"What? You're not even a fan?" The oldest boy of the group asked with complete bafflement.

"Nope. I mean, no offence or anything. It's nothing against you or your music, it's just not my type." I shrugged.

The start of our night 'backstage' basically consisted of the boys talking to, and being silly with, Sophie. They showed us, well mostly Sophie, I just followed; around the venue. They introduced us to their band and crew and basically showed us what it was like for them backstage. It wasn't really exciting, nothing more than what I would have expected it to be, but Sophie got a kick out of it, and that's all that mattered. After that, we all sat down in their dressing room so they could get to know us better. Something I did not want to do. In fact, I wanted to get out of here. Instead, I sat down hoping, they would continue diverting most of their attention to Sophie. I got my hopes up too high. They asked us how long we've been fans of their music, Sophie answered straight away but my silence and delayed 'umm' was a dead give away.

"Then what are you doing back here? You need to leave, Paul!" Louis shouted.

"No!" Soph practically jumped out her seat.

"It's okay Sophie, he's only kidding." Harry said, calming her, "Then what do you listen to?"

"Um, rock? I guess, just bands and stuff."

"Oh, like Bon Jovi?" Niall piped up.

"Not quite. Although, I do like Bon Jovi, it's just more modern bands."

"Right, so you're just here for your sister then?"

"Pretty much. "

"Yeah, she promised me." Sophie said, "But I was scared that she wasn't going to be able to 'cause she was in hospital."

Oh no. What was she doing? I know she's only young , but she's old enough to know that when I say never to mention something, you don't. I couldn't control my heart from suddenly beating furiously, as if it was going to jump out of my chest.

"Sophie!" I said through gritted teeth, shooting her a shut-up-now look.

"What? You were in hospital? What for?" Liam asked.

"Nothing. It was no big deal, really."

"Yes it was, you where in there for three weeks." Sophie clearly wasn't picking up the hints.

"Shit, three weeks? That sounds pretty serious." Niall said.

"It really wasn't though, it was silly. I was kept in there for longer than I needed to be."

"But you..."

"Sophie!" I shouted cutting her off.

I stood up from the couch suddenly, grabbing her tight around the wrist. I could feel her struggling under my grasp, and I knew I was probably hurting her, but I was so outraged I really couldn't care less. I dragged her to the corner of the room, out of ear shot from the boys, and pulled her roughly around to face me.

"Ow, Carson let go."

"What the fuck are you doing Sophie?" I whispered roughly into her ear.

"Carson you're hurting me." She whimpered.

"Good." I said tighening my grip, "What is wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean too, it just slipped!"

"I told you not to say anything. To anybody. Ever."

"I know, I'm sorry!" She whined.

"If you ever say anything ever again, I swear to god you're going to regret it."

"Okay, Carson please let go. You're scaring me." I suddenly released my grip completely when I saw the tear slide down her cheek. I couldn't believe how I had just acted, and instantly regretted loosing my temper like that.

"I'm sorry but we have to go." I said grabbing my bag.

"What, why?" Niall asked.

"No! Carson, I don't want to leave."

"Sorry Sophie, but we have to go. Someone's going to take our seats if we don't claim them soon."

"You don't have to leave." Niall piped up again, "You can watch the show from backstage if you like. Would you like that Sophie"?" He asked turning to her.

"Yes!" She shouted, "Carson come on, please!" I just dropped down onto the couch, giving up.

"Yay!" She squealed, recieving high fives from all the boys.

When it came to Sophie, I couldn't say no. She has always been considered spoilt when it came to me, she always got her way. She never had a problem asking me to do something, or asking me to buy her a new toy because she knew I'd always say yes, and sometimes, she used it very much to her advantage.

"Oh come on, we can't be that bad, can we?" Niall asked sitting down next to me.

"No, you guys are cool, it's just..."

"Personal? I get it, it's okay, you don't have to explain anything to me."

"Yeah. And thanks."

"No problem." He said, smiling his beautiful braced smile.

I just smiled back, and looked down at my hands, twiddling my thumbs. I was a naturally shy person, but there was something about Niall specifically that made me that much more intimidated. Whether it was the way he looked at me so happily with his crystal blue orbs, or how closely he was sitting next to me, with one hand resting on the couch behind me head and the other nearly resting on my knee; I couldn't tell. There was a constant riot of butterflies in my stomach when I was with him, and I didn't like that. Especially when the others where across the room showing Sophie something, we where now the only ones sitting down, practically alone.

"You know, I'm glad we're able to be alone." He said, still looking directly at me.

"Figuratively speaking that is." I replied, looking at the others across the room, not able to hold eye contact.

