Secrets
Chapter Eight
"Something else that has been making the news often recently is the story of Niall Horan, member of the world-famous boy band, One Direction, confessing to drinking by himself in a hidden enclosure in a forrest area behind some suburban streets, and even confessing to have done drugs at the same time. There are a lot of rumours speculating this event, some even saying that Niall was with a close female friend whom some believe could be the Irish band members secret girlfriend, around the time of these events. While the officials are keeping quiet, waiting for the correct information before releasing anything to the media, the fans have gone into an up roar, stating things such as 'Niall is pure, and would never do such a thing' or 'Not Niall! I can't believe this is true, I won't believe it' and even music critics have made comments saying that this could be the band members start to a downfall, similar to those of Britney Spears and Lindsey Lohan. While fans are quick to dispute any rumour regarding this, it's hard to make any cement comments without the full information. More information about this story and how the groups quick rise to fame could be possible for what is said to be an early career breakdown, after the break."
I have watched this news show nearly every morning with my mum, but this is the first time the presenters voice has ever made me sick. At least, it's the first story I've heard that's been the most accurate. I don't even wanna think about some rumours I've heard, because even though they're only rumours, some people are gullible enough to believe them, and they're not true and it makes Niall look bad. Something that Niall certainly isn't. I'm the bad person, and it makes me feel worse for letting him take the blame for something he had no involvement in. He saved me from what could have been a dangerous situation, that's what should be on the news.
"Sophie, can you please change the channel." I said from the dining table. I didn't want to hear what she had to say 'after the break'. When the next channel popped up, another news presenter, just as sickening as the last, was also talking about Niall's so called "early career breakdown".
"… And drugs. While no official statement has been made, rumours have been speculating that the pop star not only was found with marijuana but also was found to have sampled something stronger like cocaine. Many are calling this the boy band member's early career breakdown, saying that it's possible he has had problems with alcoholism and drug abuse before." The more she spoke, the sicker I felt.
"Soph, could you please change it again." I say, in a clearly annoyed tone.
"Carson, are you okay?" My mum asked.
"I'm fine, I'm just sick of every news channel telling the same story as all the other news channels." I was well aware that she knew that wasn't necessarily the truth, and why I could't stand to watch them, but because I was acting like none of it bothered me, so was she.
"News that has recently shaken the world, is the story of boy band One Direction's member, Niall Horan having been found by police in a secluded, hidden area not only by himself, but drunk. It has also been speculated that the Irish lad had indulged himself in taking drugs that news reports have stated as marijuana, cocaine or even heroine. No statements have been made by any of the band members or their representatives, but insiders say that the other guys are shipping him off to rehab as this is possibly not the first time Niall has encountered these problems. There's also been speculation that Horan was with a close female friend at the time, with an apparent picture existing of the band member being walked to his hotel by this friend. While the picture is yet to make it to the internet, there have been anonymous comments backing this rumour saying that they witnessed this happen also." You have got to be kidding me.
"Seriously? Oh my god. Sophie, can you just turn off the TV?" I said, now sounding aggravated.
"What? Why?"
"Please Soph, just turn it off."
"Carson." My mum said, in the same warning tone she uses far too often.
"I'm being serious! I can't sit here and listen to another bull shit story!" I said almost too loudly, as I pushed my chair from the table, getting up and walking over to the couch where Sophie was sitting.
I yanked the remote from her hands and turned the TV off, throwing the remote down onto the couch in frustration. It's like they knew. It's like all those channels and news shows knew I was watching. They knew it was me not Niall that was really behind all the nonsense they'e talking about. They knew that he took the fall for me, and that now I feel more guilty than I ever have about anything. I don't like feeling that this is my fault, but it is my fault, and I have no idea how to right my wrong. Sure, I could confess, but all that's really going to do is send my mum into a panic, and get Niall out of a few possible small fines and charges. He wasn't going to go to jail, I knew that much. And while I thought this news would make me feel better it didn't. Because getting a few small fines is nothing compared to the rumours and horrible things that's being said about Niall, everywhere. Not just in the news, it's in every magazine as well, it's all over the internet. There is no way for me to escape it, no way for me to just block out the guilt this is making me feel. And if it's following me around this much, I can't even imagine what this must be like for Niall.
