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Secrets

Chapter Seven

I awoke the next morning with no feeling but a hard pounding in my head. A painful pounding in my head. The kind of pain that made me feel physically sick. Oh wait, nope, they were separate kinds of pain. I slowly opened my eyes, only to quickly shut them at the piercing bright light that was coming in from the large, open windows. They were open long enough, though, for me to realise that I was not in my bedroom at home. And with no memory at all about what happened yesterday, I had absolutely no clue as to whose room I was in. So my head hurt, I felt like any minor movement could cause me to throw up, I had no idea where I was and I'm cold I thought as a chill shot down my spine and goose bumps arose over my body. I looked down at my body to notice that I was only in my underwear, with a bathrobe being the only thing covering my half naked body. Panic started to rise through my body as my mind darted trying to remember what happened and where I was. My thoughts were suddenly interrupted as I heard a noise coming from what I assumed to be the bathroom.

"Hello?" I called out feeling ridiculous.

"Hello?" I called out even louder, sitting up and wrapping the robe around my shoulders.

There was no response, and my heart raced in my chest as I shot up off the bed and started to search the room for my things, hoping to leave before I was seen or before someone came back.

"Well look who's finally awake." Said a familiar Irish tone. I shot around to see Niall's wide, breathtaking smile.

"Niall? Niall! Oh my god, thank goodness!" I said, calm washing through me as my heart rate started to slowly.

"You alright love?" He asked as I sat back down on the bed, holding my head in my hands.

"I am now, kind of. I feel like shit, to put it lightly, and I have no idea what even happened. I try to remember, but I only pull up blanks. And because of that, I thought I was in some random room or had been kidnapped or something. So I am so glad it's just you."

Just when I thought I was calm, another wave of panic furiously crashed into me. It was only Niall, but I was half naked, in his bed. What happened? What did he see? The thought made my heart skip a few beats. I could hope he didn't look, but I'm not so naive to believe that a teenage male wouldn't take the chance to look at a half naked female, no matter the situation. Scars. I thought, what if he saw them? What would he think? The thought was much to unbearable for me to grasp. My breathing suddenly became jagged as I struggled to find air to breathe. I could feel my lungs getting smaller and smaller, causing the pain in my head to intensity and made breathing even more difficult.

"Carson?" I heard Niall's say.

His voice sounded so distant, though he was sitting next to me with his hand on my back. "Carson? Carson, breathe, okay? Deep breaths, in and out." I tried to do as he said, but it didn't work. My breaths came in short, quick gasps. When he realised that wasn't working, he forced my head in-between my legs. I couldn't see him, but I could feel him get on his hands and knees in front on me, seconds before taking my head into hands.

"Carson, listen to me, please. You need to focus on my voice, okay? You need to slow your breathing, okay? Take slow deep breaths, I know it's hard, but you gotta force yourself alright? Carson, come on, with me, in and out." He instructed, taking deep breaths in and exhaling slowly.

I looked into his eyes, forcing myself to mimic him. Before long, my breathing had slowed to a much safer pace, while my heart still raced in my chest. I sat there continuing to look into Niall's eyes for a few more moments, as I let my heart rate slow.

"I'm sorry, that tends to happen sometimes," I said with a slight chuckle, "Niall, what happened last night? I mean we didn't like, you know…"

"No, we did kiss, but that's as far as we got. I found you in the woods, near our spot, and it seemed like you had a bit of a party to yourself." He laughed.

"I remember going out there, and drinking and smoking. And I can slightly remember when you showed up, but that's about it. If we didn't do anything, then why the hell am I half naked?" He laughed again.

"We were laying down, and within five minutes you just started taking off your clothes. I did try stopping you, but you said you were hot and needed to take them off. I also tried to cover you with the blanket, but you just kicked it off, so when you were asleep I covered you with the robe."

"Oh. Thank you." That was all I could manage to say. Niall was amazing, and way too good for me. I don't even know why I let him stay here, why I don't just tell him he should go back to London with the rest of the boys. I say I don't know, but really I do. It's because I'm selfish. It's because Niall seems to make life a little more bearable, but at the same time makes it harder. For awhile I hadn't known any emotion but sadness, and I guess I missed feeling something. In a way I was using him, and I know it's wrong, but at this point, I really don't think I have the strength to let go.

"I should probably go home, I just remembered I didn't bring my phone so my mum's probably freaking out."

"I can take you if you like. I obviously can't drive, but I can call our driver to come get us and take us to yours?"

"You have your own driver? Jesus." I said laughing.

"Yeah, I'll call him now while you get dressed."

. . .

Within five minutes of Niall making the call, his driver, named Steve in an all black Chrysler, was ready and waiting for us outside the hotel. Niall allowed me to sit in the front passengers seat, and sat directly behind in the back. The drive was quiet, aside from the light conversation between Niall and Steve. I, on the other hand, still had a pounding headache and a queazy stomach and again, was basically ignoring Niall. I shouldn't, not again, but this time was different. I'm not sure if he saw anything, or what he saw if he did, and that really frightened me. And I continued to hope that he wouldn't bring it up, because I certainly wasn't going to. Luckily, the drive was only a short one. What wasn't lucky, though, was turning into my street to see multiple police cars parked at my house.