"Yeah well, you know what I mean."

"Guess so. Why are you glad to be alone with me?"

"I don't know, you're interesting."

"Interesting? I've hardly said a word all night."

"I like shy girls. And you are beautiful."

I couldn't help the laugh that burst through my lips. I quickly shot a hand up to my mouth as the others stopped what they were doing arruptly and looked at me, not sure what they heard. I just smiled at them, lowering my hands and they returned to what they where doing without any questions.

"Why are you laughing?" Niall asked, confused.

"Nothing, I just find it hard to believe when someone calls me beautiful."

"Well you shouldn't. You have no reason to."

"Yeah, it's just most the time when people say it, they're either joking or they're guys who think they will score."

"Oh, well they're stupid then."

They weren't necessarily joking, they just knew that when it came to me, looks weren't really that important. Sure, being attractive may get you things, but when people know who you are behind the face, they never look at you the same way. And if Niall knew too, he would quickly re think what he had said.

"I'd really like to get to know you better, you know after tonight."

"Why?" I didn't mean to seem so, negative. But it was a subconcious response, no one ever wanted to get to know me better.

"Like I said, I think you're interesting."

"Right, well how exactly will that work? You're on tour, and live in England."

"Funny you ask, this is actually our last show on the tour. And we have no other tours or recording planned for awhile, so we thought it'd be cool to stay in Australia for an extra two weeks, on holiday."

"And you want to spend that getting to know me?"

"Yeah. How about you just stop asking questions, and take my number?"

"Okay."

Was all I responded with. When we swapped phones I just stared at Niall's, like I didn't know how to use it. A million thoughts were running through my head, way too many at once. First of all was why? Why did he want to get to know me? He only just met me, he can't have any idea of who I am or what I'm like and that led me to the other thing. What if he found out? What would he do? He'd leave for sure, he'd turn his back on me just like everybody else. If he really knew my past, he wouldn't be able to handle it, he'd look at me differently; he'd look at me like everyone else. Like an outcast, a girl with too many problems in her life, and mind, to keep track of. He has no idea what he is getting into, and I don't want to drag him into that. I didn't want to bring him down, because I was fucked up.

"You forget your number?" Niall said, jolting me out of my thoughts.

"Huh? No, no sorry, I just went somewhere else for a second." I replied quickly dialing in my digits and handing him back his phone.

"Awesome." Was all he said, flashing me that beautifully heart-racing smile.

"Boys, we have to go, you're on in ten." Paul said walking into the room.

"Oh shit." Niall said looking at his watch, "Let's go boys." He stood up, following the other boys out of the room after a 'see you after the show!'.

. . .

"How was the show girls?" Mum said as we walked through the door.

"OMG mummy!" Sophie yelled, bounding into her arms, "It was so good, we met them! And they let us back stage, and showed us around, and we got to hang out with them and then they let us watch the show from backstage!"

"Wow!" My mum said returning her excitement.

"Yeah, it was great. Um, except for the part where Sophie managed to open her big mouth!"

"I said I was sorry."

"What?" Our mum asked, suddenly confused.

"Yeah, she told them that I was in hospital! I tried covering my tracks but she just kept on babbling!"

"I told her it was an accident mummy. But she grabbed my hand, and it was hurting and she wouldn't let go."

"Because you fucking deserved it!"

"Carson, honey, please watch your language."

"If I have to watch the way I speak, she has to watch what she says around people."

"I said I was sorry." Sophie said, tears welling in her eyes.

"I know sweetheart, it's okay, you just have be a little more careful with these things, okay?" She said, wiping the tears from Sophie's eyes.

"Carson, give her a break, she didn't mean to."

"Yeah I know, whatever, I'm going to bed, goodnight." I finished before storming upstairs.

I kicked off my shoes, and jumped under the blankets still fully clothed. There are millions of girls who wish they could have had the oppurtunity I had tonight, so many girls that wish to even just catch a glimpse of them in public. Tonight would have been fine, if Niall didn't give me his number. That was like the ultimate fan dream, but it scared me more than anything. As completely stupid as it might sound, I wished he wouldn't call. He was attractive, and sweet and so so nice, but I couldn't go there. I couldn't get involved with him, as much as I'd like to, it was impossible. A stupid thought. I just wished he would forget all about tonight, or move onto another girl, anything. I was scared, and I hated that. I didn't want to go back there again, back down that road, it was horrible, and I would try my hardest to keep Niall from coming with me. I pulled my legs tight into my chest and started to cry for the first time since being in hospital, letting the tear drops fall silently onto my pillow.