I guess that's something I didn't think about, when he took the fall for me. I didn't think about him being Niall Horan, member of One Direction, the world's biggest boy band. I didn't think about it making the news. I didn't think about it starting rumours. I didn't think about how this might make him look to the other members, to his family. I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't know how. I've called him countless times, none have been answered. I even called the hotel, but they said that he had checked out. I had no idea where he was, he could've gone back to England for all I knew. So was he ignoring my calls because of what happened? I couldn't bear to think of it like that. He had done so much for me in the short amount of time we've had to know each other, and I hadn't done anything for him, I only pushed him away. So maybe he had had enough? Maybe he was over trying to make an effort with someone who wouldn't let him in. Whatever his reason, I needed to hear his voice. And I knew that the pain in my chest wouldn't disappear until I did.
"I think I need to have a shower." I said after a few moments of silence, and slowly made my way up to my room without another word.
Standing under the warm streaming water, I wondered where Niall could be. For the millionth time today. I think if I keep trying to come up with ideas as to where he is and why he won't answer my calls or try to contact me, then maybe I'll figure it out. But all I have so far is he either left Australia and went back to England with the boys, which I can't believe he would do without at least telling me first, or maybe he is in some kind of lock down somewhere. I know he isn't in jail, but that isn't to say that he isn't being held somewhere, unable to contact me. Even if that where the case, I wish someone would. I've contemplated going down to the local police station and asking, but I don't have enough faith to believe that they'd tell me. If I could just call him, even if it was only a five minute call, that's all I'd need to hear his voice and know where he was and that he was alright. More than anything, I want to apologise and I want to tell him that I'm thinking of ways to make everything okay. But if the news stories tonight are any indication, I'm not so convinced that there is a single thing I could do to make this better.
I shut the water off after only a few minutes, there was no use showering when all it was doing was making me more worked up about everything. I wrapped the towel around my body and walked into my room and grabbed my phone off the bed. I have already called him too many times to count, but apart of me believes that he will eventually pick up. If I don't call, he can't pick up, and this logic urges me to call him multiple times a day. It rang eight times, and just as I was about to hang up, frustrated, someone answered. But it wasn't Niall.
"Hello?" Said an unfamiliar british accent.
"Ah,hi," I say, taken back by the unfamiliar voice, " I'm calling for Niall?" I continue, unsure of what to say. There was silence.
"Hello?" I ask, thinking they've hung up.
"Um, yeah Niall is busy at the moment." They replied after a moments pause.
"Okay, is there any way I could leave a message?" Something didn't seem right, but I was determined to get to Niall.
"Sorry, but I don't think that'll be possible."
"What? Why not, who is this? I just want to talk to Niall for a minute, I'm not a fan I swear! I'm a friend, please!" I pleaded.
"Sorry, I have to go." Was all the unfamiliar voice said before a ringing tone sounded in my ear.
"Ugh!" I groaned, throwing my phone onto my bed.
I sat down throwing my head in-between my hands. I'm not so naive that I didn't believe something was wrong. Either Niall is avoiding me, like I feared, or something is wrong. I'm more convinced that whoever was on the phone knew exactly who I was, and didn't want me talking to Niall. He has my number in his phone, it would've come up with my name, they would've known I wasn't a fan. I was frustrated more than ever now, and I needed something to take my mind off of it. I quickly dried my hair and got dressed, grabbing my purse and keys as I walked out of my room and downstairs.
"Hey Soph, wanna go shopping?"
"Shopping? What are you going to buy?" My mum asked.
"I don't know, maybe nothing, it's just something to do. I haven't spent much time with Sophie since I've been back, so I'd like too."
"Ready!" Sophie said full of enthusiasm, shoes already on and bag hanging off her shoulder.
"Okay, well then lets go." I said wrapping my arm around her shoulders.
"You girls hang fun, don't buy too much, your closet's already overflowing." My mum shouted as we made our way out the door.
"There's a dress I've really wanted to buy for so long! Do you think I'd be able to get it?" Sophie asked, plugging her seatbelt in.
"I think that might be possible." I said smiling at her before driving off.
