I ran frantically down the hall way. It feels like the same situation over, and over again; no matter where I try to run, I can never escape. I knew I had put myself in a corner when I heard his footsteps gradually getting closer. I tried to figure out my options and knew, I only had a split second to do so. I could run into a bedroom, but no matter what I did to hold him off, I knew he would get in. I was nothing but a mere ant compared to him. I thought about the bathroom. He could easily kick down the door, but locking the door might give me a few extra seconds to possibly escape through the window. All I had to do was push the screen off and I would be released in to freedom. As I made up my mind, I quickly made a sharp right turn, running into the bathroom and locking the door behind me.

I went straight to the window, pushing hard on both sides to push it off, but it wouldn't budge. What had always been such a simple task, was suddenly proving to be very hard. My heart rate started to kick into over drive as I heard him rattling the door knob, trying to get in. He kicked the door, but it didn't open. I started to panic even more knowing it would only take him another one or two kicks, and the door would open for him. "Come on!" I cried under my breath, shaking the window to try and break it loose. Another kick at the door. One more and he'll definitely be in. "Please, please open." I prayed again, the tears starting to fall from my eyes in fear. I stopped struggling with the window and let the tears run freely from my eyes as I heard him finally kick down the door. I turned around to face the man; to see the monster who was about to attack me. "You don't have to do this," I tried reasoning, "Troy, please don't do this." I started begging hoping, always hoping, it'll make him change his mind. But this time was no different. "You are so pathetic." He said, chuckling under his breath. He was so close to me, I could smell the alcohol on his breath. It shouldn't surprise me he'd be intoxicated during his attack. I yelped as he grabbed a fistful of hair, yanking my head back hard before bringing it back and smashing my face onto the basin.

I woke up to a high pitched ringing noise in my ear. My face was wet, my throat was sore and it took a few disorientated seconds to realise the high pitched noise was me screaming. I quickly sat up in my bed, wrapping the sheets around my body as a cold shiver ran down my spine. I took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself and get my bearings, using the sheets to wipe the tears off my face. It was just another dream, no big deal; just a dream. I don't think it had even been a minute when my mum, full of panic, barged through my door.

"Carson! What's wrong? What happened?" She almost screamed. I saw Sophie poking her head in through the door behind my mum and knew, I had to pretend everything was fine for her.

"Nothing mum, I'm fine. It was just a bad dream."

"Just a bad dream? Honey, in my experience, you do not wake up shrieking like that from 'just a bad dream'"

"Really mum, it's not big deal." No matter what I said, she would still stress over this.

"Carson, I don't have time for your shit. I'm your mother for gods sake! Would it really hurt you to just tell me? You're a strong girl, I get that, but sometimes you need help. I just want you to open up to me Carson, is that too much to ask for?" She started yelling. I knew it would get to her, me pretending everything's fine and telling her not worry, it always does.

I just sighed, knowing her little rant meant we needed to have a proper talk and I couldn't just push her away and deal with it on my own. She was staring at me with pained eyes, waiting for a response. Hoping, I would let her in. I looked up to meet her gaze, then looked past her into the hallway, looking at Sophie. She turned around, realising she had been standing there the whole time.

"Sophie, honey, Carson and I just need to talk a little bit. Go downstairs and watch some TV, and I'll be down soon and make you some pancakes, okay?" She said in soft tone. Much different to the tone she had just used towards me. She kissed atop Sophie's head as she nodded and bounded down the stairs. She made her way over to my bed, and sat down on the edge, resting her hands in her lap.

"I don't know what to do with you Carson. You never tell me anything, I don't know if you're okay, I mean you tell me you are but I don't know whether to believe you. After past experiences, I'm concerned. And I think I have every bloody well right to be too! I don't think you're better, Carson, I really don't. But for your sake I try to believe it, I try not to push you into things you don't want to do, I try not to pry into your personal life but I'm scared. And I don't know anything, and that scares me even more. Like that Niall boy, you won't even tell me what's going on there. I love you, Carson, and I really hope you know that. I love you so much it hurts knowing you're not okay, and there's nothing I can do because you won't let me. I'm your mother, I just want to be there for my daughter." The tears had starting making their way out of her eyes long before she started talking, she had only just made it obvious now as they flowed freely, dropping off her face and into her lap.