"Woah, what's going on?" Niall exclaimed.

"I have no idea." That was the first thing I had said the whole drive,and an un easy feeling made it's way into my stomach as I started to realise what the problem could be. "Stop here!" I said to Steve, a few houses down from mine.

"Carson, what's wrong?" I heard Niall say, as I undid my seatbelt and pushed open the door in almost one whole movement. I started running as fast as I could to my house, realising what the police where here for. It was a search party. For me.

"Mum? Mum!" I shouted as I barged into the front doors to my house, "Mum I'm here! Mum?"

I ran into the kitchen, only to be greeting by my mothers arms as she took me into a tight hug.

"Carson oh my god! Carson, where the bloody hell where you? She said, pulling away from the hug and holding firmly onto my shoulders. Her worry stricken eyes bore into mine, and I could now feel the presence of the several police officers standing in my kitchen.

"I uh, I was at Niall's" I stuttered, feeling nervous under all the watchful eyes.

"Niall's? Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't really planned, and I forgot my phone and I guess I just wasn't really thinking, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you."

"You scared me Carson." She said in a much calmer tone, taking me in for another hug.

"We're glad to see your daughter has arrived home miss, but there's other matters we'd like to discuss with Carson, if you don't mind." Said a tall, burly officer.

"What? What's wrong? I'm here now, I'm not missing what else is there."

"While we were out searching for you in the forest just behind your street we came across some things in a small clearing in the forest. One of the items your mother has identified as yours." He said holding up the black scarf I had worn down there yesterday, but obviously forgotten about.

"Yes that's mine. I must have forgotten about it." I said with a soft laughter, trying to pass it as simple ignorance.

"While we're glad we could return your scarf, we were curious about the other items we found. Does the half empty bottle of vodka and bag of marijuana also belong to you Carson? Your mother told us you do have somewhat of a history of substance abuse."

My heart raced in my chest. What was I supposed to say? What would happen if I owned up to it? Would they take me away, would there be a possibility of me going to jail? Would my mother force me back into hospital? I did have a history, multiple times my mum has had to come pick me up from someones house at ridiculous hours of the morning, or come home to find me huddled over the toilet. Only twice of those times had I also taken some form of drug. Could I get away with it though, by having what they claim as a 'history'? I decided the only thing I could do was confess, without enough time to make up some kind of story.

"It…"

"They're mine." I heard Niall say from behind me. I hadn't even noticed he had followed me in until now.

"What?" I said to him, confused.

"They're mine," He repeated, "I was down there by myself, just trying to escape, y'know? My life is constantly busy, and I never get a quiet moment to myself, so I thought I'd go down and relax. As you would have seen, it is a very peaceful spot, but it was dangerous for me to be down there alone. Luckily, Carson found me down there, and she took me back to my hotel and looked after me for the night. It's all my fault, and I'm sincerely sorry for the stress this would have caused." I stared at him in total disbelief, what was he doing?

"Alright then, thank you for owning up to it sir, but we're going to need you to come with us down to the station."

"I understand Sir." Niall said, turning and starting to make his way out. My head was spinning, and I had no idea what to think.

"Niall, no." I said going after him, "Can we please have a moment officer? I'll be quick I promise." He nodded his response and I pulled Niall to the side.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"It's alright Carson, it'll be okay, don't worry about me."

"It won't be alright Niall, the worlds biggest pop stars aren't immune to these things. Who knows what trouble you're in Niall."

"Carson, you need to stop worrying. It'll be okay." He said putting a hand up to my face.

"Niall…"

"You have to come with us now sir, thank you." The officer said, pulling Niall away.

"No! Niall, please!" I called out. I felt my mother come up behind me and place her hands on my shoulders as the police cars started to make their way out of our street.

Without saying anything, she pulled me inside and sat me down at the kitchen bench, turning on the kettle and bringing two mugs from the cupboard, filling them with coffee. My mind was still racing at what had just happened, I had no idea what to think of it all. Why does he do this? Why did he have to defend me? At least I didn't feel nauseous anymore, just a large amount of guilt.

"Where's Sophie?" I asked, trying to take my mind off of things.

"She's at your Aunt Lisa's. I didn't want her to be here when all this happened, but I'm going to call Lisa now and tell her that everything's okay. Next time, remember to take your phone." She said handing my coffee and kissing the top of my head before making her way out.

It's a little ironic she said that in a way, considering I didn't take my phone on purpose. But then again, I didn't expect Niall to come to my rescue, like he did just before, and like he did this morning during my panic attack. It hurt even more, knowing he was so willing to defend me with something so serious. He was really putting himself out there for me, and I couldn't do the same. How he could be so open hearted, and happy, and just accept everything that comes his way I'll never understand. I envied him, at how carefree he was. And now that happy and carefree Niall could possibly go to jail, and it's all my fault.

Notes

THIS TOOK FOREVER! and i am seriously so sorry. i'm also sorry that it's pretty shitty, but any update is better than no update, right?!

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