We had only been here a few minutes, but I was having a hard time not thinking about the phone call. I tried focusing on Sophie and shopping, but it still found it's way into my thoughts. I continually kept checking my phone, foolishly hoping that Niall would have tried calling back or left a message, but of course there was always nothing. Before my thoughts could go further, they would be interrupted by Sophie talking about how excited she is to get the dress, and pulling on me to pull me into a shop, or to look at something. It was amazing to spend this time with her that I haven't had the chance to do since I got home from hospital, mainly because I spent most of that time with Niall, and it made me feel worse that I was still more focused on Niall when I should be putting all my attention on Sophie. Luckily she was oblivious to it and was having the time of her life, reminding me when I went to go to get her dress, that we have a system where we start on the top floor and make our way down to the bottom floor, where the dress she wanted was. It was nice knowing some simple things still stayed unchanged.
"What do you want for lunch?" I asked Sophie as we rode the escalator down to the second level where the food court was.
"Ummm." She contemplated, though I knew exactly what she wanted.
"McDonald's!" We both said at the same time, laughing.
I bought our food and we made our way to a two seater table, and it was only until we sat down that I started to get a funny feeling. There was a small group of teenage girls sitting a few tables away from us, and when I looked over they were already looking at us. Or should I say me. I'm not sure why I only just realised, but they had been in almost every shop we were in. All talking quietly amongst themselves, giggling. I knew exactly what they must be following us for, I dropped out of school at the start of the year, not long before I went to hospital, and I realised now that no one from school would have seen me since then. Especially as I hadn't been out much recently. I didn't know what was being said around the school, or what rumours would have been started, and quite frankly I didn't want to know, but I guess seeing me must be interesting gossip for them. I didn't do anything at school, just kept to myself, but people still talked about me, and I never understood why. The loner girl with mental problems, that's about as interesting as I got. I didn't do anything to provoke everyone gossiping about me, but again, there could have been rumours that I didn't know about, and I still didn't care. I just couldn't understand why seeing me in public was a big deal, maybe they all thought I was dead, who knew. But I wish they didn't have to follow me and my little sister around, giggling amongst themselves and more than likely making snide comments. I tried not to pay any mind to it and kept to eating my lunch with Sophie. It wasn't long though, before we were interrupted by a tall, bearded man.
"Excuse me," He said, "Can I get a picture of you?"
"I'm sorry?" I asked, confused.
"Can I get a picture." He repeated.
"What for? Who are you?" My stomach started to churn, and I instantly had a bad feeling about this.
"I'm a photographer for an online news site, we're writing a story on Niall Horan and I've been lucky enough to spot you out. A picture would mean so much, even a statement about your side of the story." He said, taking a seat at the table next to us.
How did he know? How on earth did he know who I was? And why does he think it's okay to just interrupt me as I'm eating. I didn't want him to take a picture, and I certainly didn't want to make a statement. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to handle this situation. My heart was pounding in my chest, and an uneasy feeling made it's way into my stomach. I wasn't going to entertain this guy for a second.
"I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about, can you please just leave us alone now." I looked over at Sophie, and she looked terrified.
"Come on hunny, you look exactly like the girl Niall was caught with! You can't sit here and tell me I just happened to run into her doppelgänger." He wasn't going to let this go until he got what he wanted.
"Sorry, but I think you might've. I know who Niall is, but I don't know him. You have the wrong person, sorry."
"Me and my buddies just want one picture, come on, is that too much to ask?" He gestured to a few tables behind us, and sure enough there was a group of men, each holding cameras. My heart pace hitched up.
"And I said that I'm not the person you're after, and to leave us alone. Is that too much to ask?" I said through gritted teeth.
"I can just take the picture anyway, I just wanted to do the right thing and get your approval."
"Well you don't have it, now leave us alone!" I practically shouted.
"Come on Sophie." I said, quickly grabbing our things, and grabbing onto her hand and started pulling her away. I knew he was more than likely going to follow us.
"So it is her." One of the girls in the giggling group said as we passed. I wish it hadn't, but it caught my attention and I had to stop and ask.
"I'm sorry?" I said approaching their group. They all looked at me with blank expressions.
"Who am I? Did I go to school with you? Is that why you were following me."
"Carson." Sophie said in a scared tone from my side. I didn't deserve this, but she certainly didn't either.
"I'll just be a second Sophie. What do you want?" I said turning my attention back to the group of girls.