I could have sworn my heart had not only broke, but completely shattered. No one wants to see their mum cry, and to know I was the reason for her tears made it even more unbearable. I didn't know what to say, I knew what she wanted me to say but I couldn't tell her. I knew that was her problem, I was so guarded towards her, I was guarded towards everyone. I really didn't know what to say, I had to give her some sort of response, I just couldn't figure out what.

"Nothing's going on between Niall and I. We're just friends." She chuckled at my response.

"That's it? That's all you're going to say?"

"I'm sorry. You just have to trust me when I say I'm fine."

"I'm trying too, but last time you said that, I got a call at two a.m in the morning telling me you were in hospital."

"It's different this time, I promise. I love you, mum, but sometimes you just get way too stressed out over things and I, I don't want that. You think about it too much, just chill out, okay? I'm going to go have a shower, and you are going to go down stairs and make Sophie her pancakes and not worry about me." I said, kissing the top of her head. She just nodded without another word and made her way downstairs. I wasn't really going to have a shower, I just wanted a reason for her to leave but now that I've said it, a shower was way too appealing. I needed something to cool me off and calm me down. I threw my feet over the bed, grabbed some clothes and made my way to the shower.

……………………………………………….

I really hoped I knew where I was going. I mean, I'm pretty sure I knew the way, I had only come here not long ago. Though, it was with someone else so my memory was only vague, but hopefully clear enough to make my way through the forest. Last time it had taken around ten minutes to get there, but now without my phone or any source of time, I couldn't tell how long this was taking; but it felt like it had been a while. I tried my hardest not to panic, and it wasn't working too bad. I just had to keep my cool, i would find my way eventually. And sure enough, as soon as that thought popped into my head, I pushed my way through into a familiar looking clearing. 'A large grassed opening, a small stream running through the woods; clear as day.' It was just as perfect as the last time I had come here.

I sat down on the grass, running my ringers over the luscious green blades. Closing my eyes and listening to the soft breeze and the animals all muttering in serenity. It was like a dream, and I was glad it was shown to me. Although, I didn't come here to re live the memories, I came here to relax and hopefully forget them. At the thought, I pulled the bottle of vodka that I bought on my way out of my bag. I opened it and let the sweet, sharp smell fill my nose. I took a swig from the bottle, clenching my eyes shut as it burnt its way down my throat. Maybe I should've bought something to mix it with? Nah. That would have been too much of a hassle, and this way will work its way into my system a lot quicker. I took another swig. Then another. And another. It didn't take long before I could feel the alcohol start to take over, and my body start to relax.

I let my body slowly drop backwards, resting my head softly on the soft bed of grass. I had never felt anything more perfect than this. It was quiet, I was alone; something I hardly ever have the privilege of experiencing. I reached my hand into the sky, towards the small clearing of sky at the top of the trees, letting the warm sun shine through the spaces in my fingers, onto my face. It was beautiful, I almost could't tell if it was real or if I was simply dreaming everything. I sighed to myself, content with how I was feeling at this particular moment. I felt, happy. Something I hadn't felt for a long time, it was almost foreign to me. I reached into my pocket, pulling out my lighter and the cigarette I sneaked from the packet in my room, past my mum. I brought it up to my mouth and lit it, inhaling then exhaling to form a cloud of smoke above my head. It felt so good. I hadn't been able to have a cigarette for a while, it was good to finally suppress the craving. I was in such a peaceful state of mind that I started to wish Niall was here enjoying it with me. If I was going to be completely honest with myself, I missed him; and I couldn't really figure out why it was that I did. The more we hung out, the more I never wanted to leave him.

I sat up, letting my head drop into my hands. Why are you thinking about this Carson? You're here to forget about all that, to forget about him and how he makes you feel. I can't help it though, the more I think about him, the more I wish he was here. I could feel a pain in my heart, the same pain I feel when I think about him before I go to sleep. The same pain I feel in my heart when I wake up. The same pain I feel in my heart whenever we say goodbye, because I don't want too. I don't want to say goodbye because I'll miss him, and that's what causes the pain. Missing him. I try to stop it, try to stop myself from feeling that way, but I can't. No matter what I do, what I try to think about, he's there, in the back of my mind. I took another few swigs of vodka, hoping to suppress my thoughts.

