should be expressing it through the characters thoughts and actions. If you explain each and everything with me, all I'm getting is dialogue. I want more than dialogue with your characters. Try to break away from that. It's a very hard thing to do but I know you can do it!

Overall I think you have a great idea. I'm not huge into supernatural stories but yours seems well thought out and I like the characteristic traits that each character has. Everyone is their own person and it is making your story original (even though it's already original). I'm definitely on my toes and each chapter I just want more and more.

I hope this helped and if you have anymore questions please ask away!

Notes