"You're the girl that was spotted with Niall the day he got arrested, aren't you?" What? That's what they were following me for? How do they know? How do these people suddenly know who I am.
"It's not me." I said defensively.
"It sure looks like you." One of the girls said, holding her phone up to my face.
Sure enough, it was me. More so, it was me and Niall and what they thought was me helping Niall home, when in reality it was Niall helping me. My arms were wrapped around his waist, with his arm wrapped over my shoulders. And considering Niall is a fair bit taller than me, it's easy to see that it could be seen as both me helping Niall, and Niall helping me. How did they get this picture though? What was I supposed to do about it? As soon as I thought about it, I remembered the news report this morning saying that there was apparently a picture, and I guess the owner of the photo decided they'd upload it. While I hated them for it, I couldn't blame them, I'm sure they got a bucket load of money from it.
"That's not me, it's not." I said handing the girl back her phone and continued to make our way out.
I wished more than ever that I could call Niall now, not only to apologise but because I needed him. I never thought I would, I almost hoped I never would, but at this moment I did. I needed him to hold me and tell me everything was okay. He wasn't ignoring me, he can't be. He can't take the fall for me and then cut me off. That's not Niall. He cares about me, more than he should, and I needed him to tell me that. I needed to hear him tell me that everything was okay and not to worry.
"We didn't get the dress." Sophie said as we drove home. She was clearly upset, but I hoped she understood.
"I know Soph, I'm sorry, we can go get it another day, I promise."
I pulled into our driveway a little quicker than I should've, jolting both me and Sophie back as I stopped the car. I left the bags in the car, to shaken up to care about them, but waited for Sophie to grab her things. We made our way inside, and I hoped to just go straight up to my room without having to say a word to my mum about anything. As I started to make my way up though, she came out of the kitchen stopping me.
"Have fun girls?"
"We had fun until this man came up to us at lunch, and he started asking Carson to take a picture of her, and she said no but he would't leave us alone and this group of girls was following us all through the shops." Sophie said so quickly I had to focus on every word.
"What? Carson what happened?" She said suddenly full of worry.
"Someone leaked a picture of me and Niall walking to his hotel." Tears threatened to make their way in to my eyes.
I saw the worry and fright in her eyes. Something that wasn't unusual to me, but this time she had reason to worry. Before she could say anything, there was a knock at the door. My heart skipped, hoping it was Niall. I always hoped it was Niall, but as usual it wasn't.
"Look sweetheart I am sorry to bother you, but just give a quick statement and I'll leave you alone." Said the same bearded man that was bothering me at the mall.
"How do you know where I live?" I almost shouted.
"We followed you from the mall, please just one sentence, that's all we need."
"Here's your sentence; I am not the girl in the photo. Now leave me alone!" This time I didn't hesitate raising my voice.
"Excuse me but you have no right to be here and harass my daughter like this, so you better leave now before I call the police." My mum said stepping forward, spitting the words out like they were venom.
"Do you know anything about your daughters relationship with Niall?"
"I'm not joking around, you need to go or you can forget about the police and I'll take matters into my own hands!"
"Please…"
"GO AWAY!" I screamed, slamming the door in his face and cutting him off. Why he thought it was okay to just follow someone home and harass them is beyond me, but I was pretty shaken. He knew where I lived, and he was determined so I can't see him leaving me alone. Even worse I can see him spreading the word about who I am and where I live. The thought was unbearable.
"Was that the man that bothered you at the mall?" My mum asked. All I could do was nod, trying to stop the tears from falling from my eyes. No amount of force could have stopped them though, as they spilled out of my eyes.
"Carson, it's okay sweetie." My mum said pulling me into her for a hug. The tears fell faster and more furiously. If it was this bad for me, I can only imagine what it must be like for Niall, and more guilt washed through me than ever before. I couldn't keep doing this, I could't keep letting people think it was Niall, I had to tell my mum, even if she was the only one who knew.
"Mum, I have to tell you something." i said pulling away from her.
"What is it Carson, is everything alright?"
"No, it's not. It was me, mum."
"It was you what, what happened?" I took a deep breath, trying to steady my heart.