Everything reminds me of him; one of his songs will come on the radio in the car. They'll be on the cover of a magazine that I pass by in the shops. Sophie will be youtubing interviews or talking about them, and that's why I came out here. Without my phone, without anything, so he wouldn't make his way into my thoughts again. I started rummaging through my bag, looking for the only idea I had left. I dug deep and pulled out the small concealable plastic bag, opening it to receive a strong scent. I tried to be slow and careful, but truth is I could't wait, so it wasn't the best joint I had rolled, but it was good enough. I couldn't have lit it quicker, sucking in what I hoped would be what helped clear my mind.

The water looking fucking amazing. It was so clear that I could like, see the rocks and shit. I don't think I had ever seen such pretty water in my life. I stood up, but stumbled instantly without even taking a step as my head had started to spin. I blinked my eyes, and shook my head trying to shake off the feeling. I started giggling at myself as I stumbled my way over to the water. I practically fell to the ground and started taking my shoes and socks off, sticking my feet into the water.

"Holy fuck." I muttered to myself, pulling them out of the water quickly. The water was cold, freezing cold. I slowly stuck one foot back into the water, then the other as a shiver ran up my spine as the water touched my feet. I couldn't help but giggle at myself again. It wasn't really funny, but I couldn't stop.

I circled my feet in the water, swaying my body back and forth. Everything seemed so much more vibrant, more bright. And I definitely felt much, much more relaxed. As I was enjoying the sounds of the surrounding wildlife, I heard a new noise that sparked my attention. I opened my eyes to notice a small green frog sitting on a rock beside me. I was struck with amazement. It's not like I've never seen a frog before but, he was so beautiful.

"Hey Mr Froggy," I said to the frog, giggling to myself at the same time. It continued to stare at me with a blank, frog-like expression.

"Ribbit." I said, bursting with laughter.

"Carson?" My laughter stopped and I stared at the frog.

"Woah!" I said laughing even harder.

"Carson?" The voice repeated.

"What?" I said still laughing, "Frogs can't talk! You're just fucking with me Mr Froggy." A talking frog. There's no such thing. And if there was, why would it be irish?

"Carson, why are you talking to a frog?" The voice asked from behind me. I turned around to face a familiar blonde-headed boy.

"Niall!" I shouted, overly enthused, "I just, I don't know. I think, like I mean, dude. The frog was fucking talking to me." I said, the laughter continuing.

"The frog was talking to you?" He said slowly, confused.

"Yeah. Well, I thought it was but frogs can't talk, right?"

"Correct."

"Holy fuck. I don't really know what's happening." I laughed louder.

"I think I do. Carson, are you high?"

I stopped laughing and just looked at him, trying to create an innocent expression on my face. He continued to look at me, waiting for an answer. I looked down at my hands, and they suddenly become very interesting. I put them up in front of me, clenching them into fists and opening them again. I grabbed my face, and started squishing it. While I found it to be hilarious, Niall didn't.

"Carson!" He shouted, pulling my hands from my face.

"Look, what makes you think can come here and start presuming things?" I said, whilst waving a finger at him.

"You smell like weed."

"That's insulting."

"I'm guessing that's also your half empty bottle of vodka over there."

"Well look at mr pessimist. That bottle could be half full you know."

"Carson." He repeated.

"No, it's not mine! I'm not the only one here you know! It could be the frogs! Look at him just sitting over there all innocent looking, and you're just assuming it's mine only cause he's a frog, I'm not so sure he'd take that as a compliment." The laughter started again.

"We need to get you home." He said, in a soft tone.

"You know that would be a great idea, but I don't think..," I said trailing off, staring at Niall, "I forgot what I was saying. I'm sorry, but you're really fucking hot."

"No you're right, your mum wouldn't appreciate you going home like this." He said, completely ignoring what I had said.

"Okay then," He said placing his hands on my hips, "You're coming to the hotel." He finished, throwing me over his shoulder.

