"I just feel like no one understands the situation I'm in."

"Oh we understand love, but it's hard for us to imagine how something so simple could be so difficult for you. Your mother told me you were over it."

"I am. Well, at least I thought I was."

"You're not. You were able to put up a strong enough front to convince even the doctors. You've become good at covering this, that scares me."

Harsh. But at least she was up front. My aunt Lisa was never one to play around, she told you how things were and if you didn't like that well, deal with it. She was always a little bit quirky, but maybe that's why I trusted her so much. Even more than my own mother. As sad as that sounds it was reality, I couldn't go to mother; anymore. I felt like anything I told her would mean a trip to the doctors, something I seriously did not want to go through again.

She was watching me. I could feel her watching me, her dark brown eyes gazing at me. Her curly auburn hair blew softly with the breeze and her long, sleek freshly painted red nails tapped rhythmically on the table. I shifted in my seat under her uncomfortable gaze.

"It scares me too. It particularly scares me when it comes to Niall. I'm not like a closed book, were just anybody can come, open me up and read about every little detail of my life. I'm a journal, where only the person who owns the key can get in. In my case though, the key is lost and the frightening part is, I think Niall is close to finding it."

"Nice metaphor, but fear shouldn't stop you from talking to him. It's been a few days love, when did you say he was leaving again?"

"Tomorrow."

She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it thinking better of whatever it was.

"He's not going to wait around for you forever."

"Yeah, I know that."

"So why are you sitting here talking to me? Go talk to him."

"I can't!"

"And why the bloody hell not?"

"I.. I don't know what to say. How to explain myself for the other day, I can't do it."

"Nobody said you have to give excuses, you just have to talk to him. He's been calling and texting you non stop, by the sounds of it, you're gonna break that boys heart."

"It's going to turn out that way eventually, why not just do it now? Quick and easy."

Before she could respond, my phone started to vibrate on the table. I knew who it was without looking at it, and I knew my aunty did too. She leaned slightly in her chair to double check she was right. I started to panic, as I did every time he called. Now someone was here though, I couldn't help my heart from racing. I took a sip of my coke, trying to act casual like nothing was even happening.

"You going to answer that?" I knew she wouldn't have let it slide. I just shook my head.

"Fine, I will." She said as she leaned over and reached for my phone.

"No!" I shouted snatching it away just seconds before she had a hold of it. Thankfully, it had stopped ringing.

I placed it slowly back down on the table, but as soon as I did it vibrated again. This time, to tell me I had a new voicemail.

"Carson, don't be stupid. Check it."

"Fine." I huffed angrily, grabbing my phone from the table. I took a deep sigh, holding it up to my ear, prepared for his message. Of course, the same irish accent that i had been so ridiculously craving to hear spoke to me.

"Hi Carson, It's Niall. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I've been trying to contact you these last few days. I don't really understand what I did the other day on the picnic, but I don't care about that anymore, I would just like to see you and talk to you, please? I know you're okay, but a part of me is worried. If you've finally decided you'd like to come see me, I'm at my hotel. All the boys have gone out and won't be back until tomorrow morning. I'm in room 174 on floor 13, come around at 4:30. If you don't show up, I'll understand, and this will be the last time you'll hear from me. Please come though Carson, please. Well, I think that's it. Hopefully I'll see you then, bye Carson."

Then there was nothing but a ringing sound. I could hear the pain in his voice, it was so obvious it came through on the phone. I didn't like to think I'm the one causing him this pain, but I knew I was. His ultimatum seemed quite easy, go see him or see him never again. I didn't know if I had the strength to go see him though, but I didn't want him gone, just like that. I had a decision to make, and looking at the time on my phone, I had to make it fast.

"Well?" My aunty said, after waiting patiently.

"He wants me to go see him."

"So go see him then." I just stared at her blankly.

"What? Don't tell me it's not that easy, because it is. Tell me where he is staying and I'll take you right now."

"But I'm scared!"

"Yeah, and I'm scared of spiders, but I still have to kill the nasty buggers. Let's go." She didn't give me much of an option, she grabbed my hand and pulled me from the table, shoving me into her car parked on the road, right next to where we were sitting at the cafe.

. . .

I stared at the entry doors to the hotel through the car window. I felt light headed and my stomach had started to churn. I hadn't felt this nervous since I was the lead role in the school play when I was six, where I distinctly remember throwing up on stage half way through the show. Remembering such events made my stomach turn even more.

"You can't sit in here forever Carson, it's nearly 4:30."

"I don't know what to do, what do I say?"

"Just go in there like you're just seeing a friend. Like nothing's happened. The conversation will roll on from there."

"You make it sound so easy." I sighed.

"Carson, just go," She said in a soft voice, "You can either go in, scared, and that's completely fine. Or you can walk away, and regret not taking the chance."