"The alcohol and the drugs, they're mine. I was the one who was out there alone, I was the one who had drunk half the bottle of vodka and smoked the marijuana and it was Niall who came to help me. He took me back to his hotel and let me stay there for the night, and then he took the fall for me. I don't know why though, I don't know why he would do such a thing but I feel so bad, I feel guilty and i feel like a horrible person and he won't answer my calls, I called the hotel and they said he had checked out and I called him again today but someone else answered and they would't leave a message and I don't know what's going on and I'm scared!" I let out a breath, relieved for having finally said it, but terrified at what will happen now.
I have watched this news show nearly every morning with my mum, but this is the first time the presenters voice has ever made me sick. At least, it's the first story I've heard that's been the most accurate. I don't even wanna think about some rumours I've heard, because even though they're only rumours, some people are gullible enough to believe them, and they're not true and it makes Niall look bad. Something that Niall certainly isn't. I'm the bad person, and it makes me feel worse for letting him take the blame for something he had no involvement in. He saved me from what could have been a dangerous situation, that's what should be on the news.
"Sophie, can you please change the channel." I said from the dining table. I didn't want to hear what she had to say 'after the break'. When the next channel popped up, another news presenter, just as sickening as the last, was also talking about Niall's so called "early career breakdown".
"… And drugs. While no official statement has been made, rumours have been speculating that the pop star not only was found with marijuana but also was found to have sampled something stronger like cocaine. Many are calling this the boy band member's early career breakdown, saying that it's possible he has had problems with alcoholism and drug abuse before." The more she spoke, the sicker I felt.
"Soph, could you please change it again." I say, in a clearly annoyed tone.
"Carson, are you okay?" My mum asked.
"I'm fine, I'm just sick of every news channel telling the same story as all the other news channels." I was well aware that she knew that wasn't necessarily the truth, and why I could't stand to watch them, but because I was acting like none of it bothered me, so was she.
"News that has recently shaken the world, is the story of boy band One Direction's member, Niall Horan having been found by police in a secluded, hidden area not only by himself, but drunk. It has also been speculated that the Irish lad had indulged himself in taking drugs that news reports have stated as marijuana, cocaine or even heroine. No statements have been made by any of the band members or their representatives, but insiders say that the other guys are shipping him off to rehab as this is possibly not the first time Niall has encountered these problems. There's also been speculation that Horan was with a close female friend at the time, with an apparent picture existing of the band member being walked to his hotel by this friend. While the picture is yet to make it to the internet, there have been anonymous comments backing this rumour saying that they witnessed this happen also." You have got to be kidding me.
"Seriously? Oh my god. Sophie, can you just turn off the TV?" I said, now sounding aggravated.
"What? Why?"
"Please Soph, just turn it off."
"Carson." My mum said, in the same warning tone she uses far too often.
"I'm being serious! I can't sit here and listen to another bull shit story!" I said almost too loudly, as I pushed my chair from the table, getting up and walking over to the couch where Sophie was sitting.
I yanked the remote from her hands and turned the TV off, throwing the remote down onto the couch in frustration. It's like they knew. It's like all those channels and news shows knew I was watching. They knew it was me not Niall that was really behind all the nonsense they'e talking about. They knew that he took the fall for me, and that now I feel more guilty than I ever have about anything. I don't like feeling that this is my fault, but it is my fault, and I have no idea how to right my wrong. Sure, I could confess, but all that's really going to do is send my mum into a panic, and get Niall out of a few possible small fines and charges. He wasn't going to go to jail, I knew that much. And while I thought this news would make me feel better it didn't. Because getting a few small fines is nothing compared to the rumours and horrible things that's being said about Niall, everywhere. Not just in the news, it's in every magazine as well, it's all over the internet. There is no way for me to escape it, no way for me to just block out the guilt this is making me feel. And if it's following me around this much, I can't even imagine what this must be like for Niall.
I guess that's something I didn't think about, when he took the fall for me. I didn't think about him being Niall Horan, member of One Direction, the world's biggest boy band. I didn't think about it making the news. I didn't think about it starting rumours. I didn't think about how this might make him look to the other members, to his family. I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't know how. I've called him countless times, none have been answered. I even called the hotel, but they said that he had checked out. I had no idea where he was, he could've gone back to England for all I knew. So was he ignoring my calls because of what happened? I couldn't bear to think of it like that. He had done so much for me in the short amount of time we've had to know each other, and I hadn't done anything for him, I only pushed him away. So maybe he had had enough? Maybe he was over trying to make an effort with someone who wouldn't let him in. Whatever his reason, I needed to hear his voice. And I knew that the pain in my chest wouldn't disappear until I did.