"I'm not really sure whether to be mad about this or not."

"Just stop talking." And I couldn't help but obey to his beautiful irish voice.

…………………………………………..

I had dozed off and I couldn't remember what was happening or what had happened, I only came around when I heard a door being shut and the strong familiar, sweet scent that was Niall took over my senses that I realised I was still being carried by him. I think he placed me on the bed with the intention of it being gentle, but my body just flopped onto it like a dead fish. Another round of laughter started, and I clutched at my aching stomach. I had my eyes closed, but I felt Niall sit on the bed beside me. I opened my eyes to look at him, and couldn't help but smile. He was just so damn beautiful. How could a human being be this breathtaking. He wasn't looking at me, but when he did my heart skipped a beat. Those eyes. I forgot just how tantalising they were. So blue, so beautiful. Everything about him was just that though, beautiful.

"Did you carry me all that way?" I asked.

"No, you walked, or should I say stumbled, most of the way here."

"Oh." I said, turning my attention towards the roof.

"Why'd you do it Carson?"

"I have no idea, but I'm really glad I did." I said, laughing yet again.

"You could've gotten hurt out there by yourself."

Luckily you came to rescue me then."

"I'm serious Carson. Never do that again, not alone."

"Fine. You can come with me next time." I said with an excited smile.

"That's not what I meant."

I just sat up, and looked at him again. But this time I really studied him. He was beautiful, but you could also see his face was ridden with worry and fright. It looked sad. I had made him sad. I was just having fun though, no harm in that right? Why should that make him sad. It was also extremely fucking hot though, and I couldn't help but be instantly turned on.

"I wasn't lying before." I said.

"Lying about what?"

"That you're really hot."

"You need to get some rest." Was all he said, starting to get up from the bed.

I'm not sure what had come over me, or why I decided it would be a good idea but I grabbed his arm to turn him around, and before he had a chance to say anything, I smashed my lips into his. It was rough, but I liked it. I was expecting him to push away not long after, but he didn't. He slid a hand behind me on the bed, and placed the other on my face, holding it and started to kiss me, to really kiss me. I opened my mouth without hesitation to let his tongue in, and his sweet, succulent taste. I wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, grabbing a fist full of hair and pulled him down on top of me as I laid down on the bed. His warm hand made it's way up my top, causing goose-bumps to rise over my body, before cupping my breast in his hand. I moaned into his mouth and he squeezed it hard, and I pulled his head closer to mine, wanting more of him. I was thankful that he was wearing a button up shirt as I ripped it open to reveal his torso. Without removing his lips from mine, he removed his shirt completely and threw it on the floor. I ran my hands up and down his chest, taking in as much of him as I could. I didn't think it was a surprise that I was way past horny right now and I wanted him. Badly. I slid my hands down his body and started to un-do his belt.

I had got it un done and was about to un zip his pants when he suddenly pulled away from me.

"What's wrong?" I asked. I didn't think he'd be the one to pull away.

"I can't do this." He replied sitting up.

"What do you mean?" I could feel my heart starting to sink.

"Look Carson, I want to, trust me. Jesus Christ do I want too," He said looking at me, "But I can't, not while you're in this state. I can't take advantage of you like that."

"What state? Niall I'm fine."

"No, you're not, Carson. You're drunk and high. We'll leave it for now and see how you feel when you're sober, okay?"

I didn't know what to say, I just shook my head, mouth wide open.

"I'm sorry Carson." He said before placing his lips hard on mine again, but not for long.

"I really think you need to get some rest, please?" And again, I had to obey.

I rolled over, letting him place the blanket over my body. I closed my eyes, feeling him climb in beside me, and wrapping his arm around my waist.

I had to stifle my tears as I felt my heart break in rejection.

Notes

i'm sorry it takes me so long to update :/ especially when i see that other people update like weekly, or even more often than that.

this chapter isn't as good nor funny (i apologise in advance for my bad attempt at humour) as i expected, but something is better than nothing! and i know not a lot is happening yet, but i will get to the nitty gritty soon enough.

thank you to all my readers, and please let me know what you think! xoxo