I just let out an exaggerated sigh as I opened the car door. My heart was pelting in my chest, and I wished my aunt wasn't so pushy.

"Will you need a lift home?"

"No. After this I think I'd rather walk home."

"Carson."

"I'll be fine! God, now you sound like my fucking mother." I said slamming the door on her.

She didn't respond, probably knew there was no point. Instead she rolled up the window and drove away. As I entered the hotel lobby I headed straight for the elevator, grateful there was no one on it as I stepped in. I hit the 13 button as the door closed, remembering his exact details without having to listen to the message again. As I played it in my mind, 'Room 174, on floor 13', I heard it in his accent. That beautiful Irish accent that I wished wasn't so mesmerising.

I stood outside the door of room 174, my heart pounding. I was here now, and I knew I couldn't just turn around, but part of me wished that he was in the shower or something, and wouldn't hear my knock. Three knocks, I told myself. Give it three knocks, that way you can say you tried more than once and didn't pussy out after the first. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths in, and out, hoping to somewhat steady my racing heart. I looked at the time on my phone, reading 4:31, and knew it was now or never. I reluctantly held my fist up to the door before tapping on it gently.

Nothing happened. Despite what I had previously wished for, I had made it this far and didn't want to leave empty handed. I raised my fist to knock for a second time when the door slowly cracked open, and a baby-faced yet masculine, blonde-haired head peered through the door.

"Hey." Was all I managed to say with a half smile.

"Hey, uh, come in." He said as he opened the door wider, letting me through and closing it gently behind me.

I was nervous and I was awkward. I walked in slowly, looking around the room, waiting for him to instruct me to do something or say something, anything at all. Thankfully, I got my wish.

"You can sit down wherever you like, sorry it's a bit dirty though, gets that way when boys are staying in it, you know." He chuckled.

"Its a nice hotel." I said sitting down on the edge of the couch.

"Yeah, it's not bad. I've stayed in much better, but then again I've also stayed in much worse so, it's good. Would you like something to drink? I'm sure there's still some coke or something in the mini bar?"

"No thanks, I'm fine."

He just nodded before opening it up and pulling out a coke can for himself. He cracked it open and sat down on the bed, taking a sip. We both just sat there quietly. neither of us knowing exactly what to say. I knew it was me who was giving him an explanation, but no matter how many different explanations I made up in my mind. none of them sounded right.

"So." He finally said after what felt like hours.

"I'm sorry, Niall." I said, twiddling my thumbs to avoid eye contact.

"Don't say that, you have nothing to be sorry for."

"Yeah I do, though. Please don't act like you're not hurt for my sake, I walked out on our picnic and I've been ignoring you and I'm sure you have a million questions and I'm here to answer them."

"I just want to know what I did." He said with a sad face. I chuckled slightly to myself. It was cute and heart breaking at the same time, but it was also wrong.

"Nothing. You didn't do anything."

"Then what?" He said clearly confused.

"It just," I sighed contemplating my response, "We've only known each other for a few days Niall, we met only two weeks ago. It's going a little fast don't you think? We can't have feelings for each other, not yet."

"I know, but I do, and it's been driving me crazy." He just shrugged, not sure what else to say.

"There's nothing wrong with that Niall, I'm just not ready for that. All I want right now is a friend, I can't commit myself like that. I'd rather properly get to know each other first before diving into anything. There's no such thing as love at first sight, there can't be, because you don't know them, right? And you'll be going back to England in a few days, I don't see how it'll work."

"Today." Was all he said. I furrowed my brow in confusion.

"What?"

"I was supposed to be going back to England today." He looked up, staring deep into my eyes.

I stared back at his, frozen in realisation at my own words, 'We only met two weeks ago'. Two weeks ago backstage at the concert. Two weeks ago when he told me they were only staying in Australia for two weeks. His voice message made sense now, if I didn't come see him, I wouldn't see him again; because he'd be gone. Something he had said suddenly clicked in my mind.

"What do you mean supposed to be?"

"I may have stretched the truth when I said the boys will be back tomorrow. They won't be back here, they'll be back in England."

"I'm actually so lost."

"The boys flew back today, but I chose to stay. I chose to stay for you."

"But I just said…"

"Yeah I know," He said cutting me off, "That's why I'm staying, to have time to get to know you."

"When do you go back then?"

"Whenever I want to."

"Well then." Was all I could say.

It just went from one extreme to the other. It was an extremely nice gesture, and I was both happy but scared about it. I did want to get to know him before he left, to spend more time with him. The problem is, I'm not sure I wanted him to get to know me.

Notes

it's taken me just a little while to update, i apologize. i've actually had this written for awhile, i've just forgotten to put it up. sooorrreeeyy.

but please let me know what you think, and i promise i will try to update a little more frequently.

thank you for reading :)