"I think I need to have a shower." I said after a few moments of silence, and slowly made my way up to my room without another word.
Standing under the warm streaming water, I wondered where Niall could be. For the millionth time today. I think if I keep trying to come up with ideas as to where he is and why he won't answer my calls or try to contact me, then maybe I'll figure it out. But all I have so far is he either left Australia and went back to England with the boys, which I can't believe he would do without at least telling me first, or maybe he is in some kind of lock down somewhere. I know he isn't in jail, but that isn't to say that he isn't being held somewhere, unable to contact me. Even if that where the case, I wish someone would. I've contemplated going down to the local police station and asking, but I don't have enough faith to believe that they'd tell me. If I could just call him, even if it was only a five minute call, that's all I'd need to hear his voice and know where he was and that he was alright. More than anything, I want to apologise and I want to tell him that I'm thinking of ways to make everything okay. But if the news stories tonight are any indication, I'm not so convinced that there is a single thing I could do to make this better.
I shut the water off after only a few minutes, there was no use showering when all it was doing was making me more worked up about everything. I wrapped the towel around my body and walked into my room and grabbed my phone off the bed. I have already called him too many times to count, but apart of me believes that he will eventually pick up. If I don't call, he can't pick up, and this logic urges me to call him multiple times a day. It rang eight times, and just as I was about to hang up, frustrated, someone answered. But it wasn't Niall.
"Hello?" Said an unfamiliar british accent.
"Ah,hi," I say, taken back by the unfamiliar voice, " I'm calling for Niall?" I continue, unsure of what to say. There was silence.
"Hello?" I ask, thinking they've hung up.
"Um, yeah Niall is busy at the moment." They replied after a moments pause.
"Okay, is there any way I could leave a message?" Something didn't seem right, but I was determined to get to Niall.
"Sorry, but I don't think that'll be possible."
"What? Why not, who is this? I just want to talk to Niall for a minute, I'm not a fan I swear! I'm a friend, please!" I pleaded.
"Sorry, I have to go." Was all the unfamiliar voice said before a ringing tone sounded in my ear.
"Ugh!" I groaned, throwing my phone onto my bed.
I sat down throwing my head in-between my hands. I'm not so naive that I didn't believe something was wrong. Either Niall is avoiding me, like I feared, or something is wrong. I'm more convinced that whoever was on the phone knew exactly who I was, and didn't want me talking to Niall. He has my number in his phone, it would've come up with my name, they would've known I wasn't a fan. I was frustrated more than ever now, and I needed something to take my mind off of it. I quickly dried my hair and got dressed, grabbing my purse and keys as I walked out of my room and downstairs.
"Hey Soph, wanna go shopping?"
"Shopping? What are you going to buy?" My mum asked.
"I don't know, maybe nothing, it's just something to do. I haven't spent much time with Sophie since I've been back, so I'd like too."
"Ready!" Sophie said full of enthusiasm, shoes already on and bag hanging off her shoulder.
"Okay, well then lets go." I said wrapping my arm around her shoulders.
"You girls hang fun, don't buy too much, your closet's already overflowing." My mum shouted as we made our way out the door.
"There's a dress I've really wanted to buy for so long! Do you think I'd be able to get it?" Sophie asked, plugging her seatbelt in.
"I think that might be possible." I said smiling at her before driving off.
We had only been here a few minutes, but I was having a hard time not thinking about the phone call. I tried focusing on Sophie and shopping, but it still found it's way into my thoughts. I continually kept checking my phone, foolishly hoping that Niall would have tried calling back or left a message, but of course there was always nothing. Before my thoughts could go further, they would be interrupted by Sophie talking about how excited she is to get the dress, and pulling on me to pull me into a shop, or to look at something. It was amazing to spend this time with her that I haven't had the chance to do since I got home from hospital, mainly because I spent most of that time with Niall, and it made me feel worse that I was still more focused on Niall when I should be putting all my attention on Sophie. Luckily she was oblivious to it and was having the time of her life, reminding me when I went to go to get her dress, that we have a system where we start on the top floor and make our way down to the bottom floor, where the dress she wanted was. It was nice knowing some simple things still stayed unchanged.
"What do you want for lunch?" I asked Sophie as we rode the escalator down to the second level where the food court was.
"Ummm." She contemplated, though I knew exactly what she wanted.
"McDonald's!" We both said at the same time, laughing.
I bought our food and we made our way to a two seater table, and it was only until we sat down that I started to get a funny feeling. There was a small group of teenage girls sitting a few tables away from us, and when I looked over they were already looking at us. Or should I say me. I'm not sure why I only just realised, but they had been in almost every shop we were in. All talking quietly amongst themselves, giggling. I knew exactly what they must be following us for, I dropped out of school at the start of the year, not long before I went to hospital, and I realised now that no one from school would have seen me since then. Especially as I hadn't been out much recently. I didn't know what was being said around the school, or what rumours would have been started, and quite frankly I didn't want to know, but I guess seeing me must be interesting gossip for them. I didn't do anything at school, just kept to myself, but people still talked about me, and I never understood why. The loner girl with mental problems, that's about as interesting as I got. I didn't do anything to provoke everyone gossiping about me, but again, there could have been rumours that I didn't know about, and I still didn't care. I just couldn't understand why seeing me in public was a big deal, maybe they all thought I was dead, who knew. But I wish they didn't have to follow me and my little sister around, giggling amongst themselves and more than likely making snide comments. I tried not to pay any mind to it and kept to eating my lunch with Sophie. It wasn't long though, before we were interrupted by a tall, bearded man.
"Excuse me," He said, "Can I get a picture of you?"
"I'm sorry?" I asked, confused.
"Can I get a picture." He repeated.
"What for? Who are you?" My stomach started to churn, and I instantly had a bad feeling about this.
"I'm a photographer for an online news site, we're writing a story on Niall Horan and I've been lucky enough to spot you out. A picture would mean so much, even a statement about your side of the story." He said, taking a seat at the table next to us.
How did he know? How on earth did he know who I was? And why does he think it's okay to just interrupt me as I'm eating. I didn't want him to take a picture, and I certainly didn't want to make a statement. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to handle this situation. My heart was pounding in my chest, and an uneasy feeling made it's way into my stomach. I wasn't going to entertain this guy for a second.
"I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about, can you please just leave us alone now." I looked over at Sophie, and she looked terrified.
"Come on hunny, you look exactly like the girl Niall was caught with! You can't sit here and tell me I just happened to run into her doppelgänger." He wasn't going to let this go until he got what he wanted.
"Sorry, but I think you might've. I know who Niall is, but I don't know him. You have the wrong person, sorry."
"Me and my buddies just want one picture, come on, is that too much to ask?" He gestured to a few tables behind us, and sure enough there was a group of men, each holding cameras. My heart pace hitched up.
"And I said that I'm not the person you're after, and to leave us alone. Is that too much to ask?" I said through gritted teeth.
"I can just take the picture anyway, I just wanted to do the right thing and get your approval."
"Well you don't have it, now leave us alone!" I practically shouted.
"Come on Sophie." I said, quickly grabbing our things, and grabbing onto her hand and started pulling her away. I knew he was more than likely going to follow us.
"So it is her." One of the girls in the giggling group said as we passed. I wish it hadn't, but it caught my attention and I had to stop and ask.
"I'm sorry?" I said approaching their group. They all looked at me with blank expressions.
"Who am I? Did I go to school with you? Is that why you were following me."
"Carson." Sophie said in a scared tone from my side. I didn't deserve this, but she certainly didn't either.
"I'll just be a second Sophie. What do you want?" I said turning my attention back to the group of girls.
"You're the girl that was spotted with Niall the day he got arrested, aren't you?" What? That's what they were following me for? How do they know? How do these people suddenly know who I am.
"It's not me." I said defensively.
"It sure looks like you." One of the girls said, holding her phone up to my face.
Sure enough, it was me. More so, it was me and Niall and what they thought was me helping Niall home, when in reality it was Niall helping me. My arms were wrapped around his waist, with his arm wrapped over my shoulders. And considering Niall is a fair bit taller than me, it's easy to see that it could be seen as both me helping Niall, and Niall helping me. How did they get this picture though? What was I supposed to do about it? As soon as I thought about it, I remembered the news report this morning saying that there was apparently a picture, and I guess the owner of the photo decided they'd upload it. While I hated them for it, I couldn't blame them, I'm sure they got a bucket load of money from it.
"That's not me, it's not." I said handing the girl back her phone and continued to make our way out.
I wished more than ever that I could call Niall now, not only to apologise but because I needed him. I never thought I would, I almost hoped I never would, but at this moment I did. I needed him to hold me and tell me everything was okay. He wasn't ignoring me, he can't be. He can't take the fall for me and then cut me off. That's not Niall. He cares about me, more than he should, and I needed him to tell me that. I needed to hear him tell me that everything was okay and not to worry.
"We didn't get the dress." Sophie said as we drove home. She was clearly upset, but I hoped she understood.
"I know Soph, I'm sorry, we can go get it another day, I promise."
I pulled into our driveway a little quicker than I should've, jolting both me and Sophie back as I stopped the car. I left the bags in the car, to shaken up to care about them, but waited for Sophie to grab her things. We made our way inside, and I hoped to just go straight up to my room without having to say a word to my mum about anything. As I started to make my way up though, she came out of the kitchen stopping me.
"Have fun girls?"
"We had fun until this man came up to us at lunch, and he started asking Carson to take a picture of her, and she said no but he would't leave us alone and this group of girls was following us all through the shops." Sophie said so quickly I had to focus on every word.
"What? Carson what happened?" She said suddenly full of worry.
"Someone leaked a picture of me and Niall walking to his hotel." Tears threatened to make their way in to my eyes.
I saw the worry and fright in her eyes. Something that wasn't unusual to me, but this time she had reason to worry. Before she could say anything, there was a knock at the door. My heart skipped, hoping it was Niall. I always hoped it was Niall, but as usual it wasn't.
"Look sweetheart I am sorry to bother you, but just give a quick statement and I'll leave you alone." Said the same bearded man that was bothering me at the mall.
"How do you know where I live?" I almost shouted.
"We followed you from the mall, please just one sentence, that's all we need."
"Here's your sentence; I am not the girl in the photo. Now leave me alone!" This time I didn't hesitate raising my voice.
"Excuse me but you have no right to be here and harass my daughter like this, so you better leave now before I call the police." My mum said stepping forward, spitting the words out like they were venom.
"Do you know anything about your daughters relationship with Niall?"
"I'm not joking around, you need to go or you can forget about the police and I'll take matters into my own hands!"
"Please…"
"GO AWAY!" I screamed, slamming the door in his face and cutting him off. Why he thought it was okay to just follow someone home and harass them is beyond me, but I was pretty shaken. He knew where I lived, and he was determined so I can't see him leaving me alone. Even worse I can see him spreading the word about who I am and where I live. The thought was unbearable.
"Was that the man that bothered you at the mall?" My mum asked. All I could do was nod, trying to stop the tears from falling from my eyes. No amount of force could have stopped them though, as they spilled out of my eyes.
"Carson, it's okay sweetie." My mum said pulling me into her for a hug. The tears fell faster and more furiously. If it was this bad for me, I can only imagine what it must be like for Niall, and more guilt washed through me than ever before. I couldn't keep doing this, I could't keep letting people think it was Niall, I had to tell my mum, even if she was the only one who knew.
"Mum, I have to tell you something." i said pulling away from her.
"What is it Carson, is everything alright?"
"No, it's not. It was me, mum."
"It was you what, what happened?" I took a deep breath, trying to steady my heart.
"The alcohol and the drugs, they're mine. I was the one who was out there alone, I was the one who had drunk half the bottle of vodka and smoked the marijuana and it was Niall who came to help me. He took me back to his hotel and let me stay there for the night, and then he took the fall for me. I don't know why though, I don't know why he would do such a thing but I feel so bad, I feel guilty and i feel like a horrible person and he won't answer my calls, I called the hotel and they said he had checked out and I called him again today but someone else answered and they would't leave a message and I don't know what's going on and I'm scared!" I let out a breath, relieved for having finally said it, but terrified at what will happen now.
